I don't own Degrassi or Culture Club or anything really. Well, that's kinda depressing.
You wanted to know what happened between Emma and Jay, so here's Emma's version, Jay's should be up by the end of the weekend or early next week. Sorry, the song doesn't fit as well as others, but I don't want to waste too much time looking for a better one.
Someone up there hates me. That's the only explanation. I mean, I never knew my dad, but that's the breaks, right? My mom barely dates until I'm in junior high, which is slightly weird – starting to date at the same time as your mom?—and then you factor in that when she does date it's my teacher who she then marries (no end to the social fun in high school, there, right?). I found out my dad is not a doctor who's too busy for me, but a man-child scarred from acid and finally accept Mr. Simpson only to have him sick beyond belief as my mother has another baby.
If only that were all, right? My friends: My closest friend has told me that "I'm so boring it makes her want to cry," rejected me to be popular, check that, not popular, but "hot – not cute, not adorable, but hot" and then after much drama and make ups dropped me for a rather minor incident earlier this year. I mean Liberty doesn't even like Chris! She's totally still crushing on JT, who Manny did date even though she didn't particularly want him, but no one remembers that. JT dropped me in favor of pursuing afore mentioned friend, Manny, and my other close guy friend seems to alternate between ignoring me and declaring me the great unrequited love of his life.
Nothing else could possibly wrong, right? Until you consider my pathetic love life which can be summed up like this: Internet stalker – Sean Cameron – crush on Craig who picks Manny – Sean Cameron – DJ who inadvertently lost me best friend by being attracted to school nerd – Sea . . . I mean, single. I'm single. With no prospects.
So really I should be in line for some form of karmic bliss for the next, I don't know, 12 lifetimes or so.
The first day of school after last weekend I came ready to tell everyone about Jack's new trick. I had been such a downer lately, but today would be different. Except that I forgot I have no one to talk to at school. Still, when Toby mumbled some compliment as he held the door open for me I tried to be gracious. I walked to Dad's classroom to deliver some papers he had forgotten before going to my homeroom. He had just given a second warning and people were rushing out of the lab.
"Oh, Em!" Dad said as I turned to leave. "Will you run these announcements to Marco in the office real quick? Alex printed them, but she forgot to take them with her."
What was I this morning, Degrassi Fed Ex? "I'll be late for homeroom and you know how Ms. Kwan is," I protested.
"You'll be fine. Thanks, Em." Dad looked back down at his papers. I made a big showy sigh, but headed towards the office as he knew I would.
As I approached the office I could hear Jay and Alex's voices and they appeared to be arguing. 'Great,' I thought, 'my two favorite people, together, and obviously in a good mood, this should be wonderful.'
Jay started to leave as I approached and I said a little prayer of thanks that I wouldn't have to speak to him. He had been weirding me out lately. Ever since this summer and his comments, he was making less fun of the environment and more comments about my figure, which I wasn't sure were complimentary or not. Either way, he made me uncomfortable. Alex held nothing but pure, undiluted hate for me and that I could deal with. Jay was another story.
I said an 'Amen' a little too early apparently because Alex pulled her boyfriend back and started sucking face in the hallway. I mean, I guess I could call it a kiss, but she really just attacked him with her lips.
I froze where I was, hoping that they wouldn't see me if they eventually came up for air, but they blocked the only entrance to the office and Marco, the goal of my little quest.
I tried to go to a happy place like others who have witnessed traumatizing things and I swear I could see myself from where I was floating on the ceiling watching my body as the office door slammed, jarring me back to myself. Or something like that.
"How long exactly have you been standing there?" Jay snapped rudely.
I scrunched my nose up. Like I had wanted to see that. "Look, I wasn't planning on witnessing the first scene of your X-rated movie, okay," I retorted. Jay had this little satisfied grin on his face. Eww, gross. I didn't have time for this. "Excuse me, but I have to get by," I said trying to push by Jay by the sheer force of my will, eyes on the ground as I didn't want to look at his disgusting leer.
"Wait." Jay had this commanding tone, like a football coach or something.
"What?" I looked up at him, wondering why on earth he would want to continue this conversation.
I peered deep into his eyes trying to figure out exactly what he was up to this time.
"I wanted to warn you about Toby and . . ." Jay began.
Okay, whatever trick he was up to, I had had enough. "YOU wanted to warn ME about TOBY? A person who has gone out of his way to make me miserable for the last year wants to warn me about one of my best friends?" I looked at Jay unbelievingly. 'What's he going to do, program me to death? Bore me with his wit?' I wanted to say. But that would be cruel to one of the few friends I've got left. "You're a real piece of work," I said, reaching for the office door. "But I do not have time for this. Announcements are about to begin," I said, held high as I walked through the door, proud I had put Jay in his place. And promptly tripped. Seriously. I had to support myself on the door frame I stumbled so hard and then the door swung shut and hit me in the behind. The door pushed me forward and I had to grasp the desk to keep from falling into Marco's lap. Well, that was dignified, Emma, I told myself. Great, just great.
"Marco, Da – I mean, Mr. Simpson asked me to give these to you." I handed the form to Mr. President.
"Thanks, Emma," Marco said, not even looking up. He was concentrating on something in his hands.
"Now, run along and play, Emma, dear," Alex said in her falsely sweet voice making a little shooing motion with her hand. "The adults have work to do." Seriously, could my day get any better?
"Emma, hold on," Mr. Raditch called as I started to open the door. "Come with me and I'll get you a pass for homeroom." I had to ask.
I followed Mr. Raditch into his office and he shut the door. Not typical 'let me write you a pass' behavior. Since when did Raditch write his homeroom passes personally, anyway? It was usually a secretarial task. Images flashed before my eyes. Something had happened to Mom, Snake, Jack . . .
"Emma, I wanted to talk to you about Mr. Murray," Mr. Raditch started.
"Rick, sir?" I asked. Okay, now I was confused.
"Thank you for ending that ridiculous campaign. I know you take your little battles very seriously, so I just wanted to let you know I appreciated your compliance with school wishes," as Mr. Raditch thanked me, my mind went into overdrive.
He had just dismissed everything I had fought for in Degrassi, called my rather successful fundraising for a battered woman's shelter ridiculous and complemented me on turning into an administration puppet. He must have taken my open mouth shock for. . . I have no idea what he thought of my expression, but I soon found myself in the hallway, pass for Ms. Kwan in hand.
Fortunately, Jay had disappeared, although I expected him to pop out at any minute. Only one person could possibly make this day worse and wonder of all wonders the only seat left in homeroom was the one that separated Sean Cameron from the rest of the students. As I slid into the empty seat, I wished I had stayed in bed this morning.
Surprisingly, Sean nodded an acknowledgement of my presence and then went back to . . . plotting the theft of Raditch's car? Carving Ellie and Sean forever on the desk? Thinking up more rumors about our activities this summer to spread? Whatever he was doing, he was doing it silently. One disaster averted at least.
I somehow sleep walked through the rest of the day, noticing only major things, like Ellie feeding Sean at lunch (eww, were we ever that co-dependent? I hoped not. For feminisms sake and what not) or the rumors of the break-up of super couple, Paige and Spinner. The rumor seemed to involve Manny, which made it less reliable. After chewing me out the first day of school for coming between Liberty and Chris, she wouldn't be hypocritical enough to break up another couple, would she?
Finally it was the last class of the day. I felt myself counting down the seconds until chemistry was over and I could be done. Granted I'd have to wait till Snake finished with Student Council if I wanted to get a ride home, but an hour by myself in the MI lab didn't sound so bad. An hour to myself anywhere didn't sound too bad after dealing with Raditch and Jay this morning, not to mention Toby stalking me all day for some unknown reason.
Speaking of Toby, he was hovering again, wandering back and forth. It was amusing, for oh, all of about ten seconds. Seriously, I've known him for four years. You think he could start a conversation with me. I went back to my microscope, so of course, Toby took that moment to approach.
"Uh, standing up for Rick like you did…I've decided to follow your lead," Toby said. Well, that was unexpected.
"What do you want Toby?" I asked annoyed. Seriously, I only had so much time to finish up the assignment.
Toby must have decided to switch tactics, because he stopped kissing up to me and got right to the point. "We've got this game going, it's kind of scavenger hunt-ish." He leaned forward and whispered, "If I get a kiss I win!"
I quickly weighed my options and decided the easiest way to end this was to give in. After all, JT was still his best friend and the idea of the two of them escalating a kiss game had too much potential for extreme embarrassment. So I made the only logical choice. Rolling my eyes, I leaned over and kissed Toby on the cheek.
Toby shoved me away roughly as he got in Rick's face. "Ha! I win, which means you lose! You are a loser!" Hmmm. . . And Toby wondered why he didn't have a girlfriend. Call me crazy, but I hoped that I would inspire a little bit more, I don't know, awe maybe? I mean when I kissed Sean, even if it was on the cheek, he'd . . .
'Don't go there, Emma,' I told myself.
Well, there was one way to teach Toby a lesson. "Nice way to follow my lead Toby. Just so you're not lonely!" And I leaned over and kissed Rick on the cheek as well.
As I moved away, I noticed Sean rubbing his eyes. I fought the urge to make sure he was alright and instead compared notes with Krystle, another girl in our chem class to finish up. Krystle and I weren't friends, per se, but with so many classes together we tried to help each other out occasionally.
Finally Ms. Hatzilakos dismissed us. I raced to get my books from my locker and then headed towards the M.I. lab.
"Hey, Dad, still offering the ride? I'm not sure the streets are safe to walk home today," I said. "Seriously, is it me, or is everyone just a little weird today?"
"I've always got a spot for you in the Nelson-Simpson carpool," Dad said as I walked into the lab. "You remember the rules, right?"
"Don't let anyone else in, don't surf any websites I shouldn't, no food or drinks, don't leave the lab or I'll be locked out, stop any charging rhinos from attacking the new computers, point them towards the older section of the lab instead," I recited. Seriously. As if he didn't leave this to me all the time.
"And most importantly," Archie prompted. At my blank look he continued, "If you're bored, feel free to defrag!"
"Out! I shouted, pointing at the door. Laughing, I shut it behind him and dropped the shades. I just stood with my back against the door and breathed deeply. One more day down. Tomorrow would be better. It had to be.
I felt guilty for planning on spending an hour on pointless internet sites and decided to defragment one row of computers, at least. I had just moved to the computer closest to the door, when I heard pounding on the door to the lab.
I heard a voice in my head. 'Rule #1: Let no one else in' and continued working on the computer.
"Open up, Nature Girl! I know you're in there!" Jay's voice boomed through the door punctuated by loud thumps. "I've broken vending machines before, this door will be rather simple!"
What on earth could he possibly want? I hadn't seen him since this morning's encounter and his aborted warning about Toby. Suddenly I had a flash of the strange chemistry class I had just had. Jay couldn't have known . . . no, there was no way Toby would have told Jay that there was a scavenger hunt/kiss contest. That screamed "MOCK ME," and Toby's survival instincts had sharpened considerably after dating Kendra and dealing with her over-protective big brother, Spin.
But Jay didn't make idle threats, so I moved to the door to save it. My dad would never let me hear the end of it if anything happened to his precious M.I. classroom on my watch.
I opened the door a little. "The lab is closed," I told Jay, trying to shut the door, quickly.
"I'm not looking for computer time, Emma. I want to talk to you." At the use of my first name I froze.
I stepped into the hallway, making sure I propped open the door behind me so I wasn't locked out. "What could you possibly want to talk to me about?" Ouch, my voice sounded harsher than I intended.
"Look, I know you and I don't get along," he started. I stifled a giggle. That was one way to put it. "And I know you and Cameron have a history."
"I am not talking about Sean with you of all people. If he asked you to . . ." Jay cut me off.
"Just listen to me Emma. For once listen to someone. Because somebody has got to get through to you and let you know what you are playing with. Since none of your so-called friends, such as Toby, are stepping in, I guess it's gonna be me." Jay's voice dripped with anger as he said Toby's name and I grew suddenly aware of how close we were standing. I took a step backwards, only to find the lockers were right behind me.
"I heard about your chem class," he continued.
"You're staging a chemistry intervention?" I mocked. "Look, whatever Sean's told you, it's not true." This entire conversation was beyond surreal and I moved to try and move past him back into the lab.
"So you didn't kiss Rick today?" he asked mockingly.
I stopped. "How is that any of your business?"
"Because Emma. You are going to get hurt." Jay's voice was getting louder with each word.
"Like you care!" I scoffed.
"Damn it, Emma! I do care!" Jay was shouting now. "I've been watching you for a while and, despite my best efforts, I care about what happens to you!"
"You've been watching me?" I took a deep breath. Starting again, I purposefully kept my voice low and measured. "Look. I don't know what you're trying to do here. I don't know the set-up and I don't want to. I am trying to give Rick another chance because no one else will. Something I guy like you wouldn't understand."
"You are such a freakin' hypocrite!" Jay shouted taking a step closer to me. I smelled cheap whiskey and felt scared for the first time. Why hadn't I noticed earlier he was drunk? I felt my heartbeat speed up as I was trapped between a now very angry Jay and the lockers. Placing a hand on the lockers to the side of my body, effectively blocking my only other lane of escape, Jay continued. "What the hell do you know about a guy like me? And giving chances? You prance around up in the clouds looking down on all the rest of us. Did you ever once try to get to know me? To get to know Alex? Did you give anyone I know a first chance, let alone a second?"
He pounded his fist against the lockers painfully close to my ears. "You probably blame me for your break up with freakin' Cameron. Do you know if he had asked my opinion I would have told him that he was freakin' crazy to let such a strong, beautiful girl go, even if she was annoyingly goody two shoes? NO!" Another pound. "Because GOD FORBID Sean Cameron ever do wrong! He had to have been led astray by the devil in the form of me, right?" He leaned in close. "AM I RIGHT?"
I turned my head away from him and nodded, both because he was right and because I was afraid to anger him any more. He dropped his voice to a whisper. "You don't know what it's like to watch your dad hit your mom and be powerless to stop it. You don't know what it's like to be told everyday by your parents the world would have been a better place without you. You don't know me. And you never tried to. So go ahead. Judge me. Judge Alex. Keep your second chances for big public displays: Rick, Sean, Manny, so everyone can continue to talk about Emma Nelson the perfect angel, who reaches out to everyone in need. Just know that I see right through you, Emma. And from now on, you are on your own. You want me to be the bad boy?" His voice had steadily risen and now was as loud as ever. "I'll show you a freakin' bad boy!" He brought his hand back and I flinched.
When I looked up, Jay was on the other side of the hall, looking at his own hands in horror like he had just discovered them.
"Jay, I . . ." I didn't know what to say, but leaving things like this seemed wrong.
"Why are you still here? GO HOME! GO!" Jay shouted.
I turned and ran, tears now streaming down my face. I passed a blurry figure and heard my name, but I didn't stop. I had too much to think about. My tears, however, were not from fear. If I only would admit it, I was crying because of the amazing level of guilt I felt. Behind all the anger and violence, deep down, I knew he was right. He was right about everything.