Disclaimer: I don't own FFX...... and vise versa. Gets zapped by a lightning
bolt GAH! Ok, ok! Stupid Yevon......Gets zapped again GAH!
Ok, here's the dealio. First I was grounded, then our laptop died, which was extremely depressing. THEN the desktop's program wasn't compatible with fanfiction.net, or anything ELSE for that matter. Point is you all have to clap for my friend Becky. CLAP! Do it or I'll sick Yevon on you! Gets zapped once again Ow.... Never mind. Scratch that last comment. Well, here's the next chapter about Yuna and the flock of people who follow her..... Goes off to find some Neosporin Ow, ow, ow...
Chapter 4: Evil Twins, Old Friends, And Mistranslations
Tidus had just leaped off the shoopuff and as we all know by know is an idiot. He did a belly flop and landed with a loud smack. I peered over the side.
"Yo, Tidus. Can you do that again? That was awesome!" I asked.
He just groaned and floated there. Wakka dragged him off the reclaim Yuna, and I started to wonder why Yuna had different color eyes. I mean, who wouldn't? Lulu explained, like everything else, that it was because she's half Al Bhed.
"Ah. So she's a just a mutant." I answered.
"No, that's not what I said." Lulu corrected me, "Are you retarded or something?"
Well, of course I am! Here's your stupid sign, Lulu. Well, there was a bid ol' watery explosion. It was like the 4th of July, man. A big boom and 3 bodies a'flyin'. Tidus, Wakka, and Yuna all come flyin' and land in the cart thing. Oh, and of course, Tidus lands on ME of all people. You bettcha, when Yuna looked up she pulled this move right out of Cops, man. All in one move, she grabbed her staff, got off Kimahri's lap, and smacked me so hard I think I became left-handed. The sides of my brain must have switched. I dunno exactly what that smack did, but every Friday night I'd get the urge to dress up like a chicken.
"Are you hurt?" Lulu asked.
"Yes, very much so" I slurred.
"I meant Yuna" She finished.
"No, I'm fine." Yuna answered.
"Grrah! Those Al Bhed!" Wakka babbled on.
"Ish ebullibody okay?" We heard the driver guy say.
"I'm sorry! We're all okay now!" Yuna stood up and called to the driver.
"Yuna!" Auron scolded her.
Yuna abruptly sat back down again.
"Shoopuf full shpeed aheads!"
Wakka began to make a little mini speech, which random comments in the back ground by me.
"Damn the Al Bhed!" He started.
"Do you even have a Hell to damn them to in Yevonism?" I added
"What do they want from us?" Wakka pondered.
"Yuna, quite obviously"
"Could it have something to do with Luca?" he asked.
"Not a thing, Panda boy" I blurted.
"What are they after Yuna for?" He wondered
"YOU WANT THE TRUTH?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"
"Wait! They're mad they lost the tournament!"
"T'was a fluke, hair gel boy" I told him.
"Or, wait! They're mad about Operation Mi'ihen!" He concluded.
"I doubt that" I finished.
"I wonder..." Lulu started "Didn't Kimahri's clansmen say something... about summoners...disappearing?"
"No, no! Just forget about them." I spazzed in the background.
"Ah! So the Al Bhed are behind that!" Wakka screamed "Those sand-blasted grease monkeys!"
"Hey! I resent that Yevon boy!" I screamed. Of course no one heard it.
"Hey, Wakka. It's no use complaining about the Al Bhed now, right? We'll protect Yuna from anyone, anywhere." Tidus reassured him.
"But who'll protect her from you, lover boy?" I asked.
"Well... I guess so." Wakka agreed.
"You're right." Lulu added.
Yuna mouthed the words thank you to Tidus. We reached the other side of the Moonflow and there was this guy doing a nature show thing. He was about 2 feet away from a snake.
"I am inches from death, but his snake is gorgeous"
I'm thinking, hey loser, that snake is poisonous. Well, we walked on and heard a scream from behind us.
"Crieky, me arm!"
I immediately started laughing. Later, Tidus and I ran ahead and found two bodies lying on the side of the Moonflow. They both stood up. I immediately hid behind Tidus.
"Ah! Attacking reanimated corpses!" I yipped.
"Huh?" He dumbly responded.
"Zombies, Tidus. Zombies."
They both started to take off their wet suits.
"Ah! Stripper zombies!" I yelled.
The two girls both took their helmets off and apparently Tidus recognized one of them. The other had black hair, about the length of Yuna's. She was wearing the black mage costume Yuna'd wear in two years.
"Thought we was done for back there." The blonde one said as she fell to her hands and knees.
At the same time both me and the blonde girl said while pointing at each other.
"Whoa! It's my evil twin!"
"Rikku! You're Rikku!" Tidus blurted as he shook her. "Hey! You're okay! How you been?"
"Terrible!" She yelled at him.
"Yeah, you don't look so good. What happened?" He asked.
She pointed at him.
"You beat me up, remember?"
He fell backwards and went 'Huh?'.
"Oh! That machina... That was you?"
Rikku nodded, and stood up, placing a hand to her forehead.
"That really hurt, you know. You big meanie!" She yelled at him.
"W-Wait! But you attacked us!" Tidus defended.
"Nah-uh. It's not exactly what you think." She shot back.
"See....." I muttered in the background.
"Yo!" We all heard Wakka yell as the rest of the group approached us. "Friend of yours?"
"Uh, you could say that." Tidus answered.
"Pleased to meet you! I'm Rikku!"
At this point I became aware there was a second person there. I glanced over and standing there is none other than my old friend Olivia. The very person who tried to kill me throughout the south Georgia trip. I thought my brain'd been messed up when Yuna hit me. So I thought of the best way to reverse it.
"Yuna!" I ran up to her.
"What?"
"Hit me!" I begged.
"Erm, no. Not unless I have a good reason."
She asked for this, all right. The one and only way I knew of to piss Yuna off. It had to be done. I grabbed Tidus and kissed him. My first instinct was to duck, but somehow I didn't. My vision came back and Olivia was standing over me.
"Yr, syh. Ed teth'd fung. So pnyeh'c cdemm saccat ib. Yuna! (Ah, man. It didn't work. My brain's still messed up. Yuna!)" I grumbled.
"Pretz, relax. Your brain isn't messed up any more than normal," Olivia said. "And why are you speaking like that?"
"Fryd yna oui dymgehk ypuid? (What are you talking about?)" I asked and then screamed. I was stuck talking in Al Bhed "Fro lyh'd E cbayg Ahkmecr? (Why can't I speak English?)"
"Pretz, relax. Rikku can translate for you." Olivia said as she called Rikku over.
Well, Rikku agreed. I wish she hadn't. Lulu popped in.
"Uh, Wakka..." She said.
"Huh? What?" He asked.
"There's something we need to discuss." Yuna told him.
"Oh, go ahead." Wakka said with an idiotic donkey look on his face.
"Girls only! Boys please wait over there!" Rikku said.
"Right. Sorry, Wakka." Lulu laughed.
Keep in mind this 'girls only' talk didn't include me because I was having some speech issues.
"Sir Auron... I would like Rikku and Olivia to be my guardians." Yuna requested.
Auron walked up to Rikku and looked at her. She lowered her head.
"Show me your face." He said.
She just went 'Huh?'
"Look at me." He said again.
At this point I was breaking into song in the background, singing 'Reflection' from Mulan.
"Oh, okay." Rikku said.
She looked at him, with her eyes closed.
"Open your eyes."
She opened one eye: it was green with a spiral pupil.
"As I thought." He said.
"Um... No good?" She asked.
"Are you certain?" Auron asked.
"A hundred percent! So, anyway... Can I?"
"If Yuna wishes it."
"Yes, I do." Yuna added.
"Rikku's a good girl. She helped me a bunch!" Tidus said.
"Tidus, bmayca tuh'd ajan cyo dryd ykyeh. Lyica dryd't pa knayd. (Tidus, please don't ever say that again. Cause that'd be great.)" I said.
"Well, I'm for it! The more, the merrier!" Wakka added.
"Then I'll just have to be the merriest!" Rikku jumped up.
It was strange. Even though Wakka had always hated the Al Bhed...
"Rikku, at your service!"
He never realized Rikku or I was one of them, even though I was speaking in Al Bhed for the longest time. The idiot.
As we continued down the path, I felt like talking. I shoulda shut up.
"Yhouha rana ghuf dra sivveh syh? (Anyone here know the muffin man?)"
Rikku translated for me.
"I think you're all faggots"
"Hey!" Wakka was mad. "What the Hell was that for?!"
"FRYD!? Hu, dryd'c hud fryd E cyet.(WHAT!? No, that's not what I said)" I screamed.
"Yeah! And you're all morons." Rikku said.
"That's not nice" Tidus whined.
"Rikku, cdub ed!(Rikku, stop it!)" I yelled.
"Tidus is a girly boy" She translated. He gasped.
"Dryd'c naymmo essydina!(That's so immature!)"
"Yuna's an evil psycho bitch!" She barked.
Yuna didn't react to that at all.
"Cdub ed ycc-feba!(Stop it, ass-wipe)" I demanded.
"Lulu had plastic surgery!"
Lulu just slapped herself and mumbled something like 'No, I didn't'.
"Pihkruma!(Bunghole!)"
"Auron's old!"
Auron just sighed.
"E's kuhhy vilgehk gemm oui!(I'm gonna fing kill you!)" I screamed.
"Wakka's not really Jamaican"
Wakka stopped drinking a bottle of maple syrup and stuffed it in his pocket in a hurry.
"Oui'na cilr yh ycc..." I sighed.
"Kimahri's really a teddy bear"
Revenge had to be taken. I decided by now she wasn't even thinking about what she was saying and I muttered it so fast she wouldn't have time to think about it.
"Rikku megac Auron!" I said.
"Rikku likes Auron..... HEY! WAIT A MINUTE!" She screamed.
We all laughed for the rest of the day. I ticked her off a bit cause the next thing I heard was... Well, nothing. The next thing I SAW was Yuna's staff. When I woke up my head hurt so bad. I sat up and talked to Tidus, who was there.
"My head doth pain me something horrible, good sir"
I slapped my hands over my mouth. Old English. Why Old English? I quickly ran up to Yuna.
"Yunie, I pray you. Hiteth me." I said.
She stared at me bewildered. I knew I'd have to piss her off again. I didn't even make it to Tidus this time, she just hit me. Kimahri picked me up as they walked toward Guadosalam. Yevon, it's good to be back. Not being able to update has given me really weird ideas, but yours are always welcome via email. Start repenting! The world is coming to an end! I PASSED GEOMETRY! Oh! Go pretzel, go pretzel! It's your birthday! Well, not till June really. It's summer so I should be able to update more. Pray for mercy from....PUSS! ...in boots.
Ok, here's the dealio. First I was grounded, then our laptop died, which was extremely depressing. THEN the desktop's program wasn't compatible with fanfiction.net, or anything ELSE for that matter. Point is you all have to clap for my friend Becky. CLAP! Do it or I'll sick Yevon on you! Gets zapped once again Ow.... Never mind. Scratch that last comment. Well, here's the next chapter about Yuna and the flock of people who follow her..... Goes off to find some Neosporin Ow, ow, ow...
Chapter 4: Evil Twins, Old Friends, And Mistranslations
Tidus had just leaped off the shoopuff and as we all know by know is an idiot. He did a belly flop and landed with a loud smack. I peered over the side.
"Yo, Tidus. Can you do that again? That was awesome!" I asked.
He just groaned and floated there. Wakka dragged him off the reclaim Yuna, and I started to wonder why Yuna had different color eyes. I mean, who wouldn't? Lulu explained, like everything else, that it was because she's half Al Bhed.
"Ah. So she's a just a mutant." I answered.
"No, that's not what I said." Lulu corrected me, "Are you retarded or something?"
Well, of course I am! Here's your stupid sign, Lulu. Well, there was a bid ol' watery explosion. It was like the 4th of July, man. A big boom and 3 bodies a'flyin'. Tidus, Wakka, and Yuna all come flyin' and land in the cart thing. Oh, and of course, Tidus lands on ME of all people. You bettcha, when Yuna looked up she pulled this move right out of Cops, man. All in one move, she grabbed her staff, got off Kimahri's lap, and smacked me so hard I think I became left-handed. The sides of my brain must have switched. I dunno exactly what that smack did, but every Friday night I'd get the urge to dress up like a chicken.
"Are you hurt?" Lulu asked.
"Yes, very much so" I slurred.
"I meant Yuna" She finished.
"No, I'm fine." Yuna answered.
"Grrah! Those Al Bhed!" Wakka babbled on.
"Ish ebullibody okay?" We heard the driver guy say.
"I'm sorry! We're all okay now!" Yuna stood up and called to the driver.
"Yuna!" Auron scolded her.
Yuna abruptly sat back down again.
"Shoopuf full shpeed aheads!"
Wakka began to make a little mini speech, which random comments in the back ground by me.
"Damn the Al Bhed!" He started.
"Do you even have a Hell to damn them to in Yevonism?" I added
"What do they want from us?" Wakka pondered.
"Yuna, quite obviously"
"Could it have something to do with Luca?" he asked.
"Not a thing, Panda boy" I blurted.
"What are they after Yuna for?" He wondered
"YOU WANT THE TRUTH?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"
"Wait! They're mad they lost the tournament!"
"T'was a fluke, hair gel boy" I told him.
"Or, wait! They're mad about Operation Mi'ihen!" He concluded.
"I doubt that" I finished.
"I wonder..." Lulu started "Didn't Kimahri's clansmen say something... about summoners...disappearing?"
"No, no! Just forget about them." I spazzed in the background.
"Ah! So the Al Bhed are behind that!" Wakka screamed "Those sand-blasted grease monkeys!"
"Hey! I resent that Yevon boy!" I screamed. Of course no one heard it.
"Hey, Wakka. It's no use complaining about the Al Bhed now, right? We'll protect Yuna from anyone, anywhere." Tidus reassured him.
"But who'll protect her from you, lover boy?" I asked.
"Well... I guess so." Wakka agreed.
"You're right." Lulu added.
Yuna mouthed the words thank you to Tidus. We reached the other side of the Moonflow and there was this guy doing a nature show thing. He was about 2 feet away from a snake.
"I am inches from death, but his snake is gorgeous"
I'm thinking, hey loser, that snake is poisonous. Well, we walked on and heard a scream from behind us.
"Crieky, me arm!"
I immediately started laughing. Later, Tidus and I ran ahead and found two bodies lying on the side of the Moonflow. They both stood up. I immediately hid behind Tidus.
"Ah! Attacking reanimated corpses!" I yipped.
"Huh?" He dumbly responded.
"Zombies, Tidus. Zombies."
They both started to take off their wet suits.
"Ah! Stripper zombies!" I yelled.
The two girls both took their helmets off and apparently Tidus recognized one of them. The other had black hair, about the length of Yuna's. She was wearing the black mage costume Yuna'd wear in two years.
"Thought we was done for back there." The blonde one said as she fell to her hands and knees.
At the same time both me and the blonde girl said while pointing at each other.
"Whoa! It's my evil twin!"
"Rikku! You're Rikku!" Tidus blurted as he shook her. "Hey! You're okay! How you been?"
"Terrible!" She yelled at him.
"Yeah, you don't look so good. What happened?" He asked.
She pointed at him.
"You beat me up, remember?"
He fell backwards and went 'Huh?'.
"Oh! That machina... That was you?"
Rikku nodded, and stood up, placing a hand to her forehead.
"That really hurt, you know. You big meanie!" She yelled at him.
"W-Wait! But you attacked us!" Tidus defended.
"Nah-uh. It's not exactly what you think." She shot back.
"See....." I muttered in the background.
"Yo!" We all heard Wakka yell as the rest of the group approached us. "Friend of yours?"
"Uh, you could say that." Tidus answered.
"Pleased to meet you! I'm Rikku!"
At this point I became aware there was a second person there. I glanced over and standing there is none other than my old friend Olivia. The very person who tried to kill me throughout the south Georgia trip. I thought my brain'd been messed up when Yuna hit me. So I thought of the best way to reverse it.
"Yuna!" I ran up to her.
"What?"
"Hit me!" I begged.
"Erm, no. Not unless I have a good reason."
She asked for this, all right. The one and only way I knew of to piss Yuna off. It had to be done. I grabbed Tidus and kissed him. My first instinct was to duck, but somehow I didn't. My vision came back and Olivia was standing over me.
"Yr, syh. Ed teth'd fung. So pnyeh'c cdemm saccat ib. Yuna! (Ah, man. It didn't work. My brain's still messed up. Yuna!)" I grumbled.
"Pretz, relax. Your brain isn't messed up any more than normal," Olivia said. "And why are you speaking like that?"
"Fryd yna oui dymgehk ypuid? (What are you talking about?)" I asked and then screamed. I was stuck talking in Al Bhed "Fro lyh'd E cbayg Ahkmecr? (Why can't I speak English?)"
"Pretz, relax. Rikku can translate for you." Olivia said as she called Rikku over.
Well, Rikku agreed. I wish she hadn't. Lulu popped in.
"Uh, Wakka..." She said.
"Huh? What?" He asked.
"There's something we need to discuss." Yuna told him.
"Oh, go ahead." Wakka said with an idiotic donkey look on his face.
"Girls only! Boys please wait over there!" Rikku said.
"Right. Sorry, Wakka." Lulu laughed.
Keep in mind this 'girls only' talk didn't include me because I was having some speech issues.
"Sir Auron... I would like Rikku and Olivia to be my guardians." Yuna requested.
Auron walked up to Rikku and looked at her. She lowered her head.
"Show me your face." He said.
She just went 'Huh?'
"Look at me." He said again.
At this point I was breaking into song in the background, singing 'Reflection' from Mulan.
"Oh, okay." Rikku said.
She looked at him, with her eyes closed.
"Open your eyes."
She opened one eye: it was green with a spiral pupil.
"As I thought." He said.
"Um... No good?" She asked.
"Are you certain?" Auron asked.
"A hundred percent! So, anyway... Can I?"
"If Yuna wishes it."
"Yes, I do." Yuna added.
"Rikku's a good girl. She helped me a bunch!" Tidus said.
"Tidus, bmayca tuh'd ajan cyo dryd ykyeh. Lyica dryd't pa knayd. (Tidus, please don't ever say that again. Cause that'd be great.)" I said.
"Well, I'm for it! The more, the merrier!" Wakka added.
"Then I'll just have to be the merriest!" Rikku jumped up.
It was strange. Even though Wakka had always hated the Al Bhed...
"Rikku, at your service!"
He never realized Rikku or I was one of them, even though I was speaking in Al Bhed for the longest time. The idiot.
As we continued down the path, I felt like talking. I shoulda shut up.
"Yhouha rana ghuf dra sivveh syh? (Anyone here know the muffin man?)"
Rikku translated for me.
"I think you're all faggots"
"Hey!" Wakka was mad. "What the Hell was that for?!"
"FRYD!? Hu, dryd'c hud fryd E cyet.(WHAT!? No, that's not what I said)" I screamed.
"Yeah! And you're all morons." Rikku said.
"That's not nice" Tidus whined.
"Rikku, cdub ed!(Rikku, stop it!)" I yelled.
"Tidus is a girly boy" She translated. He gasped.
"Dryd'c naymmo essydina!(That's so immature!)"
"Yuna's an evil psycho bitch!" She barked.
Yuna didn't react to that at all.
"Cdub ed ycc-feba!(Stop it, ass-wipe)" I demanded.
"Lulu had plastic surgery!"
Lulu just slapped herself and mumbled something like 'No, I didn't'.
"Pihkruma!(Bunghole!)"
"Auron's old!"
Auron just sighed.
"E's kuhhy vilgehk gemm oui!(I'm gonna fing kill you!)" I screamed.
"Wakka's not really Jamaican"
Wakka stopped drinking a bottle of maple syrup and stuffed it in his pocket in a hurry.
"Oui'na cilr yh ycc..." I sighed.
"Kimahri's really a teddy bear"
Revenge had to be taken. I decided by now she wasn't even thinking about what she was saying and I muttered it so fast she wouldn't have time to think about it.
"Rikku megac Auron!" I said.
"Rikku likes Auron..... HEY! WAIT A MINUTE!" She screamed.
We all laughed for the rest of the day. I ticked her off a bit cause the next thing I heard was... Well, nothing. The next thing I SAW was Yuna's staff. When I woke up my head hurt so bad. I sat up and talked to Tidus, who was there.
"My head doth pain me something horrible, good sir"
I slapped my hands over my mouth. Old English. Why Old English? I quickly ran up to Yuna.
"Yunie, I pray you. Hiteth me." I said.
She stared at me bewildered. I knew I'd have to piss her off again. I didn't even make it to Tidus this time, she just hit me. Kimahri picked me up as they walked toward Guadosalam. Yevon, it's good to be back. Not being able to update has given me really weird ideas, but yours are always welcome via email. Start repenting! The world is coming to an end! I PASSED GEOMETRY! Oh! Go pretzel, go pretzel! It's your birthday! Well, not till June really. It's summer so I should be able to update more. Pray for mercy from....PUSS! ...in boots.