Lol, no it's not.
Or is it?
Chapter 13: Of All The Gin Joints In The World.
You only hold me up like this
Cause you don't know who I really am
Sometimes I just want to know what it's like to be you
The dean smiled up at Alex," Wonderful job Alex" He patted him on the shoulders," All the girls said that the party went swimmingly"
"Oh, well that's why you chose me" Alex smiled, wiping some of the glitter off of his shoulder.
"Actually I'd like to thank both of you, where's that friend of yours, Jake?" The dean asked, searching around the room.
Alex paused," Um…he's busy at the moment, trying to fix up some…past issues, you know?"
The dean smiled," Ahh…he took one of the ladies back to his room eh?"
"Yeah…" Alex shrugged," Something like that"
Marco sighed as he laid down on the pillow on the floor of Brian's living room. He wiped the drool from his mouth, rubbed his eyes and looked up and screamed." Oh my god…!" He yelled, falling back down.
"What?" Brian yelled from on top of the couch and then even he got scared and fell off of it.
"Why the hell is everybody screaming?" Ryan snapped, waking up fully.
Pete sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly and yawned," Yeah"
"Look at the TV screen" Andy pointed out, an amused look on his face.
They all glanced towards the TV screen to see Jake and Michael.
Remy smirked, watching with his hands behind his back, at his TV screen, as every other boy inside the dorm was doing at the moment, and matter of fact, Marco and all his little friends were too. It was a simple little act really, Jake threatened him, so he had to fight back, right? It was simple really, since Matt was friendly with Sammy it wasn't that hard for the little kid to get inside of Brian's house. He lied and told him it was a game, and when Sammy got caught on Brian's lawn, he wasn't initially looking for Andy, he didn't even know that he would be there, he was hooking up the wire to the TV in the back, and slipped in a small live feedback signal, which would be initiated when Remy pressed the little on button.
Simple fun.
But oh, it got better, all he had to go was slip past Alex while he was cleaning up, that little bastard and switch a few wires around to get every boy's dorm room TV to have the same feedback signal, and they were all having a live showing from Jake's room. Oh course, Remy was inside the room with Jake and Michael, they'd never know, but he had his own tiny camera, in his hands, recording the whole thing from the closet. Oh the irony, bringing new terms to Fall Out Boy's lyrics of "Oh, don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet, wishing to be the friction in your jeans"
He laughed a little, as the whole school watched on.
Alex laid inside his bed, the TV channels not moving, all of them showing the same picture, Michael and Jake.
Channel 1 : Michael and Jake
Channel 2: Michael and Jake
Channel 3-56 : Michael and Jake…
He sighed, he knew Remy was up to this, but he decided he had done enough for Jake for tonight. So he turned up the volume to hear what they were saying.
" So…why are you really here?" Jake whispered…
We're making out in crashed cars
We're slipping through all the memories
I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive
Now I only wish of dreaming of you
Jake sat down on his bed, Michael next to him, looking a stunning combination of "Oh-My-God-Please-I-Need-Help-Opps-I-Lied-Please-I-Need-
You-Like-A-Crack-Addict-Needs-A-Good-Hit-Desperate" and "This-Is-Everything-You've-Ever-Wanted-Yet-Never-Dared-To-Dream-About"
Lowered his eyes to the floor, looking into the carpet and squinting before whispering," So…why are you really here?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Michael asked, not moving, but instead smoothing his lips together, making a smacking sound and laying out across the bed, he patted it gently," To talk…like the old times"
Jake fell down next to him," Really, why are you here?"
Remy focused the zoom in.
" Remember that time you cried after Mr. Nuts got ran over by a car and I tried to get you a new squirrel to talk with when we would go to the park?" Michael laughed," Or that time Rory got stuck in that tree?"
"Yeah, he was in there for like, a week" Jake smiled, looking at him intently," He cursed us out because he said we didn't jump high enough to knock him out of the branch"
"Even though he was 10 feet high up there" Michael added," Hey, remember the time that we went to Cherry Hill?"
" Ahhh…Cherry Hill" Jake smiled, " Good memories, the whole hay accident, when we got locked inside the barn that time-"
"Yeah, that was scary…there was that guy that was there with us and he kept-"
"Kept saying 'Hey there sonny, it will all be alright' and he had no teeth and then tha-"
"-cow, yeah, that cow had ending up giving birth and we were front row and center and then we found out that the old man was really-
"Rory's girlfriend's grandmother!" They laughed out and said at the same time.
"Oh god, forget the memories, where's the action" Remy asked, wondering if this was a good idea to begin with.
Jake laughed genuinely , " Yeah, Miss Kiki Chambers. But remember the last time we went to…"
"Our spot?" Michael breathed out," The one that Rory didn't know about?"
"Yeah" Jake nodded," The one, on the side of the hill, under that lake thing-"
"It used to take us an hour to swim there because we have to dive under the boulder and hold our breath for-"
"2 minutes and 37 seconds, we used to time each other, but it was the only place we could relax, it wasn't the same until that time we…"
"…had gotten in trouble…you have gotten in trouble with Angelina when you said you didn't like her current boyfriend…and we had left there for the night and we were afraid…"
"…because of the weird noises, so we stayed there for 2 weeks, and then it was raining, and you had tripped and cut your shoulder on the rock, and something got under your skin and you had this nasty rash there and you didn't want me to take you back because you said that then …"
"…the magic would be over, so I asked you to kiss it for me. And you did….and then I had said something stupid. Some ramble, cause you know I always rambled around you and then shut me up you had…"
"…kissed you" Jake finished off," Do you still have that cut?"
Michael unbuttoned his shirt and rolled down the shoulder part and pointed," Right there" He pointed to the little tan line in his skin," When we had came back we were in so much trouble…you got like…"
"10 spankings from him, and I was crying but then Rory had came and whispered to us later on that night…"
"…that he was going to kick our ass cause he was worried shitless about us being away so long and we just looked at each other and busted out laughing" They finished at the same time again.
"I missed the good old days" Jake sighed out.
"Oh, I have another one" Michael said, sitting up," What about the time you caused me to have a mental breakdown in the middle of the street, causing me to under go months of psychiatric therapy sessions and anti-depression pills and then how you showed up 3 months later at the hospital and then we just got even deeper into the incessant issues building up into a fateful December-"
Remy perked up, zooming in the camera again.
"Michael, stop" Jake snapped, sitting up.
"Oh, I wasn't done re-telling our memory, Jake!" Michael said, getting hyped up," On that December night when we met again…remember? That was today? Or how about when…oh I don't know, like 6 years ago when after Rory died you had said "I love you" for the first time and when I didn't respond you proceeded to beat the living shit out of me and kick me out of your house? Huh, huh?" He asked, poking Jake in the chest," Good times right, happy memories right?"
Jake glared at him.
" Holy shit, that's why they weren't talking" Marco pointed out, they were all huddled around the TV watching them argue, the lights off, all laying on pillows.
"Christ, Marco, dude, your kid…" Brian breathed out, turning up the volume.
"Yeah, I have to agree" Andy sighed out.
Pete rolled his eyes," Hello issues"
"I kind of though the whole finishing each-"
"Other's sentences were cute" Marco finished for Ryan.
They stared at them.
"Um…let's get back to my kid here" Marco said, pointing to the TV.
Turn off the lights and turn off the shyness
Cause all of this makes up for the silence
And oh the way
Your make up stains my pillow case
Like I'll never be the same
" Well maybe if you had just said I love you then we wouldn't be like this now!" Jake yelled at Michael, who suddenly looked deafly bored again.
"If you had treated me better instead of being your punching bag maybe I would have!" Michael yelled.
"You should have understood!"
"I did!"
"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME GREIVE?"
"BECAUSE RORY WOULDN'T HAVE WANTED THAT! HE SAID TO CELEBRATE HIS DEATH, NOT MORUN IT, HE TOLD US TO LIVE OUT OUR LIVES FOR HIM!"
"Then why aren't we? Why aren't you with me?"
"Because…"
"Because what?" Jake snapped," Because your some fucking self destructive anti-depressant taking suicidal prostitute with a heart of gold, what the fuck it this, pretty woman?"
"I'm not your fucking brother!" Michael yelled at him.
The room got quiet.
"And your one to talk, you over grown sad excuse for 2 year old abused kid. That cliché is getting old, oh god, my daddy hit me, oh god, my life is so hard, waaa…waa…waa… wake the fuck up Jake, your no better than I am! You hurt people as a way of freedom, you push people away because you can't handle people loving you back, this is why we will never, ever, ever, be together, this is why you'll be alone, and one day, on your death bed, you're going to think back to this day and just murmur 'Fuck' because you'll be alone, cold and tired…" Michael paused to breathe," So fuck you!"
"Fuck you too! And have you ever stopped to think that you yourself weren't the walking cliché? Oh waa waa,…my best friend kicked me out of the house and my mom and dad committed suicide so now I have to become a prostitute and Oh my god, I have HIV and oh now…my best friend died and left me a daughter who…ohh…did you ever think of this, may have contracted the disease….?" Jake smiled," So why don't you shut the fuck up for a second and think"
"Son of a bitch!" Michael yelled, jumping on top of Jake," How dare you talk about my daughter like that-"
"She's not your daughter, asshole!" Jake yelled, making Michael even more furious.
"Just like you're not Marco's real son!" Michael yelled, rolling off the bed with Jake to the floor, pulling hair, punching anywhere with flesh, clawing scratching, biting, yelling.
"Oh….damn" Brian breathed," Harsh"
"I can't believe he just said that" Marco sighed.
"It's true" Ryan shrugged.
"I was talking about Jake" Marco murmured.
Pete frowned," Wow…I'm so glad we don't have lives like this…"
Several murmurs of "Dumbass" were heard across the room
Remy flicked another switch and smiled when the screen lit up.
Robert and Mrs. Del Rossi sat inside the basement, Robert rocking Tilly back and forth and Mrs. Del Rossi holding Mark and Mike when the TV flickered before a blurry picture came into view.
"What's happening to the TV?" Robert asked, confused.
"Maybe, we're getting that new Logo channel" Mrs. Del Rossi smirked.
Robert started at her as she shrugged," What, I love gay cinema"
"Something's coming in" Robert pointed as the TV screen cleared to see Michael and Jake fighting on the floor. Mrs. Del Rossi placed a hand to her heart," Oh…Mio dio"
"What the hell is this?" Robert asked. He looked down at Tilly and covered her ears," What the fuck is this!"
He un covered them as Michael and Jake continued on.
You only hold me up like this
Cause you don't know who I really am
I used to waste my time on
Waste my time on
Waste my time…
Now I only wish of dreaming of you
" Just admit it, Jake!" Michael seethed into his ear, his hair now covered in sweat and plastered to his forehead, giving Jake a severe flashback of the time Michael showed up at the bus terminal in the rain cut up and broken, " You're just as messed up as me"
"I know" Jake cried out, shoving Michael off of him and getting up and walking over to the dresser.
Michael paused and looked at him," Then just say sorry so we don't have to keep tracking each other down and following each other. Aren't you tired of running?"
"No" Jake laughed out, a sick laugh," I was never running. You did. You started all of this!"
"No, Jake, you did" Michael gasped," What the hell is wrong with you? Have you no conception of what you've been doing?"
"Maybe I just like hurting people" Jake smiled.
Michael blinked at him, tilted his head to the side, oh god, the urge was coming back, flooding into him rapidly, he needed something sharp, anything sharp, but he wouldn't. he couldn't…no…not…he had to stay strong…for Tilly and Trent and Adrian….and Marco…and Jake. Instead he cried, long and hard, lowering himself to the floor slowly and wrapping his arms around his chest, the mascara tracks bleeding down his skin in tiny rows of red, black, blue and purple, making it look like he had been beaten up all over again.
Jake flinched, the way he looked when Jake had first hit him…
"I can't believe it…no…no" Michael stuttered as he fell into Jake's arms," When, how…he was….oh god…no" He cried long and hard into his arms as Jake murmured," Poison…and something else"
They sat on the floor, looking at Rory's body.
Kyle had never returned back home yet, and it wouldn't be until the next day he called 911.
"We have to get out of here" Michael whispered, clutching fabric between his fingers and pulling.
"I know" Jake nodded," I don't us to be like this…"
"No, we'll never be like this" Michael shook his head," You know that this will never happen"
"We can't live forever"
"But we're not dead yet" Michael countered. Getting up, he was about to leave the room when Jake grabbed his arm and pulled him into his lap," I love you" He breathed out, a whisper, eyes closed, and leaned into kiss Michael when he blinked in surprise, not hearing a response.
No, 'I love you' back.
He opened his eyes, Michael looking at him," You don't love me?"
"I…" Michael trailed off.
"You don't, do you?" Jake asked, eyes red and tearing up.
"No, it's just that…Jake…what are you doing?" Michael stuttered as Jake yanked him up by his arm and punched him in the stomach.
"I'd give anything for you, to be with you, I give you everything that I can, I let you stay here….and you still don't love me?" Jake cried, lashing out.
Michael began to back away," You don't need to buy my love…I do…I do….love you…"
"You're saying that now because you feel bad for me!" Jake yelled, eyes frantic, looking for something to hit Michael with. His eyes settled on the baseball bat that he and Rory used to play with and picked it up," I thought you were different Mikey!"
"I am different!" Michael yelled," Jake…put that down…"
Jake swung, but Michael ducked and tumbled out of the room into the hall way.
Jake followed in pursuit," You're a liar and a shitty best friend, Mikey!" He screamed out, swinging again and this time hitting Michael in the eye, the same one as Adrian's, and sent him tumbling backwards until his back was pressed up against the banister of the stairwell. Michael held his eyes, already turning a nasty color of blue and black, blood trickling between clasped fingers and the look of hurt and horror crossed his face, he tried to run again, anywhere, because clearly Jake was loosing it, but Jake hit him in the back with the baseball bat, " If you loved me this would've never happened, Mikey! This is all your fault!"
Michael tripped and fell down the steps, no words escaped his lips, nothing to say. He caught his breath, sitting there at the bottom for a few minutes before getting up and getting the fuck out of there.
Jake stood there, leaning against the banister with the baseball bat, crying. " Why the fuck hasn't someone called 911!" He yelled into the emptiness," My brother is dying…." He sobbed," My brother is dead"
I've got headaches and bad luck
But they couldn't touch you
No.
I've got headaches and bad luck
But they couldn't touch you
No…
I'm not trying, you only hold me up like this
Jake broke.
"Don't cry Mikey" Jake whispered.
"I feel so….bad…" Michael gasped out, looking up, colors fading together," Look what's happened to you…"
Jake looked shattered.
"I'm still the same"
"You're not the kid that went with me to Cherry Hill…your not the boy that met me in the park…your not the boy who used to spit ice cubes with me at Rory when he was sleeping…you're something else now…something different."
Jake breathed in, his head feeling heavy, maybe there was something in those drinks…
"And I did love you back then, fuck it, I won't deny it, I love you now, but you and me…will…never…be" He said it slowly, eye lashes sticking together and throat dry. His skin burned for contact, something cool, something cold, icy. His lips, bleed blue and pink, dripped down slowly , mixed with tears of deception and defeat," So why don't you just kill me now?"
" I don't want to kill you" Jake whispered.
"Bullshit" Michael called. " You've been doing it for 11 years."
" I didn't mean to"
"Right" Michael laughed," Right Jake, because now is the time where I just fall back and pull you into my arms because everything is supposed to be alright …well it's not"
Jake stepped closer to him.
"Go on, hit me, finish me off, here , I'll help you" He picked up the pocket knife, the one that Jake had days before, and tossed it at him," Go on, slit my throat or something, cut my wrist,…oh here's a good one, why don't you cut out my heart?" Michael laughed and smiled and cried, " Come on, Jakey, please do it. Hurt me in the only way you know how"
"No…"
"I" Michael laughed out" I can't believe you! I cam't hurt myself! So now you don't' want to hurt me? Go on and fucking do it, Jake! Make us all better off! Besides, if you don't kill me you know the HIV will! Come on, we can be like Romero and Julliet, you and me…." Michael trailed of, tracing circles around his skin, " This was always my favorite arm…"
"Don't say that shit" Jake yelled at him, worried," Don't you dare hurt yourself!"
"That's your job" Michael snorted.
"Mike….I don't want to…"
"Yes, hurt me Jakey! Hurt me! Hurt me!" Michael screamed out, "It's the only thing your good at!"
Jake moved closer.
"Come on…"
Jake moved closer.
"Please"
Jake was inches from Michael as he raised up his hand, the one with his knife and brought it up to his neck, pressing into it, just like he had done with himself days before. He grabbed Michael's back, tipped him all the way backwards, leaning in close, lips barely…barely…barely…inches away from touching and he smiled that wicked smile that made Michael's heart break and race at the same time.
Because nothing with Michael and Jake is ordinary.
We all know that.
But incase you didn't their love is the whole shayaddi yaddi. The patented only copyrighted 2005 brand of "We-Hurt-Each-Other-To-Live-And-Yet-When-We're-Seperated-We're-Depressed-And-Our-Obsession-And-Sexual-Tension-Is-Something-UnNatural-And-Yet-In-The-End-Nothing-Matters-But-You-And-Me-I-Hate-You-I-Love-You-You-Kill-Me-I-Breathe-You-And-In-The-End-We-All-Die" Love. Yes, it's a lot to swallow.
Jake shoved him backwards onto the bed, climbed on top of him, knife in between his teeth, reached down, un zipped his pants, ripped off Michael's shirt and kissed him," There's more than one way to kill, Mikey" Jake breathed in as Michael pulled him closer, blinded and hurt, sour and sore, cut and empty, mascara rolled down their skin, passing lights flashed inside the bedroom window as Michael looked up, blankly, reached for his hair, grabbed his head down and whispered," Do it " Into his ear.
Jake nodded, slowly, easing down until his hand was on the zipper of the leather, touching it, almost there, un zipping it…
Michael smiled up at him, reaching forwards to try and unzip Jake's pants when Jake stopped him, eyes wide, shocked and afraid," I don't want to do this"
"Yes," Michael's voice sounded like a shot gun in the air," You do…you do, you want me so bad Jake, I can see It in your eyes, you'd die to have this moment, to have me" He arched his eyebrows at him and pulled him by the back of his neck and whispered out into the bridge of his neck, nipping it gently, hotly." You've always wanted to be in control of my body"
Jake didn't even bother to look shocked, Michael always have, and always will know him like the back of his cut and broken hands. " But" Michael smirked, sitting up, pulling Jake down instead, " You'd never think that I could control you Jake" He pushed one hand against Jake's bare chest and looked at him, Michael's hands were like fire, Jake was so cold and weak suddenly, it just didn't feel right. " And like I said before…" He suddenly grasped the fabrics of his shirt and glared at him,. " I want you to fuck me. Or kill me. It's either one of the two, decide now, or I'll decide it for you"
"You're kidding me"
"Does it look like it?"
Jake glanced at the table, where he had placed the knife before Michael shoved him down and held it in his hand, cautiously as Michael snorted and titled his head to the side," I see you've been having some times yourself" He glanced at the dried blood on the knife," You'd wait until Alex was out of the room before you'd do it" He smiled," Awww…my little boy is learning fast. You know, I always thought that pain was better than sex"
Michael pushed him up against the back head board of Jake's bed and sneered at him," I didn't want to use force" He looked around for something, anything and found duct tape placed next to the bed. From the closet Remy smiled because he knew that may have come in handy later on. Michael tapped Jake's arms to the head board. Took off his shirt fully and crawled over on the bed towards him, singing some stupid song to himself as Jake cried out," If you really love me, don't do this"
That made Michael stop. His green eyes flashed darkly, quickly, and while he looked Jake nudged the knife with his foot over to his arms and kicked it up in a quick motion, barely, but still catching it in his teeth. " And while you were thinking that" Michael murmured, shaking his head," You can't hold who I love against me" He moved closer," Even if it is you" Michael continued crawling closer until he was inches from his face, brushed the hair out of Jake's face and smiled, leaned in and kissed him. While Jake, who was stuck somewhere between passion, confusion and the utter feeling that something bad was about to happen, didn't think really as he wrapped his legs around Michael's waist, since well, his arms were fucking duct tapped to the head board and he had been dropped the knife out of his mouth, it was somewhere now…
Michael laughed a little bit, a boyish giggle as Jake's pull was stronger suddenly, and he was jerked forwards as Jake's whole legs were wrapped around him. There was another smile, it was short and quick and then Michael's expression just….diminished.
And then there was a gasp.
The knife was planted in Michael's side. He looked up shakily, blood coming out of his side quickly, some of it bubbling from his lips as Jake looked down in horror and stopped," No…no no no…Mi- Mi- Mikey..come on…Oh my god, I didn't mean to…I swear…why does….everyone I love die!" Jake cried out, frantic, pulling at the duct tape on his arms, trying to get to Michael. It took a few minutes before he ended up nipping through the damn things and then he pulled the knife out and took his bed sheet and wrapped it against his side, and pulled him into his arms," Oh god, Michael, I lo- love- Love you, plea- no…god…no…I can't loose you" He shook violently, wiping the sweat from his forehead and brushing locks away, Michael's dull eyes looked up at him and smiled, a stark memorizing smile. The green finally coming back into view, the startling green eyes that Jake first fell in love with.
"You finally did it" He gurgled out.
"No…" Jake whispered.
"You finally killed me"
Turn off the lights and turn off the shyness
Cause all of this makes up for the silence
And oh the way Your make up stains
Like I'll never be the same,
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