Still Life

Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I don't own RENT, or any of the characters contained therein.

Mark walked up to the door of Tom Collins' apartment, and rapped softly on the wood, with a strange feeling of anxiety. After a few seconds, Collins came to the door, and opened it, looking surprised to see Mark standing in the hallway.

"Mark…come in. What are you doing here?" Mark jammed his hands in his pockets, trying to find the words to express how he felt. Frustrated at finding none, he did not reply, and instead walked over to Collins' coffee table, which was covered with various science and philosophy books. He picked one up, and read off the cover:

"Theory of Everything? What's that?" Collins eyed him warily, trying to figure out what was wrong with his usually cheerful friend.

"It's a so-far non-existent theory which, if discovered, will unite the four fundamental interactions of nature. Basically, it's a theory that explains everything." Mark was silent for a moment, and when he finally spoke, his voice quavered.

"Do you really believe that? That life, the universe, everything can be reduced to a single theory? That math and physics can explain life, that life is just a function of nature?" By now, Collins was seriously concerned for his friend.

"Mark, what's wrong?" He asked, with a note of urgency in his voice. Mark ignored the question, and continued to speak, his voice becoming thick with emotions.

"Do you believe in fate, Collins?" He asked, tearfully. Collins was taken aback by the question.

"What do you mean, Mark?"

"I mean, do you believe everything is pre-determined? Do you believe that we have a course in life mapped out for us at birth? Something we have no control over?" He hesitated, and plunged ahead, recklessly. "Do you believe fate brought you Angel?" Collins was dumbstruck. He could tell by now that Mark was most definitely not okay. He paused for a moment, considering the question.

"I don't know if I believe in 'fate', exactly. I believe that there are certain things that happen to us that seem like fate." He stopped, trying to find the right words. "I believe that Angel was a gift. From God, or Allah, or some unknown force in the heavens. I believe we were meant for each other." Mark looked at him, crestfallen, and he hastily continued. "But I don't know if that alone meant we were destined to find each other, or that we couldn't have gone through life without each other. I am glad I found Angel, even for the short time that she was with us, but I don't believe that our individual actions are meaningless, or that we have no power over our own lives. That's an awfully hard belief to shoulder, Mark."

Mark looked as though he was having an internal struggle, he breathed deeply and managed to force out the words "I know." Collins surveyed his friend. He could see now what he had missed for weeks. The dark circles under Mark's eyes, the sweater hanging loosely off too-thin shoulders, and the unnervingly despairing look in Mark's eyes, magnified by his thick glasses, which were beginning to dwarf his pale and drawn face. Collins moved closer to Mark, hesitatingly.

"Mark…tell me what's wrong." Mark was silent, and looked like he was fighting back the urge to burst out crying. Collins tried again, his voice rising in urgency. "Please, Mark, let me in. Tell me what's wrong, let me help you…" He trailed off, alarmed, as Mark's defenses finally broke down as he let out a wracking sob, and fell to his knees on the floor before Collins. Collins rushed to comfort him, head spinning.

"Mark, Mark…talk to me…" Mark sniffled, and wiped his nose on his sleeve.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," he said quietly, as Collins looked on, concerned. "I don't know anything anymore. I feel so desperate sometimes, like I'm drowning, and I keep trying to swim and thrash and keep myself afloat, but something keeps dragging me down. I don't feel like myself anymore…I don't feel anything anymore. I've been avoiding my emotions for so long that I don't even think I have emotions anymore."

Collins stared at Mark, who was looking helplessly back at him, watching him, waiting for him to do something. Collins stepped over to him and enveloped him in a hug, and held him tightly as Mark dissolved into tears again.

A/N: I'm pretty proud of this chapter, it was difficult to write. Please review with any comments, help me make this story good.

the-fraulein: Thanks for the review! Yeah, dialogue trips me up sometimes, but thanks for telling me how to fix it, and for reading the story. Your stories are excellent, by the way.

Also, as a general note, I did my best to explain the complicated theory of everything. If I messed up the definition, feel free to correct me. Physics has never been my strong suit. My background information on the subject was from an encyclopedia website.