Disclaimer: I own none of the guys in this story, hot or otherwise.
DragonDaughter17: Yes, king sized is good. Lancelot? That was random...
…: Uh, Yeah. If I knew who you were, then I would try to explain my reasoning to not picking you…
Ara Goddess of the Broken: Yes! Huzzah for plot-ness! Hmmm… I'll try to work that in somewhere…
I Estel vinta amarbarenna lomeo O Duath: Cah, your name is long. I just wasn't sure what had happened.
Anotherblastedromantic: Thank you! I enjoy it much. Do you mean virginity? (gets whacked upside the head by muse) Ow! Sorry. I question my own sanity sometimes. (grins stupidly)
Aussiesportstar: Thank you very much! Oo, I feel special… Well, I have read all of your stories, and who knows, I might just be following you. (wiggles fingers at you) Woogly woogly woo… Okay I'll stop. Yes, a plot. My first real plot in fanfiction, other than the MS parody, 'cause my friend gets credit for that plot. Ooo, I hope you have fun! But wait, isn't 12 months a long way off? Oh well… Well, Jack is with Ella, you have Legolas, and as for Elladan and Elrohir… I think I know where they are, but I'm not saying yet. It will come up later.
Hey, ow! Stop it, you mean little thing! Ah! Evil! Ow, stop biting! That's it, I'm getting a canning jar!
"Heedley foo…" The little green creature said, pathetically.
No, if you can't behave, you are going in the jar.
"Heedley-" His voice is cut off as Sara puts a large canning jar over him, then flips it over and secures the top, then sets it next to her.
There. Hey, Aus, would you mind coming and collecting him? I'm running out of Band-Aids and Neosporin.
Okay, just a note, I use 'The Iliad' spellings, as translated by Robert Fitzgerald
Akhilleus Achilles etc…
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"Think we should get some new recruits?" Aus asked.
"Yeah, that could be helpful against a fleet of Greek warships." Sgt. Major Keira said. She walked back inside and sat down at the laptop. "Any suggestions?"
"How about Hektor?" Eruanne suggested, elbowing Paris in the ribs.
"Alright," She typed in 'Hector, Prince of Troy, appeared in the room next to Paris.' When she hit enter, an error message popped up:
Unable to retrieve requested data.
"Unable to… What?" Aragorn said, confused.
"Try Hektor with a 'k'." Paris suggested. She changed it, but got the same error message.
"Try Roland from the 'Dark Tower' series." Legolas suggested. Everybody looked at him. "What?"
"You know who Roland is?" Ella asked.
"Of course. It's a great series. Make sure to specify him from the Gunslinger." Sgt. Major Keira turned back to the screen. It was a good thing he said that, because a gunslinger missing his first two fingers on his 'smart' hand would do less good than if he had them all.
"Hello, there." Ara said, turning. Roland looked around at all of the faces staring at him.
"Get him up to speed, Ara, we still need more help." She turned back to the laptop.
Now, Sara pictures him as looking a bit like Aragorn, mainly the hair. Of course, he was wearing jeans, a black button up shirt, boots, and his two guns with the extra rounds. Ara got him caught up, and understanding as much as possible about what got him here and what was happening.
"Guys, I want you to go back there," Sgt. Major Keira said, waving back towards the couches. "for these ones. I'm not sure how they would react to you, possibly violently. Girls, I want you to sit around here."
Drizzt Do'Urden, Artemis Entreri, and Jarlaxle were next. Sgt. Major Keira had seen their names in an unposted fanfiction document of Sara's.
Jarlaxle was the most calm. He was wearing heavy boots, bark pants, a short vest showing his sexy (had to, sorry (grins)) abs, a multi-colored, shimmering cape, an eye patch (though he wasn't missing an eye), several rings, necklaces, two wands in his belt, and a purple hat with a large feather in it. The only sign of aggression he showed was fingering one of his throwing daggers as he pulled the brim of his hat a bit lower over his eyes against the light.
Entreri and Drizzt were both wearing non-descript (meaning the authoress doesn't feel like looking it up, and is doubtful if R.A. Salvatore described it sufficiently anyway) pants, soft boots, shirts, and chain mail. Drizzt had a dark green, fur lined cloak, while Entreri's was too dark to be able to tell if it was blue, green, or brown.
"Is this another one of your tricks, Jarlaxle?" Entreri asked, jeweled dagger and saber drawn, in a ready crouch. Drizzt also had his twin scimitars drawn and ready.
All they saw was five girls wearing forest camo pants, black boots, and fitted black t-shirts. One of them had a laptop on her lap, though they didn't know what it was of course, with a Civil War Union slouch hat on her head and a whip in her belt. (just put Civil War Union Slouch Hat in Google images, and you will find it, should be the first one there) She seemed the biggest threat, but wasn't making any moves. One of her wrists was wrapped up, anyway.
"No, I did nothing to cause this." Jarlaxle said.
"Dark Elves." Legolas whispered. They all spun around to see five men and one Elf dressed as the girls were lounging on the couches, and one resting his forearms on the top of the wall at the stairs. (A/N: Drizzt and Jarlaxle are dark Elves, a.k.a., drow, Entreri is human)
"How do you know all this?" Will questioned.
"I read." It was then that they noticed that the three on that couch all looked like brothers. Two looked like identical twins, and the blonde one looked like an older brother.
After they had been debriefed- uh, both told about the mission and… ahem, changed- and Jarlaxle had been given a pair of wraparound sunglasses, they were all standing at attention outside in the parking lot.
The girls were all equipped with steel toed and heeled boots and brass knuckles, as they were pretty sure it would come to blows and most of their enemies were most likely going to be male, hint hint. The Boys of the group were all equipped with their respective weapons.
"Why am I not allowed to have my cape?" Jarlaxle asked.
"No capes!" Sgt. Major Keira barked at him. "No cloaks either. They could get sucked into an airplane engine." Nobody dared to point out that they would not be going anywhere near any airplanes.
"Sara has been kidnapped." She continued, adopting a German accent. "You vill succeed in returning her, ja? Und you vill not fail!" She accented 'fail' with a crack of her whip, making everyone jump a bit.
444 Let's see just what happed to Sara, shall we?
Sara woke up propped up against what she later found out to be the inside hull of a Greek warship. When she looked up, she accidentally looked up Akilleus' man-skirt. It was like a train wreck; you know you don't want to see what's there, but you can't help yourself or look away.
Her head and ankle hurt. What happened? Oh, the pool, right. But her head… Well…
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She had her arm over Paris' (not again) shoulders, and he had his arm around her waist. Her sprained ankle prevented her from walking properly. Predictably, it was her left ankle. Her mom had done something to her left ankle, and her dad had done something to his lower left leg, and both had ended up in shoe-booties. The left side family curse.
They heard something behind them, and turned around. Sara was immediately hit on the head with the butt of Akilleus sword, wielded by his little gay concubine- I mean, Patróklos.
Scott Evil caught her under the arms from behind. Paris screamed like a little school girl and ran. Boromir hauled her off like a sack of potatoes.
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Oh.
"Get up." Akilleus ordered. She looked up at him, dazed. His face was grave.
"I sprained my ankle, can I have some help?" He reached down and took her by the wrist and hauled her up easily.
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"Are there sharks in the bay?" Aus asked.
"Yes." Eruanne said. Aus cursed under her breath. They would be fine, as… as long as the boats didn't tip.
They had four motorboats, and were launching them into the bay, from the beach. The few people who were there were watching them with a mixture of curiosity and fear.
In the lead boat was Sgt. Major Keira, Van Helsing (who was manning the motor), Roland and Drizzt. The Sgt. Major was at the bow, looking rather like George Washington crossing the Delaware.
Eruanne, Aragorn (motor boy), Aus, and Legolas were in the next boat. Aus was holding onto the edge of the bow, looking into the water. Well, trying, at least. The water wasn't very clear.
Next came Ella, Jack (motor boy), Ara and Will.
In the last boat was Jarlaxle (motor…drow), Entreri, and Paris. That was an interesting combination.
First, they had to get past the breakers. It was, literally, a stomach turning experience. More than few bottom dwellers were fed that afternoon.
A bit later, Paris sat nervously, as far away from Entreri as physically possible. Entreri, in turn, had his arms crossed over his chest, eyeing Paris in a rather bored way.
"What is wrong with you?' Entreri asked.
"Th- they have my girl. I intend to get her back." Paris responded.
"Your daughter?"
"Uh, no. My-"
"Do you have such lack of respect for women that you think they belong to you?" Entreri stated bluntly. Paris just gaped at him, thinking he might not be as bad as he first thought.
"Uh- well, I- um," He stuttered, then fell silent and looked away. Jarlaxle was grinning widely behind his sunglasses, and had been since the conversation had started.
There were shouting voices coming from one of the ships. They made their way a quietly as they could –considering they were in motor boats (sticks tongue out and blows a raspberry, laughs)- over to the side of the ship, staying as out of sight as they could.
Roland tied a rope to the outboard motor, then tossed it to the next boat, where Jack tied it to his outboard motor, then Aragorn tied it to his, and last to the boys in boat four. Entreri tied it securely to their motor.
"We need that notebook!" It was Akilleus' voice, and he didn't sound pleased.
"What notebook?"
"That's Sara." Paris whispered excitedly. Legolas shushed him.
"How am I supposed to know, I don't know how many you have."
Jarlaxle made a motion to the others, and pointed to a large hole in the side of the ship, and slipped through, rope in hand.
"I could have sworn that wasn't there a second ago." Aus said, as they all followed him in.
"Everyone in? Good." He tied a knot in the end of the rope, and took back his portable hole.
"I want one of those." Aus said, understanding.
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Drizzt, Entreri, and Jarlaxle are from R. A. Salvatore's Forgotten Realms series.