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Secrets

Gilraen ran through the forest, her heart pounding in fear for her life. They were after her. Seven dark haired elves brandishing swords of flame, malice filling their faces, were in pursuit. She could not escape them, she realized. They moved as phantoms on the wind gliding ever closer and closer. Gilraen screamed for help but no one came. Out of breath she fell stumbling on a tree root as the seven figures loomed over her, swords raised. "An oath we have sworn, to pursue anyone who has stolen or kept a Silmaril from us," one figure rasped out to her. She screamed as seven blades were thrust down towards her.

"My Lady, my Lady," Fireal said as she grasped Gilraen by the arm and shook her. Gilraen had been thrashing on her bed and screaming, obviously having a nightmare of some sort. Gilraen sprang up to a sitting position, breathing hard, as she opened her eyes and stared into the face of her concerned maid. Sweat trickled down from her temples and her hands were shaking.

"Fireal?" she said in confusion.

"It was a dream, my Lady, only a dream," Fireal said tenderly as she stroked Gilraen's hair with her hand.

"Only a dream," Gilraen repeated to herself softly as her breathing calmed and her hands stilled.

Gilraen had been back from her ordeal for a week and each night she was haunted by dreams of one sort or another. The dreams had varied between Ciril and Falcroun and now these seven elves. Gilraen knew her history well. She knew they must be no other than the sons of Feanor, come to keep their oath to their father. But she also knew they were all dead, along with all of the descendants of their line.

"Do you wish me to stay with you?" Fireal asked.

Gilraen shook her head, "No, I shall be fine," she tried to reassure.

Fireal nodded her head and patted her hand.

When the maid left the room, Gilraen rose from her bed and made her way over to her chest. She knelt down and opened it, revealing her many personal treasures and keepsakes. She stuck her hand down through the topmost items until her fingers curled around the cool smooth stone. She pulled it out and watched as a bright glow filled the room. Quickly she stuck it back under the other things as she thought she had heard footsteps in the hallway outside her door. Closing the lid of her chest, she closed her eyes as well and sighed.

Gilraen had told no one of the Silmaril since she had returned. She kept telling herself that it was not yet the right time, but the secret seemed to be weighing heavier and heavier on her mind with each passing day. She decided she would seek out Lord Celeborn in the morning and reveal all to him. Perhaps then the dreams would cease.

Legolas stood at the window at the end of the long tower hall. He had heard Gilraen's scream and he knew she was again having one of the dreams which plagued her. Each night this week he had heard her and it worried him that she did not share her fears with anyone. She would alight from her bedroom each morning as if she had had the most peaceful of nights. He could see that keeping her secret was wearing on her. When she thought no one was looking, her face became a mask of sorrow and worry.

But he was always looking.

Since her rescue he could not seem to stop thinking about her. When they had returned to Annuminas, Gilraen had been caught in a whirlwind of celebration at her homecoming. Her family had hardly left her side as they seemed to fear that if they but turned their heads for a second, she would disappear again. Legolas began to feel guilty for resenting the fact that he could not be alone with her. Doubts would enter his mind that perhaps Elfwine had been wrong; perhaps she did not love him. Maybe her affection was simply gratitude for his part in the rescue.

But then there were those times when he would be watching her and her head would turn towards him. Never did her eyes drift casually over from him. Always her gaze would pause and her expression soften when their eyes would meet. At those times, Legolas's pulse would quicken and he would feel a deep need to go to her. But he could not. She was not his.

He had not shared his feelings for Gilraen with anyone, not even Gimli. A part of him felt that she was yet young, perhaps too young for someone of his age. Her womanly curves now heralded the end of her childhood, but was her young mind ready for love?

He thought of the servants' gossip of Gilraen and Elfwine kissing. Elfwine did not think her too young for love. Legolas knew that the race of men thought differently about maidens and marriage. Their shorter lives urged them to rush into marriages.

Elfwine! He was another matter. He had been convalescing in his room this week, so he had not been seen. But Legolas knew that once the prince was on his feet again, he would pursue Gilraen tirelessly. This thought bothered Legolas greatly as he felt more pressure to declare himself to Gilraen before Elfwine could sway her with more kisses. This would mean making his intentions known.

Legolas had rehearsed over and over in his mind just what he would say to Aragorn. In each scenario he imagined, Aragorn would banish him from his sight, forbidding him to see Gilraen ever again. When he thought rationally about it, he knew that Aragorn would not react in this way, but he could not see what he had to offer someone like Gilraen.

It was true, he was also a prince. But he could not make Gilraen a Queen as he was only a third son. She could be Lady of Ithilien as he was now Lord of Ithilien, but would that be enough? Perhaps it was not Aragorn who would object. Perhaps he should be more worried about objections from Celeborn, Legolas thought.

It was at times like these, when Legolas was thinking about those matters, when the realization hit him: he was actually contemplating marriage! Legolas had never thought seriously about marriage before. Marriage had always seemed like something far in the future. But Legolas could see that trying for a long elven courtship with Gilraen, especially with determined young men like Elfwine around, would mean that he could lose her to someone else. That thought created the worst feeling of all within his heart.

So he waited, biding his time for the right moment. He needed to find a time to speak with her in private. He needed to know just what she really felt.

The days were growing warmer as summer approached and Gilraen found herself longing to be outdoors, enjoying the sun. She had found Teslan one morning and took her by the hand to lead her onto the path around the lakeside.

"Let's go for a walk today," Gilraen said.

Teslan was happy to go, although she suspected that Gilraen felt the need to have company when she left the tower. Teslan did not blame her. She too would have felt nervous about wandering the paths if she had been abducted. It was the safe thing to do in any case.

The two of them chatted away while they walked, careful to avoid any unpleasant topic. When Gilraen's steps slowed, Teslan paused and looked at her in question.

"Gilraen?" Teslan said.

Gilraen had heard her name spoken in her head. She glanced around; sensing that the person who had spoke it was near. Excitement fluttered in her belly as she recognized whose voice it was and she now saw him standing in a gazebo that had been built over the water.

Teslan followed Gilraen's gaze and saw Legolas standing there as well, looking at them. When she looked back at Gilraen's expression the realization came over her that Gilraen had deep feelings for Legolas and by the way he was gazing back at her, Teslan guessed that Legolas had feelings for Gilraen as well. Teslan assumed that these must be new feelings as Gilraen had never confided the secret of her love for Legolas before.

Gilraen now shifted her gaze to Teslan and said, "I must go speak with him."

A small grin appeared on Teslan's face as she replied, "I suppose you do not wish me to accompany you?"

Gilraen shook her head and began walking down the long wooden walkway over the water to the gazebo over the lake. Teslan looked around, wondering if it was proper for her to leave them completely alone. She decided she would sit and wait for Gilraen to return.

Legolas watched as she approached. He took a deep breath as he drank in her beauty and felt any semblance of reason leaving his mind. He had wanted to speak with her and now that the moment had come, he was having a hard time remembering what he wanted to say.

Gilraen was excited but nervous as she returned his stare. She had not had the chance to be alone with him since the rescue and her fear that perhaps she had misread the attention he had given her had kept her from seeking him out. Now she could no longer avoid him, as he so obviously wanted to speak with her. She feared that he would apologize for his behavior and tell her that it was a mistake.

Gilraen entered the gazebo and walked up next to him as she looked out over the water. Legolas now turned towards the water as well, aware that his arm was very close to hers where it rested on the railing.

"You wish to speak to me, my Lord," Gilraen said tentatively.

Legolas swallowed his nerves and said, "I wish to know, Gilraen, if you care for me." His eyes scanned over the surface of the lake as he waited for her all important answer.

Her face turned towards him in confusion. "Care? Yes, of course I care for you," she said.

Legolas looked at her face now. She had said that so casually, as if he had asked her if the sun rose that day.

Gilraen could see that her answer was not what he wanted to hear. She had taken the comfortable path in answering him. Her meaning could be understood as caring for a friend. Looking at his face now, she could see that by 'care' he had meant a lot more than as a friend.

She turned her face back to the water. "Do you speak of love?" she now tried to clarify. Her heart began beating faster as she waited for his answer.

Legolas watched her profile as he observed how the word 'love' seemed to change her. "There are many kinds of love, Gilraen," he said. "There is the love one feels for their family and their kin. There is the love one feels for their home and their friends. But there is also the love one feels for another, a love that is all consuming and filled with a desire to be with that person for all time. A love like what your parents share."

Gilraen did not know what he wanted her to say. Did he want her to love him? Or did he want her to tell him that he was just a dear friend to her? If she admitted her love, would he gently tell her that what she wanted was impossible?

Legolas looked at her worried frown. Why did she hesitate to answer? Was he pushing her too hard? This conversation was more difficult than he imagined.

Legolas sighed and looked back over the water as well. "I'm sorry. I have made you uncomfortable," he said.

She turned and looked at him. "No! It's not that… it's only…"

His gaze met hers now as he waited. "It's only what?"

"I wish to know how you feel," she said shyly.

Legolas stood straighter and turned his body to face hers. He reached one hand up to caress the side of her face and he left it there as he said, "Then know this. Never before has a maiden so completely filled my every thought and left me in needy anticipation of every moment I could be in her presence. Never before have I felt that to touch her petal soft cheek would be worthy of a life's ambition. And never before now have I felt that if she did not return my love, I would leave these lands forever for the pain of watching her love another would be too much to bare."

Legolas did not know where these words had come from. He surely had not intended to express so much this soon. But the words had taken a life of their own and now that they were said he knew them to be the truth.

Gilraen's whole body felt filled with the warmth of his words and she closed her eyes, squeezing tears of joy out from their corners. Her hand reached up and caressed the one he had placed over her cheek as she tilted her head further into his palm. "Oh, my Lord," she whispered, "you have undone me with your words. All my life I have long to hear you speak such things."

Legolas now stepped closer to her; placing the fingers of his other hand under her chin and raising her face up towards his. Gilraen opened her eyes and found his face inches away from hers. The expression on his face was one of love and happiness.

Then his eyes lowered to gaze at her lips and she knew that he would kiss her this day. Gilraen felt she was under a spell, one that she did not want to be released from. She leaned slightly forward and Legolas slipped the hand that was on her cheek over to the back of her head, tangling his fingers in her long brown locks. He pressed her ever so gently towards his lips and felt his heart summersault in his chest as the jolt of the pleasure of kissing Gilraen struck at him. The hand under her chin dropped and curled around her waist, holding her firmly in place as if he expected her to flee from his kiss.

But Gilraen had no thoughts of fleeing. Every sensation within her urged her to deepen this connection with Legolas. She found her arms sliding over his arms and around to his back. She pressed herself closer to Legolas, deepening the kiss even more.

The incredible feel of Gilraen's body brought a groan from Legolas as he turned his head slightly to break the kiss. They were both flushed and breathing hard, but neither of them made a move to release each other from the embrace. Legolas hugged Gilraen to his chest and closed his eyes, basking in the feel of her.

Gilraen your mother approaches.

Gilraen heard Teslan's warning and looked onto the shore. The Queen was out walking with her ladies of the household on this fine day as well. She quickly released her embrace on Legolas. His head whipped around and caught sight of what had disturbed Gilraen and he took a hasty step backwards, straightening his stance and taking a deep breath of air.

When their eyes met again they both smiled in their conspiracy and let out small chuckles of relief. Gilraen glanced again at her mother and then turned to walk back to the shore. She turned her head towards Legolas once more before she left the gazebo and said, "Perhaps we can meet later."

Legolas smiled at her. "I will be waiting." He sighed and smiled to himself as he watched her walk away. Then his gaze caught the gaze of Arwen as she had stopped her walk and looked towards him. He waited to see what reaction the Queen would have. Then he saw her smile.

Ahh… love… (sigh)

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