Diclaimer: I don't own Budwieser, the 'real me of genius' commercials, FullMetal Alchemist, or any related material. Sorry if you have a problem with this. And I donn't own 'Lassie' either, in reference to the Timmy thing.
Gaby The Mr. Clean Alchemist Presents: Real Alchemists of Genius.

(real alchemists of genius)

Today we salute you, Mr. FullMetal Alchemist Guy.

(Mr. Fullmetal Alchemist Guy)

Though most state alchemists are out for promotions, you stay and help everybody.

(Oooh so helpful)

What's wrong with us? Our city is about to sink, my cat is dying, Timmy is stuck in the well. Whatever it is, you'll try to help us.

(What is it, Lassie?)

You're a good guy, even though you go insane when someone calls you short.

(Who you callin' shrimpy?)

So crack open an ice-cold Juice Box, hero of the people, because you can't legally drink alchohol.

(Wait till you're 21!)