Chapter 16: Fearless

Too many fingers, too many thumbs

Something wicked this ways comes

The best time I ever had

Waiting around for something bad
Fearless,
And I know that's why you love me, chica

Michael felt something rushing through him, something sharp and painful. All he did was feel run down, and tired. He was tired of being inside hospitals all the time, and trying to live with Jake all the time and trying to live without Jake all the time all he wanted was a compramise! All he wanted was a normal life, normal friends and a normal personality. He was tired of being left out in the dark and always being on the backburner, tired of being on the receiving end of backlash, always being hurt. And he was so afraid…so afraid that this isn't the last time, it's never the last time, things only get worse from here, they always do, at least where he's concerned. He could hear people yelling in the hall, distant voice, voices wrapped around his throat like some sort of dangerous twisted noose.

He didn't want to become cynical, but he was afraid that he was on the verge of doing so.

And he was so…hot..

Sweat was rolling down his face as fast and furious as the tears that were bleed in with mascara and gloss only a few weeks ago. His whole body was on fire, each part of him, sizzling. He just wanted to be drenched in water, but he kind of liked the feeling of being messed up like this, because when you're in a coma bad things can't happen, cause you're already the worst thing there. You can't sink any lower, unless you count death.

And he wasn't counting death.

He smiled, he had something against Jake.

Jake was scared.

Michael wasn't, Michael was fearless.

Because he had been through it all. And then some, and that makes him smile.

He always had a pretty smile.

And eyes, oh his eyes were so pretty and deep and hurt, he didn't want to become some sort of cliché as Jake had pointed out before, were they past clichés? I mean, really now, was he so, lost and hurt and confused that he had actually been decked down to becoming a cliché? Was he ready to become a cliché?

Oh, yes, Michael was in a cliché league all his own.

He started a mental reveloution, because he couldn't get out of his mind the fact that in some odd way, he sort of wanted Jake to be standing there when he woke up, smiling that sad smile, frowning in that confused agitated way and doubled over in chair with his hair falling into his face, covering it completely and making him look normal. And then when he woke up Jake would smile and say something stupidly clichéd like "Oh my god, it's a miracle Mikey, you're alive" or "I prayed for you"

But knowing Jake he'd probably smile and go " What took you so long?" Stick out his tongue and laugh, at nothing, because that's what they did. They laughed at nothing, because when you've been through it all, nothing is pretty damn funny.

So Michael laughed.

He laughed until he passed out.

Something tickled Jake's throat, the type of soft tickle that makes you want to laugh to get it out. A sick little chuckle. And he hadn't laughed in such a long time. And he was so afraid, so afraid that this wasn't the last time, he knew it wasn't the last time, because with him and Michael, things were never settled, nothing was ever settled. There were voices all around him, quiet whispers, quiet whispers and laughs and smiles and suddenly summer day in the sprinklers and old people cursing them out for flaunting their life style and to get the hell out of their garden.

And then he felt sad, sad because he wouldn't be like that again.

And then suddenly…Michael had something against him.

Because Jake was afraid…

Michael, oh Michael was fearless.

And he missed laughing at nothing, because Michael and him were nothing…but two kids, who were best friends, who did everything together, and he felt bad, that he ended up in some twisted way, put someone else's life in jeopardy of being in danger ( screw that, he stabbed the kid) and all he had to do, all he felt at the moment, was the urge to laugh. He wanted to laugh.

He wanted to laugh at everything.

He didn't want to be crazy.

He wasn't afraid of becoming it.

He just didn't want to be crazy.

And then he thought, what would happen when he got better? When Michael got better? Would he find Michael standing there, leaning against the door, his hair in his face as usual, pale skin, but bright green eyes, hanging on the ledge with that same old smirk, the annoying one that had "Look at me being angst" written all over at and then he'd poke him and murmur something along the lines of "Come on Jakey, we're not dead yet" And laugh, because he'd do something stupid, like make a face, or tickle him, or tell a bad joke (even though it was Jake who told the bad jokes) and then he'd tug him by his shirt and say something ridiculous like " I missed you" being blunt as usual, even though the feeling with mutual and blush and look away and then Jake would end up laughing, telling Michael that he was " Odd" or maybe "cute when he pouts" and they'd go and do something together, something stupid.

So then the tickle came back again.

Caught Jake by surprise, like a cry almost.

It was a strong one.

He started laughing. He laughed so hard it hurt.

Laughed so hard he fell off the bed.

Nothing is funny.

He laughed until his eyes closed and he fell asleep.

"I hate Christmas" Marco sighed, rolling around in his bed with the covers wrapped around him. He didn't want to get up, eyes dull and mouth carrying a horrible taste of what seemed to be snuck stuffing from the bowl from last night, when him and Ryan went down stairs around 12 at night., Andy, Brian and Pete passed out on the floor with icing on their mouth…they thought at least, they were never sure with those three, un wrapped the foil containing the stuffing that Pete was supposed to be guarding and stuffed as much as they could into their mouth before running back upstairs and laughing stupidly. He yawned, making his feet rise and kicked Ryan, who was on the floor, too tired to climb into is bed which was only two inches away and said it louder this time," I hate Christmas"

Ryan yawned," Shut up Marco, you love it" He rolled on the floor a bit and hit his head on the bar of Marco's bed, cursing and rubbing his head he looked up to see snow on the window. " I think someone just needs a boyfriend to share that holiday cheer"

"I do not" Marco protested, but they both knew it was true." I just wish Michael was here, and Jake"

"Arg" Ryan said, waving his hand, changing the subject," I'm hungry"

" You're always hungry" Marco remarked, getting up and going over to his closet to find something presentable to wear downstairs. He clapped his hands, the lights flickering on and opened the closet. " I want to make some snow angels, you wanna help me?"

"Whatever" Ryan shrugged," Beats watching Brian hit on my brothers"

"No…" Marco laughed," Not Mark and Mike"

"I was talking about Robert" Ryan laughed," Christ, he wants anything with a-"

"Boys! Come down stairs!" Mrs. Del Rossi yelled quickly," Get dressed now, we're going out."

"We are?" Marco and Ryan asked, confused.

"Yes!" She yelled.

Marco and Ryan looked at each other before getting dressed quickly. Marco because she was his mother and Ryan because he was afraid of her mighty Italian wrath.

" 99 Hot guys with beer on the wall" Brian sang cheerfully wearing a dark leather jacket, some jeans and a white turtle neck," 99 Hot guys with beer"

"Take one down and pass him around" Andy joined in, laughing. His hair was tucked under a red hat, with cute little ear flaps. He wore a red sweater with the quote of "Holiday queer" on it and matching black pants with red stitches on the side. He wanted to wear a shirt that said " Ho Ho Ho" but he opted against it.

"98 hot guys with beer on the wall" Pete chuckled. He pulled his scarf around his neck, matching his jeans jacket and jeans and sighed," 98 hot guys with beer on the wall"

"98 hot guys with beer!" Ryan cheered in, unusually happy, His dark hair was once again tucked under a hat, black this time with his black button down sweater that went diagonally down the rows with buttons and designs with a matching black pair of pants, he smiled again," You take one down and pass him around…"

Marco looked up. " 97...hot guys, with beer" He said it uneasily. He pulled his white gloves tighter onto his hands, adjusting them slowly and pulled at his sweater, a beige one with a hoddie and little cotton tail draw strings. He wasn't in a very festive mood. Robert finally spoke up, dull brown eyes upset that he hasn't seen Michael while holding a bundled up Tilly, " Where are we going?"

"To see Jake" Mrs. Del Rossi said calmly as Robert looked up, eyes red.

"Um…can't you drop me off at Michael's?" He asked quietly.

"Why?" Marco asked, suspicious.

"Because I don't see how you could give him a new chance time and time again after you've seen what he's been doing to Michael" Robert said angrily," And if you don't, that's okay, but ever since the first time I really talked with Michael I've realized…that he deserves so much more…he could have it so much better…"

" With you" Ryan snorted as Robert shot him a dirty look.

Marco raised his eyes," Excuse me?"

Pete tried to lighten the situation," We all have our first crushes…"

"And who was yours?" Ryan asked, crossing his arms.

"Sally Simpson…"

"I meant boy" Ryan's eyes narrowed.

"You" Pete murmured.

Brian coughed as Andy patted his back," I think we should get back to the conversation at hand which is Michael and Robert-"

" Have you not noticed that Michael is a human being with limits as well?" Robert snapped, making Tilly anxious.

"Yeah" Ryan sighed," We're not choosing sides or anything but we think that you're getting a little out of hand with some crush-"

"Crush?" Brian laughed.

"Robert too? Christ, did your mom purposely raise you all gay?" Andy laughed.

"All of you, I thought Robert…." Marco trailed off, tightening his gloves again and looking at Ryan who breathed out "Shit " as Robert shot him a dull smile," Besides, I don't have a crush on Michael, at least not as much as you have one on-" He was about to finish his sentence as Mrs. Del Rossi swerved to the left and murmured " Damn potholes"

Andy smiled at her conversation diversion as he waved his little white flag in the air," Hello, holiday cheer here people, get into the spirit and if Robert wants to go and see Michael we will not object, right?"

Several murmurs floated into the air but the whole time Marco looked at Ryan, who was suddenly very interested in burying his head into Pete's jacket.

This is what it's all about

Take me in and eat me out

Pins and needles in my arms

Lucky eyes and lucky charms

Michael laid down in the bed, his breathing and the steady hum of the machine the only indication that he was alive. Robert smiled sadly as he took a seat next to him, placing his scarf down on the bed and unzipping his jacket. He paused, taking in Michael's calm face, the happiest he had ever seen and leaned back against the chair," Hey…um…Michael" He trailed off, shaking his head," This is so stupid, I know you can't hear me…"He leaned in laughing," Or maybe you can…I never knew with you…I still never know with you. So um…like…how's life inside a coma?" He snorted a little, blinking back sadden tears. " It um…yea- it um hurts to see you like this…but I know you don't really mind…I don't know how getting stabbed leads to a coma, but you know, whatever, this is the happiest you've ever been, so like…stay in one as long as you want…" He shrugged a little, looking down at the tiles on the floor.

"Um…Jake is sad" Robert stopped again, looking at Michael," But…I don't feel bad for him anymore"

"Well, he should be" Michael thought numbly

"It feels odd without you in the house, Tilly keeps asking for you, and she finally said that Adrian was her dad, you should've seen it, after you gave her the box before you went to…wherever you were, and I'm mad at you for lying to me. Not for lying to me really, but because what happened your life got messed up because of it…" Robert sighed, placing his hand over Michael's IV filled one.

"But you know, things have changed at school. Someone keeps asking for you in class, someone named Jackson?" Robert frowned," Whose he?" He laughed," I'm acting like a jealous boyfriend…I tapped the special MTV special for you, the one with The Killers? I know how much you love them, it's funny how Marco got us all hooked on it"

"Jackson…?" Michael mentally squinted. " Oh…the new kid"

"It's raining…" He trailed off, looking at the window, Michael's bed was positioned next to it," I wish you could see it, it should be snowing you know, but it's raining, that's funny. Christmas was always awkward in my house, and I have a feeling it will be in Marco's house as well. I just feel out of place now, Lizzy and Sarah are going through their boy phases now, Mike and Mark have gotten over Barney and are into Power Rangers now…Tilly's a freaking genius , she's gonan be a builder. Not a dyke" He frowned at the stereotype and then laughed a little," Ryan is…well…being boy crazy with Marco, Andy and Brian are being them and Pete is busting out poetry like crazy. And I'm…just…nowhere…I have no talents…"

"That's not true"

"I'm not that handsome"

"Such a lie!"

"And I mean, look at me, nobody wants this face…" Robert sighed off, placing his head against the edge of Michael's bed," What have I done to help anyone? Even you are better off on your own, maybe I should be too, you know? Just escape for a while…"

Michael's hands curled into Robert's hair and he shot up automatically," Michael?" He asked, squinting and looking hard for a trace of anything, a playful smile, a sign of life, anything! But all he got was Michael's oddly calm look and closed eyes, his hand was still curled as Robert sighed and placed his head by the edge of the bed again," You're an odd kid, Mikey"

"Shut up"

Michael's fingers curled into his hair again.

Robert laughed.

Michael was dreaming again.

Oh, he dreamed a lot.

So what was the dream this time? Michael squinted from the floor of the school backward, where the fence cut off towards the back where the trees were at and leaned against the hard concrete. He opened up his eyes, rainwater draining into his green pupils and making him blink them out, soaking through his body right to the bone, making him shiver and smile, because nothing was wrong at the moment.

The sky was gray and black, and the rain sounded like a merry go round chime in his ears. He had the feeling as if a spider was crawling across him as someone poked him in the sides, wide eyes and flashy features, as he rolled over and stuck out his tongue he looked into their eyes and smiled a little," I told you…" He said, feigning agitation," I hate it when you poke me"

They shrugged, blue eyes shining and black hair plastered to their face. " I know" Was all they said, poking him once more in the chest before drawing their hand away slowly and sighing. Lips pursed together they wondered aloud," So…um…what happened?"

Green eyes looked up again, momentarily, because he wasn't ready to answer that question, even though he knew that this was a dream and that all of the things occurring in here were fictional, even though he prayed that they weren't. So instead he shrugged again and rolled over to look at them.

They blinked," Do I have something on my face?"

"No"

"Then what?"

Michael paused, looking at them a little longer, a teasing smile on his face, lips closed, eyes clear and hands tempted to run their way through the other's smooth lifeless hair. He felt someone poke his side again as he rolled his eyes, still not answering.

"I hate it when you never finish your sentences!" They laughed out, poking him again. On the third poke Michael grabbed their hand and rolled them over so he was eye to eye with them and breathed out, the cold air around them making his breath come out in slow puffs like a mental cigarette," I told you I hate when you poke me"

The other's smile faded.

"But…" Michael stopped, smiling, eyes bright and full of childhood innocence again. " Since I'm with you…" He kissed them on the head and pulled them closer," It's okay"

"I know" They winked back at Michael," Because I am like…so special"

"Yes, you are" Michael laughed. " Why else would be sitting in the rain in the middle of a school yard?"

"Cause," They shrugged.

"Because what…?"

The other person remained silent.

"We're extraordinary?" Michael tried to finish their sentence for them, but they only shook their head, their hair sliding and hitting themselves in the face. As they rubbed their eyes they looked up to see Michael frowning.

"What?" They laughed out.

"I hate it when you don't finish your sentences!" Michael pouted.

They laughed until Michael silenced them with a poke in the arm," I was going to say…simple"

"What?" Michael blinked.

"We're simple" They repeated again," No complications, no extraordinary situations, just pure facts. We're simply the hottest coupling on earth, and nothing we could ever do to each other would drive us away" They shrugged, poking them" Does that answer your question mister?"

Michael thought for a second, and then nodded, opened his mouth to speak when the other stopped him," I know…so can we just watch the rain for a little while longer? I sort of like these dreamy affairs of ours, they're rather tedious!"

Michael nodded and looked back up at the sky, holding their hands. Green eyes blinked again, as the wind picked up and blew something into his eye. Sitting up, cursing he tried to pick it out but they ended up getting it out for him.

"Thanks…" Michael whispered, laying down again, shivering.

"I have two baby brothers, this comes natural to me" They shrugged.

"I mean it, Robby"

Robert looked at him, blue eyes content and smiled, that small smile that he loved to do before nodding.

"I know"

Robby? Ermm...hmmm...who thinky that Robert and Mikey may hook up any time soon? Any hands? looks around We'll see. Oh and Michael will be dreaming a lot, so be warned