17. Snape's Actions
After his best friend's father had left, Harry settled uneasily into his now-accustomed chair in front of the headmaster's desk. He was not sure he could relax right now, but still felt good.
On being offered, Harry refused the lemon drops, gratefully accepted the tea and some cookies, and grinned at Dumbledore's remark about how much better the sweets were whenever Harry visited him, wondering how Dobby would know. He tried to relax into what was to come, though he was quite sure that the ugliest part of the story was finished.
The previous nights, Harry had slept well due to the Dreamless Sleep draught, but bits and mental images of the story had haunted his waking hours, being worst whenever he got a glimpse of his Potions Professor. For some reason, what he felt toward Snape was not pity at all for what the Professor had lived through, but rather a kind of fear that Snape might know that Harry knew – which of course was silly not matter how one looked at it, but nothing doing.
"Before we start, Harry, let me know how your tutoring is going. You've met with dear Silva for practice already, have you?"
Harry nodded.
"How is she doing, then?"
"Oh, she's really nice, sir, hard to…" He stopped in mid-sentence.
"Hard to imagine that the Professor is her brother?" Dumbledore smiled. "True enough…"
This wasn't embarrassing for once. Harry added: "She picks up very fast on everything, and taught me some things in her turn. We also talk a lot. If only…"
"Yes, Harry?"
"Oh, nothing important really, sir."
Harry thought that he probably felt so tense right now because he did not quite know what to expect next from this tale, except that he was still not very happy with the fact that he'd have to reconcile fully with the brooding Potions Master who seemed not at all willing to move into his direction as much as a hair's breadth... Harry had no idea how to go about is task there even if he'd wanted to. Which he didn't if he was honest. There was the urgency to his learning that, on the other hand, he understood only too well...
When Harry would say no more, the Headmaster spoke.
Let me continue if you are ready, Dumbledore inquired, after a while. Can you take it?
Harry nodded absentmindedly. Then, returning to the present, he added "Yes, sir, I think so."
"You've heard the gruesome story now of how that very special woman Idane was murdered.
"After the light of life in her eyes had gone out, Professor Snape found he could now light a fire in the fireplace without having howling glowballs released at him from the chimney – but after throwing the remaining floopowder on the grate, he refrained from calling the hospital or the Aurory. What use would it have been? Too late now, and no use upsetting anyone... Also, he had a suspicion that his associate Death Eaters might have re-routed this chimney. That way he could end up somewhere very far away if he dared to travel – or, worse still, at his lord's feet which right then would have been too much to bear, even in a firecall.
"So, Severus put wards up around the apartment, and also a silencing charm. He doused the flames a bit and settled close to the fire, Idane's lifeless and limp body in his arms. Thus he sat in silent darkness for the rest of the night, staring into the flickering embers unmoving, thinking and mourning.
"Severus noticed, incidentally, that Idane's body never became stiff and cold as corpses usually do, and figured it must have been due to the kind of curses and amount of torture inflicted, but he did not really care to find the reason for that.
"Your teacher did not scream his pain, nor did he curse or cry. He just sat, cradling the body of his beloved, and tried to assess his situation, by sheer cold will pushing pain and desperation aside.
"The meaning of Severus's life had been extinguished with her, in her eyes. Most everything that he had done in his life looked wrong now, in the light of this horrible murder. Severus Snape had known for some time by then that he would not be able to follow Voldemort's path any further, but had yet been unable to admit as much if only before himself.
"Idane had instilled the concept of compassion in him, an understanding that not just life or the feeling of pain were universal – that even those beings considered inferior by far did suffer in much the same way a wizard did, the suffering in itself and its profoundness being similar. Hence, the inflicting of pain for whatever reasons was not a pastime, but to be avoided. The pain there was, even if felt by a worm, was the pain of all... There is no individual relief to it.
"They had talked about this. While Severus had argued that admitting to pity, or succumbing to pain, in itself were marks of inferiority, opening oneself to all kinds of exploitation and idiocy, Idane could make him understand that, while 'pity', in common usage at least, often came to the recipient broke and empty, compassion was not something to be had as cheap as that, though. True compassion, she had contended, demanded action of the right kind, and the braving of ridicule and cowardliness, and a precise knowledge of what things were. Probably no-one else could have made him understand that, but Idane was one to live this concept every day, not denying herself her failures, and never despairing of her own ineptitude and weaknesses. That in itself he had found hard to believe when Idane had said so: she was not inept or weak in any way! And she had always known what things were to her, by her love of everything there is.
"Severus Snape's recollection of this particular discussion was (and likely is) still so vivid that it, even among the devastation of his memories of that time, has the feeling of a beacon of light to it. It deserves to be passed on.
"When Severus recalled it that night, the understanding of his loss settled in, but he was far from tears. He would live – for revenge, if for nothing else. Idane had been right not to doubt that, or him, for a moment, even in dying.
"Your Professor knew only too well that none of the Death Eaters had ever had any notion of compassion (or love and its loss, for that matter), and Voldemort less still – and that to have a grasp of that concept probably meant to truly change sides: from the superior to the inferior, from the winners to the losers, from predator to prey. But then, how was it that those self-declared winners would not always win, that the world was not one of just hunters and their prey, of sheer force and the succumbing to it...? Not always, not everywhere. And Severus Snape regarded such events and places as oases, now. Maybe this point of view even meant he'd never truly been on their side...
"He did not then bother to follow that distracting train of thought further but decided that, notwithstanding his unrumpled belief in the supremacy of purebloods, he'd irrevocably changed sides. Nor would he ever think anything less of himself for it.
"Professor Snape has always believed in that superiority, and still does till today, as you well know. He was, and is, full of contempt of Muggle-born wizards and Squibs in general, and fears the Giants just as most everybody does. Yet, although Idane embodied everything he was supposed to hate, she had been the only thing that ever had made him feel his life worthwhile living, and marked love as existent. His alliance to the Dark Lord had done no such thing for him.
"While still feeling close to everything that Voldemort's ideas and will incorporated, the impact of the events had cut him off from the violence of its perpetration, and also the hatred, and hence the fold of his fellow Death Eaters, with finality.
"Severus Snape lost his love, his purpose of life, and his deepest beliefs all in one night...
"He did hate then and still does now hate Voldemort with all of his being –and his hate has very strong foundations. It is based on experience and personal knowledge, not on prejudice and beliefs. His actions are based on obtaining revenge, yet they are not directed by hate. That tremendous force, he will only appeal to in times of dire need – like an actual fight... It is kindled, almost forgotten, somewhere deep inside. In not being used, it may even gain impact... Some great wizards have used their anger like this. It prevents you from being engineered through it by your enemy... You don't need any personal grounds to operate it like that – you just need clear objectives. If you don't control it, it will be nerve in a battle – interfering when you want that last. There's only one rule to it: let it never, ever direct you. You direct it. You might imagine, Harry, that this is not easy..."
The Headmaster had never looked at Harry while he said that, but Harry was sure anyway that the old man was referring to him and his own displays of wrath.
Dumbledore continued: "The Mencies are one set of techniques to help control it, on an advanced level, that is...
"But he does hate me," Harry interrupted. "He shows as much in each single lesson."
"No, Harry." Friendly old eyes twinkled at him over half-moon glasses.
"What he makes you feel, and believe he feels, is nowhere near hate. Voldemort hates you. It will be easy to understand the difference if you compare their attitudes. What is more, you would recognise Severus Snape's hate if you saw it, and you do not wish to do that, trust me. Most of what you perceive in the Professors lessons is merely your own resentment reflected. Severus makes a point of mirroring his students' aversions.
"Furthermore, Severus might be bitter and unjust occasionally, but he's a master at separating that from real hate... and the actions they induce. He only failed once in all the years he taught here.
Harry stared at the old Headmaster in amazement. He'd never thought it possible to look at an emotion in so dispassionate a manner, nor had he thought before of hate – or love – as a real, raw energy at his command, much like Muggle electricity. His impression had always been that most people, like his aunt and uncle, were driven by them, and that no-one bothered to resist and steer them because it was not possible anyway... That notion seemed to be wrong.
Dumbledore noted his surprise.
"It would do you good, Harry, to try and find out what hate really is and how it can be contained, quite beside Occlumency lessons. I'll always be ready to discuss those matters with you, provided we can keep Voldemort out...
"But let us go back to the story. Professor Snape was considering his options after Idane's death.
"So what was to be done about the mess he was in now? If he reported a Death Eater attack to the Aurory, the torture, mutilation, and the terrible murder of a famous Muggle artist, he would have to turn her mangled body over to the Ministry of Magic for autopsy, endure the ensuing endless red tape, and relive repeatedly what he had seen by induction. Most of which he'd rather not give away, not even to me. It seems that the version I repeated to you, Harry, is already heavily edited where the bloodshed is concerned..."
Albus Dumbledore shook his head. "I shudder to think..."
After a pause, he continued. "Furthermore, Severus Snape would very likely have found himself under suspicion and questioned by Aurors and, once they'd discover his being a Death Eater which was bound to happen in the course of a thorough investigation, would have to face the not-too-thin chance of being accused and put to trial for killing her himself, apart from the other things he might be blamed for, being guilty of them or not.
"He'd be subjected to Veritaserum and other truth-finding means. If Severus was lucky, that was – wizards had been sent to Azkaban without as much as a hearing lately, which had some people wonder about the real difference between the Death Eaters and their own Ministerial officials who were supposed to protect them, and about possible influences of one on the other.
"All of those reasons were very good to put before his master, too. Severus knew he would have to face Voldemort eventually, and should be prepared.
"In any case, a Soniverirus is rather careful than dead, by tradition and attitude if not by motto."
Dumbedore's gesture brooked no interruption.
"Hence, reporting the crime was not a recommendable course of action altogether even in those days, what with the general panic that the fear of Voldemort's actions and the Death Eaters had created among wizardkind, and with fanatic, power-hungry Bartholomew Crouch as the Minister of Magic...
"Severus Snape never liked the Ministry, mainly disagreeing with that institution's policy about Muggle-born wizards, and found the confusion it was in now very detestable. This in itself seemed to be good proof of the misdirection of Ministry policies. Old pureblood families had always warned of the inability to act that by necessity must ensue from burdening wizardkind with Muggle-borns.
"Hence, Severus Snape never seriously considered turning to the Ministry, delivering himself into the hands of ineptitude, and abusive, Mudblood-loving weaklings, nor would he give up the corpse of his beloved to them for further disfigurement.
"Obviously he himself would, and quite correctly, be considered a Death Eater by many, and could not deny having worked for Voldemort until very recently – so who in the Ministry would believe Severus's story, even if they couldn't imagine that he'd killed his beloved? He would be considered guilty without being granted any benefit of doubt.
"The decision was not really very difficult at that point.
"First, Severus Snape would give Idane the burial she deserved. Later that night, after he'd decided on a further course of action, he would take her destroyed body away and hide her where only he could find her, lain out to rest in a place that belonged to his family of old.
"Severus told me that he knew this impulse to be absurd, but he followed it nevertheless – and he said that he would never forget nor forgive himself that he had not been able to offer her that protection while she was still alive.
"In his late-night review of their life together, next to her disfigured and maimed corpse, Severus realised that she had been right: it could not have lasted. He saw how very obviously he had extricated himself from his duties to his master, superficially serving Voldemort with information that had mostly come to him by her, who'd known exactly who he would hand it on to.
"He had changed... Hardly any time within that last year – not even a whole year this tale of love had lasted! – had Severus Snape reported personally, or shown up at his 'friend's' places to meet them. Snape had only obeyed the summoning by the Mark if he must – which was infrequent, and the proceedings then had been of no import to him.
"Each- and everyone of his fellow Death Eaters had, at one point or other, enjoyed one of Idane's events. Each- and everyone of them had at some time received valuable intelligence from Severus Snape, or picked up the odd potion to hand on to their master, to reap the benefits. In turn, instead of thanks, they all had jeered at him, and tried to bait him, conjecturing up a love affair with a Muggle-cum-Giant that they knew nothing about – regardless of the fact that Severus's actions served their master and their cause well, or if they really believed that love-affair to happen. They were envious, for the most part, of his standing with their master that Severus had gained by the intelligence that he was able to provide.
"Twice, there had almost been duels, but Snape had never said anything about her, or his feelings for her. He had merely insisted on and coldly emphasised the usefulness of his actions for his master; a fact they could not deny. Severus Snape told them to shut up and do something useful for their lord's aims themselves.
"Severus says that they are much like Ministry folk in that respect, deplorably.
"His spywork had indeed bought him time, but he could see now that it had not really been clever, and how thin the ice had been that they both had been walking safely by their love.
"And love that had been, and was, and would eternally be, he knew for sure – now, by the loss of it. That night Severus also knew that nothing like it would ever come his way again –nothing could ever hurt him as much. Her light alone had borne both of them, and not allowed for any conceivable danger – or feeling of danger, rather. Now the ice had cracked and that light had gone under and been extinguished. He was out there alone, and the darkness of his own soul descended on him like velvet, heavy, suffocating. The world now was as dark as his heart – it was like a sound, like a string tearing apart, when that broke, he told me once.
"The very ice they had walked upon now began to enclose his innermost self in eternal winter, just not pushing him under – a fetter, a chain, while he slowly grew colder. He would have fought the freeze of his soul had he been able to, but he did not care enough anymore. Probably he'd have cried, too, but like the tears, the sounds of pain avoided him. By the memory of her words, Idane's plea for revenge, this was justified – she herself had implored him not to mourn but to act.
"All that was left in him was the one desire for cold revenge. As Idane had said, so would it be – she knew him so that she knew what he wanted and the way he wanted it.
"There were her last words of warning, too.
"Severus Snape realised then how completely the world that he had been so happy to live in for the year gone by had been scattered, and how even its fractured remains did exclude that other one, of the Death Eaters, of terror, prey, and torture, and of Voldemort's lust for power and immortality. This exclusion was so absolute that these worlds only now, in the undoing of their balance by violent death, did touch: in collision and destruction. And that collision would have been inevitable in the end, a mere matter of time.
"The most precious thing to Severus Snape in all the worlds had been that which was now torn away and destroyed by vicious cruelty – by the meanness of those who he had always considered to be his confederates, and equals, and occasionally even friends. That very cruelty and meanness, though, was something he had had his share in once, not that long ago – before meeting Idane.
"The short year with her was clearly a treasure that, after all, should never have been his. Their time was entirely undeserved, a gift by life. Looking back at it the same night it was taken from him, it already seemed impossible to ever have existed.
"Yet Idane's glow remained within Severus, and his memory of her did not blur like the faint scent of a sweet dream, as is known to happen in such cases, nor did it become an issue of foggy mental pictures, like something that is hardly over when one already is hard-put to recall it or believe in its reality. To Severus, their time together stood out brilliantly and indelibly. It now was impossible to believe that he should ever have been a Death Eater – or ever be a Death Eater, again! – very much in spite of his own beliefs.
"Everything that Severus Snape had shared and done once, together with others, in the service of Voldemort was, in the light of the love he had found, merely an ugly but unreal stain of memory, like that of a beastly nightmare where one has killed, and this memory it was that blurred, his death Eater past – and not that of her. It left him with a feeling of guilt, the wish to make good, and a bad taste in his mouth. Yet he somehow felt cleansed. Her dying touch had purified him, at the highest of prices. Severus Snape knew for sure he would not join Voldemort's ranks again just to resume what he had done until about a year ago.
"He made up his mind to meet me as she had asked of him, and did so as soon as possible.
"That night, it occurred to Severus how very much colder he had become: by contrast to her solar radiance, by her who had not carried a tinsel of calculation or cold in her – just like the sun doesn't, burning herself up, giving without reserve, hesitation or self-pity. As if by opposition to Snape's dark icy mind, her warmth had made him colder still than he had ever been.
"He had to think of steel being forged – his days with the Death Eaters providing fire and ice in constant change, but the metal not yet alive – and her death only brought to him the final tempering, a finish by life blood as is sometimes used to create a really powerful blade. How much Severus would have wanted to renunciate that process! There was only ice after, of his own making, to chill the soul, and ingrain the properties obtained by the process. Such blades are said to have a soul of their own – probably more of it than he felt he had left now...
"He offered that blade to me for my cause. There was no remorse in him left nor guilt, not even sadness at his loss, just the cantankerous temper you and all students know only too well, and the will to act.
"Lately, Severus occasionally complains that he does not feel like anything useful or sharp anymore, but rather like a piece of poor welding steel that has been forgotten between a bewitched hammer and anvil to receive blows delivered by the minute... He's growing weary, your Potions Professor, and we cannot have that. His full powers are needed, and I will not have him worn out by a routine that you yourself and your perceptive friends have, along with House points, long declared to be of little consequence in the present situation, if I'm not mistaken."
Albus Dumbledore gave a sharp look in Harry's direction, but his tone made his meaning clear enough: You and your friends will stop bothering the man if I have any say in it.
"Thus, to Severus Snape, there could again only be service – not anymore to the Dark Lord, as Voldemort would surely have expected, but to make good, to the ways he had eventually come to see as right – the thing he'd come to be himself, and to her memory.
"That basically means that he is serving the Order, our cause – he stands against Voldemort, in any case, that is what it comes down to.
"If it was in me to betray – not merely to bitterly disappoint, Harry! – I'd be very wary of him. Severus Snape is never in shortage of cunning, but very much of temper. His loyalty is to me and to me alone, but first and foremost, to his revenge. If Severus Snape ever sees a chance to obtain it, he will not stop to think who else he is bringing down with him. That is what drove him in the Howling Hut, too, I think. Severus knows precisely what he wants and how to obtain it, and will stop at nothing to get it: he has nothing left to lose. Luckily, the scope of Professor Snape's vision is of a kind that very much includes the thwarting of Voldemort's aims. Severus knows as well as I do that a simple direct attack to take the Dark Lord down won't suffice. The Order's perspectives are inclusive to his goal, so to speak...
"That night in his London apartment, Idane dead in his arms, Severus assessed his situation, viewing it from the outside, and considered it to be not too bad where the Death Eaters and the question of his loyalty to Voldemort were concerned. There would surely be painful punishment for his neglect of boot-licking duty, and he'd have to find a way to squirm back into favour and confidence with the Dark Lord, but he considered the damage done minor.
"Severus Snape told me he thought it grievous that he could far easier get back into the Dark Lord's folds and Voldemort's trust and be fully accepted than into wizard society, or to find justice there quite regardless of crimes committed that he had no intention of justifying, even if he fully turned and could be of use.
"I think I mentioned that Snape could, at that fateful stage of his life, be sure of one thing alone: that his fellow Death Eaters would never seriously believe that he had found love, and that Voldemort did not conceive of that, either. So, while the child surely had been his, and its existence might be considered blood treason in itself, any knowledge and intention of which he would have to disown, there was no proof of any purposeful treachery to his master in his actions – and could not be, of course. Furthermore, he had rendered his lord important services as a Potions master all the while, and never lacked in that area.
"That, he would have to stick to - he would build his future plans on it, no matter how weak the foundation. So far, it has held true. You can always expect a Soniverirus to play his own game masterfully. If he should fail, it will not be for lack of daring, and to the danger of us all.
This is what he came to me with."
Dumbledore was not finished, but he paused to give Harry time to think and to ask.
A bit of distraction would do both of them good considering the heavy thoughts involved in the telling, and indeed Harry's first question concerned a marginal matter.
"Professor – was there no excitement among the Muggles when Idane vanished? You said she was quite famous, and surely was not someone to be easily forgotten... He had to become a suspect eventually, hadn't he?"
"Time worked in his favour there, for once. Neighbours said that loud, but muffled and indiscernible noises had issued form the flat all evening, like someone packing up and watching TV rather loudly in the meantime, and like the scraping of furniture on the floors. This had been unusual, but not overly disturbing. It had also been at a time that Severus Snape's absence from the place could be proved. Later on, the witnesses stated, several unknown persons had left the place, and after that, there had been no more sounds all night, besides, very late, those of Snape's return, who'd even been identified by a neighbour returning at the same time. They had not seen any of them.
"Of course, the Death Eaters had charmed the place. The acoustical phenomena described are typical for a rather sloppy casting of silencing and confusion charms, surely due to the contempt the killers felt for Muggles. Screams of torture and fighting noises never made it beyond the apartment doors as such. They would sound dampened and indefinable outside, and indeed those charms had sufficed to let people think of Muggle TV sounds and furniture being moved.
"In addition, no Muggle can ever give a useful description of a wizard if that wizard does not want to be described. The attackers didn't even need to erase memories. Neither did we, later on.
"Those glowballs must have been something of more specific magic, since it seems that no-one noticed anything like what Severus described.
"Severus really did make the most of what little he had left, and we all have to be grateful that he did not withdraw into desperation.
"He took Idane away with him the next day, and eventually cleaned the place up without leaving a trace. The Muggle police never found anything but an empty flat when, after a couple of months, neighbours started to wonder about the whereabouts of the couple that used to live there, and alerted the authorities. I believe someone had a nephew who was very eager to move into that particular building, and they had not been able to secure information about the present owners.
"There were no traces of anything suspicious in the flat, nothing that pointed to a crime or the persons who had lived there – which is no surprise when wizards clean up.
"The one thing the murderers had not taken care of was the mind of their victim, and it's still anyone's guess whether that was deliberate or not.
"Everyone can move out of their place whenever they like, and such a control would also have been mere routine. The parties interested in buying had to find out in the course of inquiries, to their disappointment, that the apartment in question belonged to some wealthy family who wanted to have it at their hands if need be.
"Naturally, the Order kept an eye on the place, it being a gateway."
"But how do you know all those details, sir?"
"We, the Order, questioned the Muggles. We had to know, of course. What Severus told me could have been a set-up by Voldemort, after all, to sneak back into my confidence. Right after Severus Snape had come to me, I send two Order members over, disguised as Muggle policepersons, claiming to have been alerted to strange noises in one flat the previous night, by neighbours. Very trustworthy, serviceable, clueless police they were. They appeared to not even know who they inquired about, and were treated to vivid descriptions more than one of Idane's shows. We also needed to know the sequence and timing of events to protect Severus. This inquiry helped greatly to substantiate his story."
After a moment, Harry asked: "And the rest of that story?"
"Severus felt he had to go back for a couple of days to clean up, and be by himself. I was afraid for his life then and did not like the idea, but I granted him the respite.
When asked, told his neighbours that his girlfriend had moved out on him quite surprisingly, without leaving a message or an address. I believe not many of his neighbours agreed to the surprise part of that as he'd never been personable, and only barely polite with them. None of them had trouble to believe that that wonderful woman had left him, and some did confess to be unable to understand what had bound her to that dark surly man in the first place."
Harry grinned. "How did you find that out? Or are you making that up to entertain me?"
"The order, again." Dumbledore grew serious. "I would never, my boy, make fun of Severus Snape, or dare to crack any jokes at his expense!"
The severe twinkle in the headmaster's eyes made Harry grin wider still.
"Well, it was by hidden dictation quills, the kind forbidden here at school, activated by voice that the policemen left wherever they went..."
"Wow...!"
"Yes, Harry, there are hardly any things wizards would really need Muggle technology for to get them done. Even Arthur Weasley's fascination with Muggle technology basically originates in his amazement at how Muggles manage to get along at all, I believe."
"What did S- Professor Snape do with Idane – with the corpse?"
"I think he took her to the family manor. He did not tell me, and I did not ask. Much like your godfather was, he's one of the last of his name, and line, and has more than one place at hand, or had then, rather.
"There is a central family vault where he will likely have taken her, and very likely only he himself will have access to that place today. I do not believe that he has visited there ever again, since.
"However... Idane... the corpse... had to vanish if he had no wish to draw the Ministry's attention, and the reasoning behind that, to be given to the Dark Lord, had to really sound. It was, as you will hear later, but it did not spare him Voldemort's punishment."
"Sir, you said you sent Order members to check up on his place – where he and Idane had lived. So, when did he come to meet you, headmaster? And what did he say so you would trust him?"
"I told you that Severus Snape had taught at Hogwarts before, and failed. He'd passed his N.E.W.T.s with outstanding marks, and left school more quietly than he'd ever bothered to live in it. Immediately after his exam, he went into apprenticeship with Europe's most famous wizarding apothecary in Austria. This had been arranged by his parents a good two years in advance, before most students even take careers advice. The Master there took him on with a bow, and Severus finished his studies in the record time of two years, being accepted into the International Potions Master's Guild for higher studies with outstanding marks and assessments again.
"After that, he'd applied with me for the post of Potions Professor, on the very believable grounds that, from the very beginning, he'd wanted to make good what the rather old and boorish teacher he had had to suffer from himself had lacked or even destroyed, concerning the beauty of the subject. During his year here, he also worked for his certificate A Potions Master of his youth had been unheard of in many years in Europe."
Harry snorted.
"Don't, my boy; there are different owls for different messages – or, if you prefer, different beans for different tastes. Want some?"
The headmaster held out a big box of Bertie Bott's treats that had appeared out of nowhere, and Harry selected some to make the colours of a rainbow.
"Happy if you know yours!"
He grinned, took a darkish blue one and bit down, then wrinkled his nose: mustard. At least it was rather mild, and the surprise of the taste brought him back again to the present. He saw Dumbledore smile at him.
"I really marvel at your concentration, Harry. Tell me if you've had enough."
Harry, who'd taken a cracker that he could be sure was salty from the cookie tray to go along with the mustard taste, only shook his head, chewing.
"I admit I was amazed that someone of his accomplishment would bother, but he seemed very much decided. Who was I to question a decision that was very much to my liking and advantage?
"Well, then. I think I said that it went wrong right from the start... Severus put a lot of effort into his lessons, but it was not to be. I never managed to get accounts of what happened out of him, but by what others said, he was harassed really badly. So after that year's last term had ended, he left again. Too many rumours abounded about his delving into the Dark Arts, which I was sure of too. I did not like to lose him, but had a hard time to persuade him to stay at least that long to finish what he himself had started.
"The punishment for his failure must have been painful... another memory he would not submit.
"Severus Snape, not a Professor then of course, came to me right in the morning of the day after that monstrosity had been committed, as soon as he had made up his mind. There was no problem for him in that, as I did not suspect him to be a Death Eater. The school was not as heavily warded as it is nowadays. I did not really have time to spare that day, but there was that contact via his lover's Art, and whoever announced him said Snape was looking badly shaken. So I had him called in and could see for myself he was just that, gravely upset by something, but Severus Snape did not tell me right away what had happened.
"Some instruments went off silently when Severus entered my office, but that pointed to nothing serious. I remembered that he'd always been able to set off the more sensitive Sneakoscopes etc. involuntarily, even as boy.
"However, that day Severus did not say what had happened at first, but merely asked if he could teach Potions at Hogwarts again. I wanted to know why he would want to teach again after his painful experiences the first time he tried to, and what had made him change his mind.
"At that point, Snape cracked. In a very calm voice, Severus told me what had happened, and that he needed sanctuary. That was his very own choice of word. He had a hard time finding words at all. It was a weird scene to watch someone speak composedly of the most dreadful events, yet at the same time fight for words as if in a fit of crying, or a nervous breakdown, and hear such things spoken in that dry, dark and emotionless voice.
"Snape then asked me outright if I would support him if he were to leave Voldemort's service, or to spy on him, and let him try and teach again, so he'd be in a protected position.
"When he came out to me with what had happened the previous night, not breaking down but, somehow, seeming to grow stronger and harder as he spoke, I was thunderstruck. It shook me badly to hear that he'd been in the Dark Lord's service since his seventh year at school. He need not have told me, either. Attacks on Muggles and mixed relations were happening on a daily basis then – and I was not the only one who had considered Idane to be high on the Death Eater's blacklist.
"I am not sure I kept my composure entirely. I had known and loved the woman, after all...
"I took some tea, but he refused everything, sitting bolt upright to get over what needed to be told, in order to come into action. You know his stance. That day, I despised it greatly, even knowing that it likely was all he had to keep himself from falling apart.
"The first thing I did was to verify: I asked him to leave for a moment, flooed Order headquarters and asked them to check up on the Muggles and the house, and make sure what had been heard or seen by them like I told you.
"Severus agreed that I had to make sure. We checked the floo of the place, which was by now clean, and flooed there... Severus did not break down then either. I bid the most gorgeous woman I have ever known my reverent goodbye, and was grateful later on to have had that chance. I'd rather not have been there though –not to have to remember...We did not stay long.
"Back in my office, he asked me again if I would take him on, and protect him if his cover ever blew.
"I agreed it would be helpful to know who Voldemort's agent was in the school, and to have an eye on the Dark Lord, but could he assure me that there would be no danger to the students in his teaching here?
"Severus Snape said that he'd made his plans so that his reputation would not be tainted, and promised not to blow that or his cover with the Death Eaters by any rash acts, no matter how stupid the dear little ones... As for actions on Voldemort's side, he justly stated that he could not guarantee me there. But as my spy he would of course warn me of all proceedings that came to his knowledge, not only those concerning Hogwarts. Furthermore, he offered me in his own interest he said, his assistance in improving the school wards. In that, his help has been invaluable. It was amazing to see how much knowledge he had accumulated in that field during his school time. He had a view of what Voldemort knew... Voldemort never found out yet who made his knowledge of our wards worthless.
"Severus kept to common sense in those statements, and did not try to sneak into my confidence, which greatly relieved me. I'd been rather decided to take him on no matter what from the moment he asked, for his lover's sake as well as his being highly accomplished in his subject academically, and a renowned Potions Master by the time. Hence, he was definitely a first choice by far for the position here. As I said, not many of such standing would bother to teach.
"I'd been stuck after his leaving to another of these mediocre bores who take up the subject because they know how to operate a cauldron and a flame, but lack the precision and insight to get anything beyond the basest healing potions right. Most of the fifth-years in Snape's classes today can do better than they. Those were times when we had to order most supplies for the infirmary from Diagon Alley!"
The Headmaster sounded uncannily like the Potions Master when he said that…Harry was not sure if he cared to follow the sentiments expressed, but nodded, politely if doubtful.
"You can't compare, Harry – you can't possibly know what you've got in the Professor. You may not be aware either, as will be hardly any of your fellow students, even those from Slytherin House, that he is unsurpassed in his Art in Britain, if not Europe, by now – and the promise of that already showed while he still was in school.
"Severus agreed to be tested, stating that he much preferred to answer me under Veritaserum than any Auror or Ministerial moron. He also said he'd have to think over the details to make the deal worth my while and as useful as possible, and we left it at that. It was rather a short visit, all in all. He could have obtained nothing else from me at that point. I suggested that he could start teaching right away if he was able to prove me that he was serious, and to demonstrate an improvement in his teaching abilities. He sneered at the latter, as you can imagine, but all the weak points there, his self-consciousness that made him such easy prey the first time around, had vanished in his years of travel and the time he'd had with Idane. Severus obviously was still not what I would call a great teacher, but he could handle the students well enough.
"So I carefully agreed, assuming more doubts than I felt, reserving my agreement for three days to inquire, which suited him fine as that was what he needed to bury Idane, to clean the place, and to settle his affairs.
"At the time, I would've appreciated to just have someone of Voldemort's outer circle around who did not know I knew, to be able to find out about their activities, and to feed Tom Riddle whatever I saw fit, but this was far better! So far, none of the lot had managed to get anywhere near Hogwarts, with the one exception of a member of a team doing repairs in the woodworks of the towers, but he mysteriously fell sick on his second day, and had to return home.
"The closest thing to spies for Voldemort, in the time before his demise just like today, are the students whose relatives or friends are involved with the Dark Lord, and who are convinced or pressed to take to Voldemort...
"Severus Snape knew that his only chance was to persuade Voldemort to let him try and go to Hogwarts as a teacher and a spy again, and make him think that that had been his own idea – but this turned out to be easy, as you will see. I will tell you about how he did it another day.
"Had it not worked out, I'd still have a refugee of technical brilliance as a teacher. He trusted me, on his side – not that he had much of a choice.
"It was more difficult for him to get me to believe that he meant what he said and that he, being a spy on me for Riddle, would be a still better spy on Riddle for me. A major claim to his case was that he need not have told me of either Idane's murder or his allegiance to the Dark Lord.
"Severus started teaching soon after, but I had him isolated magically for some time, even after the examination by Veritaserum. He took that none too well, but he did manage, and in the end I started to trust him. The magical isolation had to be lifted soon enough because its long-term effects tend to resemble that of a deep depression, Muggle-kind, or of a very, very slow, low-key Dementor attack."
Harry shuddered. His Professor had surely not been spared... And Snape did not bother to spare anyone himself.
"So, Severus Snape started teaching and spying at Hogwarts, and I must say that he was, and is, most efficient in every aspect of the deal, educational differences aside.
"He convinced the Dark Lord of the sense of teaching here, and soon enough was back to the inner circle of his master, having pointed out the flaws in some strategies Malfoy and others had devised. Snape then started to take Death Eaters down himself by blacking their reputation with Voldemort. This was no nice business. It seems that his perfidious and telling affair with a Muggle-cum-Giant did not damage his own – er, good, name very much – probably because of the way he had dealt with the summoning after it, which you will hear about another time.
"The information about me – from me – That Severus Snape was able to provide brought him back into Riddle's favour in no time. Also, he soon was feared among the Death Eaters, or so he claimed, due to his merciless removal of opposition of any kind. This ruthlessness promoted him a great deal in their ranks in those days.
"That was when he became the target of your Godfather's wrath quite in another way than a mere schoolboy's grudge. Sirius believed Snape to be responsible for his brother's death. Regulus Black, you may have heard the name?"
"Yes... Sirius. Sirius told me that Regulus was killed by Voldemort himself. But he didn't seem to miss him or have liked him all that much..."
Harry swallowed hard at the recollection of standing side by side with his godfather, in front of the huge tapestry displaying the Black family tree in the huge dingy room at Grimmauld Place.
"Well, but such things are matters of family honour, with the old families at least, but many of the younger ones too. Sirius Black would have avenged his mother as well had she been the victim of a dishonourable attack, and he sure hated her.
"I don't think he blamed Professor Snape to be responsible for his brother's becoming a Death Eater as that was very much Lucius Malfoy's work, who was great at convincing ambitious, naive school boys, seducing them, much like the girls, into the folds of his master. He was a couple of years older than Severus, Sirius and your father, and not at Hogwarts anymore when Regulus died. Lucius Malfoy was, by the way, not the one who drove Severus Snape into Voldemort's folds, otherwise I'd have known about it. I had a tag on him. Severus Snape was given to the Dark Lord by his own parents, Harry. That is what Voldemort demands of his followers, and Draco Malfoy and some other Slytherins are soon to follow suit…"
"Well, who cares if..."
At this point, the Headmaster interrupted Harry. His tone was disappointed and even a bit angry.
"Harry, try to imagine your own relatives giving you away to a monster that you despise!"
"But they don't! Draco Malfoy surely is looking forward to his... joining of You-Know-Who's fold!"
"Don't be so sure of that! Don't you think it would make all the difference if for instance Draco Malfoy compromised Lucius Malfoy by not joining his father's master, and were one clever fighter less for Voldemort?"
Harry had blushed.
"Yes, sir, of course, but – I am sorry, but the idea has never crossed my mind that there'd be even a faint chance that Draco would not... just remember the Inquisitorial Squad he headed for Umbridge! Hermione mentioned that you and Sn – the Professor are still fighting to keep all of the Death Eater kids away from Voldemort, but I can't believe at all that there's any chance of success..."
Dumbledore pondered the boy before him.
"Well, maybe not, but we must try, mustn't we? But let me continue.
"Snape's calculation was that any one Death Eater down meant an enemy less to our cause, and a weakening of Voldemort's ranks, and he was right there of course. He was absolutely merciless in this and would brook no argument. It also went well till the last moment: Voldemort swallowed the bait of 'selection among the select' whole.
"The Dark Lord never had a chance to find him out. You got Voldemort first if the price was high, and Severus was nowhere near the end of his resources as a spy then."
The Headmaster fell silent and steepled his fingers, regarding Harry seriously, but avoiding his eyes as usually.
Harry stared back at him. Finally, someone was telling him what he just had to know! He was completely taken in by this first-hand account, and asked:
"Did Snape know of the attack on my parents? And how did –er, Professor Snape keep out of Azkaban, and why did Lucius Malfoy never get arrested? What made it safe to send him back to spy after... after Voldemort's return?"
"Spying on Voldemort is not at all safe nowadays, Harry... Plainly, Severus Snape is the only one who can do it; we have no choice there, literally. And the Dark Lord seems to suspect something this time..."
"But to answer your question: no, Severus Snape did not know in advance of the attack on the – on your parents, or on the Longbottoms, or on several others, and repeatedly offered to prove that under Veritaserum. I am positively sure of it and trust him there as well, Harry – and you should, too!"
Mutely, Harry nodded.
"It seems the Dark Lord had, wisely, decided to not inform this trusted follower about any attacks that were related to Hogwarts, or to the Order. He probably preferred the information he could get by him to a clear knowledge about the informant's intention. Voldemort's thoughts are not easily followed. It's enough to know that he was wary even then. He might be paranoid now.
"Then came a time that brought many setbacks to our fight against Voldemort. Order members, their relatives, and persons connected to them seemed to be taken out strategically, like the Longbottoms were. Most of them died...
"I found both irritating. Snape was not an Order member at the time, nor did he know anything about it but the common rumours. Voldemort had his information unfiltered, and from elsewhere for sure. Voldemort had an outline of who was in the Order at the very least, yet no-one was able to make a connection at that point.
"After the murder of your parents, the Dark Lord's demise, and your godfather's presumed attack on the Muggles that supposedly took his old chum Peter out, everyone believed that Voldemort got the information by Black. And by treachery he did get it, and more, as we know now – through Peter Pettigrew. Sirius was in prison, frantically proclaiming innocence but unwilling or unable to speak, and Pettigrew was presumed dead. The Order members aided the Ministry in flushing out the remaining Death Eaters, widely with Severus's help, but there still were well-aimed threats and occasional minor attacks.
"I had Severus questioned again under Veritaserum for my own peace of mind, and did also check back with the Pensieve, but there was nothing that would point to any knowledge or betrayal on his side. This remained a puzzle until Sirius Black showed up in your third year here and identified Pettigrew.
"So, when Voldemort had vanished, Professor Snape assisted in naming Death Eaters in the background. Somehow the Ministry got wind of his being a Death Eater as well, and had him pulled in. I managed to vouchsafe for him by disclaiming any knowledge of that, calling the attention to his assistance in arresting Karkaroff and others, and by providing proof of his absence from any of the murders.
"While that trial was held in secret, word of course got out. Severus soon was threatened for being a traitor by the few remaining loyal Death Eaters, and by others as well, for being one. There were rumours of Snape's presence at Death Eater meetings by the time, extracted from captured Death Eaters by Aurors. But soon, several of Voldemort's minor minions who were turned in after Professor Snape's testimony managed to escape. The Ministry tried to get their hands on Severus Snape again, and succeeded. This time, all I could do was to have him issued into my custody as Head of the Wizengamot, under the claim that I needed his Potions talents (which was, and is, true enough) that being the only way to keep him out of Azkaban. The Ministry put their hand on the Snape estates and property.
"The Death Eaters were scattered and dispelled. They lay low after Voldemort's demise, beheaded by the loss of their master. Severus told me that he'd managed to convince Lucius Malfoy that he, in a position close to me, would be of more value to their lord than in prison, and that he was no traitor to the then-lost cause. Malfoy, by the way, never really distrusted his house-mate. They both were sure that Voldemort was not dead, but neither seemed to have an idea how to find him.
"Snape told Malfoy a dramatic story about how, some time after your parent's deaths, in this office I had advanced on him, pulled up his sleeve exposing the remainder of the Dark Mark and, upon that discovery, forced him to name names under the threat of being sent to Azkaban otherwise, but promising to keep him out of prison if he did. This was just what Malfoy expected and would have done, and he surely had no problems with the sacrifice of lesser minions of his lord if a semblance of power remained in his hands. Malfoy had supported Snape's ideas about selecting the select from the start.
"Around this time, Lucius began to prepare for Voldemort's return. Almost everybody else believed Voldemort to be gone for good. See, Harry, it was mostly Ministry officials, and not those in frontline positions, who presumed that Voldemort was dead – and the press, of course. Your average wizard desperately wanted to believe it, too. Peace was something not had in a long time in the wizarding world and greeted merrily, as you know.
"The Order had never been stringent in pursuing Lucius. We had decided not to turn against Malfoy mainly for two reasons: the first consideration had been that Lucius Malfoy was a very influential and very public, if not popular, personality which made his steps fairly easy to track. We hoped to have some indications about Death Eater action by keeping our tabs on him. The new reason now was that Severus Snape's cover would have to be blown to get the man convicted, Severus being he only one able to give proof. Since this by no means would be the end of slippery Lucius, we declined this course of action. Lucius Malfoy never realised until the end your second year, when you as good as proved his smuggling that diary in among Miss Weasley's possessions, that he was in any danger at all, I think.
"Professor Snape managed easy enough to keep an eye on the other leftover Death Eaters, and I don't think anyone ever truly suspected him of treason until very recently. On what grounds the dark Lord does at all, we do not know.
"By what you said, Harry, Voldemort must have felt bitterly betrayed that Severus Snape, like the others, never tried to find him, at least during his summer holidays. I believe that parts of the recipe that involved your blood, Peter's hand, and his father's bones, were supplied by the Snape library via Lucius... Malfoy has full access to Snape's family estates, which is a good reason for you Professor not to alienate him."
The boy shuddered.
"Why would he..."
Albus Dumbledore interrupted him.
"Do you understand what we are up against here, Harry? Plainly, at the bottom line, I just have to trust Severus! I reckon we'd be long dead by now if I couldn't."
Pondering that for a moment, Harry nodded.
"You said Professor Snape knew the magic that revived Voldemort." Harry swallowed. The memories of that day were still hard to bear, but he could feel that he was gaining distance. They were not suffocating him anymore. "Could he not have done something else, like burning that ...bundle in acid, instead of having my blood revive him? And why was he not at that meeting? I thought it was him Voldemort referred to as the one who had left him forever..."
"Maybe not... But, Harry, I never said that your Professor knew that particular magic. I said it probably was supplied by Lucius from the extensive Soniverirus library on the Dark Arts. You see, Harry, Voldemort was rather good at Potions himself and would have noticed aberrations in recipe and ingredients of a magnitude like that necessary to do damage. Neither was Severus there to prepare it. Harry, do you think that this recipe, while surely terrifying, was complete, being so simple – and did it not strike you as a bit too showy...? Don't you think that the connection Voldemort made with you, and a part-time rat, will have their effects on him? Unless you missed major parts that were concocted before your arrival... However, we shall see...
"I admit it was a mistake not to have an eye on that cemetery permanently, but an early check had returned a disturbance of the Riddle grave, so there was no necessity for them to hold the rite just there. Pettigrew could have taken parts of the corpse of his master's father with him... Do remember that Tom Riddle sr. was a Muggle, too. I don't think there's anything I can say or do now to help you coping, except trying to instil in you some new trust in me...
"I am really, really sorry, Harry, about events, for all that that's worth now."
Dumbledore stopped, seemingly finished.
Harry nodded again, worn out by the memories and the stories. Yet somehow, now that things found their place, he felt a bit more secure – not like he would cry about the events after the Tournament again soon. But of course he really was tired now.
"Do you need any more Dreamless Sleep, my dear boy?"
"No, thank you, sir. I've still got some left, and I think I'll go and see Sn... Professor Snape first thing tomorrow to ask his permission to brew some for myself, if you gather my meaning. It would be an excellent reason for me to be in the dungeons."
"That is very good thinking, Harry. One of those days, if time allows, I shall tell you what Severus Snape let me know of his encounter with Voldemort, after Idane's death. Can you imagine that Lucius Malfoy, for once, did a good deed, if unknowingly so?"
Harry smiled at the old wizard, fully realising that he attempted to take some weight out of reality by making it look like a fairy tale, with a definite happy ending.
Dumbledore smiled back.
"I bid you a quiet night, then."
"Good night to you too, sir!"