Still Life

Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I don't own RENT, nor any of the characters contained therein.

After Joanne left, Mark quietly put away his filming equipment, and sat down numbly on the couch, head spinning. He lay back on the old sofa and folded his hands over his lap, staring at the dingy grey ceiling. He was jolted from his comfortable position when he heard the door open.

"Hey!" He called out, as he saw Roger and Mimi come through the door.

"Hey!" Roger grinned back, as Mimi gave him a smile and a wave. Roger came running over to him and jumped on him, straddling him. Mark groaned in pain, and tried feebly to push him off. "Guess what, Marky?" He asked in a singsong voice.

"What?" Mark gasped, giving up all efforts to dislodge the heavy weight on top of him.

"Me and Mimi went shopping!" He practically yelled in excitement. Mark looked up at him blankly.

"Since when do you go shopping, Roger?" Roger looked down uncomfortably.

"Well…Mimi said you might like it if we did some of the stuff around the loft." He said in a rushed voice. Mark looked down at the faded fabric of the couch.

"Oh." He said quietly, feeling terrible. Roger and Mimi, HIV positive Roger and Mimi! Had felt bad for him, his friends with problems far larger than his own had taken it upon themselves to try and make him feel better. He rubbed the soft material between his fingers, guiltily. He had no right to impose his problems on them, especially when they shouldn't be concerned with anything but their own. He sighed, and fought tears back, feeling like the most horrible person on the face of the earth.

"Earth to Mark!" Roger called from the kitchen. Mark's head snapped up.

"Yeah?" He replied, fighting to keep his voice steady. Roger motioned him over, and Mark reluctantly went. Roger grinned excitedly and grasped Mimi's hand, thrusting a box at Mark. Mark took it curiously, and looked at it. It was a box of Grapenuts cereal.

"Roger…you hate Grapenuts cereal. You used to throw out all the boxes of it Collins used to buy while he was asleep." Roger grinned sheepishly, and Mimi looked interestedly at him.

"Is that true, Roger?" Roger huffed indignantly, but his eyes were smiling.

"You've never tasted this stuff, Mimi, you don't know how gross it is. There aren't even any marshmallows in it!" He cried. Mimi snorted, and rubbed his head. Roger looked at Mark expectantly, but Mark just stared at him.

"Why did you buy the cereal if you hate it, Rog?" He asked, confused. Roger smiled at him, as did Mimi.

"We bought it 'cause you like it, Mark." Mark eyes widened in recognition and he smiled sadly at Roger and Mimi.

"Thanks, guys." He said, feeling worse than before. Roger must have noticed something was wrong, because he cleared his throat nervously.

"Um, Mark?" He ventured, hesitatingly.

"Yeah?" Mark responded.

"Um…we're best friends, right?" He asked, timidly. Mark nodded his head, confused. "You know I make fun of you a lot." Mark nodded his head again, with an "um, duh." look on his face. "But…you know I don't mean it…right?" He asked, sounding afraid. Mark looked at him, and opened his mouth to respond, when Roger cut him off. "Mark…this depression thing…is it my fault?" Mark looked at him in horror, and was quick to respond.

"Oh, God, Roger, no. Definitely not." Roger didn't look convinced, so Mark continued. "Roger, you're my best friend. You always have been. You're like a brother to me." Roger perked up at this, and Mark kept going. "You're one of the best things in my life right now." He sat down, suddenly feeling tired. "This 'depression thing' isn't anyone's fault. It's something I need to figure out and deal with by myself, instead of dragging my friends down with me." He finished, bitterly. Roger glared at him.

"No." Mark was surprised.

"What do you mean, 'no'?" He asked.

"I mean, you are not going to deal with this by yourself. Your friends are not just going to sit by and watch you struggle." Mark opened his mouth to interject, but Roger kept on talking. "We're your friends, Marky," He said, drawing out Mark's hated nickname. "We care about you, and we're gonna help you, whether you like it or not!" He finished, and gave Mark a friendly punch to the shoulder. Mark looked up at him and smiled.

"Thank you, Roger." Mimi, sensing Roger had more to say, slipped away quietly to their room, giving him privacy to say it.

"Mark, I'll never forget all the things you've done for me. Withdrawal, April, Mimi…everything. I owe you so much, and I want to repay you. I'm your best friend, please don't shut me out. I know what it's like to feel hopeless. When I first found out I had HIV, I was so angry, I couldn't feel anything else. But when I stopped feeling angry, I began to feel afraid. Afraid and sad, how else can you feel knowing you only have a few years left to live? And I still feel like that sometimes, it's a normal motion, but I also learned that you need to see the good along with the bad. Mark, you're a great guy, the best friend I could ever hope for, and I'm gonna help you with this, just like you helped me." Roger smiled at him, and wrapped his arms around him in a bear hug, squeezing the breath out of his smaller friend. Mark gasped and tried to push him off, but Roger laughed and turned is hug into a headlock. Mark struggled vainly to escape from Roger's clutches, but Roger held him tighter.

"Now," he intoned, "Say 'Roger is the boss of me.'" He paused. "No, wait, say 'I am Roger's eternal slave.'" Mark, realizing resistance was futile, laughingly repeated the phrase. "All right!" Roger cheered, and released Mark. He walked over to the door.

"Where are you going?" Asked Mark, rubbing his neck. Roger smirked.

"To buy some good cereal. Grapenuts suck!" He yelled, and exited the loft, leaving Mark doubled over in a fit of laughter.

A/N: All right! Another chapter and another review, courtesy of the most excellent the-fraulein. Glad you liked the chapter, and thanks for the review. Roger is definitely harder for me to write than Collins or Joanne. I don't think I quite managed to make him sound realistic, so if ANYONE wants to review with criticism or suggestions, I would greatly appreciate it. I'm starting to think this story is really bad, I mean, no one is reviewing! (Except for the-fraulein, whom I am eternally grateful to)