The Caffeinated Lifestyle
Author's Note: I wonder if this is the first OttoMaladicta fic in the fandom. If it's not, I do apologise, but I did think of the pairing all by myself, and I'm so proud. They have about two scenes together, but the chemistry is so strong! Both Black Ribboners, both cool...and Monstrous Regiment needs more het as it is, it's drowning in femmeslash. Not that they can help it, viewing the book's sex ratio.
I attempt to be drabbley, but only succeed in being concise, I suppose.
The Temperance Tea
Otto Chriek met Corporal Maladict again during the social tea of the Temperance Mission. The League was very into tea, and teas, in general, and since the event took place when the Borogravian regiment was passing through Ankh-Morpork, Maladict had dropped in.
The tea room was dark, because not all the newbies had gotten used to bright lights yet, and filled with figures in dark evening suits and swishy capes. The atmosphere was trying to be cosy, while steadily drowning in Gothic.
They were sitting at a table for two in the corner. Otto usually didn't join the larger cliques, and Maladict was new. Or more like, from the Borogravian Exchange Program.
It had been nearly a year since they had last met. Some things had changed. For one, it was now Sergeant Maladict.
The other thing was even more unexpected.
Otto nearly spat a mouthful of tea across the room. "You vhat?"
"I never did tell anyone outside the regiment, did I?" admitted Maladict – Maladicta ruefully. "Somehow I didn't want to bother."
Otto's hand scrabbled for a napkin. "But…but I alvays thought you vere ze only male in that bunch! Villiam thought so too. Oh, dear."
"Well, now you know, Borogravia's run entirely by women now." Maladicta stirred her tea morosely. "I say, haven't they got coffee here?"
"Er, not in the Ankh-Morpork branch," muttered Otto distractedly. "Vell, you could at least have told me."
Maladicta sighed. "Don't tell your writer friend, all right? I could do with a little less publicity – and anyway, that war is old news." She sighed, and added plaintively, "They could at least supply caffeine."
"Tea's got caffeine in it," observed Otto.
"I don't like tea," replied Maladicta shortly. She stood up, leaving the still-full teacup steaming. "Well, it's been nice catching up, but I really must get back to the barracks now. There's coffee there, for one."
She was pushing her way through the black-clad crowd, her uniform glinting in the midst of the evening capes. Otto stirred distractedly at his tea for a while, before suddenly coming back to his senses, leaping up, and dashing after her.
He caught up with her at the entrance, gasping. "Vait!"
Maladicta turned around slowly, her level gaze amused.
"Vell," went on Otto, feeling slightly disturbed, "I vas only vundering……vhen is your regiment leaving Ankh-Morpork?"
Maladicta shrugged. "Our Captain is in negotiation with Commander Vimes on our plans. I'm not sure. I'm only a sergeant, remember?" She narrowed her eyes. "What's it to you?"
"I vas…" Otto tugged at his collar, and burst out, "Are you free for dinner tonight?"
Maladicta smiled. The blazing sunlight of a Morporkian afternoon glinted on her canines. "We eat in the barracks."
Maladicta, Otto noted, was a woman who appreciated a challenge. She would only consider him if he took the challenge she threw at him. "Breakfast, tomorrow?" went on Otto desperately.
"Going out with Polly," said Maladicta airily.
"Lunch, then?"
Maladicta appeared to consider it. "Oh, very well. I'm free for tea." She turned to stride down the street.
Thank you, thought Otto, thank you thank you……
Maladicta paused, and turned back. "But only if the place had coffee!" she yelled, and was gone in the crowd.