Conspiracy
Disclaimer: Same as before...Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I packed my computer away for the summer and had a lot of other stuff to do (I go to a military college).
AN: Anything in italics is spoken French. Anything in single quotation marks is a thought.
RogueFanKC - Sorry, I've always been a Cover Girl Shipwreck = lawfully wedded bliss (soon) fan. That's how MY AU differs from Red Witch's AU. I'm also a Low Light and Storm shipper. Sorry, not a STORMWRECK fan...I'm kinda playing with the idea that Cover Girl's getting a bit fed up by Low Light's not responding to her affections and is slowly turning her charms to Shipwreck.
"Cover Girl, for Christ's sake, I didn't even do anything." Shipwreck said, when he spotted her with the remote in the garage. Blind Master and Demerest were with Camille and her cameraman in the baby's room.
"Sorry Shipwreck, I didn't know that Blind Master messed with the garage remote." Cover Girl replied, barely suppressing a smile.
"Sadist..." Shipwreck remarked.
"Oh c'mon Shipwreck, you have to admit it was kind of funny. I mean the only way you behaved yourself around Camille was because of the electrodes." Cover Girl replied.
"Cover Girl, I've turned over a new leaf. I am a one woman man..." Shipwreck began, "My baby is out there loving me..."
Cover Girl thought, 'No she isn't, she's in this room right now loving you. Damn it, why can't I say it.'
Instead she groaned and rolled her eyes, "You'd think after 158 electrocutions you'd get a clue that she doesn't like you."
"Ah, she's just playing hard to get..." Shipwreck replied, grinning broadly. As he did, every light in the garage flashed on and off.
"Not again..." Cover Girl groaned, "I guess because I electrocuted you all those times, all that charge is stored in your body and now you're able to turn off and on various electric devices."
"So, Blind Master," Camille began, "I was under the impression that ninjas were Japanese..."
"Not true, madmoiselle..." Blind Master began, "Ever the increased contact with the west after the Meiji Restoration in Japan, a few Westerners have learned the ninjitsu art."
"Your French is fluent, where did you learn it?" Camille asked.
Blind Master reddened, "Uhm, I am not at liberty to discuss that, madmoiselle."
Demerest and Low Light were sitting at the kitchen table, behind the cameraman and Camille. The two were playing poker on the kitchen table with beer bottle caps.
"Somebody's a bit jealous..." Low Light said.
"Bollocks mate." Demerest replied, "I'll see those two caps and raise you another five."
"Pretty cocky..." Low Light quipped, "Don't you realize that arrogance cost you Brits a lot of grief."
"True, but we're justifiably proud because we've created some of the best counter-terror units of this world, namely the SAS." Demerest replied, "You Yanks just started getting it right with Delta...and GI Joe."
"I'll see those five beers and raise you seven." Low Light replied.
"Fine, mate." Demerest replied, "And you say we Brits are cocky."
'C'mon mate, fold...' Demerest thought as he was looking at the four kings in his hand.
"So, about our journalist..." Low Light began, smiling toothily.
"Bollocks." Demerest said.
"You're awfully touchy, I was going to ask you if you knew how she was going to portray us..." Low Light replied.
"Whatever," Demerest said, "Four kings..."
"Beat by four aces..." Low Light said, "Someone owes me a few drinks."
"Wanker." Demerest replied.
"Those better be soda bottle caps you're playing with dude." Roadblock began, "Because if they're not, you're looking towards me becoming rather rude..."
"Busted." Lance grinned, "And to think it was you two we trusted."
"Wanker." Demerest replied.
"You've been hanging around Roadblock too long." Low Light said.
Little did the household know it was under watch by hostile forces.
"Ow, get your elbow outta my eye Maurice..." said one of the four mysterious men in the small room in the sewer.
"Sorry."
"OK, who's been eating beans for dinner." another of them asked.
Firefly rolled his eyes as he watched the three knuckleheads from the Friends of Humanity argue not so silently amongst themselves. This had to be one of the more moronic ideas COBRA Commander had come up with, forming an alliance with the Friends of Humanity. It seemed like a good idea at the time, funding and arming an organization who hated mutants and theoretically knew how to fight them, but these FOH guys seemed
Their mission was spying on the Misfit house in preparation for the abduction and murder of Camille Leclair. The FOH wanted to kill Camille to send a message to 'mutant supporters' around the world. COBRA didn't want her doing her story on the Misfits for fear of the GI Joe mutant team gaining more support.
"Lester, for the last time, quit farting..." Maurice grumbled.
But the mission now entailed keeping watch over three morons that were over the age of twenty but had the average tactical sense of a herd of elephants. The past two days had been wearing on Firefly's nerves, and even he wasn't as careful as he should have been.
"Hey Firebug can we do somethin' I'm bored..." Maurice asked.
"Yeah, can we blow somethin' up...I ain't set fire to nothin' in weeks..." Lester replied.
"Yeah, I'm gettin' really bored..." Earl, the fourth guy, said.
"Yeah, whatever, do something..." Firefly said, too distracted and irritated to concentrate.
"Yippie! Let's do somethin'...." The three rednecks shouted.
"Wait a minute...AAGGGHHH!!!" Firefly said, "COBRA Commander said we're supposed to use STEALTH! Get back here you maniacs!!!!"
"Babies, cute and adorable no matter what species..." Camille began, "These two mutant babies are the son and adopted son of Misfit handler Shipwreck."
Demerest translated what Camille was saying to Pietro, Althea, Wanda, and Toad who were in the room. Lance and Spirit were preparing Spirit's herbal medicine lab for their display.
"Yes they are cute, aren't they..." Pietro said, trying to put his best face on for the French public, "Coochie coochie...YEOUCH!!!!!"
Pietro had been tickling Barney under his chin and peering into their crib when Barney clamped down on his nose with his beak. "GET HIM OFF ME! GET HIM OFF ME! OUCH!"
"When it comes to babies my brother has quite the touch..." Wanda began, smiling.
"Bat!" Barney said, bonking Pietro across the head with it.
"OUCH!"
"Bat!" Barney said, with even greater excitement.
"OUCH!"
"Don't worry, Barney does this all the time." Demerest replied, noticing Camille's raised eyebrow, "Shipwreck bought him this little whiffle bat and Barney absolutely loved the gift..."
"Oh Pietro, you're not holding him right, see." Wanda said, taking Barney and cradling him, "Who's a good little baby, yes, you are sweet pea."
"Good little baby? Hah!" Pietro began.
"Oh come on Pietro, he doesn't know any better." Althea began, "He's just a baby."
"That homicidal little maniac....AGH! Get him away from me! HELP! HELP! HELP!" Pietro replied.
"Up! Up! Up!" Claudius said.
"Aw, looks like someone wants attention." Althea said, "Here you go kiddo..."
Althea carried her little brother in her arms as Camille asked, "Wavedancer, which one is your little brother?"
"Both of them are my little brothers. But in terms of blood relation, this little guy is..." Althea said, "Hang on to him, will ya Creed, I just wanna go get the photo album..."
"Despite his appearance he's your typical toddler. He's actually very..." Demerest began before Claudius spit milk up on him, "...cute."
"Baga wagga whee..." Claudius said as he reached for Camille's microphone, producing smiles from both her and Demerest.
Barbeque came running in just then, "Ms. Leclair, there's something we need to tell you..."
As the group ran outside they saw that Camille's rented van was on fire with the words 'Anonymous Message - Die Mutie Lover! -Signed Earl, Lester and Maurice. Friends of Humanity.'
"Someone doesn't want you doing your story." Law said, walking towards them from the crowd of firefighters and MPs.
Camille looked very distressed. "Look, maybe your hotel room might not be safest tonight..." Shipwreck began, despite the dirty looks he was getting from Cover Girl, Roadblock, and Low Light, "...That's why we're willing to give you our two guest bedrooms until this blows over."
"You'll be safe tonight, you've got several fences, and the best unit in the US military to protect you while you sleep." Demerest assured them.
"I will still do the story." Camille began, "Despite what the Friends of Humanity threaten..."
Cover Girl and Shipwreck were walking together towards the house, "You know, Shipwreck, that was really sweet of you. Sorry I thought it was one of your lame pick up ideas..."
"Cover Girl, hate to burst the Frenchie's bubble, but she's not really my type..." Shipwreck replied.
"You're too much..." Cover Girl said, slapping Shipwreck.
"OW! What did I do to deserve THAT?" Shipwreck replied.
Cover Girl leaned towards Shipwreck's cheek, as if to kiss it and make it better. Instead she blew a raspberry. "Hey! No fair!" Shipwreck said, chasing the running super model.
"Is the house always like this?" Camille asked.
"I'm afraid so..." Demerest replied, rolling his eyes.
Up next: Guests at the Delgado house and the attack of the FOH/COBRA coalition...