Autum: I can't have happy endings? Or can I? Hhmmm. Do you mean ryan? Ryan's trying to get into an art school in new york. Kyle won't be around long, don't worry! Love ya! I have to get yopu a present since you turn 16! I'll update then for you!
Bee: I noticed that you've been reviewing my stuff lately and I just wanna say "Hiya!" before I reply, cause you know, it's rude if I didn't I love you as well :nods: we all love each other. I update all the time because I write all the time. My grandmother says I;m addicted, but I think it's just a mental thing You listen to Michael? Yes, isn't that some perfectly erotic. I'm getting major influences by those gusy, hell, half the stuff comes from their songs anyway. You don't' sound stupid! Thanies ever so much for reviewing!
BlackRose: It doesn't matter where the hot guy is on the Christmas tree, as long as he's there! Lol. Michae;'s dreaming is an important part of the story now. Thankies for reviewing! Hope you like this one as well!
GP: (AKA Gavrio Princip) And I'm sorry Prince, but I just have to say Bang Bang, for whatever reason.. I think that the Canadians do say it like that. My best friend doesn't….I mean, does, sometimes. Eh. Thanks for the review
Tears: wards? Balls? Wait, lol, that doesn't rhyme! -covers mouth with two year old stiffled laugh- You're Italian! I speake a little Italian, I wanted to learn it as a second language after watching Marco sau "Oh mio dio". No, Robert is Jake and Michael's age. Marco is Ryan, Pete, Andy and Brian's age. Don't be confused, eh!
Azury: Dear god,I was refusing to update until you reviewed, but I had a bad feeling that you were sick again, and decided to. YOU HAVE TO GET BETTER! OMMGZZZ, I'm sad now, cause I don't want you to be sick! Wait. You said computer virs. Oh goody! Well not goodddy, but at least you're not sick! No…Michael's not waking up any time soon. I'm going to drag this out painfully. The skirt action has evolved, you can say, the way they do it now will be much more interesting. You know with me I always tie in every single tiny fragment of information I spill into my stories in here. I cant say…you always give away my plot anyway missy! But I love ya like woah, and I hope you like this one as well!
Chapter 17: No Brakes
The dull blank page sat in front of him, fingers poised out and eager to type, anything, at the moment he glared into the white screen, kicking the computer and muttering "Damn you" quietly to himself. It used to be so easy to bust out report after report and essay after essay but lately he's been having trouble doing the simplest things such as just doing his homework. Granted, it was a uber bore, but he was good at it, he was starting to feel dumb. Maybe he needed a sugar rush, he used to rip open a bag of skittles with his teeth at midnight and burn away on the keys for hours, or until his mom kicking him all, normally the latter of the two. But a very angry Ryan hid all the chocolates and candies from him in revenge of Marco throwing his pencils out of the window. Ever since Christmas things had changed, and they weren't exactly good. It wasn't hard to figure out that Ryan was up to something, he's been way too happy lately.
And well…what about him?
What was he doing in his life? Where the hell was he going? That thought made him pissed out and slam his hands on the keyboard again, but then he just hit his head against the computer when a message came up saying that his computer had a virus on it because he downloaded too many episodes of "Queer as Folk" and techno music, which he couldn't help, because it was all so addictive and that if he didn't delete it soon his computer would crash.
Needless to say, he was having a crappy night.
And well last week he had went to the store after school, looking for The Killers CD since his other one broke after Mark and Mike got a hold of it and then he tried to get diapers for Tilly even though they thought that she was too old for them and then the diapers came out to being like…20 dollars for the whole big pink pack, so he couldn't get The Killer's CD afterwards, which pissed him off even more. He failed his test that day as well, because he was clueless when it came to English Poets of the 19th century because the day before that when he was supposed to be studying Ryan had kept him up by arguing with Robert about English Poets of said 19th century, because they were both geeks, and Marco tuned them out, because he didn't know that at the time they were practically throwing and yelling to him the answers of the test/
So scratch that, he was having a crappy night. Well, tomorrow was New Years eve, and he was torn between seeing how Jake was doing and seeing how Michael's condition was. And some people were saying that Marco has been way too nonchalant over the whole situation between the two boys but the hell was he supposed to do? He knew Jake had past issues, he just never thought that they'd come up and bite him this badly and really now…he was his son, his bloody son. The person that he'd practically give his life for, do anything for, and when your kid like…fucks up, what are you supposed to do?
You yell at them, maybe spank them, scold them and then tell them what they did was wrong.
But that doesn't work with Jake.
He tried ignoring him.
That made him bitter. And for all you people out there who say "I'm not bitter" or " No, it's not like that" you are in denial, because, yes, you are and yes it is like that. And Marco knows, yes, yes, he knows.
He bit his lip, he was pissed off again, thinking about things made him pissed off easily. He was angry because he missed Franz Ferdinand's "Do You Want To" video, which he had been pining to see all week. Really now, come on, Alex Kapranos on a ladder of bikes? Paul in a cat suit? Alex singing "You're famous friend, well I blew him before you, oh yeah" What do you think? Marco was dying, especially since it's true in Dylan's case…he had a famous friend…
Marco rolled his eyes.
But then he suddenly smiled, that stupid "Yeah I just got the most brilliant idea but back away from me because it's mines, damnit! See my copyright?" smile. He bit his lip again, listened to Ryan who was sleeping in the corner with a dull hum for a second, he had fallen asleep while painting a new picture, he was oddly busting them out right and left, before he placed his fingers to the key board and began to type away, happily nodding to the rhythm of the keyboard's clatter clatter under his fingers.
Ryan poked him awake as Marco got scared and fell out of the seat," I told you to stop doing that!" He snapped, rubbing his butt as he got off the floor and glared at him.
Ryan laughed," Exactly, wake up, we have to go to Brian's, I mean hell, I mean Brian's, I mean hell…well whatever way you want to put it. Your mom wants you to take out the trash before we leave and did you see the new video for Do You Want To? It's freaking awesome, I am so doing that dance at lunch…" Ryan trailed off as Marco glared at him.
Ryan smirked, voice low," You didn't see it, eh?"
"Get out" Marco murmured with fake anger, pointing to the door.
"Okay" Ryan shrugged, singing the catchy hook of "Do do do do dododo do do do" as he walked away.
Marco looked over at his computer screen and blinked in shock," Holy hell" He squinted, he had typed 36 pages….on what though? All he remembers was fuming about the video (Which he was now hell bent on seeing) and then falling asleep. He had fallen asleep by the keyboard? He read some of it's content off the screen:
"It's not really a bad thing when a break up goes wrong, because you can't always blame yourself, and people have their ways of coping, be it music, food, writing, or whatever floats your boat, but I'm telling you it's okay to feel sad and blame yourself, I'm not going to lie, I do it all the time. I mean, how can you not blame yourself? There are so many "What-if's" in there, what if I hadn't have said that, or did this, or looked that way on that day, or smile that day, and so on. But…why should we be doing this? Shouldn't the other person be feeling remorse as well? Why should we be alone in suffering? I say that it's okay to feel bad and blame yourself, but don't let it suck you in and take over you, because you might end up like me…alone…"
"Woah…" Marco looked over his words," Okay…" He blinked, was he talking to himself out loud again? Because he has a teacher that does that and it's plane creepy. So he switches to internal monologue mode and decides to take a shower, get dressed, do as his mother pleases and then sent it over to Tyler ASAP before his ass is fired, if it isn't already.
Michael was still dreaming, and come to think of it, he was beginning to think that his dreams were better than some real life situations.
He looked them in the eyes, cold and tired, and smiled a little, just a little, to tide them over. When they didn't smile back his smile faded slightly and he reached uneasily to take a sip of water from the dirty glass that he had left on the table, but when he picked it up his fingers shook, so the water spilled into the other person's lap..
"You know we can't keep doing this" They said dryly, wrinkling their nose as they wiped an ice cube off of their lap, it had spilled out along with the water. Their eyes lit up sadly," Michael…are you listening?"
Michael's head snapped up," Yes, yes…oh…um…yeah, I know….it's just…"
"Just what?"
"It's odd, because we never seem to be apart for so long before we're together again…I mean…why don't we just get married and get it over with?"
The person snorted," We'd be divorced the next day"
Michael sighed," True…" He tried to take a sip of water again, but once more it landed in the person's lap.
"I think I'll hold onto that" They said, snatching the cup from his hands and placing it on the table," What are we going to do?"
"I dunnno" Michael shrugged.
"That's all you have to say?" They asked, somewhat irritated.
"It's a dream, and in some inane way I know this, I don't have any answer for you because in or out of consciousness it's never simple to answer one of your damn questions" Michael sat up a little in his chair," How can we keep asking each other the same things over and over and over again? I am so fucking…sick of repeating this cycle of Love-Me-Love-Me-Not that we have! I need an answer now, do you love me or do you hate me?"
" I could ask the same question for you" They said dryly, a sullen smirk playing on their lips.
"It would be both" Michael snapped," We can never make up our mind!"
The other shrugged," I know, I know…"
"Then what are we supposed to do?"
"You normally have the answers"
"I don't know Jake!" Michael sighed," Can I sleep on it?"
Jake raised an eyebrow and laughed," You are right now…"
"Oh yeah…"
"Michael…?"
"Mikey…oh Mikey…wake up Michael…."
Michael blinked a little," Jake?"
"Wake up Michael, I know you can hear me…"
"Michael…wake up" The person whispered into his ear.
Michael made no response but internally sighed "Damn, I was trying to have a conversation…okay…it was a dream, but whatever"
Someone poked him.
"Michael, you know what, you're not fooling anyone with this whole façade, you can't fool me"
Michael rolled his eyes mentally," Please"
"Well fine then, I'll just talk…to you…cause I know your listening!" They sat in the bed besides him and Michael stopped for a second to wonder was he dreaming or not, but by the way the person's voice sounded over exaggerated and tired, painted with hues of tired red eyes and too long lashes he knew he wasn't dreaming, his mind didn't come up with stupid characters like that. " Jake has done something stupid" They paused, sighing," He's a stupid kid, you made him a stupid kid, because he told me one day…" They stopped.
Michael wondered for a second who the hell this kid was when he realized it was Alex, obviously because of the insecurity in his voice, little did people know, but Michael could always hear the distress in someone's voice, hell, he had been through it all, so he would know. So instead he moved slightly, tried to speak, saying that yeah, he was just faking and that he could talk, but when he tried to nothing came out incept for a moan, a sort of gasp and then a sharp crack in his side. He tried to curl his fingers, but he couldn't even do that.
Suddenly fear slipped through him as Michael realized maybe he was in a coma…
Stupid fear.
Alex petted his hair," I knew you could hear me, but don't bother trying to move like that" He said as he lifted up the sheet on the side to see his right side of his hip, which was stitched up slightly sloppily and pressed his hand against his side, making Michael black out just from the slight touch of it," Yeah…that's got to hurt" When Michael came to again, his breath is regulated gasps he could tell that Alex was still there, watching him intently. " Well, before you passed out, I was saying Jake did something stupid. Because you made him stupid, you know that right? You made him the blind dumb abusive kid that he is today, and I'm rather happy that you did, because you and I both know we can't picture Jake any other way, am I right?"
"Rig- ht…Christ, even thinking hurts" Michael sighed
"So yeah, Jake's over at Adrian's grave, wherever the hell that is seeking advice."
Michael snorted," Shit"
"So you know, before he left, he told me to tell you that it's over and that he was tired of running, and that's why he had to do this now before something happened" Alex's eyes were lowered. " What is he doing?" He whispered at Michael, who was still laying in the bed like some sort of handsome paraplegic. Alex's hands tightened around Michael's collar and pulled his body up," I swear if something happens to him…Michael…you see, you may be over him, but I…" Alex trailed off, red eyes and dark features.
Michael's heart went out to him," He's falling for him" That made him sort of jealous but he got over it. He already knew that people in emotional distress gravitate towards Jake, he saves them and then takes care of them, because that way, he can deny that he's just as fucked as they are.
Alex's hands slipped away," I'm sorry"
"It's okay, I've been smacked around before"
He sighed," How does he do it?"
"Beats me, I've been trying to figure this out for the past 12 years"
Alex blinked a little," I don't know you that well, but could I…stay here for a while?"
"Sure, I like company…as long as you don't try and strangle me again"
Alex leaned back into the chair and sighed, the rain outside the window picked up.
A sharp raw smell filled the air as Jake looked around, standing in the middle of the cheapest cemetery that he had ever seen. He spotted the grave that he was looking for automatically, due to the fact that there were blue roses placed over the grave, a dead give away since that was the boy's favorite color.
The thick smog parted momentarily as he saw down, well rather squatted, and eyed the headstone suspiciously:
Trent Asher June 14 1984- August 20 2005
He guessed they fished out his body from the river, but it was the grave next to it that he needed to see. He glanced over and saw Adrian's grave, in all it's morose glory, sitting there and somehow triggering a million memories of how he messed up. But maybe that's what dragged him here in the first place, that burning annoying pounding in the back of his head that oh so desperately needed a little clarity to fill his clouded vision. So he took a deep breath and rubbed his head gently, trying to think and just relax. He whispered something outrageous and in-coherent before blinking and a smile erupted onto his face, as large and dark as the first time he saw Michael bruised and battered on a rainy day months ago at the bus terminal.
But of course he wouldn't dare give his sudden epiphany credit to the diseased Adrian, because, well, he was still a stubborn idiot. He knew that what he had to do now, and his mind was already concocting a brilliant plan as usual, he could hear the bells whistling and chiming.
And then it all stopped.
And he frowned because he knew he couldn't carry out said plan because there was no sure fir reason for Michael to participate. What-so-ever. So now he was stuck in a rut once again, but this time he had an excuse to hesitate, to pause, to wonder what the hell to do next. But now the new issue was not "What now?" but more along the lines of "Who now?"
Marco rolled his eyes," This is the third time you sang this song"
Brian smirked ruefully, twirling the microphone in between his fingers and laughed at him dryly," Marco, this is one of the best songs ever" He paused to put the microphone back to his lips as he swirled around," Well do ya, do ya do ya wanna, wanna go? Where I never let you before…do do do do do do do do"
Everybody was just rubbing in the fact that they heard the song and Marco hadn't.
And this was how he was spending his New Years eve, doing shitty karaoke with his friends.
Ryan and Pete swayed around in the back of the living room, being quiet and closed off for once and Andy came down to sit next to him," Okay, I just read it" He said, smiling brightly as opposed to his mood from before, he moved his freshly painted black nails across Marco's eyes to get his attention as Brian proceeded to do the Do You Want To Dance and sing "Lucky lucky, you're so lucky"
"Well, what do you think of it?"
"It's perfect" Andy nodded, smiling again.
"Wait, why are you so happy? Are you just saying that you only liking it because you're happy?" Marco asked, writer's paranoia kicking in," Hey, do you have a date, tell me!"
Andy rolled his eyes," Marco, shut up, I don't have a date. But Brian is cracking me up"
Brian danced around " When I woke up tonight I said IIIIIIIIIIeeeehhhh! Gonna make somebody looovvveee meeee"
Marco snorted with laughter and had to put down the soda he was drinking. " Okay, fine, then what do you really think?"
"It's edgy, and hurtful, and perfect" Andy smiled again, " Stop worrying, now dance with me, come on, we have to hear you sing"
Marco shook his head," Um…No…I' uh-" Andy yanked him up out of the chair as Pete dipped Ryan in the background and spun him around. " What's gotten into the two of them?" Marco asked as Andy shoved Marco into Brian, who held the mic close to him and murmured out," Can I finish that last part?"
"Just sing it" Marco and Andy said at the same time, smiling." You know you want to"
Brian smiled," You sure?"
Andy nodded," Yeah."
Brian was about to sing when he stopped," Want to sing it together?"
Marco smirked while Andy released a girly Squee! Of happiness. " On the count of three…"
"1..."
"2..."
"You're famous friend, well I blew him before you, oh yeah!"
They all started laughing as Marco snatched the mic and began dancing around to the Bravery, " Downtown in the shade" He spun around as Andy yelled out," Oh yeah!"
"Staring at the sunshine in my face"
"Alright!" Brian sang out as well.
"Telling me to come and hide, come and play"
"It's true!"
"I'm telling you the sun never goes away"
"Oh yeah"
"And All I do is talk, talk, talk all day!"
"All I do is talk all day!" Andy yelled.
"I'm laughing my life away"
"Laughing away!" Pete said, joining in.
"Staring at the sun again"
"Staring at you!" Ryan yelled.
"Till everything is fading!" Marco spun around the mic stand, crashing into the couch and laughing like hell.
They continued to act stupid through the night singing to such tunes of "Mr. Bright side, Michael, Do You want To, 6 times may I add, Lean Back, ( Who knew Andy could rap?) basically every The Killers song and Franz Ferdinand song, a hell ova lot of disco music, and as the ball dropped they did a special rendition of Green Buck's "Spunk" in memory of queer as folk.
Michael smiled slowly, yeah it hurt, but he smiled anyway, in his dream, his dream.
Alex raised an eyebrow at him, amused at the fact that Michael was showing a hint of emotion and finally, suddenly, he said something, said it clear, and tired, and loudly and Alex's smile widened when that was all that he said, and then went back to being motionless once more.
"Aren't you tired of hurting me, of us hurting each other?"
Alex nodded," I'll tell him that"
People out side screamed out " New Year" as Alex smiled sadly.
Alone.
Sneak Preview: Woot, this feels like a movie. And if you're confused with who Jake is talking to, that's a good thing.
"Love, undying, unyielding love. Ever felt that?"
"It's fucking horrible" Jake droned out, picking up and flower and crushing it.
Michael's eyes lit up," Yes yes, horrible. I somehow knew you'd understand. It's horrible Jake. And I miss it. I miss that pain"
"Andrew" Jake said in a quiet voice, eyes squinting in the dull moonlight. The plastic fake classical music from inside floated around then as he tried to think properly and sighed instead. " Whatever love…or glimmer of love you may feel, it's gone." He said it dryly. " Love is a word, a nasty four letter word that people toss around as an excuse for their actions at the current time. It's a word of dangerous and epic proportions. It causes devistation. Terror and depression." He bit his lip as Michael's eyes widened with shock and anticipation for Jake to finish. "It's better you feel empty than to love at all"
"But Jake" Michael's voice was excited," Have you ever felt this way? To cause you to think that--"
"My first and only love was my darkest period in my life" Jake said, point blank. " It was a spiraling black hole of emotions, ups and downs and pain. It made me realize that whatever I do in life, I should never do that again"
"Love again?" Michael asked.
"Never" Jake whispered," Never Andrew"
That's it. You guys know I;m a whore for franz, so don't be shocked at DO YOU WANT TO being in this chapter. Because I do. I do wanna go Where they never let me before. Lol, I am way too happy. I have to eat something! Love you all!11 -weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee- -spiuns away like an anime character-