Card Captor Wrath
Disclaimer: I do not own Cardcaptor Sakura or FMA but I have an Edward plushie!
One day Wrath decided that he wanted to drink orange juice due to its citric-y freshness. Unfortunately, he was having difficulty finding it. There was only ONE thing to do…check the basement, buy some more, or drink Dr Pepper instead. He decided to check the basement.
Wrath discovered that the light had fused, and his Thomas the Tank Engine flashlight had run out of batteries, so he would have to rely on natural light, which there was plenty of because his basement had lots of windows. He slowly made his way down the stairs, but he was rather stupid and somehow still managed to trip and land flat on his face. In doing so, he saw something underneath an old book shelf.
"How did this get here?" he said, reaching under and retrieving the water colour pencils. "And why am I talking to myself?" While reaching for the yellow that had escaped his initial grasp, he discovered something else. It was a book of cards.
He opened the ancient book, picked up the top card and stared at it, puzzled. "The…Greed?"
With that, there came a single flash of light, before the rest of the cards had scattered, and a tall, greedy-looking fellow appeared. "Are you the pizza guy?" it asked the stunned Wrath.
"No," Wrath replied, "it's me Wrath, remember? One minute everything's normal and then all of a sudden you're coming out of a card?"
"I don't know what you're talking about kid, but we have to find the other cards before it's all too late!" said Greed, overdramatically.
"Fine, be like that," mumbled Wrath. He figured that Greed was probably just more wasted than usual. "So these other cards, are they just the rest of us? Like Sloth and the others?"
Greed gasped loudly. "How do you know the names of the other cards? You truly must be a Card Captor! Here you go – use it wisely now!" he said, throwing a TV remote at Wrath.
"Ooooh, is something good on?" Wrath asked.
"No you fool, it's the middle of the day – there's nothing even half decent on!" Greed explained. "You must use that wand to capture the other cards. All you have to do is press 'record' when you see one! There is no more guidance I can give you, farewell!"
"Um, you're still here…" said Wrath.
"Oh right, press 'stop' will ya?" Greed said.
"Fine…" said Wrath, whereby Greed disappeared. "Like I'm really going to listen to Greed," he laughed, leaving the book and the remote where they were and continuing his hunt for orange juice.
……..
(Some place far away)
"I sense a Dante Card," said a figure in shadows.
"And I smell tacos! Let's get tacos, Li!" said Sakura.
"Well……..okay!" said Li, and they both skipped joyfully to the taco stand. Then Sakura's phone rang.
"Yay! No one ever calls me except Tomoyo!" she squealed. "Oh wait, it is Tomoyo. Well what is it? Did my goldfish die again?"
"Even worse!" said Tomoyo, "I think someone else is trying to capture the cards!"
"What? What makes you say that?" asked Sakura.
"I had a vision! It was a small boy with a TV remote!" Tomoyo said.
"Look Tomoyo, I think you're going to need to start taking your pills again…" said Sakura.
"No! Never again! I'm getting better – why won't anyone believe me?"
Sakura hung up. "Yay! Tacos!"
…………………………………………
"WRATH!" yelled Sloth, waking up Wrath with her yelling of the word 'wrath'.
"What?" Wrath muttered, pulling his quilt over his head.
"You haven't finished your homework! Do it now – NOW!" she screamed.
"What's up with you?" Wrath asked.
"That's it – DIE!" Sloth tackled Wrath and tried to suffocate him with a pillow.
Wrath managed to knock her off but in doing so, he accidentally pressed the 'record' button and suddenly the words "operation not available" appeared. "Dammit, Greed! It's not working!" Wrath yelled.
"You must summon any other card you have to weaken her first…" came a mysterious voice from the window sill.
"Who are you?" Wrath asked.
"That must remain a mystery," said the figure, "MWAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" But then the curtain blew up and Wrath could see it was Sakura.
"Hi Sakura," he said.
"It's me Li dammit!" yelled Li. "Sakura's eating tacos."
"Oh right, sorry," said Wrath, "but you've got to admit, everyone in your show looks the same."
"WHAT?"
"…nothing. So what do I do?" Wrath asked. It was amazing enough that Sloth hadn't gotten up yet during their long and pointless conversation.
"Summon another card to weaken her! I already told you that!" Li shouted.
"No, that was Sakura," said Wrath.
"It was me dammit! Boy, do you have issues…" said Li.
"My short term memory is bad, that's why I keep a diary. Do you keep a diary?" Wrath asked.
"NO!" yelled Li.
"My diary is one of those 'password journals', which only respond to my voice, and my voice stays the same even if I forget it."
"That's really nice Wrath but you really need to capture that card now," said Li.
"Unfortunately, even though my voice stays the same, I forget the password, so my diary doesn't really help because I can't open it…"
"WRATH!" yelled Li.
"But that's okay because Dante buys me new ones…but I still have the same problem…"
"WRATH! FIGHT THE CARD!" Li screeched.
"How?" asked Wrath.
Li fainted.
"I know," said Wrath, "maybe if I use The Greed…" and upon saying that, Greed appeared.
Sloth tried to attack him with her water powers but ended up slipping on a puddle of water she had created. Greed was really wasted so he collapsed on top of her, knocking her unconscious. Wrath took this chance to press 'record', but it still wasn't working! Then he discovered that he was using the VCR remote. He got his magic one and sealed her. Now he never has to do homework again. "Maybe being a Card Captor isn't so bad…" he thought to himself.
"Duh – the first cards are always easy!" said Sakura, who had just arrived having eaten all the tacos she could afford with the money she had stolen from old people.
"Awww, serious?" he asked.
"Yes – but don't worry! We'll come too and help you out! And when we're not fighting cards we can have tea parties!" beamed Sakura.
"On second thoughts, maybe it is as bad as I thought…" he said to himself.
"And rob bakeries!" Sakura added.
"On third thoughts, I'll cope."
Happy Notes: I love crossing over FMA with EVERYTHING! But I'm feeling really messed just now so that's my excuse for this story being, hmm, how it put it, less random, and involving card captors. Please review anyway, especially if you read it...with your eyes...I'll go now.