What if things had been different after Grace?
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate or their characters. They are owned by someone who is making a heck of alot more than I am and had the genius idea to turn them into a series. Also, the lyrics (and inspiration of the title) used in this fic are from Jem's song - They. She wrote it and sang it and turned it into a beautifully haunting song that has climbed the charts.
A/N: So this is the first song-fic I have ever written. Never thought I would do this... But after buying Jem's CD (I recommend it to all) I really listened to the lyrics of this song. The first and only thing that came to mind was Sam and Jack's relationship, or lack thereof... But this story hopes to remedy that little situation!
I really do hope that you all enjoy this.
"Unscheduled Off-World Activation!"
Sam, who was just about to enter her quarters, looked up at the base alarms around her as she turned and headed to the SGC's control room.
The iris was opening when she walked in. Seconds later she smiled when she saw her father walk through the Stargate. She quickly turned and headed down the stairs to enter the embarkation room. When she entered the room she saw that Hammond and O'Neill had already beaten her down there.
"George. Jack."
"Jacob, how are things with the Tok'ra?" General Hammond asked as he stretched his hand out.
Jacob shrugged, "Annoying…" He turned to the side and smiled when he saw his daughter walk in. He quickly covered the distance between them as he embraced her in a hug.
"Dad," she whispered in relief as she felt his welcoming arms around her.
"Hey kiddo." He gave her an extra little squeeze before releasing her and holding her at arm's length to get a good look at her. "You okay?"
A half smile appeared on her face, "I am now."
He sent her a slight frown, "I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner."
"I know dad, it's okay. You're here now."
He nodded his head as the base's leaders walked up behind the pair.
"Shall we get things out of the way so you can relax?"
Jacob turned to his old friend and smiled, "Sounds like a good idea to me." He held his arm out to the side until Sam stepped under his arm and walked beside him.
An hour later father and daughter walked side by side as they exited the base and headed to her house.
After a relaxing dinner they went and sat on the couch in her living room. They quietly sat there drinking their tea. Jacob looked around the room at the objects that filled the room and made it a home. 'But is it really a home?' he asked himself.
Sam watched her father as she debated starting a conversation with her father that she had already had, in one form at least. "I'm really glad you're here dad."
Jacob turned to his daughter and smiled, "Me too." He studied his daughter and saw that she was troubled. "You okay?"
Sam sighed, "Dad, I'm f-"
He reached out his hand, "That's not what I meant… You look like you have something on your mind. You want to talk about it?"
She looked at her father and wondered how he did it, knew what she needed.
"Do you ever have any regrets?" she quietly asked him.
A look of intense sadness overcame his features as he considered the question. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you after your mother died. I wasn't exactly the father you needed… I am sorry about that."
Sam tenderly looked at her father; his regret was his relationship with his daughter.
"We're good though now, aren't we?" he asked her.
She smiled, "Yeah dad, we are!"
He nodded despite knowing the answer to his own question.
A silence overcame the room as they both thought of how their lives had been changed by a few tragic seconds.
When Jacob did speak again it was in a far off voice as he relived memories shared with someone he had truly loved. "I loved your mother so much… And I would do almost anything to spend just one more year with her… But even if I were young again and I met her for the first time, even knowing her fate, I would do it all again…"
Sam stared at her father in shock. She had heard those words before, except she had been hallucinating at the time. And yet here she sat with her father telling her what love was really all about.
"Dad…"
He looked at her endearingly as he was pulled from his memories.
"What do you want in life?"
He cautiously stared at her. "Besides the destruction of the Goa'uld?"
Sam chuckled at his humor. "Yes, dad… Besides that."
He allowed himself a small smile as he looked at his grown up daughter.
But he didn't see a thirty-five year old woman before him. Rather a vision of a young girl with wavy blonde hair and bright blue eyes who still had the whole world and galaxy to see. A child who didn't have the fate of her planet depending on her abilities. A child who still saw the beauty in all the simple pleasures in life. A child who still saw her father as Superman.
His Sammie.
A happy little girl who could light up a room with just her smile.
His little girl.
"Sam, what I want more than anything is…" He paused as he debated whether or not to continue. He didn't notice the silence in his mind as Selmak stayed quiet and let this father make his own mind. "What I want more than anything is for you to be happy… Truly happy."
Sam was about to interrupt when she saw the love and concern in his eyes. As she stared at him parts of her conversation with her hallucination of her father on the Prometheus came back to her.
No you're not. You're content, you're satisfied, you're in control and that's the problem.
When she finally responded it was barely above a whisper as she really did realize the answer to her father's question, Are you happy?
"I'm not happy… I'm just going through the motions." She closed her eyes as she let the implications hit her full force.
Jacob reached his hand out and placed it over hers. "Sam, what do you want?"
When she looked up, her eyes were glistening with unshed tears that she refused to let escape. "I want to be happy."
Her father leaned in and wrapped his arms around her, "I know Sam… I know…"
They sat like that for several minutes. A father doing his best to console his daughter as he rubbed his hands up and down her back.
She asked her father a simple question, "How?"
In his infinite wisdom as a father he answered, "Follow your heart. Where does it tell you to go?"
'To Jack,' she answered in her mind. "What if there are roadblocks in the way?"
He took a deep breath as he contemplated his answer. Could a retired general condone her breaking the regulations?
You're a father, Jacob. Selmak quietly reminded him.
'I know… He would take care of her, wouldn't he?'
You know he would. He would die for her.
'I know… So what do I tell her?' he asked the 2000 year old Tok'ra symbiote in his head.
Silence was his answer as he continued to stare into his daughter's eyes. Eyes that were pleading with him to tell her what to do.
"Some roadblocks are there for a reason." Her face briefly faltered. "They were placed there initially to protect people… But then time goes by and those that put them there don't know if it's really helping or just being a roadblock… Sometimes they lose perspective… And sometimes the people standing on different sides of the roadblock lose that perspective as well."
Sam smiled as she tacitly received her father's blessing. "Thanks Dad."
He smiled at her, "No problem kiddo!"
Sam got up to splash some water on her face, "How long can you stay?"
"A couple of weeks."
Sam stopped and turned back to her father to speak.
"I already cleared it with George," he revealed to her with a wide grin on his face.
A smile she happily returned.
"So what do you want to do?" she called from the bathroom.
Jacob got up and headed to the kitchen as he answered, "I was thinking we could maybe go visit your brother."
"What?" she called back as she turned off the water faucet.
He smiled as he yelled, "Maybe we could take a trip to California!"
"And visit Mark?"
He chuckled as he thought of his response, "No, actually I wanted to go to Disney Land!"
By then Sam was entering the kitchen and throwing her hand towel at her father.
"Yes, to go visit your brother," he told her as he removed the towel from his face and shoulder.
"Okay… I'll call the transport and see if I can secure us some seats on a transport out there."
Six days later they were spending their last night in San Diego. Mark and his wife, Sheri, had been scheduled to attend a charity event for the hospital where Sheri worked. Instead of canceling, Sheri had secured two more seats at the event for her father and sister in law.
"So what's the event for?" Jacob asked once more as he slid his suit jacket on.
"It's an appreciation dinner for the big donors to the new Pediatric Wing," Sheri told him.
Jacob looked at her and smiled, "Where you guys will try and hit them up for some more money?"
She laughed as she kissed her two children goodnight and gave final instructions to their babysitter.
"So we'll follow you?" Jacob asked as they headed to different cars. "Oh and Sheri?"
She looked up as she walked around to the passenger seat of her and Mark's car, "Yes Jacob?"
"Make sure Mark doesn't try and lose me." He winked at her as he and Sam headed to their own rental car.
As Sam and her father entered the ballroom behind her brother and his wife Sam remembered another formal event that she had attended almost five years earlier. She looked over at her father and they both smiled as they both realized that they were recalling the same event.
Jacob leaned over to his daughter and whispered, "I'm glad you didn't listen to your stubborn old man!"
She leaned back, "I'm glad you took a chance!"
He smiled back, "Me too… Me too… Well shall we go and mingle?"
Sam took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders, "I guess so."
In true Carter fashion, she was oblivious to all the eyes that raptly paid attention to her every movement. Being the father that he was, Jacob noticed it and couldn't help but smile at her ignorance. 'She can still light up a room…'
"Dad, Sam. There's someone I'd like you guys to meet. Dad, Sam these are my close friends Pete Shanahan and his sister Christy Baker. Pete, Christy… my father Jacob and my sister Sam."
Pleasantries were exchanged between the group.
"Mark's told us a lot about you two," Christy told them after Sheri had dragged her husband off to meet another doctor.
"Really?" Jacob was shocked. A little concerned at what he'd said. "Only believe the good things!" he teased.
They all laughed, "No he speaks pretty highly of you both… What was it you both do?"
Sam and Jacob looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes before answering. "I'm a Major in the Air Force."
"Are you a pilot?" Pete asked as he carefully watched her.
"Not for the Air Force. I do get to go up every once in awhile," she revealed with a pleasant smile.
"So what do you do then?" Sheri asked more specifically.
Sam coughed as she recalled the event five years earlier. "I study Deep Space Radar Telemetry…" They stared at her blankly. "I'm an astrophysicist." She analyzed their faces and saw that they were even more confused. "I work on systems to detect asteroids."
Dawning flashed on their faces, "Ah!"
"Sir, what do you do?" Sheri asked.
"Please call me Jacob. I'm a consultant for the Air Force. I help broker deals between the Air Force and our allies." That wasn't a lie. "So what do you both work in?"
"Well I'm a nurse here at the hospital and I work with Sheri. My husband actually works with Mark at Albitech. He's on a business trip," she quickly added to explain the situation.
"And I was her stand in date!" Pete teased. "No, I'm a police detective and I had some vacation time saved up and so I decided to come down and visit my sister."
"Oh? Where did you come in from?" Sam asked with polite interest.
"Denver actually."
Sam's eyes widened at the coincidence. "Really? I'm from Colorado Springs."
"Get out of town!" he exclaimed. He'd actually found out that detail earlier from his best friend.
The rest of the evening Pete tried to stay as close to Sam as possible. Sam being as polite and oblivious as she normally was in such situations didn't seem to take notice of the extra attention he paid her.
"Dad, we should probably get going."
Jacob looked down at his watch and nodded. "Yeah… I'll go get our coats."
"Thanks."
"You're leaving?" Pete asked her.
She sent him a half smile, "Yeah… We're flying back to Colorado Springs early tomorrow morning."
"Yeah…" He paused as he gathered the nerve to ask her the question he'd been dying to ask her all night. "Can I give you a call sometime?"
Sam looked up at him, shocked. When she looked at him it was as if she was seeing him for the first time. She then shook her head, "Pete, you're a nice guy… But… Now's not a good time for me… I'm trying to work some things out."
"Hey I can wait? Or I can help you work out your problems?" He was now acting too eager.
She again shook her head, "I'm sorry." She held out her hand, "It was nice meeting you Pete."
He accepted her hand but was refusing to let it go. "I'd really like to take you out to dinner sometime," he tried again.
"Here you go," Jacob held out her coat none too late. He glared at the man holding his daughter's hand forcing him to release it. "Pete. It was nice meeting you."
Pete accepted his hand, "Likewise sir." He watched as Jacob helped Sam into her coat and began to lead her away to the other members of their family to say their good-byes. "Maybe we'll meet again," he called out hopefully.
Jacob turned back and with a stern look told the man that he had no chance with his daughter.
They drove back to their hotel in silence. Both contemplating separate events. Jacob's thoughts on how grateful he was to have such strong children. Sam's thoughts were on a conversation she planned on having with her CO in the next few days. The more she thought about it, the more she dreaded the possible outcomes of the conversation.
"Mind if I turn on the radio?"
A startled Jacob looked over at his passenger, "Na."
Sam leaned forward and turned on the car radio. She hit the Scan button and waited for a station to come up that was playing a song she recognized. She stopped it when she heard the melodic tunes of Coldplay. She leaned back as she let the sound of the music drown out the thoughts in her mind.
A few minutes later the D.J. came on the air. "That was 'Yellow' by Coldplay. Coming up next we have a special request… For Jonathan and Samantha… This is Jem's newest song, 'They'."
Sam's ears had automatically perked up at the dedication. She listened carefully to the rhythmic beat as she stared at the window.
Who made up all the rules?
We followed them like fools
Believed them to be true
Don't care to think them through.
I'm sorry so sorry,
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry so sorry,
I'm sorry we do this.
And it's ironic too
Cause what we tend to do
Is act on what they say
And then it is that way
I'm sorry so sorry,
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry so sorry,
I'm sorry we do this.
Who are they?
And where are they?
How can they possibly know all this?
Who are they?
And where are they?
How can they possibly know all this?
Do you see What I see?
Why do we live like this?
Is it because it's true
That ignorance is bliss?
Who are they?
And where are they?
And how do they know all this?
I'm sorry so sorry,
I'm sorry it's like this
Do you see what I see?
Why do we live like this?
Is it because it's true
That ignorance is bliss?
And who are they?
And where are they?
And how can they know all this?
I'm sorry so sorry,
I'm sorry we do this.
The song was finishing up when they pulled into the hotel parking lot. Jacob turned off the radio as they pulled in. He parked the car and turned off the engine without getting out from the car. They both sat in the car silently, their thoughts still on the song they had just heard.
Jacob took a deep breath, before beginning. "Love is worth the risk… Not taking the risk is the real tragedy." He looked over at her and gently smiled at her before getting out of the car and heading to the elevator.
Sam slowly exited the car and headed to follow her father who was waiting for her at the elevator bay. They reached their floor and Jacob held his hand out, but Sam just stared at it.
"I think I'm going to go for a walk."
Jacob nodded as he stepped out of the elevator. "Okay. Be careful."
Sam absently nodded.
"Sam, I love you," he called out to her before the doors closed.
She smiled back at him as she rode the elevator back down to the lobby. She exited the hotel lobby and headed for the walkway that ran along the bay. When she reached a large park she stopped and sat in the grass overlooking the channel that separated the city from the naval base.
'Is it worth it? Does he even feel the same for me? Or would I be throwing my career and our friendship away? What would we do? We can't walk away… We can't abandon the Stargate program…
'I can't keep abandoning my heart…
'God, this decision would be so much easier if I knew how he felt…'
She then remembered an event from three years prior, the zatarc testing. Where they'd both revealed, and more importantly admitted, that they cared for each other more than they were supposed to.
'But you said we could leave it in the room… What the hell were you thinking?' she asked herself.
And then memories of the Prometheus occupied her mind. 'Will you always be there for me? … Are you really that safe of a bet?'
She shook her head as she realized how foolish she was being, 'That was a hallucination Sam. You weren't really talking to him… What about what your dad said?' That realization got her thinking.
'That's what you would want them to say… Or maybe it is what they would say…'
She laid back onto the ground and stared up at the night sky. Every once in a while her vision of the sky was disturbed by a plane taking off or landing at the nearby airport.
'Dad thinks it'd be worth it… Unbelievable! A retired Air Force General telling his daughter to disregard the regulations and follow her heart to Jack.
As the idea of being with Jack and having his arms wrapped around her formed, a true smile appeared on her features. Even the thought of just holding his hand made her happy. Without realizing it she saw a future unfolding before her with Jack as her husband, and eventually, the father of her children.
'So what are you going to do about it?' she asked herself.
She looked around the small park and saw a couple walking towards her. They were too far off to see any distinguishing features. But as they neared her she envisioned her and Jack walking hand in hand through a park. As they neared, she noticed that the man was actually holding a sleeping toddler in his one arm while he still held hands with his companion.
And just as easily she envisioned watching Jack carry their sleeping child back to bed. Playing with their children and teaching them how to fish. Watching the Simpsons with them. Taking naps with them. Showing them how to use a yo-yo. Making a mess of a kitchen as they tried to bake a cake for her on Mother's Day.
Was he the man of her dreams? The man she would grow old with? Was Jack O'Neill the man who would stay with her heart for all time?
The words of her father came to her, 'Follow your heart.'
The soldier in her reminded her of the regulations. But she ignored it as she remembered the cliché, 'We'll face what comes after, after.'
With a decision made Sam got up and headed back to her hotel. She had a big day ahead of her tomorrow.
The next day she was barely inside the door when she started booting up her computer and connecting it to the internet. Once the connection had been established she went to iTunes and paid the $.99 to download the song by Jem that she had heard the night before. She impatiently waited as her computer burned the song onto a blank CD.
Jacob watched her with amusement and pride – pride that she was going to go after what she wanted. He walked behind her and gently placed a kiss on the top of her head.
Sam quickly looked up at her father and saw his understanding.
"I'm happy for you Sam."
She smiled half-heartedly, "Will you be as happy if I'm court martialed?"
He smiled back at her, "I know a small little grey alien who would definitely help you guys out… And you could come live with your old man," he suggested.
She realized at that moment that no matter what happened, things would work out. They did have connections and friends and family who would look out for them. They would have a chance. Whether it played out on Earth was a different matter.
As the CD was finalizing she wrote a quick note and taped it to the inside of the CD case. 'You'll just go over there and hand it to him and leave… The ball will be in his court…'
Twenty minutes later she pulled into Jack's driveway. When she saw the empty driveway she sighed. She took a deep breath and resigned herself to the fact that she would just have to leave it at the door.
On her drive back to her house she began to question whether or not she had done the right thing. And by the time she reached home she decided that she at least had to take the risk. It might hurt if he didn't feel the same way, but at least then she could move on with her life.
"Dad!"
"Sam?"
Sam entered the kitchen where she saw her father pulling out some pasta from the cupboard. "You want to go for a walk?"
"I was going to make us some pasta," he told her as he began to fill a pot with water.
She walked over and turned off the faucet. "No. Let's go for a walk in the park… Come on, I'll treat you to one of those hot dogs that Ben sells."
Jacob smiled, "Well with an offer like that…"
At about the same time across town, Jack was pulling into his driveway. As he walked up the steps to his door he noticed the CD case propped up against the door. He set down one of the bags in his hand and bent down to pick up the case. As he stood up he recognized the handwriting in a word he'd never seen written by that hand: Jack.
"Huh…" Jack opened his door and walked his bags into the kitchen with the case still in his hands. He quickly put away his groceries, at least the perishable items and the beer which needed to be chilled.
When he was done he grabbed the CD case off the counter and flipped it in his hands as he wondered what was inside. He opened the case and pulled out the CD when he was standing in front of his entertainment system.
He was about to set the case down when he noticed the note on the inside cover.
"I don't want to be alone anymore, Sam," he read aloud.
Intrigued by what she was referring to in the note he sat down on his couch as he picked up the remote and started the CD. The haunting rhythm quickly caught his attention.
Who made up all the rules?
We followed them like fools
Believed them to be true
Don't care to think them through.
I'm sorry so sorry,
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry so sorry,
I'm sorry we do this.
He listened to the song several times to make sure that he understood what she was trying to say with the song.
"I know what I want her to be saying… But is it the truth?" he asked himself after the third repetition.
Suddenly he remembered the case in his hand and the handwritten note.
I don't want to be alone anymore,
Sam
His mind made up, he grabbed his keys from the table and raced out the door as he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. Most of the drive over there, he kept calling her house and cell. But she never answered.
When he finally did pull up in front of her house he was frantic that something had happened to her, especially since her car was parked out front. When there was no response to his repeated ringing of the doorbell he was about to call the SGC and have them page her.
He was about to start dialing when he looked up.
"The park!" he told himself as he bounded down the stairs and ran across the street.
He'd been wandering around the park for five minutes when he spotted her blonde hair. She was sitting under a tree with her dad.
Jack ran to stand before them.
No words were exchanged between the pair. Just a silent search for understanding, hope, and above all else, love.
Sensing that his presence wasn't required, Jacob slowly got up as he squeezed his daughter's hand and kissed her forehead. He walked past Jack and gave him an approving father's nod. Behind him, Sam followed her father's lead in standing.
Neither Sam nor Jack knew how long they stayed like that.
"Why?"
"Because I'm sick of the tragedy I've been living in the past few years." Sam continued to stare into his eyes. She wasn't going to show any fear. Not now.
"What do you want?" she asked after another lengthy silence.
Jack stammered through his response. He still couldn't believe that they were talking about this. "I… I can't ask you to give up anything…"
"I've already given up enough…" she pointed out. It was time they received something in return.
He nodded his head absently as he wondered what he wanted, "… Yeah, you have…"
She let him think quietly for a bit before asking her question again, "What do you want?"
"The regulations and the SGC?" he asked. He still wasn't sure what to say to her. He knew what he wanted, but he wasn't sure if they were ready to cross that line.
She shook her head, "No. Don't think about that right now." She paused for added emphasis before continuing, "What do you want?"
He saw the hope in her eyes, the longing for something better. She was pleading with him to be honest with her and more importantly, with himself. "I want to call you Sam."
She closed her eyes and breathed. "We can Jack. We just need to follow our hearts."
Jack watched her movements and the relief flood over her face. When she looked back up at him with a small hopeful smile he couldn't deny what was in his heart. And so he followed his heart as he walked up to her and took hold of her hands. "Then I think I could love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you… Sam."
Her smile widened. "Me too… Me too."
The cliché mandated that they wrap their arms around each other and kiss passionately.
But they were anything but a cliché, instead they turned and walked away from the safety that lay below that tree.
"So what do we do now?" he looked over at her.
She shrugged and sent him a whimsical smile, "I don't know."
He stopped and stared at her in shock. "Samantha Carter doesn't know what to do?"
She bumped his shoulder as she continued walking towards her father who was sitting on a bench.
"Everything okay?" he called out when he saw the pair walking to him with a lightness in their step. He knew things were okay, but he wanted to know what they had discussed and decided on.
Sam smiled at her father as she extended her hand to help him up, not that he needed it. "We just have to move the roadblocks out of the way now."
Jack turned to her confused, "Roadblocks?"
"The regulations," she clarified.
"Ah!" he tilted his head back in understanding.
Jacob began heading towards Sam's house. "Come on, let's go talk about our options at home."
Jack turned to Sam and mouthed to her, "'Our options'?"
"He's my father… He knows what's best for me."
TBC
A/N: This was going to be a one-shot fic, but there's still the matter of the regs that they have to get past. So if you would like to see how they deal with the situation, I suggest you review! (I know that this is blackmail... but it's my story!)