2. Potter Caves in
They had been sitting in the Headmaster's office for an hour and a half now, talking about many things, but more often in silence.
Harry Potter had been ordered to see the Headmaster almost on a daily basis for a couple of weeks by now, on the pretext of being able to talk about his past fighting experiences, but in truth, and that much was obvious, rather to be worked by Dumbledore to resume Occlumency lessons with Snape. So far, he had refused to recognize the request, for a request it still was at the moment, and had evaded the subject whenever he could.
Albus Dumbledore had pressed on Harry each time that they'd met up here: trying to bait him with the offer to tell the tale of his Potions Professor's turning and, along with that, parts of the life stories of his parents and Sirius, if only small parts though, as he'd added. The condition to that offer was to be Harry's renewed and honest effort to learn Occlumency, and his agreement to pick up those lessons with Professor Snape. The boy had not seemed overly interested; his distrust of Snape was obvious even though he'd had to agree that the man had saved his life on more than one occasion.
Every now and then, the Headmaster tried to pick up the subject again, only to be met with either stubborn silence, or a refusal that, while being less impressively staged than the Potions master's, was not a bit less resolved and settled.
Harry often felt tired after those meetings, even though they mostly were highly informative in many respects and he found that he still enjoyed Albus Dumbledore's presence. He wondered how the Headmaster now found time to chat idly with a boy like him, but admitted to himself that he fully understood that the old man wanted to make good to him as well, even if that was rather an afterthought, and only a part of his aims.
Dumbledore found himself in the difficult position of having to sell something that the other side to the deal did not conceive of needing or wanting. He had, in his turn, been vague and short in his answers to questions about Sirius and Harry's parents – something the old wizard did not feel good about at all, but this was so very important...
Had the story on offer been about his parents, or Sirius, in the main part, young Potter would not have hesitated to promise to do menial tasks, or whatever else was demanded, the Headmaster was sure. He had not felt like lying to the boy, though. No more disappointments, no more hidden plans – he'd sworn that to himself.
Occasionally, Albus Dumbledore sighed.
It was only the last part of his demand though that raised Harry's hackles. While now, after the events at the Ministry, Harry was sure that he'd do good to learn these Arts, he was not at all of the opinion that it needed to be with Professor Snape, and he'd said so every time the conversation got to that point.
Wouldn't it be punishment enough if he had to listen to his most hated Professor's life story?
Why couldn't Dumbledore teach him if he could interview him each and every day?
The Headmaster had explained that, for each of their meetings, his room was secured by strong wards against any attempt of intrusion, be it by Lord Voldemort or other persons, but that those were but a temporal protection which took a lot of effort and strength. This included not looking into Harry Potter's eyes for any length of time, which made the conversation awkward and robbed the Headmaster of much of his efficiency. He'd worn Muggle sunglasses during the first few meetings. This had made Harry giggle and relax, but done nothing to impress the seriousness of the task on the boy. Quite the opposite, Harry had mumbled things about an old rock band whose members looked just like that… Also, the old wizard had disliked the discolouring of his vision, and given up on this course of action.
Any attempt to teach Harry might disturb the wards, they being magically related to the Art of Occlusion, and as lessons advanced, Harry's progress and, by that, the familiarity with the Headmaster's mind, growing in the process by necessity, would be Lord Voldemort's progress, too, until Harry was fully able to block him out.
What disturbed Harry most about it all was that, if he ever agreed to the Headmaster's propositions, he by inference might eventually be familiar with, or have an affinity to, Snape's mind...
Harry was offered the opportunity to leave his thoughts with Dumbledore in the Pensieve after each meeting. He never took the Headmaster up on that offer.
All of this meant, furthermore, that Harry must not be late. Being late would make him vulnerable.
So far, it seemed that the resistance Professor Snape had put up against Dumbledore's demand had equalled his own, which was a relief to Harry.
What was more, the whole thing seemed to have the advantage of being ignored by Snape most of the time during lessons. Not that that helped as much as one should think it would... He'd been paired with Neville Longbottom a lot lately, which was a punishment in itself, regardless of his liking and sympathies for the plump boy. If it wasn't Neville's clumsiness that did them in, it was the Slytherins' attentions. The boy seemed to attract their hexes, jinxes, and jokes like a magnet, the more so now that Harry was working with him and could be harmed by inference.
Harry spent large parts of each lesson deflecting nasty attempts to hex them, or to destroy their potions. He was proud of being rather effective in defending himself and the weaker boy without Snape noticing, or taking points off Gryffindor. Harry marked a slow but steady increase of the agressivity and meanness of the attacks over time. It was as if the perpetrators were practicing, and advancing – which they most likely were. He somehow suspected the Potions master to be behind that and, considering this, found Dumbledore's demands to trust Snape ridiculous.
Today, the Headmaster had welcomed him cheerfully, asked about Fred and George Weasley, and shaken his head about the antics Harry reported. Harry was owling them on an almost daily basis. He'd taken to try and convince them to return to school where they would be needed to keep Snape at bay, as he'd put it one time, and the twins were becoming exasperated by his attempts.
They chatted a bit about the jokes they were spared those days.
After offering tea, cookies, and lemon drops as usual, the old wizard casually leaned back.
"I've got good news for you: I've convinced Severus Snape to agree to tell you his story – if you choose to agree to the conditions mentioned."
Harry paled. "You mean to say I've got to take Occlumency with him, and he'll tell me... But I just CAN'T! He's insulting me all the time, and..."
Harry fell silent again, frozen by that terrible idea. He'd rather write lines for Umbridge again!
"No, no, my boy – the Professor flatly refused to have anything to do with the telling, but reluctantly agreed to let me do that, trusting me to do it the right way, with the help of his memories in the Pensieve; and if you manage to convince him that you'll respect his privacy in the future – as far as lessons allow, that is –, he might consent to teach you again."
Harry exhaled audibly, exasperated. Was Dumbledore kidding him? What if he refused? No, he'd not be spared in any case, this time…
Albus Dumbledore regarded him with something close to pity.
"Harry – you know I am really sorry to put you through all this, and no boy or man should be forced to sacrifice his life like that, but it can't be helped!
"Yet, I still can't teach you myself. As I told you I feared it would, it has turned out to be too dangerous by far – for both of us. Yet you direly need such self-protection as Occlumency offers! I won't have you unprotected when facing Lord Voldemort once more, and I can't do anything about it. You yourself must, in this case, overcome an aversion that is downright self-destructive! You will have to apologize to Professor Snape for watching his memories..."
Harry scowled.
"You do agree with me, Harry, that Fred and George Weasley are behaving stupid in not returning to school, now that there are no obstacles to finishing their education any more... You even wrote them as much, all by yourself, or so you told me. That was not at my bidding, or Molly Weasley's either, if we both agreed heartily, and to no avail yet, right?"
Harry could see what was coming, but nodded anyway.
"You will agree then, my boy, that your own actions concerning the resumption of your lessons with Professor Snape are no less irrational and even silly?"
"Well, yes..."
"You HAVE to take up Occlumency with Professor Snape again, if we are, ever again, to speak freely, or I, to look in your eyes. I, who should teach you, can't do that, for obvious reasons. You yourself came to tell me I shouldn't, after summer holidays.
"There's no-one within our reach who is anywhere near a match to your Potions Professor in these Arts, or has his kind of experience, the latter of which might turn out to be much more important than mastery of the craft alone. So, there's only him anyway, sooner or later, depending on your advance in the field.
"As for his story, it is important that you know such facts as there are. Nothing else can make you understand how Severus Snape became the man he is now and, more specifically, WHAT he is today.
"I am sorry, Harry, but you have proven to be too important in our fight by your... connection to Lord Voldemort to be spared this.
"You must try, at least, to make up with Professor Snape! I told him as much, see?
"Only then, after your honest attempt, shall I begin tell you his story, with his grudging consent. By acquainting you with his past, I shall try to force him and you both to work together in confidence, to establish a working relation at least, if nothing else – you must learn to trust and rely on each other! You will have to fight side by side eventually, quite regardless of what either of you, or I, might wish for.
"And Lord Voldemort must never gather any of this!"
Harry's assent came as a surprise to himself, but he did not see any use in arguing further. This had gone on for weeks. He was sure that the Headmaster was ready to force those things on him. Snape had apparently caved in, losing him his major defence, and whenever grown-ups decided upon things, there was only the question of when and how they'd be carried out. By his assent right now, he'd keep a small influence on that…
While Dumbledore was basically right, this still was some sort of blackmail. Harry was aware of it, but it could not be helped. Neither was such procedure anything new to him. Harry did not expect fairness anymore from the Headmaster. Also, he'd learned that knowledge came at a price; a high price, at times.
Albus Dumbledore had not been able to order either his Potions master or his student in this matter, so he'd found different ways to get his will. And he'd done it again.
Also, Harry simply had to know more about the events that had led up to things being what they were. He felt a desperate need to know more about his parents... his godfather... to place them within the world that he knew, and not somewhere isolated in the vacuum of his affections. The price had been too high, so far, but the space for negotiations suddenly had vanished. Well, maybe, there'd even be an explanation somewhere why and how things had become so pressing...
"Are we agreed, then? If we are, we can start right away on the preliminaries."
Harry nodded, unhappily, but decided.
"At first, permit me to state some facts about Professor Snape. After that, I believe it to be best, Harry, if you'd go ahead and ask all you feel you need to know. I might not be able to answer all of your questions, but I promise I'll do what I can.
"So, for your Potions master. While there might be a small measure of envy of some sort to his feelings, I know for sure that that is not what drives him where you are concerned. There's a strong aversion against your father that is, I believe, not entirely unfounded."
Harry blushed. Did Dumbledore know? How much did he know?
"Severus Snape would never accept to be made a hero because he survived a crushing event by sheer accident or luck, and still less so because of a deed that he neither planned nor even remembered – but on the other hand, he seems unable to gather that there's not always a choice or a way of evading unbidden acclaim.
"I told him over and again that having your parents killed and being famous in return was never your choice nor wish, but he still seems to prefer to think that you are a spoilt child and revel in the popularity anyway. Your father James very likely would have, at your age..."
Somehow, Harry could not be angry anymore about those things: neither the disrespectful reference to his father or being called a boy, nor the insulting assumption that he was preening himself with achievements that had cost other people's lives. It was just too silly, wasn't it?
He sighed, resignedly. No-one was perfect, not even Dumbledore, as he had had to find out painfully, and those people he loved might not be worthy of his love. Yet by such inference, neither were he or Snape. And, by inference too, people he did not love might at least deserve respect…
But then, love just could not be a matter of deserving it, like trust was. Even Harry himself had friends who'd professed care, and had proved it. Love and caring were things that just happened, or should happen in any case, like children loving their parents, or relatives, and parents loving their children back, or like he loved Sirius – and nobody, probably, loved Snape.
There was no pity in him on that thought, just some sort of dull pain that some things must exist.
He sighed.
"So that's what he thinks... That nothing of what I have done is owed, or the effect of, a strength of my own, but is all owed to my mother's love? And that I revel in the fame of my undeserved survival? As if it mattered – she's dead! That is what matters!"
The pain was palpable to him. He longed for his parents, for the comfort they might give. He would not cry! Harry was not sure whether to be angry or sad about all that, and just hung his head. He felt worn out, and limp like a rag doll. Just a few days ago, he would have shouted at Dumbledore, voicing his pain and anger, and very likely have cried at some point, but something had changed... Maybe the process of being questioned over and again by the Headmaster had worn his rage out, and even dulled the pain.
And at Snape, he'd still rage, if he dared mention anything of the sort.
Harry's thoughts wandered. There were other kinds of love, too, a glimpse of which he'd gotten during the times he'd been so nervous about Cho, and that had frightened him, but he might eventually find out about it...
Dumbledore said: "He liked Lily very much, you see?"
Now that did it! Harry's head flew up to stare at the Headmaster, his eyes an angry emerald green. Albus Dumbledore did not wait for him to speak or shout.
"Also, I am sure that Professor Snape by now has to admit, however grudgingly, that there is great power of your own in you, Harry, and that you are good at many wizarding Arts and Crafts. You have fought valiantly more than once, and the Professor has got to acknowledge that at some point. He might bite back his pride eventually – he will have to, that is; and that is part of the reason why I am doing this to the both of you."
Dumbledore did not say that Snape still, and quite relentlessly, was trying to convince him to be more careful about the boy who, in his words, might have the spirit or power of Voldemort in him – that no-one yet knew what, beyond minor schoolboy mischief and insecurities, would eventually be the real Harry Potter, or his power, or his abilities... After having felt the murderous tug of Harry's eyes on meeting the boy unwarded, the Headmaster could not deny the truth of this consideration.
Yet the mistake had not been in Albus's listening to the Potions master whose overly-careful approach seemed to be the only one adequate to the situation now that Lord Voldemort was back, but in his own handling of the matter, his ineptitude of telling Harry what he had to know, and in due time...
Sirius Black, it seemed, had had to die for the Headmaster to be able to broach the subject: another deadly mistake made, another error of judgement that Harry had had to pay up for...
In connection with the boy, Albus Dumbledore felt how all his superior knowledge, and his capability to handle people came to naught: he could but defile that purity. And if ever Riddle was able to take Harry over, that would be the end of him – of them all. He was defenceless there: Harry Potter was his weak spot, the boy he loved like the son or grandson he'd never have, and mercy on him if he ever got caught there.
Lord Voldemort must not know: just one more reason why he himself could not teach Harry Potter Occlumency.
The boy, however, was strong, and a brave and imaginative fighter as well. He'd just have to let him be, and trust him to make his own way...
Harry was more perceptive, too, than Dumbledore would have granted him for so far. As if picking the thoughts up from the Headmaster's mind, he said: "You wonder whether my powers might be owed, as you yourself had to admit, to Lord Voldemort's attack when I was a baby, to some extent beyond my ability to speak Parseltongue at least, so no-one quite knows what I really am or can do by myself, true? My abilities might belong to the Dark Lord entirely..."
Harry was very angry now, but coldly so. Merlin knew he'd skip all that and have himself obliviated if that would bring his parents back, and not because he was afraid to fight!
"Hm... well observed, Harry..."
Secretly, the Headmaster was taken aback by these words that showed cunning and strategic calculation and, possibly, a self-hate of an extent that no boy of his age should possess – be possessed by. Again, a similarity to young Tom Riddle... and to the Potions master.
In Harry, he felt that the young one hated such thinking, yet knew the considerations to be inescapably true, and a denial of plain facts to do no good at all.
It was eating Harry Potter out, and that must not happen.
"But no, no, no, don't do that, Harry! Try not to turn against yourself like that. None of this is your fault, or your own doing! Getting at yourself in such a manner will only assist the enemy!
"Both of your parents were extraordinarily strong and capable wizards, and nothing that anyone might say changes anything about it!
"Furthermore, Harry, I'd like to state that, however this may be, the aims you put these forces to, wherever they may originate, are very much your own – and you have not ever felt to be too weak to wield your powers, or not to be meant to, have you? Godrick Gryffindor's sword allowed itself to be wielded by you, and that is no weapon for the weak – which is but one example!"
Harry, biting back his constantly increasing anger, considered the question, and found it a surprise.
"No... No, I haven't. I've never even considered that to be possible... I think I am meant to... to do what I did… what I can do."
"You see, Harry? Hence, here you are. And yet you have to be aware of these things, of the doubts about them that may be in others, not only in yourself, and the dangers of it – of your not knowing what is yours and what may not be yours. Some of this power could be inflicted on you from someone outside, or turned around in your hands the moment you need it most or...
"This is knowledge that usually comes to the wizard and witch by experience, after they grown up, say, in the third or fourth decade of their lives, and is a process of learning that lasts a lifetime itself. You need to go through as much of it as you can now, and speedily, while still being a boy… This means hard work, Harry, and is not necessarily healthy – but it might be quintessential to your survival...
"You can't really blame Professor Snape to put his fingers, perceptively, in the wounds that are there. Consider: maybe his sense of duty and the imperative of silence weigh him down heavily, too. He'll never accept a weakness on our side that can be taken care of… We are at war now, Harry."
Harry had never until some time after the fight in the Department of mysteries looked upon himself as being a possible danger to the Order and its task. He'd been in severe doubts after that incident, and felt the need to be alone, to think. He did not want to put his friends in peril by neglect and misjudgement of situations… But he'd never looked at the whole thing really: this was not only about his friends, and he had to admit to himself that he would need advice in the future, in order to avoid mistakes like…
He stopped his train of thoughts at that point. He'd never admitted as much to himself, and so far, it did not even hurt… This was not about guilt, but about the best approach to future action. Things to be done were ahead, and the route was fairly clear.
The old wizard and the young one were silent for some time, companionably listening to the faint whirring sounds of the strange instruments in the Headmaster's office, and to Fawkes who was snoring on his perch. To Harry, everything around him suddenly felt very soothing and familiar, regardless of the heavy thoughts that occupied his mind. He knew that he was about to embark on a journey into the unknown, not only against his lifelong adversary, but into another man's mind, regardless of a strong feeling of anticipation.
There were many questions, and some of them urgent, but one was foremost in his mind still, no matter how many times he'd put it to the Headmaster one way or the other.
"How can I ever trust Sn... Professor Snape, sir? How can I ever be around him without starting to shout at him and hate him? Or, he to shout at me? I know he doesn't want to kill me, and he's even protected me, but he's so... mean!"
They had been discussing this many times, every time they met in fact, in some way or the other, but Harry still was not convinced. No matter that Snape had saved his life right away in his first year, and very likely in the Ministry of Magic, too – he could admit as much to himself sometimes, when anger and pain ran low – but Harry did not like the man, nor did he want to be around him.
He put the issue before the Headmaster again, asking for the proof the old wizard held to be listed.
Albus Dumbledore seemed faintly exasperated this time, but obliged Harry no less. The boy was as trying to his patience as was the Potions master, and as stubborn, but there was no true use ordering them in this matter, even if it had been in his power. He would do that too, but to what avail? He braced himself.
"But, Harry, don't you understand, after all?
"You have to grasp one thing: if I was sure, if I could ever be totally sure that Professor Snape was on our side, Tom Riddle and everyone else would knowhe is. The Dark Lord is not stupid! The really dangerous game that I described and Severus Snape plays, to our benefit I believe, would otherwise be mere play-acting and thus be up real soon! Voldemort is not sure either and, hence, I can never be! We both believe to profit from services rendered; and while, I am sure, the Dark Lord hates this idea as much as I do, neither of us has any choice but to rely on the wily Potions master, each to our own ends. As long as he's useful... Sometimes, that thought even makes me smile...
"Severus Snape gets played, surely, but so do we, by him, the Dark Lord and myself – and then, who can say of himself that he played two of the most powerful wizards the world has seen in generations? That is his attitude, Harry, and not one of deploring one's being a helpless pawn, or a messenger between adversaries.
"You have to understand that this is a game with the cards mostly on the table, or at least the players pretending that they are...
"It takes a lot of strength to do such things, and I happen to know one young man who could learn a lot from that attitude; who I'd like to see profiting from such experience and power, even if no-one around would really wish on him the obligation to do so...
"You are caught in this net, Harry, not in the least because of your own actions.
"Your Potions Professor fills me with awe occasionally, by his brazenness and nerve. His ability to survive, his presence of mind, the boldness of the game he plays... I am sure of him yet cannot ever be... I have to withhold from him what Lord Voldemort must not know, yet will never figure out how much he gleans anyway by merely being around me or the Order, and how much of that he passes on... There's never such a thing as 100 safety in life anyway... Things change, too.
"And both the Dark Lord and I need Professor Snape's considerable abilities as a Potions master.
"Trust, like belief, probably means to rely fully on things one can never know…
"No matter what proof I have, I have no choice but to trust him and rely on him! I am in his hands as much as he is in mine – we are all very much in his hands which, I am sure, he fully realizes, and does appreciate!"
"Enjoy, I bet", Harry muttered, which went unchallenged.
"Snape has to report to Voldemort again now that the Dark Lord has returned, and what he reports has got to make sense, and be of use to the Dark Lord as well! Hence, he HAS to spy on me, and must not merely be told what to hand on, in order for those things to hold water.
"While the major facts appear to be out in the open, this is much like a guessing-game – a bit of catch-me-if-you-can, a pinch of hide-and-seek, some theatrical and mystery role-playing thrown in – only it is no game, but, literally, dead serious: one false step of his will cost us more than just a couple of lives – more than just his own."
Harry was slightly gaping at the Headmaster. Albus Dumbledore was sure to have his undivided attention for once. How was it that this boy, whenever things became really prickly and tough, managed to devote his full attention to matters at hand, and forget his own pain and anger?
"However, there is a variety of excellent reasons for me to trust Professor Snape as far as trust can go, and I will eventually spell them all out for you – if you agree to my proposition. After all, that is what this is about... But for now, let suffice my assessment of the situation and the man.
"See, Harry, I count myself lucky to have a partner and adversary in this maze who has a grasp of strategic concepts and knows how to hold his own, someone who builds in a sensible way, and does not take down at random. When you're as old as I am now one day, you will understand how very rare and precious such a mind as the Potions master's is, and how much in this kind of game of intelligence depends on finding someone who is capable of playing it like that. He has, and usually right away, a most precise assessment of any given situation, by thinking around corners that most other men don't even see before they walk into them. Neither will many put their own concerns aside in the necessary way – and in the case of Professor Snape, I have to show you, and you alone, my boy, why that is.
"Very much depends on your aptitude, though I am sure of that. But can you handle it? Are you willing to participate in all this consciously, or would you rather prefer being a pawn for as long as that can last? We can't have you jumping in from the wings crying wolf over and again, or hexing, or even protecting, people at random. There are choices to be made and tracks to be laid. Things must be considered in advance and plans be followed through, as long as they are promising. You, Harry, have to understand how to work against the Dark Lord efficiently, instead of making that an adventure every time. I am sorry that there's no childhood really for you, Harry…"
An impatient wave of hand stopped the old wizard.
"You've made me a pawn yourself, sir, if I may..."
"Yes, my boy, you may, and I am sorry for that – it has turned out to be a great mistake not to let you know earlier. I am fully aware of that, and will not have it made an issue!
"But, mind you," – here, Albus Dumbledore lifted a slender index – "letting you know will not have changed a thing…"
He eyed Harry warily, but the boy didn't seem to object but to consider the issue seriously.
"You will, and I am sure of that, still find the full truth, the facts, hard to take in... Any grown man would...
"This may all sound harsh, Harry, but as much as I would like to, I cannot eliminate you from the map and hide you in some quiet, sunny children's home to enjoy some years in peace and grow up undisturbed, or confine your actions to the school and the curriculum – you have given ample proof of that. I do not wish to belittle the tremendous victories you have achieved along the way, but it is time now for orchestrated and more careful action.
"The Order acts upon the need to know – while you are too young to be a member by Order regulations, that cannot be helped: you, being a major player, need to know a lot.
"It was no easy decision for me to be frank with you in that way; after all, you are a boy" – Harry made to protest, but a raised slender hand forbade any interruption – "just a boy, and still a boy, of merely sixteen years, and will lose your innocence, and probably your life by this... What is more, the adversary has, on occasions, a kind of control over you…
"I shall never cease to feel guilty about drawing you into all this, notwithstanding it being obvious that my major fault so far has been the lack of communication with you... We shall take care of that at least presently."
This sounded like a threat after the words he'd just listened to, and the Headmaster's voice sounded uncommonly hard, but Harry was all rapt attention. He was being accepted by those people as a player in his own right!
"I'll try and show you other aspects still, though.
"As for my trusting Severus Snape – see, Harry – for one, there are his memories of his times as a Death Eater in the Pensieve, as a token of this trust, which is the most explicit reason there can be, as you will come to see – a very strong token this is, as I believe you will understand eventually!"
Harry nodded, rubbing his eyes. He was beginning to feel tired – this had been a most intense communication so far.
"Then, there were several tests with Veritaserum, all of which turned out to my full satisfaction. The man to resist its effects still has to be found, be he a Potions master or not. Even Lord Voldemort would have to speak his true mind under its influence.
"There are, though, more reasons for me to trust him – while those already given are, to me, fully sufficient – more of them will be revealed to you in due time in course of the story that I am to tell if you choose to agree to taking up lessons with the Professor again, and prove it.
"One of the other reasons, I had to promise Professor Snape not to reveal to anyone as it concerns his family alone, but you might trust that it holds water as well. Also, this reason is not relevant to your understanding of his person, or the turn of events, and entirely marginal to present goings-on. My knowledge of it is just another..." – Dumbledore sighed – "well, hold that I have over him, just in case. It is not up to me to tell his story beyond what he permits – which goes quite far already. You will come to realise that as well.
"He need not have told me of any of those things, nor confess that he was a Death Eater... Those are reasons for trust of themselves...
"Professor Snape is now a bitter and hard man, as you well know. But you see, even he was in love once. I am sure... she would never have wanted him to be bitter, but he is as fearless today, or even more so if that is possible at all, as in his younger years when he defied the Marauders single-handedly. He does not care for his life at all anymore – you will know soon enough why that is.
"Severus Snape wants revenge, still, on her torturers and murderers... If it was a Death Eater who did what Lord Voldemort ordered, Snape should have to be friendly with him, even grateful – if not for the mess... to keep cover.
"The Professor went almost mad over that..."
Harry was puzzled. What was this about? He was sure, though, that Dumbledore told him what he did to make him comply with his demands out of curiosity. He'd consented already, as far as that was up to him, and resigned himself to eventually find out who that 'she' had been. He was not curious at all right now.
"That is, as you will learn, still another aspect of the game that involves Severus Snape. So, again, in short, I trust him. I wish you'd trust me enough to leave it at that..."
Dumbledore looked at Harry in an almost pleading manner, and Harry felt very close to saying that of course he did trust, and wanted to spare the Headmaster what obviously was an ordeal to him, but at the same time, his anger whispered that Albus Dumbledore had not spared him either, and that he just HAD TO KNOW in order to not be visited by gnawing doubts later.
Before he could say anything to that end, Dumbledore continued:
"I repeat: I do very much desire you to take up Occlumency lessons with Professor Snape again. I can't order you to, and pleading or demands seem to be to no avail, hence I will have to convince you no matter how long that may take.
"You might be able to imagine, Harry, that the Professor cares about as much as you do about getting closer, but I feel the none of us will have a choice in such petty matters eventually, so I am trying to build bridges before it is too late to meet the necessary preparations. You and he will have to fight side by side Yet presently, it is obvious that either of you would turn against the other, even in the presence of Lord Voldemort.
"And I will not have that."
The old wizard stopped and, for the fraction of a second, stared at the boy before him.
"Please, Harry, do try to understand – let me repeat: I MUST not know for sure whether I can trust Professor Snape! I have to treat him as if I did nevertheless, and I must not forget these facts! In this way, no lies have to be told... I trust him as far as trust goes, in a situation like this. You do understand the danger and the advantages in that, do you, now?"
"Yes... I think..." Harry said slowly, knowing well that he would need time indeed to appreciate that all he'd just heard, and that he'd been given a grand view of events he was not sure he'd really enjoy looking closer at. That was quite something to digest before bed!
"Very good, very good – that kind of strategic understanding will be direly needed... – Do you think, Harry, that Miss Granger would comprehend that, too?"
"Er.. Sure, she put... Of course, Professor – you've got to tell her all of this! Now!"
Dumbledore smiled at Harry's sudden agitated eagerness. A mere boy again, for a moment... Otherwise, he'd taken it all rather well, today.
"She put what...?"
Harry smiled back. He had been about to mention Hermione catching Rita Skeeter in a bottle, but said instead: "The interview in the Quibbler – Hermione arranged it, surely you know that? Whatever good it did us in the end... She is very strategic! I will send her to see you right away! And later, tell her what I may tell of your – of Professor Snape's story..."
"But not tonight, please, Harry, will you! It is rather late, do go to bed – sleep, if you can, as I hope. We both need it. I guess you've got homework to do, too – you should run right now; and I've got things to take care of as well.
"Tell her to drop by one of the next days in the afternoon, or after dinner. I can't fix any date better than that, as I might have to be away on short notice, but generally I should be around. It will be a pleasure. You don't need to mention what it all is about if you don't feel up to it yet."
"But that..."
Harry stopped himself, suddenly realising that the Headmaster was probably right in assuming that he was nowhere near ready to tell even just bits of what he'd come to learn so far.
"I'd rather if you did not tell, actually, Harry, and please do consider my request seriously! It's very important that you do not run into traps that you yourself set up by pride, or carelessness, or anger, or misjudgement!"
"Yes, sir..."
"As you seem to have considered your attitude, I suggest that you come here Thursday night after dinner and I'll tell you the first part of Severus Snape's story. Consider it a kind of advance, or a compensation for hardship expected. Agreed?"
Harry had a feeling that he'd not get around the whole thing anyway, and might as well start now. Dumbledore had given him a sense of the urgency of the matter, too.
And odd kind of bribery, with stories which were not even about his parents... And it did work, too. Harry was desperate to know more of the past, of any past, and the Headmaster had promised that it would relate to events at hand…
He looked at the old wizard for a moment, then nodded.
"Got to run now, sir... and thank you!"
Have a good night, Harry!
The Headmaster looked after the boy-who-lived who'd behaved more like a young man tonight than he could remember, and shook his head. Weeks of working those two, then they would both cave in within 24 hours, and young Potter had even said thank you…
Harry considered that Dumbledore apparently was running some risk in inviting him into his office privately every other day already, and it was obvious that he would not let up trying to convince Harry even when time could be spent more sensibly by either being told what Albus Dumbledore wanted him to know, or doing his homework... Not to mention the Headmaster's time. The way it was, the hours he spent with the Headmaster came down to a kind of detention, what with them being pointless and all. Occasionally they had been instructive and even fun, though. But tonight, he felt he'd been given an insight into – well, politics, into the course of action Dumbledore pursued. Harry wondered. Reconsidering, much what had been said had been the same as before, but he felt, tonight, like he had been taken into confidence.
No-one came across him on his way to Gryffindor Tower, which was just as well, because he did not feel like explaining to Filch, and having to argue with Snape might have been a bad start for their new… he shuddered… lessons… Oh yes, he had agreed to take up Occlumency again, git that he was…
While he got ready for bed, he reckoned that he'd probably just caved in to get the matter over with, and was wondering if Snape looked at it in the same way, being 'worked on' to the same end by the Headmaster, until he'd relented. With that thought, Harry fell asleep.
There were no dreams of the troubling kind, and had not been in quite a while – was that because of his meetings with Dumbledore, under the wards?