The French Arrive
Disclaimer: Same as before. Anything with an * means something spoken in French.
RoguefanKC, go ahead, I'd love to see it...If you wanna use any Kilo Two Zero characters, feel free.
~ ~ ~ ~
"Tell me why we're playing tour guide for a French camera crew?" Demerest asked Cover Girl as they waited at the front gate.
"For one, we want to steer them away from all the secret stuff, namely the spaceship." Cover Girl said.
"Spaceship?" Demerest asked.
"Long story..." Cover Girl replied.
"And the second reason we're doing this instead of someone like Roadblock or Shipwreck..." Demerest replied.
"For one, she's a woman and we BOTH know Shipwreck will chase anything in a skirt..." Cover Girl said.
"Good point. But why us?" Demerest replied.
"Well both of us are the only members of the Misfit team, the reasonably sane members, that speak fluent French..." Cover Girl replied.
"Even better point..." Demerest replied, "Speak of the devil, here come the French..."
A news van with local license plates stopped by the front of the base. The guard let the van through and told the driver to stop at a small parking lot close to the front gate. The camera crew and the co-anchor stepped out of the van.
"*Bonjour." The co-anchor said. She was a lean, attractive young woman, about twenty-seven years old, with short black-brown hair that extended to where her neck met her shoulders.
"*Bonjour." Cover Girl replied.
"*Bonjour. I am Camille Leclair."
"*I am Courtney Kreiger."
"*I am Nathaniel Demerest."
"*Where are the Misfits?" Camille asked.
"*They're at the house." Cover Girl replied.
"*You were a model in Paris, right?" Camille asked.
"*Yes, I was." Cover Girl replied, "A long time ago, but..."
Camille smiled, "*Almost every little girl where I grew up wanted to be you..."
She regarded them with clear blue eyes and said, "*So when do we get to meet the Misfits?"
"*We'll give you a tour of the base first..." Demerest replied, "*I'm sure your viewers in France are interested in the guided tour of the base where the best team of mutants in the world reside..."
'Hopefully it gives Roadblock, Lowlight, and Shipwreck to prepare the house and the kids for their first televised interview...And they're able to keep them under control.' Cover Girl thought.
"*Well, we'll start with the target range, where America's finest train..." Demerest replied.
As they walked towards the target range Cover Girl whispered, "Nice try, smart guy."
"Relax, how bad can a firing range be?" Demerest whispered back.
"You're about to find out, so is the French public..." Cover Girl replied, "As to how demented the GI Joe firing range can be..."
They had reached the firing range and as they approached it, they could hear the sounds of arguing.
"IS NOT!"
"IS TOO!"
"IS NOT!"
"IS TOO!"
"*What's going on?" Camille asked.
"*Uh, a training exercise in aggressive weapons handling..." Cover Girl said.
"*Get this on film Damien..." Camille said.
"*This is Camille Leclair, coming to you live from the Pit. I'm here with a member of the GI Joe Team, Cover Girl. What is the most stressful factor of life around here?"
"*Well, military life, especially here at the Pit, is full of its inherent stresses..." Cover Girl began.
"Take it back!"
"Make me!"
"With pleasure!"
Two fellows, one Marine and the other a SEAL, were standing, both carrying rocket launchers, and yelling at one another.
"Guys, we have a visitor, so maybe you don't want to be fighting here..." Cover Girl whispered, "What great debate were you two on about now..."
"Oh, we were debating whether Burger King was better than McDonalds." Leatherneck said.
"Burger King!" Wetsuit shouted.
"McDonalds!" Leatherneck shouted.
"You're on camera..." Cover Girl whispered.
"Well we could solve the problem by moving this cheater off screen." Wetsuit said.
"Listen muffin head, who are you calling a cheater..." Leatherneck replied.
"Who's muffin head!" Wetsuit replied, "Take it back before I knock the teeth out of you..."
"You and what army, you couldn't knock the teeth out a mosquito..." Leatherneck replied.
"Hah! That shows how dumb YOU are! Mosquitoes don't even HAVE teeth!" Wetsuit replied.
"Compared to you I'm Einstein, leggo!" Leatherneck replied.
"Strudle brain!" Wetsuit replied.
"Youch!" Leatherneck replied, "Oatmeal face!"
The two soldiers were rolling on the ground, pummeling the daylights out of one another.
"*As I was saying, life here has its inherent stresses and..." Cover Girl continued.
"*What's this?" Camille asked, indicating a tiny teddy bear in camouflage fatigues tied to a firing board.
"*We'd best get out of here..." Demerest stated. Despite having been at the Pit for only a few weeks he knew certain things were best left untouched.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOLDING SERGEANT SNUFFLES!!!!!" came a shout over the horizon.
"I thought you hid him!" Leatherneck and Wetsuit shouted at each other simultaneously.
"I didn't! Did you?" Leatherneck and Wetsuit replied.
"BANZAI!!!!!!" Beach Head shouted, jumping from out of a nearby oak tree and tackling both Leatherneck and Wetsuit. He bashed their heads together and stood atop their prostrate forms, beating on his chest like some kind of ape.
"*That's Beach Head, he's a one man demolition derby wherever Sergeant Snuffles is concerned..." Demerest said.
"I have rescued you from the clutches of the fiend. Let us go get some lunch Sergeant..." Beach Head replied, and headed off to the kitchen.
As the cameraman turned off his equipment he said to Camille, "*Are you sure this will be a hit..."
"*But of course, the public loves a little drama..." Camille replied.
"*You haven't seen anything yet..." Demerest said.
"*How does one deal with all the craziness around here?" Camille asked, with a raised eyebrow.
"*I'm not sure, I've only been here a while." Demerest replied.
"*What's with the codenames?" Camille asked.
"*It's to protect privacy. I don't have one yet because I'm new..." Demerest replied, unconsciously finding himself looking into Camille's blue eyes. They were quite beautiful eyes, to be honest and...
A curly red haired boy with glasses and a Jan Sport backpack approached them. Camille indicated to her cameraman to start filming again.
"*This is one of boys, we call his Arcade because he's good with computers or technology of any sort..." Demerest began.
"*Bonjour madame..." Arcade said, shyly.
"*His French is extremely fluent." Demerest began.
"*Arcade, how many languages do you speak?" Camille asked.
"*I speak about four so far in addition to English. They are Spanish, French, Latin, and a bit of German." Arcade replied, indicating Demerest, "*My German's a bit rusty though, I'm learning from Creed though..."
"*So, what is your mutant ability?" Camille began.
"*He doesn't have one." Cover Girl piped in, "*He's human, like us. He's our experiment, if you will, in mutant human relations..."
"*Monsieur Demerest, a moment ago he just called you Creed..." Camille began.
"*That's a code name idea that they have for me," Demerest replied, "*It's not officially mine yet, but I prefer it over the other ones, like Godsend, Passionate, or Sure Shot."
"*Why Creed?" Camille asked.
"*I am, by nature, fairly religious..." Demerest replied, "*Before coming here I was on a backpacking trip through France and Germany, where I visited many great castles and cathedrals."
"*Up next we're visiting the cafeteria for lunch..." Cover Girl said, inwardly thinking, 'I hope to God the cafeteria is still standing...'
That's when they heard a scream echoing across the Pit. BA came crashing throught the bushes nearby screaming, "HELP!"
"That sounds like BA..." Demerest replied.
"There he is! After him!!!" Low Light shouted.
"Die you demon chef!!!" Shipwreck shouted.
Low Light, Shipwreck, Tunnel Rat, and two other Joes were chasing BA with baseball bats. Camille signaled her cameraman to turn his camera back on. "Excuse me, what's going on?" she asked, her English taking an almost musical tone but not a heavily accented one.
"That screaming menace to society over there served the worst food in creation!" Low Light replied.
"Low Light, what did he serve?" Cover Girl said, "I know I told him no more Chili Con Carne after what happened to the Blob?"
"I can't chat right now," Low Light said, "I've gotta get that menace for the Breakfast Burrito Bonanza! Die BA!"
"*Burrito Bonanza?" Camille said, raising an eyebrow, "*What is going on here?"
"*BA is our resident chef who makes a lot of, er...novel recipes." Demerest replied, "*Sadly some of his culinary experiments are disastrous to say the least..."
"Shipwreck! What's going on!?" Cover Girl demanded.
"BA served a new recipe, the Breakfast Burrito Bonanza to the kids." Shipwreck replied, "You can guess what happened next. The Blob and Mexican food under any circumstances are deadly, but combine that with BA's Pickled Picante Pot Pourri and you've got a methane cloud making anything within a mile of the cafeteria uninhabitable..."
"*Perhaps the cafeteria isn't the best place to visit." Demerest replied, "Well next, we're going to visit the training ground where the Misfits are going to show off their physical prowess..."
Camille signaled her cameraman to turn off his camera, "*You certainly have an interesting base."
"*That we do." Demerest replied, rolling his eyes, "*I hope you're not too put off..."
"*Au contraire..." Camille said, "*I think the French public will quite enjoy the spectacle. Your Misfits are regular celebrities in France..."
"*Really?" Demerest asked, "*Mutants, I know, are more tolerated in France and the Netherlands than they are anywhere else in Europe, at least in theory."
"*Yes, they are." Camille replied, "*However, of the two known American mutant teams, your mutants are most favored. About 80% of the French public clearly favor the Misfits over the X-men...And people say the French are arrogant."
Demerest couldn't help but smile at Camille's remark as they continued back towards the training ground.
~ ~ ~ ~
Up Next: More X-men bashing courtesy of the French media.
Disclaimer: Same as before. Anything with an * means something spoken in French.
RoguefanKC, go ahead, I'd love to see it...If you wanna use any Kilo Two Zero characters, feel free.
~ ~ ~ ~
"Tell me why we're playing tour guide for a French camera crew?" Demerest asked Cover Girl as they waited at the front gate.
"For one, we want to steer them away from all the secret stuff, namely the spaceship." Cover Girl said.
"Spaceship?" Demerest asked.
"Long story..." Cover Girl replied.
"And the second reason we're doing this instead of someone like Roadblock or Shipwreck..." Demerest replied.
"For one, she's a woman and we BOTH know Shipwreck will chase anything in a skirt..." Cover Girl said.
"Good point. But why us?" Demerest replied.
"Well both of us are the only members of the Misfit team, the reasonably sane members, that speak fluent French..." Cover Girl replied.
"Even better point..." Demerest replied, "Speak of the devil, here come the French..."
A news van with local license plates stopped by the front of the base. The guard let the van through and told the driver to stop at a small parking lot close to the front gate. The camera crew and the co-anchor stepped out of the van.
"*Bonjour." The co-anchor said. She was a lean, attractive young woman, about twenty-seven years old, with short black-brown hair that extended to where her neck met her shoulders.
"*Bonjour." Cover Girl replied.
"*Bonjour. I am Camille Leclair."
"*I am Courtney Kreiger."
"*I am Nathaniel Demerest."
"*Where are the Misfits?" Camille asked.
"*They're at the house." Cover Girl replied.
"*You were a model in Paris, right?" Camille asked.
"*Yes, I was." Cover Girl replied, "A long time ago, but..."
Camille smiled, "*Almost every little girl where I grew up wanted to be you..."
She regarded them with clear blue eyes and said, "*So when do we get to meet the Misfits?"
"*We'll give you a tour of the base first..." Demerest replied, "*I'm sure your viewers in France are interested in the guided tour of the base where the best team of mutants in the world reside..."
'Hopefully it gives Roadblock, Lowlight, and Shipwreck to prepare the house and the kids for their first televised interview...And they're able to keep them under control.' Cover Girl thought.
"*Well, we'll start with the target range, where America's finest train..." Demerest replied.
As they walked towards the target range Cover Girl whispered, "Nice try, smart guy."
"Relax, how bad can a firing range be?" Demerest whispered back.
"You're about to find out, so is the French public..." Cover Girl replied, "As to how demented the GI Joe firing range can be..."
They had reached the firing range and as they approached it, they could hear the sounds of arguing.
"IS NOT!"
"IS TOO!"
"IS NOT!"
"IS TOO!"
"*What's going on?" Camille asked.
"*Uh, a training exercise in aggressive weapons handling..." Cover Girl said.
"*Get this on film Damien..." Camille said.
"*This is Camille Leclair, coming to you live from the Pit. I'm here with a member of the GI Joe Team, Cover Girl. What is the most stressful factor of life around here?"
"*Well, military life, especially here at the Pit, is full of its inherent stresses..." Cover Girl began.
"Take it back!"
"Make me!"
"With pleasure!"
Two fellows, one Marine and the other a SEAL, were standing, both carrying rocket launchers, and yelling at one another.
"Guys, we have a visitor, so maybe you don't want to be fighting here..." Cover Girl whispered, "What great debate were you two on about now..."
"Oh, we were debating whether Burger King was better than McDonalds." Leatherneck said.
"Burger King!" Wetsuit shouted.
"McDonalds!" Leatherneck shouted.
"You're on camera..." Cover Girl whispered.
"Well we could solve the problem by moving this cheater off screen." Wetsuit said.
"Listen muffin head, who are you calling a cheater..." Leatherneck replied.
"Who's muffin head!" Wetsuit replied, "Take it back before I knock the teeth out of you..."
"You and what army, you couldn't knock the teeth out a mosquito..." Leatherneck replied.
"Hah! That shows how dumb YOU are! Mosquitoes don't even HAVE teeth!" Wetsuit replied.
"Compared to you I'm Einstein, leggo!" Leatherneck replied.
"Strudle brain!" Wetsuit replied.
"Youch!" Leatherneck replied, "Oatmeal face!"
The two soldiers were rolling on the ground, pummeling the daylights out of one another.
"*As I was saying, life here has its inherent stresses and..." Cover Girl continued.
"*What's this?" Camille asked, indicating a tiny teddy bear in camouflage fatigues tied to a firing board.
"*We'd best get out of here..." Demerest stated. Despite having been at the Pit for only a few weeks he knew certain things were best left untouched.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOLDING SERGEANT SNUFFLES!!!!!" came a shout over the horizon.
"I thought you hid him!" Leatherneck and Wetsuit shouted at each other simultaneously.
"I didn't! Did you?" Leatherneck and Wetsuit replied.
"BANZAI!!!!!!" Beach Head shouted, jumping from out of a nearby oak tree and tackling both Leatherneck and Wetsuit. He bashed their heads together and stood atop their prostrate forms, beating on his chest like some kind of ape.
"*That's Beach Head, he's a one man demolition derby wherever Sergeant Snuffles is concerned..." Demerest said.
"I have rescued you from the clutches of the fiend. Let us go get some lunch Sergeant..." Beach Head replied, and headed off to the kitchen.
As the cameraman turned off his equipment he said to Camille, "*Are you sure this will be a hit..."
"*But of course, the public loves a little drama..." Camille replied.
"*You haven't seen anything yet..." Demerest said.
"*How does one deal with all the craziness around here?" Camille asked, with a raised eyebrow.
"*I'm not sure, I've only been here a while." Demerest replied.
"*What's with the codenames?" Camille asked.
"*It's to protect privacy. I don't have one yet because I'm new..." Demerest replied, unconsciously finding himself looking into Camille's blue eyes. They were quite beautiful eyes, to be honest and...
A curly red haired boy with glasses and a Jan Sport backpack approached them. Camille indicated to her cameraman to start filming again.
"*This is one of boys, we call his Arcade because he's good with computers or technology of any sort..." Demerest began.
"*Bonjour madame..." Arcade said, shyly.
"*His French is extremely fluent." Demerest began.
"*Arcade, how many languages do you speak?" Camille asked.
"*I speak about four so far in addition to English. They are Spanish, French, Latin, and a bit of German." Arcade replied, indicating Demerest, "*My German's a bit rusty though, I'm learning from Creed though..."
"*So, what is your mutant ability?" Camille began.
"*He doesn't have one." Cover Girl piped in, "*He's human, like us. He's our experiment, if you will, in mutant human relations..."
"*Monsieur Demerest, a moment ago he just called you Creed..." Camille began.
"*That's a code name idea that they have for me," Demerest replied, "*It's not officially mine yet, but I prefer it over the other ones, like Godsend, Passionate, or Sure Shot."
"*Why Creed?" Camille asked.
"*I am, by nature, fairly religious..." Demerest replied, "*Before coming here I was on a backpacking trip through France and Germany, where I visited many great castles and cathedrals."
"*Up next we're visiting the cafeteria for lunch..." Cover Girl said, inwardly thinking, 'I hope to God the cafeteria is still standing...'
That's when they heard a scream echoing across the Pit. BA came crashing throught the bushes nearby screaming, "HELP!"
"That sounds like BA..." Demerest replied.
"There he is! After him!!!" Low Light shouted.
"Die you demon chef!!!" Shipwreck shouted.
Low Light, Shipwreck, Tunnel Rat, and two other Joes were chasing BA with baseball bats. Camille signaled her cameraman to turn his camera back on. "Excuse me, what's going on?" she asked, her English taking an almost musical tone but not a heavily accented one.
"That screaming menace to society over there served the worst food in creation!" Low Light replied.
"Low Light, what did he serve?" Cover Girl said, "I know I told him no more Chili Con Carne after what happened to the Blob?"
"I can't chat right now," Low Light said, "I've gotta get that menace for the Breakfast Burrito Bonanza! Die BA!"
"*Burrito Bonanza?" Camille said, raising an eyebrow, "*What is going on here?"
"*BA is our resident chef who makes a lot of, er...novel recipes." Demerest replied, "*Sadly some of his culinary experiments are disastrous to say the least..."
"Shipwreck! What's going on!?" Cover Girl demanded.
"BA served a new recipe, the Breakfast Burrito Bonanza to the kids." Shipwreck replied, "You can guess what happened next. The Blob and Mexican food under any circumstances are deadly, but combine that with BA's Pickled Picante Pot Pourri and you've got a methane cloud making anything within a mile of the cafeteria uninhabitable..."
"*Perhaps the cafeteria isn't the best place to visit." Demerest replied, "Well next, we're going to visit the training ground where the Misfits are going to show off their physical prowess..."
Camille signaled her cameraman to turn off his camera, "*You certainly have an interesting base."
"*That we do." Demerest replied, rolling his eyes, "*I hope you're not too put off..."
"*Au contraire..." Camille said, "*I think the French public will quite enjoy the spectacle. Your Misfits are regular celebrities in France..."
"*Really?" Demerest asked, "*Mutants, I know, are more tolerated in France and the Netherlands than they are anywhere else in Europe, at least in theory."
"*Yes, they are." Camille replied, "*However, of the two known American mutant teams, your mutants are most favored. About 80% of the French public clearly favor the Misfits over the X-men...And people say the French are arrogant."
Demerest couldn't help but smile at Camille's remark as they continued back towards the training ground.
~ ~ ~ ~
Up Next: More X-men bashing courtesy of the French media.