Finally, here's Jay's thoughts for everything you've seen so far and a little you haven't. Updates might be a little slower coming than normal because of finals, but I have mapped out the whole story, so I promise your patience will be rewarded. Thank you to all who reviewed the last chapter, I appreciate any feed back that you want to offer.

Of course, if I owed Degrassi or the Spin Doctors and their songs, finals would be the last thing on my mind, but I don't, unfortunately.

Also, beware, probably the strongest language to date below. I tried to tone it down a little, but some things when it comes to Jay, just aren't pretty.

A glaring light hit my eyes and I opened them to have the world spin. I shut them quickly, but not quick enough to prevent the jack-hammers from going off in my head.

"Rise and shine, sweetheart," a cheerful falsetto instructed. Even with the hideous tone, I recognized that voice.

"Jump off a cliff, Cameron. And close the shades when you leave," I muttered, shoving a pillow over my head. It didn't help.

"No way, man. You gotta get into the shower," Sean grabbed the pillow from me. I stood up to get it back and fell back on the bed. I'd kick his ass after the room stopped spinning. Really. If it ever did.

"You can't ditch two days in a row. And you were lucky that no one saw you at school wasted yesterday," he argued.

Yesterday . . . I went to school wasted? I didn't really remember much after going home and helping myself to some of my father's alcohol collection. Oh, wait! I had decided to be a friend and give Sean a ride home from school. Oh, shit. "Did I really drive to school trashed?" I asked more to myself, then to Sean.

"Umm, yeah, moron. Do you know what could have happened?" Sean sat on the bed next to me.

"Nothing happened. Sweet," I covered. Okay, so disaster averted. "Thanks for the lecture, Dad."

"You gonna tell me what happened between you and Emma yesterday? Or am I going to have to interpret the Degrassi gossipvine?" Sean asked me, squinting down where I was laying.

Flashes from yesterday afternoon flashed through my head. Did I really have a drunken fantasy about Emma Nelson? And out loud to Cameron. Well that freakin' sucked! Wait, Emma wasn't in the car, was she?

"She didn't hear me singing, did she?" I asked confused.

"Dude, you are so out of it. Do you even remember going back into Degrassi and fighting with Emma?" Sean asked.

"Fighting . . ." I had a glimpse of me slamming my hand against a locker dangerously close to Emma's head and her flinching away from me. "I didn't . . . do anything to Emma did I?"

Sean shook his head. "Not that you told me about anyway. Look, hop in the shower. It'll all come back to you eventually. I'm going to make some coffee. I've only got instant, but it should wake you up somewhat."

"Thanks, man," I stood up shakily. "Look, I'm sorry I ruined your night without the vampire, or whatever."

"That's what friends are for," Sean said walking away. Turning back, he called out, "Just don't do it again."

It wasn't the first time I had been drunk enough to have holes in my memory, so I knew that with the right trigger, everything would come back. Until then, I had to get my shit together. I showered quickly and Sean retrieved my emergency set of clothes from the trunk of my car. Even the sight of dry toast caused my stomach to flip-flop, so I had a cup of coffee for breakfast, and we were off.

Sean ditched quickly – something about meeting Ellie in the cafeteria – but the whole having to watch them feeding each other again thing would have literally made me sick with my hangover, so I headed toward my locker. I was trying to avoid everyone, Emma especially, until I remembered exactly what had happened yesterday.

As I walked down the hall I spotted Rick and Toby . . . Rick and Toby . . . suddenly it all came back.

Flashback

I had been singing some inane song about well, my favorite subject, at least, when Sean's laughter intruded onto a very hot fantasy involving Ms. Nature and a very interesting garden.

"Man, you should've stayed in school," Sean commented. "Emma was giving out kisses like they were candy. First Toby, the dorky best friend, then Rick, registered psychopath and Emma's current pity project, who's to say school bully wouldn't be next, right?"

That got my attention as I remembered the crazy bet thing those nerds had been talking about this afternoon. "What did you say?" I asked concentrating way harder than I should have had to, in order to be coherent.

"Nothing. Just I thought I saw Emma kiss Toby and then Rick. Just on the cheek, nothing major. Probably hallucinated the whole thing." Sean leaned over to check things, but I couldn't wait. If they both got a kiss, that was a tie, right? With Rick's history, I didn't want to know what the tie-breaker would be.

I jumped out of the car, not bothering to shut the door and headed back towards Degrassi. I had to explain to Emma what she was messing with. Granted, I was having a little trouble walking straight, but that was only a minor inconvenience. Luckily, Emma's locker was right next to the M.I. lab, making it the obvious first choice for my search. Even more fortunately, it was close to Cameron's so if anyone asked what I was up to, I could claim I was retrieving something for him. Or something like that. Yeah.

As I approached the lab, I saw Emma through the windows. I was distracted momentarily by the way she was bending over the computer closest to the door, offering a very nice view of her ass. Damn, she was hot.

I shook my head. I was on a mission, I reminded myself. I pounded on the door, which Emma glanced at before turning back to the computer. That lucky, lucky computer.

A little more encouragement was needed. "Open up, Nature Girl! I know you're in there!" I shouted between pounds on the door. Still nothing, so I continued. "I've broken vending machines before, this door will be rather simple!"

There was a pause and then the door opened barely a crack, Emma sticking her head out slightly. "The lab is closed," she told me starting to close the door.

Okay, so apparently threatening to break down the door was not the best way to approach the situation. I changed tactics. "I'm not looking for computer time, Emma. I want to talk to you."

She froze and I could almost hear her weigh the Jay of a moment ago against my request now. But I must have caught her attention, because she walked across the hall and turned.

"What could you possibly want to talk to me about?" Judging from the tone of her voice, her attention and her trust were far from the same thing.

"Look, I know you and I don't get along," I started. She was laughing at me. Great. Well, there was no turning back now. "And I know you and Cameron have a history."

Her guards jumped back up into place immediately and she interrupted me. "I am not talking about Sean with you of all people. If he asked you to . . ."

I interrupted her right back. I couldn't let her walk away now. "Just listen to me, Emma. For once listen to someone. Because somebody has got to get through to you and let you know what you are playing with. Since none of your so-called friends, such as Toby, are stepping in, I guess it's gonna be me." I felt myself starting to get angry when I thought about how little her actual friends were doing to protect her. Just like they had kept that first girl safe from the psycho. And yet I was the 'bad influence.'

"I heard about your chem class," I kept going.

Her eyes widened, but she wouldn't give in. Instead she joked, "You're staging a chemistry intervention? Look, whatever Sean's told you, it's not true." Why would she bring up Sean unless she knew what he told me? She tried to run away from the subject, from me, so I changed tactics. Emma didn't back down from a fight, so I thought I'd piss her off a little.

"So you didn't kiss Rick today?" I taunted.

Sure enough, she stopped. "How is that any of your business?" she asked rudely.

I took a deep breath. This was the moment of truth. "Because Emma. You are going to get hurt."

"Like you care!" She threw the words at me.

"Damn it, Emma! I do care!" On some level I realized my voice was too loud, but I was sick of working so hard to get her to just admit she didn't know everything. "I've been watching you for a while and, despite my best efforts, I care about what happens to you!"

"You've been watching me?" Emma's nostrils flared a little. Woah, if I had wanted to piss her off, mission accomplished. She managed to get herself under control fairly quickly and climb back on her soap box, though. "Look. I don't know what you're trying to do here. I don't know the set-up and I don't want to. I am trying to give Rick another chance because no one else will. Something I guy like you wouldn't understand."

Her off hand remark felt like a punch to the stomach. I didn't think, I just reacted.

"You are such a freakin' hypocrite!" I shouted taking a step closer to her. That was the last straw. A guy like me? What the hell did that mean? She didn't even know me, but she had placed me lower than someone who had beat up his frickin' girlfriend. He had almost killed that girl while proclaiming his frickin' love! I put one hand on either side of her face, moving my own face close to hers. "What the hell do you know about a guy like me? And giving chances? You prance around up in the clouds looking down on all the rest of us. Did you ever once try to get to know me? To get to know Alex? Did you give anyone I know a first chance, let alone a second?"

I pounded my fist against the lockers, rage – or was it alcohol – making my vision swim a little. If I wanted to get Emma back, experience showed the best way was through Cameron. "You probably blame me for your break up with freakin' Cameron. Do you know if he had asked my opinion I would have told him that he was freakin' crazy to let such a strong, beautiful girl go, even if she was annoyingly goody two shoes? NO!" Another pound. "Because GOD FORBID Sean Cameron ever do wrong! He had to have been led astray by the devil in the form of me, right?" I leaned in close. "AM I RIGHT?"

Emma looked away from me, nodding. Good. About time she listened. I was so sick of Emma, hell all of Degrassi, thinking they all knew me so well. If they wanted so badly for me to be evil, I might as well have some fun with it. I lowered my voice, whispering, "You don't know what it's like to watch your dad hit your mom and be powerless to stop it. You don't know what it's like to be told everyday by your parents the world would have been a better place without you. You don't know me. And you never tried to. So go ahead. Judge me. Judge Alex. Keep your second chances for big public displays: Rick, Sean, Manny; so everyone can continue to talk about Emma Nelson the perfect angel, who reaches out to everyone in need. Just know that I see right through you, Emma. And from now on, you are on your own. You want me to be the bad boy?" I was shouting again, but beyond caring. Forget Emma Nelson and her perfect little hypocrisy. "I'll show you a freakin' bad boy!" I brought my hand up intent on hurting her as much as her words had hurt me, but I stopped myself. I backed away from her, horrified.

I stared at my hands. I was just like him. I was just as bad as Rick and my dad and Alex's dad. Worse, because I supposedly knew better. Shit, how had this happened? I had only wanted to tell her to be careful, but she made me so angry!

"Jay, I . . ." Emma tried to approach me, but I cut her off.

"Why are you still here? GO HOME! GO!" I shouted, trying to scare her away. Didn't she realize she was in danger? I had stopped myself, but just barely. She needed to leave before I completely lost control. I leaned against the lockers and slid to the floor as I watched her run down the hall.

End Flashback

Sean must have found me and taken me home. Now I had a new reason to stay away from Emma Nelson. She may have turned out to be a close-minded and judgmental brat, but she didn't deserve what almost happened to her. 'Fuck her,' a part of me said. While half of my brain started down the absolutely fabulous images that phrase inspired, I knew I was done with her. A guy like me? I didn't need that shit. Other than the legs that went up to her neck, I'm not entirely sure what ever attracted me to Emma Nelson.

But no matter what happened from now on, the entire situation was all Rick's fault. If he hadn't have targeted Emma, I wouldn't have tried to warn her drunk, she wouldn't have pissed me off and I wouldn't have taken my first steps toward the dark side. I would NOT turn into my father. I wouldn't let Rick or Emma or anyone else push me down that path. Emma was relatively innocent, that was my own fault, but Rick was a confirmed abuser and payback would be long and sweet. And start now.

"Slam!" I shouted, approaching Rick.

"What?" he asked, looking up. Using two hands and all my strength, I slammed Rick into a row of lockers.

"I said slam! Now pay attention next time!" I instructed Rick pointing at him. I walked away feeling somewhat better. But it wasn't over by a long shot.

The rest of my day was uneventful. I successfully avoided Ms. Nelson and Alex and actually stayed awake in class. Granted, I didn't pay attention, too many of my thoughts dwelling on yesterday's episode when my head wasn't throbbing.

By lunch time I had decided that I had to stop avoiding Alex. This whole Emma thing, whatever it had been was pretty conclusively over, so Alex's power game was pretty much over, too. I knew my place and even if I didn't the rest of the school wouldn't let me forget it. Alex would never generalize about what 'a guy like me' would or wouldn't do and I could use some babying from my girlfriend today.

With new found purpose, I stood on the balcony overlooking the crowded hallway, looking for Alex. I noticed Toby talking to some new Grade Niner. 'Where was his shadow?' I wondered, momentarily distracted. Twice in the same morning would be a pretty good record. As if on cue, Rick walked down the stairs. Damn, he had been looking at a bulletin board merely arm's length away and I had missed it.

I watched as Toby paid the girl. Interesting. But things got even more interesting when Rick came down and Toby disappeared. When she leaned over and kissed Rick, however, I stood up a little straighter. This whole time I had blamed Toby for not preventing Rick from going after Emma. I never thought that the little pipsqueak would actually be encouraging Rick. His role in everything had just been upgraded from passive stander-by to instigator. And I had some work to do.

Just then arms encircled me from behind. I turned to find myself face to face with Alex.

"Just the person I was looking for," I said with my patented smirk.

I thought she looked a tiny bit surprised, but it was gone in a moment, replaced with her own trademark smirk. That's my girl. Nothing's ever wrong, at least not that the world can see. "Well, baby, how 'bout we blow this joint and" Alex leaned over and breathed into my ear "catch up."

I shivered from top to toes. Now there was an offer. "I think that sounds like the perfect way to spend the afternoon," I told her, turning her face towards me and kissing her hard. We started down the stairs and towards the door when a voice stopped me.

"Mr. Hogart, I do hope you are planning to attend your afternoon classes this afternoon," Mr. Raditch told me approaching. Damn lousy timing. I was about to get some very hot make up sex, thank you very much, Daniel. "Two days in a row and I might have to take some action that neither of us would enjoy."

"I doubt that," I muttered under my breath. Alex squeezed my arm, warning me.

"What was that?" Mr. Raditch asked, trying to be intimidating.

"I said," I let out a hiss as Alex's nails dug into my arm. Got the message, darling, I glared at her. "I said, 'yes, sir.'"

"Thank you. Jayson, Alexandra, enjoy your lunch." Mr. Raditch nodded at us.

"Damn it," I swore softly so he wouldn't hear, wincing as Alex removed her claws.

"Big baby," she laughed swatting at me. It was good to hear her laugh again. I watched Toby and Rick head toward the cafeteria.

"Well, maybe there's a way to make this afternoon more interesting," I remarked, indicating the geek squad.

"Just don't get caught," Alex warned.

"I never get caught," I responded, nipping at her ear.

"Come on, outlaw, let's get something to eat, since we're not going to be otherwise occupied for a while at least," Alex tugged on the strap of my bag.

"Fine. Just promise not to feed me." I held up my hands in mock surrender.

"Why would I want to do something so stupid?" Alex looked back at me.

That's my girl. I pulled her back close for another kiss. "It's a long story. Suffice it to say that's why I love you."

She looked up at me and looked so young and vulnerable that I thought of how crazy I would have to be to let go of this amazing girl. "You sure about that?" she asked. This was the closest she would get to asking me about Emma. We didn't do 'feelings' and crap like that.

"Yeah. I may have been distracted lately, but I have refocused," I took her by the waist and striding toward the cafeteria leaned over to add the last part quietly. "And as soon as class is over I'll put that focus to good use."

We joined Sean for lunch because Ellie had a session with Ms. Sauve. Just a monthly, so you're not gonna kill yourself, right? checkup. Normal for someone who has to snap a frickin' bracelet to keep from slicing her own wrists. I still didn't get that. I mean, if the world sucks, hurt someone else. Doesn't hurt you, in fact, your own life looks a little better afterwards. Makes a hell of a lot more sense than beating yourself up. But whatever, right? I mean, I wasn't dating her.

Lunch was great, like old times last year. My crew and my girl and shop talk all around, plus the typical running commentary on the disgusting state of the school. It wasn't quite the same, as I could see Alex biting her lips a couple times to resist spouting student council bullshit, but it was close enough that it was good. Really, good.

Right before the bell rang, Alex went to talk to Paige with a warning about work and Towerz and everybody else cleared out leaving me and Sean.

"So are you ever going to tell me what happened yesterday?" He asked trying to look nonchalant.

I bit back a laugh. He was biting his lip like a little girl on her first date, trying to act like he wasn't worried about little Miss Nelson when it was obvious it was all he was thinking about. "Let me think for a moment," I started. I swear to God he leaned forward. This was too easy. "Umm . . . no."

He fumed for a couple seconds then leaned close. "Well, I'm sure you told Alex. So maybe I'll just ask her about what a drunken Jay and Emma would have to talk about. I'm sure she has a theory."

I glared at Sean. I was fairly confident he was bluffing. He liked Alex and wouldn't hurt her. Or at least I thought he wouldn't. Where Nature Girl was concerned, all bets were still off. He just leaned back with a smug smile. Damn.

"I warned her to stay away from Rick. She didn't like me messing in her business and told me so in no uncertain terms. I told her to go f--- herself if that's what she really wanted to do." I gave the extremely abbreviated version.

"Em's not really a fan of being told what to do," Sean said, a look in his eyes showing he knew from far too much experience.

"Yeah, so I gathered. But she doesn't have the whole story," I told Sean what I had overheard Rick and Toby talking about and what I had seen earlier.

"Well, that explains what I saw in chem. But look, man, we've put Emma through a lot of shit over the past year. I think we should just give it a rest," Sean reasoned. "She's not the type you want on your case."

"Yeah, I got that memo, thanks." I rolled my eyes. "Life is definitely much easier with your ex not breathing down our necks. Trust me. Little Miss Heal the World asked me to stay out of her life and I intend to." 'As soon as I take care of Toby Isaacs,' I added silently.

Sean gave me a nod that in Cameron-speak meant thanks or something. Seriously, he can speak with those huge eyebrows alone, I swear.

The bell rang then, giving us a warning for our next class. Joy. Well, the monotony of my science teacher's lecture on evolution allowed me to plan just exactly how I would take care of Mr. Isaacs. When the bell rang the end of class I was ready, but unfortunately, I didn't catch up to the Dork Prince until the next morning.

I hadn't slept well with the screaming at my house all night and crashes, but I couldn't afford to leave Mom alone two nights in a row. The next morning my hangover was completely gone and I had a renewed sense of purpose.

And wonder of wonders, who should I find but Toby and Rick, right where I wanted them, at Toby's locker.

"This has given me all the confidence I need," I overheard Rick say.

I, too, wondered like Toby, what this confidence was for, but Emma had told me to stay out, which I would after I tied up this loose end.

I was mildly amused to see Rick flee upon my arrival, but it was no matter, really.

"Survival instinct has the oldest and strongest member of the pack protecting the young and the weak," I started, quoting yesterday's lecture, as if I was in front of a class.

Toby immediately started protesting, "I'm weak. I'm practically feeble."

His eyes got huge as I grabbed his shirt and pulled him close, still leaving one arm casually against the side of his locker. "Yeah well, word's out that a niner's getting stalked by a certain psycho." So what if I was the one who had spread that rumor after what I had seen yesterday.

"Look. Rick's my friend!" I maneuvered his head making sure I didn't rough him up too much. Didn't want Cameron completely pissed at me and he tended to still stick up for Dolphin Girl's friends. "I was just trying to save him from humiliation," Toby continued.

I ignored him as I slammed the locker shut and stood in front of it arms crossed.

"Jay, Come on man! Let me out! Come on!" Toby's muffled voice came from within the locker.

"Yeah? Too bad he's not here to save you now!" I stood there feeling satisfied, ignoring Toby's continued pleas before I moved on. With luck, someone would find Toby and let him out before too long. If not, he could think about consequences. For every action there was a reaction and Toby just better hope that Rick was done with harassing women.

Shaking my head disgustedly, I started to search for Alex. One problem down, only Rick left.