Well, I've finally finished my animation... more or less. I had to cut it short however because I ran out of time, and because my crappy microphone died. Some of the places required subtitles cause you can't even hear it. The animation is like a prequel to this story. Despite sound problems it's fairly funny. Why did this take so long? The chapter, I mean. Well, a breakup. I say no more. But it gave me writers block. Badly!
Chapter 12: The One With The Love Song
-
"What's Seymour doing alive? Didn't we take care of him in Macalania?" Rikku whined.
"Yeah. We clearly killed him. Killed him dead" Shea added.
"He is dead. As dead as Jyscal was. His attachment to this world kept him from the next" Auron explained.
"Hmm, someone has attachment issues..." Shea laughed.
"Yuna must be trying to send him"
"Wonder if that will work" Rikku thought out loud.
Then Wakka decided to join in our little idiot's brigade. Or should I say theirs. I was still duct taped up in the corner.
"I'm glad Yuna's okay and all, but what's with those fancy clothes?"
"It's called a wedding dress" Lulu explained.
"What?"
The tape over my mouth had finally become moist enough to push off.
"Wakka! Even I'm not that stupid! Can't you see it's overly white and fluffy and expensive to only be worn once!"
Everyone stared at me. This was a regular occurrence now. Tidus tried to leave the bridge when the airship rocked back and forth. Some strange noises were... uh... being hearable? Rin walked into the bridge.
"We're being attacked from within. Some of the Guado that attacked Home must have snuck on board" He said.
"You're awfully calm about it!" Cid barked.
"I am calm about most things. After all, I do talk in this monotonous, British sounding voice at all times. You could- You with the multi colored hair!"
"What?" I muttered.
"I want you to kick me to demonstrate how my voice tone never changes. Go ahead and kick as hard as you can" Rin finished.
I beamed with excitement. Guys don't normally want, much less ask, to be kicked cause they're scared you might hit them in... places. I strolled up to Rin really looking forward to this because I highly enjoy hurting guys. In kind of a running kick thing into his groin. He fell to the ground holding himself and when he opened his mouth to speak his voice was high pitched and whiney.
"Ah! Why would you do that? That was sick! Hold on a second and let me find me balls for Yevon's sake!"
Cid, however, had failed to notice this.
"Fiends! There's nothin' to do but--"
Rikku jumped in front of him and mocked his rednecky voice.
"But destroy the ship and all go down together! You gotta learn a little restraint, Pops. If you crash the ship, we can't go rescue Yunie!"
OO "Blow it up! Burn it! Burn it all!"
"Leave the fiends to us professionals!"
"Yeah! Let's go!" Tidus yipped.
Rin kicked back in for but a moment with his squeaky voice before Brother dragged him off to a closet somewhere.
"Rikku, you've made some very good friends, I think" He started "Good luck. Hey, watch it!"
We went around the entire airship killing fiends, and a few people I just didn't like. When we reached the cabin I ran over to the window to look at all the puny people I could crush when I overthrew Cid and took over the airship. And what do I see! This big ass, red Pokemon thing!
"Huh, now there's a rare sight" Auron said calmly.
"Whoa, that's huge!" Tidus yelled.
"Crap! I forget my Pokeball!"
Cid's horrible redneck voice came over the intercom, interrupting our little crisis.
"Rikku, you read me?"
"Hu, E lyh'd rayn oui ujan dra frehao juela uh dra ehdanlus, bubc..."
"We're going to fight that thing!"
"Ah, spoken in a true redneck fashion" I laughed.
"Get on deck and show him what you got! Go!"
"There he goes again" Rikku whined.
"The ferryman asks a high price" Auron muttered.
"What ferry? We're on an airship. Jeez, and you guys thing I'm an idiot..." Tidus snickered.
We ran on back to the cabin... bridge... thing and that Pokemon confronted the airship. Everyone seems to think it was just SOOO much bigger then the airship. We coulda just run it over but NNOOOO. We have to do things the hard way.
"We gotta keep our distance, boy, but we can't let her get too far away. You all have to tell me when to move! But tell me quick, eh? This rig ain't so nimble, you hear?"
"Kinda like you...?" I scoffed.
"What?"
"Nothing"
"Roger! I'll give the commands!" Tidus yelled.
"Not alone, you won't!" Rikku demanded.
"Yeah" I rolled my eyes "We all know how difficult it can be, giving commands"
We tried asking the summoner's for help, since that IS their job, but they said no and gave us some bullshit excuse about it being too cramped to call aeons. What the Hell is that? The thing is OUTSIDE! So we stepped outside and they all beat the crap out of the thing after getting poisoned, gaining many puncture wounds and catching Ebola and leprosy. I was standing on the edge with my arms out.
"I'm king of the world!"
"Pretz, what the Hell is wrong with y- why do I bother asking?" Shea muttered.
"Sing with me Shea! Love is a very... splendid thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love"
At this point I could almost hear her thinking 'God... this is camp, co-counseling with Lynsay all over again'. Either that or 'I'm going to kill you'.
"Please, don't start that again"
Little did she know that THAT'S THE NEXT LINE! MWHAHA!
"All you need is love"
I hate you, Pretz.
"A girl has got to eat" She pleaded.
"All you need is love"
"She'll end up on the street!"
"All you need is love"
"Love is just a game"
"I was made for lovin' you baby, you were made for lovin' me" I laughed.
I know where you sleep, Pretz...
"The only way of lovin' me baby is to pay a lovely fee"
"Just one night. Just one night"
"There's no way cause you can't pay" 'You're a dead camper, Pretz'
"In the name of love. One night in the name of love"
"You crazy fool. I wont give into you"
"Don't... leave me this way. I can't survive without your sweet love. Oh baby, don't leave me this way"
Maybe killer bees... everyone's allergic to those...
"You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs" Shea twitched.
"I look around me and I see it isn't so"
"Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs"
"Well, what's wrong with that I'd like to know cause here I go, YEAH!" I hopped up on a 'hood ornament' thing "LOVE LIFTS US UP WHERE WE BELONG"
"Pretz, get down or I'm gonna kill you"
"WHERE EAGLES FLY ON A MOUNTAIN HIGH!"
I'm gonna throw you off a mountain high "Love makes us act like we are fools. Throw our lives away for one happy day"
"We could be heroes just for one day"
"You, you will be mean" Oh, maybe I can smother you...
"No I wont"
"And I... I'll drink all the time"
"We should be lovers"
"We can't do that" Ok, that crosses the line...
"We should be lovers and that's a fact"
"Though nothing" She started. I could tell I'd got her started cause she was being more enthusiastic "will keep us together"
"We could steal time just for one day"
Then we both started singing. Which is odd.
"We could be heroes forever and ever. We could be heroes forever and ever. We could be heroes."
"Just because" I started "IIIIIIIIIII will always love yooooouuuuu"
"IIIIII can't help loving... how wonderful life is now you're in the woooorrrrrlllldddd"
Maybe the others had had their fill of random camp senselessness but Lulu coughed.
"Ahem. Well as soon as you two are done being bi or whatever, can we go back inside cause we're losing power"
We both blinked and realized we'd gone off on another camp tangent. We jumped away from each other and started a babble of stuff that sounded something like this at first.
"What? I'm not- but she- I didn't- that was her-"
But eventually turned into audible speech.
"Shea, why would you get me started. You know what happens to me with mindless camp appropriate songs!"
"Me? You were the one who started the whole thing!"
"You- hey what's that?"
"That's Bevelle. And Cid is going to fly us near it to-"Lulu started.
"Oh, fuck that!" I yelled and ran inside.
"Do I want to know...?" Wakka sighed.
Needless to say we took the Playstation entrance and crashed into the city. The sound of wedding bells wouldn't stop. Seymour walked up the aisle with Yuna. I really don't think that's how weddings work, you know with the guards and all.
"Fire!" Measter Kinoc ordered.
The guards fired relentlessly at the ship. Seymour seemed quite pleased. "Come"
He grabbed Yuna's hand and walked up the stairs. Seymour, Yuna, and Maester Mika stared at the airship lodged into the... thing. We slid down these cables from the deck to the... I wanna say chapel. I have no idea how Kimahri's feet didn't get ground off. Several guards ran up to us with their guns. We all glared intensely at Seymour.
"Yuna!" Tidus yelled.
We all rushed forward into the battles. Only I would have, but one of the guards hit me on the back of the head with his gun and I fell overboard. People ask me to this day what I was thinking when I came to in the air. I was thinking 'Hey, did I turn off the iron?' Then I flipped around to see the ground hurtling towards me. Then I thought "Hey, maybe I should get a puppy'. No! I was thinking 'AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!' Yeah that sounds about right. Yeah 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' I hope I've crystallized it for you.
I thought I was really gonna die this time. Out of nowhere this purpleish red thing came swooping towards me. Now I was falling headfirst so a lot of the blood was no longer in my head. Where my brain is. The thing I use to think. Oh who am I kidding! It just wasn't in my head, ok?
"Holy crap! Is that Katie!"
"What the Hell are you talking about, Pretz?"
"Um... nothing. Yuna! You saved me?"
"Not my original intent, but yes. See I saw you falling too, and if I didn't save you Lulu and Wakka would disown me"
"Ah. The whole self serving thing. Wait... You touched Seymour! And you neither bleed nor burn!"
She laughed.
"You kissed him, Yunie, and you didn't burst into flame!"
"You've been talking to Rikku, haven't you?"
"Yeah... Ooh! Did you see me land the airship?"
"I'm pretty sure everyone did. I thought that was Cid..."
"No. Wasn't it great?"
"You know how you said you never learned to dive in your world? Maybe that's not such a bad thing"
"Really" I glomped her "You're the first person to understand that!"
"I can't imagine why..."
Well, Yuna had to make a pit stop to get her precious aeon. She prayed to this hologram kid for the longest time. I kinda wanted to see Jarrett run in and lecture her about praying to that instead of 'being a good Christian'. It was really boring. So I started wandering around the room poking stuff. There was this cool chest but I just couldn't get it open. So naturally I took one of the spinning dagger things Rikku gave me to cut it open. What? Just the lock, not the whole thing. All of a sudden the whole room started rumbling and water started filling the room. Yuna waded over to me looking like a mass murderer.
"What did you do!"
"I haven't done anything!... lately"
The door was already closed and locked, and we were up to our necks in water.
"Pretz, I'm going to kill you! I'm gonna kill you until you are no m-!"
"What? I can't hear you when you're under water!"
Once the water had almost filled the room there was a small opening. But of course it had a steel grill on it! Yuna and I were hanging off of it despite the fact we were gonna die a horrible waterlogged death, and have to come out of people's TVs and kill them.
"Pretz! We really are gonna die in this stupid temple. So I just want you to know that I really don't hate you"
"Really? Aww. I don't hate you either"
"Hug?"
Gasp! What? Pretz can hug people? Holy shit!
That instant the water began to whirlpool out. Even though I was her guardian I kinda lost her. The next thing I knew Tidus, Shea and Lulu were standing over us a little outside the door.
"Uh, guys, I can explain everything" I babbled.
"I thought I said no more wild parties" Shea laughed.
Yuna stood up slowly.
"Hey, Pretz?"
"Yeah"
"I'm still gonna kill you"
"Understood... Uh..."
"What?" Lu asked.
"Well, you're leaning over me... and I can see down your shirt"
She gasped, turned only to see guards with their guns pointing at her
"There's the last of them. You are to stand trial"
"I expect it will be a fair trial" Auron scoffed.
Kinoc just laughed.
"Of course it will"
The guards punched us and carried us off. I for one, wasn't giving up without a fight.
"Hey! You can't lock us up like this! Lemme go! Hey, what about my Miranda Rights? You're supposed to say 'I have the right to remain silent'. Nobody said I had the right to remain silent!"
"Pretz, you have the right to remain silent" Rikku muttered "What you lack is the capacity"
-
"The High Court of Yevon is now in session. The sacred offices of this court seek nothing but absolute truth, in Yevon's name" A big Ronso bellowed "To those on trial: Believe in Yevon, and speak only the truth"
"Maester Kelk Ronso" Lulu pointed out.
"Ah, yes. I always like to get to know my executioner" I muttered.
"Ok, you're not allowed to talk anymore, ya?" Wakka snapped.
"Summoner Yuna. You have sworn to protect the people of Yevon, true?"
"Yes. Except that one. The, uh, really slutty blonde one"
"Then, consider: You have inflicted dire injury upon Maester Seymour Guado..." Kelk announced.
"He started it!" Rikku blurted.
"Conspired with the Al Bhed and joined in their insurrection"
"Ok, that sounds a lot like injection"
"These are traitorous and unforgivable crimes that disturb the order of Yevon. Tell this court what possessed you to participate in such violence"
"Your Grace... The real traitor is Maester Seymour! He killed his father Jyscal with his own hands!" Yuna pleaded.
"AND Seymour started it!" I smirked.
"What is this!" Kelk looked at Mika and then Seymour.
"Hmm? Hadn't you heard?" Mascara boy said calmly.
"Not only that... Maester Seymour is already dead!" Yuna continued.
"It is the summoner's sacred duty to send the souls of the departed to the Farplane! Yuna was only doing her job as a summoner!" Lulu stepped in.
"I will ask you once more" Mika said blankly at me "Did YOU murder Maester Seymour?"
"What? How can you ask that?" I yelled.
I took a few steps back and took a running leap at the platform the important people were standing on. After a while once I pulled myself up I slapped some photos onto his deck"
"You ask me that and you have to ask Wakka if he's really Jamaican!"
His picture showed him standing with a moose and a Mounty drinking maple syrup.
"Ask Lulu if her boobs are real!"
Ok I didn't have a picture for that one...
"Ask Yuna if her nose is real! Ask Rikku why she's always so hyper!"
Yuna's is self explanatory, and Rikku's showed her with a big bag of crack.
"Ask Kimahri if he's really blue! And ask Tidus if he's really blonde!"
Ah, yes. You don't know this but Kimahri is really lavender and Tidus is really a brunette.
"Ask Shea if she's every killed a baby or a camper!"
"But I never did..."
"You tell too many dead baby jokes! Ask Auron why he ripped off the whole Jedi knight look and why he's so old!"
Auron just grunted. Maester Mika looked baffled.
"Alright, just for that" He said "We're not going to tell you the horrible truth about Yevon, we're just going to kill you. Take them away!"
"Pretz... What did we say about talking?" Tidus asked.
-
Well, I haven't updated in FOREVAH! Well, I was hoping something funny would happen at my cousin's wedding that I could use, but obviously not. Maybe by the time my other cousin's happens I'll have enough for a flashback. I didn't want to wait another month. Tis been long enough. I'M 17! I CAN RENT RATED R MOVIES!
Yuna: Pretz, you're retarded... You haven't rented one and you can't drive...
Shut up! Well, the wedding was a little boring. Jarrett was at camp. For those of you who know what I'm talking about it wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. Well, I had a mental war with myself recently but I'm actually gonna stop being lazy and keep writing! Yay! So I'm gonna go and try to watch Open Water. Then again I snorkel. Never mind. And if anyone wants to see my kickass tan line email me and I'll try to find my camera! Peace.