Disclaimer: The plot is a standard heroic journey. Not that special. The characters belong to their respective creators, the girls belong to themselves, and I own me. So all you copyright lawyers may kindly piss off.
Mousewolf: (growls back) Yay! Somebody besides Aus thinks I'm funny!
Enigmagirl2727: It's okay. I take no offence. (grins) Okay, I have to admit, the last round of fangirls was really just who I felt like putting in there. I was using my logic. Be afraid. Be very, afraid. Um, the, uh, new four, were um, simply, new recruits. (cough)
Tera Earth: That's okay, at least you do review. At the beginning of the chapter, I put that I was using the Robert Fitzgerald spellings. I never said that Paris was on the ship. They were eavesdropping on the conversation on deck. And, no, I'm not taking more fangirls, sorry.
Aussiesportstar: Okay, this is getting kinda creepy. I think Elladan and Elrohir are in this chapter. And yes you may. I can put some of that stuff in there, sounds interesting. Fair trade off. Well, I think you sort of get the short end of the stick, unless you can get Drake to behave. I sure can't. (overnight's the jar to you)
Lady Nicole Potter: That's okay. Sometimes the alerts can be stupid. I figured it would be approprate to put you in charge, as you are Sergeant Keira. Yeah, the German part made me laugh, too. If you go to my website, I have a list of the R. A. Salvatore books. There are a lot of authors that do Forgotten Realms, so be sure to get the R. A. Salvatore ones. JARLAXLE IS MINE! (cough) Sorry. (laughs)
Just a bit of background about drow, I feel it is sort of necessary. Drow, as a race, are evil and bloodthirsty. Drizzt and Jarlaxle, though, aren't standard drow. They actually care. Drow live underground, and have white hair, and black skin. Jarlaxle, however, shaves his head.
4444444444444
"Ow! That was my foot!"
"Sorry, but it's dark in here."
"Who ever is touching my butt had better remove their hand or I will do it for them." Entreri said, and the hand was removed. "Thank you."
There was a crash, and somebody said, "I didn't do it!" and was immediately shushed by everyone.
"Aus, you have got to try and be at least a bit more quiet." Legolas said.
Up on deck, Akhilleus and others heard crashes, bangs, clunks, and a lot of other noises coming from below decks. There were also curses in several different languages, one of which made Elladan and Elrohir blush a deep red.
"Kolsen'shea orbb!" Came a cry from below. Nobody understood it, as it was drow for 'pull the legs off a spider', an act punishable by death. Hektor heard a curse or two in Greek, and then there were many in nearly every conceivable dialect of English.
Akhilleus looked at the others and nodded towards the door leading down to where all the noise was coming from. Count Dracula, Haldir, Indiana Jones, Boromir and Faramir got up, grumbling slightly, and proceeded down to see who was making all the noise.
"I'll give you one last chance." Akilleus said in a low voice. "Where is the notebook?" Sara then did what any sixteen-year-old girl would do when confronted with a confusing situation with no prior warning. She started to cry. Hard.
"You made her cry, dogface!" Hektor said. Even he knew that you can't get any information from a crying girl. "You stupid sack of wine." He added, more quietly.
"Don't cry, please don't cry anymore. Come on." Draco Malfoy said. He knelt next to Sara and put a hand on her shoulder.
"I never didn't know you knew how to treat girls, Malfoy." Harry Potter said, leaning back in his chair.
"Well I do. If it means that I don't have to," he paused, trying to find adequate words to express his disgust. "touch you ever again in those disgusting fan fictions, I will do it." Harry shuddered at the memories. It was pretty bad.
There was an obscure war cry from below decks, and Indiana came up, holding his bleeding nose. Then there were some strange, slapping sounds in rapid succession.
"Fish!" Someone shouted, and they all came running back out.
"Artemis! Don't you dare kill him!" A moment later, a rather sheepish looking Boromir came out.
"We will kill all of your friends, then take the notebook and kill you." Akilleus said to Sara. She started crying even harder, and wrapped her arms around Draco's neck.
"I don't know what multi-verse you are from, but what you are doing is the opposite of help." Draco said. Akilleus looked absolutely bewildered. Maybe women from this time and place were different from those of his one time and place.
"Pray for mercy from Ella," Ella said, holding a gun that looked like a cross between a machine gun and a Super Soaker. "with fish!" She shot out randomly, hitting Commodore Norrington, Inspector Abberline and Dr. Evil. The ones that came towards Edward Scissorhands were instantly cut into filets.
There was mass confusion for a few minutes, in which several of the men fell to the deck holding their… ahem, parts. Suddenly, it all stopped.
"Alright," Harry said, breathing hard. "If you won't give us the notebook, maybe you can just do us one favor, and get rid of all of those disgusting slash stories."
"Slash stories? Akilleus said they could get rid of all my so called daughters." Haldir said.
"I was told my hundreds of self proclaimed sisters and girlfriends." Scott Evil added.
"I was told of world domination." Dr. Evil had to add his two cents.
"Daughters and 'true loves', despite the fact I'm married with a son." Hektor said. Inspector Abberline had the same experience, as did Indiana Jones.
"Twincest, as I believe it has been called." Elladan said. Elrohir nodded.
"More brides than I can shake a stick at." Count Dracula added. "And, of course, daughters, which is impossible."
"My mind is unclean!" Faramir yelled, clawing at his head and trying to cleanse his mind's eye of his own slash experiences and those unfortunately described. Boromir shifted slightly with a disgusted look on his face.
Akilleus shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and was suddenly very interested in the planking on the deck.
"You are the commander of trash, Akilleus! You cannot trick people into fighting for you!" Paris said. Sara was still crying, but was now in Paris' arms. "Also, you have to treat women gently. That's why I got all the action while you got a woman as a gift from your army." Sara hit his on the arm and mumbled something at him. "I would not shag a hole in a barbershop floor!" She mumbled something else. "I am not a horny bugger!"
"Okay, I have a better idea…" Sgt. Major Keira interjected.
444
"Alright, here we go." Ara said. "We, the fanfiction writers of the world, agree to reduce, tone down, and generally obliterate nasty slash, Mary-Sues, and general bad writing from the 'net, and use it for parodies only." She read off. "And we, the commonly OOC-ed characters of said movies, books, and other forms of free speech agree to not kill the said writers, expect in cases of extreme need." The living room of the house was pretty full, with most of the people sitting on the floor.
"So basically," Eruanne said. "We will only write slash and Mary-Sues so over the top that they cannot be taken seriously, and you can only kill repeat offenders that refuse to comply with the set rules."
"Any questions?" Aus asked. There was a general consensus of no. Sara had fallen asleep on Paris. If she hadn't, she would be conducting most of the peace negotiations.
Ella typed up a copy on the computer, while everybody signed the original document. Sara woke up briefly to scribble her name.
When Ella hit the save button, there was a general feeling of relief. It seemed to them as if the memories were distant, like a half-remembered dream, than actual actions.
444
The men that were on the ships were all sent home, with an assurance of much reduced instances of bad fanfiction, though of course nothing could guarantee total obliteration. There was always an iota of chance that nobody would pay attention to the treaty, and those that signed it signed it on behalf of all the other that were not present.
Roland and Drizzt were sent back at their request, but Jarlaxle and Artemis stayed because they were just too awesome. Sara was put to bed, as she was already sleeping on Paris.
It was getting a bit late by the time all this was accomplished, so Artemis and Jarlaxle were given sleeping bags and slept in the large walk in closet in the master bedroom. The closet was separated into a sort of 'his and hers' closets, so each got one side.
Unfortunately, they were all –Jarlaxle, Artemis, and Paris- woken up around midnight when Sara was puking her guts up.
444
About fifteen minutes later, Sara, Artemis and Aus were sitting in the ER. Paris had woken Aus up, as she was the only one with a low enough blood alcohol ratio to drive. He had wanted to go, but Aus told him about rabid fangirls, so Artemis was elected to go. Jarlaxle's white eyebrows may have raised a few questions.
"Oh, I should call my mom," Sara said. Her voice was thick with sleep still. Getting her cell phone out, she dialed.
"Hi, is Peggy there? Okay. Hi mom. I'm in the ER. I hit my head. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Icky. Hurt my ankle, too. Okay. No, one of my friends drove me down. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, bye."
"Well?" Artemis asked.
"Well what? I called her up in Labor and Delivery." The receptionist called her up then, took her blood pressure, asked the relation to her of Aus and Artemis, and sent her to a room.
Amazingly, they weren't too busy, and a doctor came in fairly quickly.
"So, what happened, exactly?" The doctor asked.
"I hurt my ankle and I hit my head." It came out as more of a slow, slurred "Ah hur' mah ancle an' ah hi' mah head."
"I see." He said, sounding unconvinced.
"We jumped into a pool, and she landed too shallow." Aus piped in.
"And her head?"
"Patróklos hit me with the hilt of Akilleus' sword." Sara told him. Aus was looking at the sink, trying to find out how you turned it on. There were no knobs.
"Uh, huh." He looked to Artemis. Aus waved her hand under the faucet, but there was no motion detector.
"I wasn't there. I can't tell you what happened. She wasn't either." He said, nodding to Aus.
"Woah!" Aus said. There were two pedals in front of the sink on the floor. When she stepped on one, the water had come out. "That's cool." She said, grinning like a maniac. Sara giggled stupidly. Artemis stood there with his hands behind his back, one eyebrow raised slightly.
"Did she hit her head too?" The doctor asked.
"No. She is always like that." Aus was trying to play a song with the two pedals. Futile, yes, but she was making a valiant effort. She got something going that resembled a waltz.
444
Sara was confined to crutches for a few weeks, and had a concussion. Most of the next day was spent watching TV and giggling at it, eating some light food, and sleeping.
44444444444
Sorry it took so long to update. I'm a bad girl. But I made this chapter nice and long. School started, and I'm taking American Sign Language, Honors American Lit, Chemistry, Algebra 2, US History, and Choir.
Oh! And Aus! I updated my website! It has more pictures and I put that fanfiction for LoTR up! AND, in one of our choir songs, the second sopranos have a repeating line of "Gracing us, guarding us, healing us…" We have issues with sounding very American and singing "UHs", and I always think "Gracing Aus, guarding Aus, healing Aus…" It's funny…