To Err is Human - part two
He leaned on the wall heavily, taking a deep breath before heading up the stairs to the crew quarters. He'd taken painkillers, but they had yet to kick in.
He stopped to take a breather at the top of the stairs before continuing. Things were starting to feel a little better now and he limped over to the entrance to Kaylee's quarters. It was one of the only personal touches on the ship, her nameplate and lights above her ladder. The only other being the cheery yellow paint and leaf stencilled walls of the galley, also done by Kaylee, he'd learned from Mal.
Somehow that was just like her, always trying to make things bright and happy for everyone. But at the same time, it was a little strange that she was the only one who'd tried to make this ship feel like home. She wasn't really one of them even though she was, Simon thought. She was part of the crew and had been here much longer than he had, but she wasn't a mercenary, ready to do anything necessary to get the job done. Mal, Zoey, Wash and Jayne were the core group here, and Kaylee and Inara were just on the outskirts, helping when their talents were required. The captain had made it clear though, that whatever happened he didn't expect her to kill anyone. She was a valued part of the crew and to be treated with respect. Anyone who didn't got their ass kicked. Simon had seen that his very first night with them.
He tapped lightly, seeing she was in.
"Yes?" she called up.
"Can I talk to you for a few minutes?" Simon asked.
"Oh, okay I guess." She didn't sound too enthusiastic, but he wasn't to be put off. This had to be sorted out.
"I might take a while getting there," he called down, climbing onto the ladder and attempting to go downwards. After a few tries, he found a way of moving that only hurt his leg minimally, and he was down almost to the bottom much more quickly that he had anticipated. He stumbled on the second to last step but she was there, catching him and helping him to the bed.
"Thanks," he breathed, heart pounding. That sudden adrenaline rush from the fall might come in handy he thought, knowing that he always chickened out when talking to her.
"I want to ask you something," he began, but stopped for a moment, seeing fear in her eyes.
"Okay," she said uncertainly, eyes darting around the room, anywhere other than his face.
He took a leaf from her book and attacked the issue point blank. "Why are you avoiding me?"
"I haven't been..." she started but Simon was having none of that.
"Yes you are. Of all the people on this ship, YOU are the one I expected to have come and see me when I was stuck in that bed for three days, yet you were the only who never came. Even Jayne came and he hates me." Simon's voice had risen and she could hear the hurt loud and clear. Even if she'd been less perceptive, she couldn't have missed it in the expression on his face.
He really did care for her.
And that made it all that much harder to live with what she'd done. She got up and began to pace the room nervously, four steps in either direction.
"Alright, you're right, I have been ignoring you, and I'm sorry."
Simon nodded, happy at least that she'd admitted it. But unfortunately that seemed to be all that she was willing to say. "So..." he prompted.
"So... what?" she countered.
"So... aren't you going to tell me why? Don't you think I deserve an explanation?
There was silence between them for a few minutes as she continued pacing, as if debating with herself about whether or not to tell him.
"Come here," he said softly, patting the bed beside him. She came, sat, and looked him full in the face, for the first time since her betrayal.
"I'm sorry," were the first words out of her mouth. Before she could continue, tears spilled out of her eyes, falling freely down her cheeks.
"What is it?" Simon asked tenderly, one hand reaching up to wipe the tears. His slim, sensitive fingers were almost too much for her to bear touching her skin. She didn't deserve this good man.
"I... I... I..." she tried but all that came out was more tears.
"Mei-mei, you can tell me," he almost whispered, using the endearment that he usually reserved for River.
"You'll hate me," she whispered brokenly, gaze dropping down to her now damp lap.
"I could never hate you," he said gallantly. I love you, he said to himself, wishing he could say it out loud. "You could never do anything that would make me hate you."
"I told him," she whispered, choking out the words.
"Told who?" Simon asked, taking her hand and lacing his fingers with hers.
"Told him where to find River."
Suddenly he understood. Jubal Early. The man who'd come for River. Who'd shot him. Who'd threatened Simon that he'd do unspeakable things to Kaylee if he didn't cooperate. And so he'd cooperated. He'd made a decision. Kaylee was as important to him as River. He couldn't let Early do those things to her.
Even if it meant betraying his sister.
"It's okay, River would..."
"No, it's not okay!" she broke out, voice rising in anguish. "She's my friend. I should have done everything I could have to protect her. But I did what he said. I was too afraid to stand up to him." At this, she burst out sobbing, ripping her hand out of his and flinging herself face-down on the bed.
"Kaylee, sweetheart. I'm so sorry for what he did to you." Simon shifted round, the pain in his thigh reminding him or how fresh his wound still was. He touched her back gently and began to rub comfortingly, not knowing what to say.
Words had never been easy for him. River had been the sparkling conversationalist of the family, while he'd sat back and listened, wishing he'd had her talent to always be able to say the right thing in every situation. Simon was a thinker. And a damn good one too, his teachers had always said. He had had trouble expressing himself but once he did, he'd proved he had a brilliant head on his shoulders.
"I should never have told him. I let River down. I let you down," she continued, her words muffled by the pillow as she berated herself.
"No you didn't," he said quietly but firmly. "No one expects you to suffer to save River, least of all me. You've done more for her than anyone else has in the last year, including me. You becoming her friend despite the circumstances has been far better therapy for her than any medication I've tried." He continued rubbing , still feeling her body heave with silent sobbing.
She sat up suddenly, guilt all over her tear-stained face. "That's exactly WHY I should have done anything to protect her. Even the cap'n would've and he doesn't trust or like her."
"The captain is a man fully able to defend himself with his fists or a gun. He's proven that many times. He's also not a woman who's been threatened ..." He left the sentence unfinished, unable to even voice the terrible things Early had planned to do to her her. He could barely bear to think of them.
She looked at him with widening eyes, tears suddenly stopping. "He TOLD you what he was plannin' on doing to me?"
Simon nodded, feeling somewhat ashamed of all things. Her cheeks began to colour. Sure, she'd thought of herself and Simon making love, of his hands exploring her body and discovering everything about her, but to have him know about the horrible things Early had said he would do to her? It embarrassed her more than she could have ever imagined. And Kaylee, the forthright, free-spirit didn't embarrass easily.
He took her hands in his own, squeezing them lovingly. "He told me he'd kill me if I didn't help him find River, but I wouldn't."
"See? At least you're brave enough to die for her," she said, tears entering her eyes again.
"Dying would be pleasant compared to what he'd planned for you," he answered quietly. "After I refused to help," he continued," he told me what he'd do to you if I didn't." There was silence. "And I couldn't let him hurt you like that."
"So you helped him?" she asked incredulously. Simon only nodded, tears filling his eyes now.
"I care for you too much to let anyone hurt you."
TBC