Disclaimer: I have no rights to anything related to the Harry Potter franchise, except the souls of my written characters… (insert evil laugh)… Seriously, if I did, I wouldn't be a starving English major living in SoCal. I'd be riding an elephant in India, exploring a pyramid in Egypt and having my characters do the same. So….enjoy!
Chapter 6: Sous-Endentu
Sous-Entendu (French): An expression for "hidden meaning" or "implication" where something is unsaid but assumed to be understood between those involved.
Whether the somber tone of night or the bustling sound of students in the morning, the corridors of Hogwarts are both strange and wonderful things to walk in. For Dulcie Devon, a second year, this was her first time breaking the rules. She tiptoed through the halls, half mortified of being discovered by Mr. Pringle, the caretaker. Behind her she heard a door creak. She dashed behind a column and waiting, looked out. She turned to see and stood confused. The form of James Potter had walked inside a door. But he wasn't alone…she heard someone else's whispers. It sounded like a girl.
Before waiting to see, Dulcie left. Perhaps they were running from someone…like Mr. Pringle. She hurried down the stairs and turned a corner. She was fully terrified now. She heard steps behind her, then beside her. She felt a hand on her shoulder and stood frozen, expecting to be expelled by Pringle any second now. Cringing, she opened her eyes and gawked; this was something of a dream. Standing in front of her was Sirius Black, the handsomest wizard in the school. He looked preoccupied; and sublimely gorgeous doing so. Every first year in her house would be so jealous—he never took notice of anyone younger…
"Dulcie, have you seen James Potter? I, er, forgot where to meet him…Please tell me if you've seen him."
She swallowed hard. "Yes, I, I did. On the seventh floor. Walking inside a door, wi-with someone else, I think."
Sirius was relieved. "Thank you so much. Oh….and Dulcie? Could you not mention this to anyone? I'm so forgetful sometimes….oh, watch out Pringles just left the library…"
Fear replaced her awe once more and she scuttled away, thankful for the advice.
Sirius watched her leave then promptly donned James' invisibility cloak and left. James must not be in his right mind, he left his cloak but took the map so we wouldn't find him. Nice, James. But I know what's on the seventh floor…
Turning in the hall, Sirius thought hard. Let my friends be there. Please. He turned the knob and opened his eyes. Thick, shag carpets lined the floors. A fireplace crackled somberly in the corner. The furniture and material were all in shades of white. The only exception were the plush scarlet covers of the massive bed in the center of the room. There he found them, curled up together, lying asleep. Clothed.
ooo
Remus, Peter and the girls sat in the common room. The grandfather clock behind them chimed a little too loudly, reminding them that no one had spoken in the last ten minutes.
They heard the Fat Lady's portrait slam shut, breaking their silence. Heads turned, they spotted Sirius levitating a very sleepy Lily and James.
He motioned to the pair. "I put a sleep charm on the both of them—they should sleep through the night. I'm going to levitate James up to the room. Could one of you ladies take Lily to your room? I would but I can't." He grinned. "I've tried."
Alice stood up and grabbed her wand. "I will. I've never levitated anything really heavy though."
Remus smiled at her, "When you cast it, 'lift' with your arm instead of your hand—otherwise you'll be tired really fast."
Once Lily and James were safely in their proper rooms, the girls and Marauders joined together in the common room.
Sirius looked at the Alice and Danae, "You know, it never occurred to me that Lily might like James already. So…why did you give Lily the Lust Leaf if you knew she did?"
Danae spoke up. "Well, we knew about it but she didn't. Things are always clearer when its not your own dilemma, isn't it? We wanted to bring it out in Lily and have her come to the realization. Besides, as her friends, we think she overthinks things sometimes. We wanted her to feel it, for once, instead of rationalizing through it.
Its hard for her to emotionally invest because she's like us. She's a skeptic romantic. When she finally does allow herself to fall in love, trust me, she's going to fall hard. While they were snogging, Lily said something to me. She said, 'did you know James feels the same way I do? I had no idea… we were meant to be together…"
Obviously, the feeling is there. She needs good faith on James' behalf." Alice said, looking at the stunned faces of Sirius, Remus and Peter.
They turned to each other, amazed once more. "Wow."
Remus paused, "Wait, so that means…"
"Guys, I think we should tell them about Andromeda. It'll make better sense." Peter said. They looked to Sirius, who was tracing the outline of a chair. He didn't want to look up.
Sirius sighed. "I always get stuck with the ultimatums, don't I? Okay, where do I start?" He stood up, pacing.
"Well, when school started this year it was the same thing. James was pathetically in love with Lily but, like a dolt, never came out and said it the proper way. He also had no tact whatsoever and came off as arrogant. Well, we all decided to help him out. We talked with my cousin Andromeda and she agreed to pretend to go out with James. She would teach him how to be a gentleman and Lily would see that he wasn't the jerk she imagines him to be.
It went nicely until we saw Amos get too comfortable with Lily. On a side note, James hates Amos with a passion. So we wanted to add a little more fire to James' 'relationship' so I made a mild love potion to make their 'relationship' more convincing. Apparently, it was too strong but I really don't think so. I'm perfect at Potions and I followed the instructions exactly."
"Its true. You're better than Snivelly," said Peter, hugging a pillow, completely absorbed in the story.
He continued. "However, I think that it was something else that made it strong. This is where Lily comes in. Remus, Peter and I wanted to know if he really cared about Lily before he tried the love potion, otherwise, the whole plan would be useless. So we mixed a combination of a sleeping draught with a mild Veritaserum. That way, we could hear his dreams and subconscious thoughts by him telling us in his sleep."
"Which was bloody brilliant idea," Remus mused.
"Thanks. We heard him talking to Lily—the dream version, that is. Besides some embarrassingly naughty things, he really does loves her. The way he talked to her…its obvious. So with that potion in his system, along with the love potion and his feelings for Lily, I'm sure that's what affected him."
It was Remus' turn to speak up. He turned to them with a sudden realization. "Wait a minute…you girls gave Lily the leaf. I think it might have made some sort of connection or path for the both of them to…well…dream with each other…."
It was the girls' turn to be speechless.
Danae started. "I guess it could happen…and that was a lot to take in…and it was…"
"Wrong! On so many levels!" Alice cried. "Can you imagine how many rules you broke?
"Eleven," Sirius said promptly.
"That's not the point. You did that without James knowing about it. He's your best friend! What if he finds out?"
"He won't."
They heard some shuffling and all turned to the stairwell. They saw a tired fourth year with a book, seemingly oblivious to their conversation. It was too risky to talk in the common room at such a late hour. Before going back to bed, they all decided to get together in a less public place, lest their secrets be heard by two, ten then a hundred people before classes start again. That has always been the Hogwarts way.
ooo
Light trickled inside the dormitory, shining its way into the eyes of James Potter. He blinked, the world still foggy in his vision. The room was warming up nicely and he stretched, looking at his mates. Peter was curled up inside his blankets, looking like misshapen lump of blanket, pillow and clothes. Sirius wasn't in bed. Remus was lying in bed, arms behind his head, deep in thought.
"Morning, Moony."
Remus sat up and smiled, "Morning Prongs, did you sleep well?"
James yawned. "Better than ever, actually. My mind feels clear. I don't remember half of what happened yesterday but, somehow, I'm fine with it. I don't want to know actually. Today is a new day."
With that, he stood and headed for the loo. Quite content with himself, James took his time brushing his teeth. He felt refreshed but there was still something in the back of his head, lurking, waiting to spring out at him.
Hand on doorknob, he stood frozen as it all came back to him. Falling to the ground, he sat, ashamed, guilty, mortified. How could he have done that? He was sick-minded scum of the earth. He was worse than a Slytherin!
ooo
The sound of birds chirping inside the trees woke up Lily. Besides waking abnormally early for a weekend, she got up and grabbed her toothbrush. She tiptoed to the lavatory, stretching her oddly sore limbs. Alice and Danae were still sleeping. After washing her face, she gazed in the mirror, obviously forgetting something. She couldn't remember her day in Hogsmeade after fleeing for the castle.
It was only after rinsing out her toothbrush did she realize what had happened. Why? She was always in her right mind. Couldn't she stop herself?
ooo
Sneaking out.
Deep, stolen kisses in the dark of night.
Wandering the halls. Escaping the Head Boy.
Up, Up, Up the stairs.
Walking around in circles.
Thinking of scarlet bedsheets.
Entering a door.
His lips are trailing down my throat.
Her hands are on my bum, pushing me closer to her.
He's taking off my robes…with his mouth.
She's running her nails down my chest.
He's grinding himself against me; I'm so ready.
She's stroking Little James, well, Big James now.
His low, breathless moaning will be the end of me.
Her velvet tongue is doing things a Hoover can only dream of.
There's no turning back and I wouldn't want to.
He's waiting for me, waiting for me to look.
Her eyes need to be on me, when I completely lose my sanity. Oh. My. God.
ooo
Breakfast was grim. Lily ate practically nothing. Danae and Alice threw uneasy glances at Remus, Sirius and Peter. James stared at his plate. Andromeda was nowhere to be seen. Only Peter ate, reluctant to waste food and yet quieted by the silence. Not even the approach of the morning owls ruffled feathers. Only Lily, Alice and Remus received posts, which they both promptly stuffed in their robes.
After breakfast, Sirius headed towards Ravenclaw quarters. He already felt immensely guilty about what happened with Lily and James. Still, nothing could top how he felt about what happened, what he did, to Andromeda. She was his favorite cousin. She understood completely how he felt about their horrid family and their twisted, narrow values.
Approaching their portrait, he saw Andromeda step out with one of her friends. Her face looked a little pale but she was in good spirits nonetheless. Seeing him, she turned and said a few words to her friend, who left, but not before throwing him an interested glance.
"Hello Sirius." She smiled.
"Hi," he said, not knowing what to expect. "How are you feeling?"
She considered his look of fear and laughed. "You look at me as if I were dying! Honestly… If anything Sirius, it's you I should be worrying about. You and your drama…"
Not quite convinced, he walked her to her class, asking her about Ted, N.E.W.T.s and anything else to pass the time. Something's not right. She's fine, almost too much though. Like she's hiding herself.
ooo
Something is wrong with my class, thought Professor Kettleburn. Normally, Kettleburn expected mild chaos—it came with the subject. However, to have all eyes on him—it was disconcerting to him. Today's class was Gryffindor and Hufflepuff: a generally good class considering it took its mood from James Potter and the other Marauders. However, they were silent, gloomy.
"Alright class, group up and study for next Friday's examination. Remember to focus on the anatomy of the unicorn and its habitat."
James, Remus, Sirius and Peter gathered together and worked for once, trying to put their focus on something other than the day before.
Not taking any more of it, James broke the silence. "Did you try to stop me before I left with Lily? Do you know if anything, er, happened?"
Sirius considered the look on James's face. He felt guilty. "James, we kept you away from Lily until bedtime. You had settled down and were acting pretty normal. Afterwards, you left without us knowing. You also took the map so we couldn't find you. I took your cloak and searched everywhere while Remus and Peter stayed with the girls. You ended up in the Room of Requirement. From what I could tell, it looked like nothing happened. We did a body-bind on the both of you when we got back to the tower."
James still felt disturbed by his actions. "Are you absolutely certain? I think we did do something. Regardless, Lily hates me now. I know it. The best I can do is to stay away. I've hassled her too long and she's going to hate me for the rest of her life. If I stay away, it'll be good for the both of us."
Lily sat with Alice and Danae, trying to ignore the fact that all eyes were on her. They had class with the Hufflepuffs. She didn't know what she felt towards James right now. It was all too confusing. Some part of her wanted to run to James. The louder part wanted her to apologize to Amos. Right now, she was beside herself with how she treated Amos. Why couldn't she stop herself? She felt as though invisible hands guided her to James. She had to apologize to Amos, it was the least she could do to make him feel better.
She stood up and headed for Amos, hoping she wouldn't die of mortification when she apologized. He was facing her now, looking sullen and embarrassed.
Amos put on face as soon as she was heading his way. She had deeply humiliated him and he wasn't about to forgive her without dragging her guilt and propriety through the mud. Besides, guilt made people do astonishing things and all Amos needed was one date—one date would get him everything he needed.
"Amos, could I talk to you for a sec? I'm really sorry for what happened yesterday. I know I wasn't myself and I want to apologize for all the embarrassment I caused you. I know you won't want anything to do with me so I'll excuse myself and let you be."
He considered her face for awhile and grinned. "Lily, who am I? I'm Amos Diggory. Its okay. I was hurt yesterday but I'm resilient. Yesterday doesn't matter. Lily, you're a special person and I want to know you better. Is that alright with you?"
She was surprised he was fine, more than fine. "Thanks so much, I was worried you'd never forgive me. That sounds great Amos, we should definitely get together. I'll see you later, okay? Bye!"
She finished her work easily after. However, she had to talk to James to get him out of her mind forever. This was the end of the road for them and she had to decide how she truly felt.
ooo
Sirius felt bad. Horridly bad. He had just left the Marauders at lunch. He couldn't bear to go through another silent meal. It was his fault James and Lily left together in Hogsmeade. He had promised James and Andromeda he would watch them in case anything happened.
Instead, he wandered around in James's invisibility cloak, looking around the Three Broomsticks for Persis. She had mentioned going with friends but didn't find her. When he came back he found Lily and James snogging away. He thought of pulling them away from each other but dismissed that when he saw everyone gawking at the pair. He couldn't just pull them away with everyone watching. It was too suspicious and Pringle could confiscate the cloak. Instead, he ran towards Madam Puddifoot's to let Remus know.
He now sat alone in library, in his favorite dusty, little corner. No one ever came here and the somber silence of his corner calmed him down whenever he needed it. It was also good for the occasional 'tutorial' with the girl of his choice, he mused. Although lately, his 'tutorials' have been occurring less and less, due to Persis completely occupying his mind. If he could only show her how he really was…
His thoughts were broken by the sound of voices coming his way. Unwilling to talk to anyone, he headed for the door. If Sirius had paid more attention, he would have noticed that the voices belonged to Remus and Lily. They had chosen the back of the library for its seclusion. With all of Hogwarts humming with news of James and Lily's 'fun,' Lily wanted nothing more than to disappear and focus on something other than the snickers and ogling that came her way. Remus wanted to help her out, and in doing so, hoped to vent his own frustration.
"Lil, I know you're going to have a hard time this week. Trust me, when something else comes along, this will all be forgotten." Remus said, pulling up a brave face for her. He doubted it but kept his mouth shut.
"I know that's not true Remus but thanks for the thought. It's not really that, it's just that I'm going to have to live with what James and I have done. I don't what he's told you but I think we did, well, everything two people can do with each other…Even if nothing did happen, I can't think of him in the same way. Besides, I'm moving on. Amos is willing to try again and I sort of like him. He's not like most people and he seems to open up to me."
Remus wanted to speak but stopped himself. If she knew how Amos really was, she wouldn't think twice about him. Still, Lily tried to see the best in people, even Amos Diggory.
"So," he said, changing the subject. "Have you responded to Molly's invitation?"
Her face brightened immediately. "You were invited too? I just need to ask to ask my mum and father but otherwise, I think they'll say yes. Molly and Arthur just moved into their house and said they would love to have visitors. She said I can bring whomever I want. How about you? Is it too close to the full moon?"
He smiled. "Actually, it's a week before so I'll be set. I think Sirius might come along. Don't worry about James; he has plans with his parents. So does Peter, I think."
She rolled her eyes, "Thanks 'Moony,' you're always looking out for me. But as for you and Alice, I do hope you'll tell her soon. She deserves to know."
"I know, I know," he said, not looking up. "I was planning on telling her then. It just seems right to tell her there."
She stood up and gave him a hug. "Well, let me know how it goes, okay?"
"Okay"
He watched her leave the library and couldn't help but think about what they had talked about. Could Alice accept that he was a werewolf? Could he bring himself to tell her about Greyback? Can Lily and James really solve their problem together? And to what lengths will Amos go to get what he wants from Lily?
ooo
The warm hospitality of the Gryffindor common room was usually absent around midnights. Students normally didn't study late on weekends and came down on only on the occasional bout of sleeplessness. However, that wasn't Sirius' reason for being there. He had come down to sneak a peek at the common room's occupants and found Persis sitting comfortably in front of the fireplace, reading a book. A rare occurrence, he had taken advantage of the situation and pretended to read a book off a table. He noticed she was slightly drowsy—she had looked tired all week and assumed she was dealing with the stress of N.E.W.Ts.
"Anything interesting?" Sirius inquired, hoping anxiously not to sound like an idiot.
Persis looked up and smiled. "Its something my sister sent me. She knows I want to learn about countries I want to visit, so naturally…its nice now and then to take a break from parchment and textbooks, don't you think?"
She looked so beautiful. When she smiled at him, Sirius couldn't contain himself. He wanted to know her, to take to Hogsmeade, to make her laugh. He wanted more from her than just a snog or a shag. She was unlike anyone he'd met. She deserved more and he wanted to give it to her.
He started out. "Persis…"
She faced him wearily, knowing what was coming. "Sirius, if you ask me, I'm just going to keep on saying no. Please—spare yourself the embarrassment."
Sirius had asked her several times before and it frustrated him not knowing why she didn't like him. Instead of leaving without a word, like he usually did, he stood up and asked her firmly.
"Why?"
"Do want the brutal truth?"
"Yes"
She sighed, closed her book and searched his face. He really wanted to know. Slowly, she drew out her words and looked at him regretfully.
"Sirius, you're a handsome, talented, intelligent wizard who I believe can be something great. The trouble is…you don't care. You skip class, pull pranks, don't take anyone seriously and with the exception of the Marauders, you don't feel for people. It's true. I can see it from how you treat Snape. What happened to compassion? You can also see it from how you treat girls. That story is one unto itself. I seriously doubt you've ever loved a girl."
She paused, taking in his expression.
"Don't think I don't know about the ones you take to the Astronomy tower or the library. Its common knowledge to us girls. If 'the gorgeous Sirius Black' happens to glance your way, don't expect anything more than a visit to a broom closet. If you do, you'll end up heartbroken. It may work on some girls but I'm not one of them. I don't want to be a vague memory of any given day.
Getting psychological here, I don't think its entirely your fault. You're a kind-hearted person with a couple cold spots. That's nice and all but its not what I'm looking for. Deep down inside, Sirius, are you who you imagine yourself to be? If I'm wrong and you really want to pursue me for something other than a shag, think about it. Treat people better. Grow a conscience. A Sirius with compassion is something I could really go for. Only with change, there's a good chance. Until then, I don't want to hear from you."
Sirius watched her leave. She had been honest and it tore him apart. Am I really a monster? She's right about my family and everything else. But I do care for people. I'm not as self-absorbed as I come across. I'm a good person… aren't I?
The portrait door swung open. Sirius turned his head, already knowing who would be there. Remus and Peter escorted a very sleepy Andromeda to a plush sofa. A minute or so later, the girls came down from their dormitory.
Danae yawned, "It's so hard pretending to be asleep without actually sleeping…"
"Yeah, and Lily's a light sleeper so we couldn't come earlier," said Alice, rubbing her eyes.
"Right, so where do we start?" Sirius said, rising to add a log to the fireplace. They had all planned to meet here and talk about what happened with Lily and James. Only now it was harder to talk, when they knew both sides of the story. Andromeda broke the silence.
"Alice, Danae, I'm assuming you know my part in this story. Believe it or not, but James has improved immensely in the gentleman category. He never really knew how to just talk to a girl or listen or read their facial expressions. And from what he says, he's really fallen for Lily."
"And Lily can like James, if she allows herself to like him. We just need time to bring them together, have them spend time with each other and get past everything that's happened," said Danae.
Remus sat up in his seat, "Well, the Christmas holidays are coming up in a couple weeks. Arthur and Molly Weasley invited Lily, Alice and me to come see them. You know, newlyweds and all. They said we can bring whomever we like."
Sirius grinned. "That's perfect! I'd like to visit my cousin. The Blacks have never taken a shine to Arthur because of how he feels about muggles so it's the perfect chance to get to know him better…" He beamed once more. "Boy, would my parents hate that…So what d'you say Andromeda?"
"I'll technically have to 'break up with James' to make him 'single' again before the holidays…As for the trip, my mum would have a fit if I went. Besides, I've been dying to see Ted," Andromeda said wistfully, thinking about Ted.
"But would Lily go if she knew James would be there?" asked Danae.
"I already spoke to Lily about that, "said Remus, "and she thinks that James has things to do with his parents."
"Just have James come a couple days later then all of us. It'll seem rude for her to leave so suddenly." Sirius offered, "And she'll be far away from that twit Diggory," He added, with no small amount of loathe in his voice.
The portrait door swung open once more. Everyone froze. A tired prefect dragged his way in, not noticing the quick flash of a girl disappearing. They waited until they heard a doorknob click shut. Without saying a word, they went back to their dormitories. Andromeda snuck out in the invisibility cloak. They all went to sleep (eventually) with their new plans and problems still swimming in their heads.
ooo
A/N: Sorry for the (very long) wait as well as being patient with me. Classes have been way too demanding. I'm taking Modern Brit Lit, Shakespeare and Englishy classes. I've also taken a Creative Writing class and I'm working with different writing styles. With the release of HBP, I'm been bitten by the writing bug again. With the way things turned out, the teaser for the Chap. 6 is more along the lines of the Chap. 7 & 8. I needed this chapter to clarify and speed up the emotional plot of the story. If you haven't noticed already, my fic is not only the story of James and Lily but of all the Marauders and how they ended up where they are now. The next couple chappies will be more plot. Expect Christmas with the newlywed Weasleys, also the sad history of Severus Snape and a sort of showdown with Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa and Bellatrix Black versus Sirius and Andromeda Black. Till then!
Thanks to all my reviewers, you've inspired this chapter along more than you know. Also thanks to Maroon 5 for "Secret;" The Killers for "The Ballad of Michael Valentine;" Franz Ferdinand for "Tell Her Tonight;" and other songs that helped.