Disclaimer: I wish I owned Jensen Ackles. He's the hottest guy ever. But sadly, I don't own anything. If you sue, you'll be wasting your time because I'm completely broke.
Pairing: MA, one-shot.
Setting: Hello, Goodbye.
Summary: As Alec comforts her about her break-up with Logan, Max starts to wonder if she might be able to move on after all.
A/N: I hope you guys like this. Please give me feedback and check out my other MA fics.
"Max, I'm sorry," Alec said, kissing the top of her head. He pulled her closer and she leaned into him as tears trickled down her face at the memory of losing the brother she so dearly loved. The one who just couldn't understand that what he was doing was wrong, or if he did, couldn't stop it. Alec squeezed her arm and even though she had to relive one of the most painful subjects of her life, she felt as if something had been lifted off her shoulders and that she could finally start to breathe again.
For about a year she carried around the knowledge that she had killed Ben, one of the brothers who had meant everything to her. She had never fully come to terms with what had happened that day, mostly because she was afraid that if she told someone they would judge her or look at her with fear or anger and disgust. With every day that had passed since Ben's death, the guilt, pain and sorrow she carried with her got heavier and heavier and she had no one to turn to, no one to talk to about it. As much as she loved her best friend, Original Cindy would never be able to understand how hard it was for her, no matter how hard she might try.
She wouldn't have dared tell Logan. She knew how he would have seen it, how he would feel. He would look at her like a killer, like he was afraid, and the thing she never wanted to see was someone fearing her. Even after the whole thing with Ben, she sensed him watching her as if he was afraid she would combust like her brother and turn into a psycho-killer. She felt as if he always scrutinized her, sure that she was a ticking time bomb. That was partly the reason why she had broke it off with him. Alec was right; they didn't belong with the ordinaries because they were a danger to them. He was also right in the way that the virus wasn't the only thing keeping the two of them apart. Every time they came close to being together, something else came at them, determined to tear them apart. If that wasn't a sign she didn't know what was.
Out of all people, it was Alec she had confessed her secret to, had told the truth to and poured out all her feelings. It was Alec who she cried in front of, and Alec who didn't look at her in horror even though it was his own brother she had killed but who had tried to comfort her, not just about Ben but about everything else. Logan, White, and everything else that was happening in her screwed up life. She knew why it was him she had told though. Alec was exactly like her; he had suffered through the same things back at Manticore if not more and he knew exactly how it felt to be on the run, having to look over your shoulder all the time. He knew what it felt like to be scared and to feel real pain. Alec was a transgenic, but not any transgenic. He was someone she could connect with despite all the bickering they usually did. And the fact that he was even there, right then, trying to make her feel better just proved that he cared.
Max didn't know what she was going to do. She had been with Logan for a long time, but lately she had been wondering to herself whether she had been sticking with him out of love or safety. She had used him as a shield to keep other people away, but when she met Alec, that shield might as well have been invisible because he saw right through it. All those times he tried to get her to understand that ordinaries and transgenics weren't supposed to be together, she had ignored him, clinging to the belief that if she could be with Logan she could be a normal girl with a normal life. But when things got out of hand and she realized she could never be normal, he didn't berate her and shove it in her face.
She supposed he should know, considering the tragic ending that had come of Rachel Berrisford. She saw how much he had loved her, and although she continued to deny it to herself, she had been a little bit jealous. She wanted someone to love her that much, and it was clear that Logan wasn't that person.
After all the time she had spent with him, she wasn't sure if she knew how to move on, to have an actual relationship with someone who understood her and who she didn't have to hide from. Someone who was exactly like her.
Who could she be with? She wasn't sure if she was capable of loving someone to the extent that they would need it, and she was afraid of what could happen. She had lost her safety and now she was out in a stormy sea, trying desperately to cling onto something and to hold onto it long enough so that it didn't disappear. She needed a constant in her life.
Alec kissed her head again and she let herself bask in the warmth he was giving her. Her salty tears started to dry on her face but she didn't move. For once in a very long time, she felt sheltered and protected while he held her. As if maybe things would turn out okay.
And as they continued to stand there, a forbidden thought made its way into her mind.
Who could I move on with?
The last part was a whisper in her head, something she wouldn't have dared think anytime before then.
With you?
A/N: Did you guys like this? I sure hope so. Please review and give me feedback. It would be much appreciated. :D Thanks! And if you love MA stuff, please check out my other fics because I have a ton of them.