She let me go, my mother, even when I told her I didn't know when I'd be home, I wasn't sure if I needed a jacket and no, I wasn't hungry. I'm 45 years old, if I need a jacket, I think I'll know. The woman was driving me nuts. After I found Tom, I was going to get an apartment somewhere far away from Bloomington, Indiana. She kissed me and I was out of the door.
I didn't really know where I was going to find him, but I found myself in Marseilles, France in front of Sandrine's. It was a little different then the holodeck program but not much. It was hard to go in for some reason. I know the real Sandrine would probably have no idea who I was, unless she'd followed the Voyager news feeds, but it wasn't the top story the media tried to force it to be and I was grateful that I wasn't recognized on the streets.
I walked in and it wasn't as smoky as it had been programmed in the past, all of Tom's 20th century pool sharks were not there to smoke up the joint. I just looked around for a moment, scanning the crowd. Part of me hoped Tom wasn't here drinking, throwing his life away again. I didn't see him, but I saw the real, live Sandrine working the crowd. I looked out of place, I felt out of place, standing in the doorway with my casual and white t-shirt. I looked from the wrong time or something; more relaxed than the sorry faces that lined the bar. When Sandrine walked by, I touched her shoulder to get her attention. She looked around, startled, but smiled at me anyway.
"Come in, Madame, it's cold out there." she said and I walked in a few steps, allowing the door to close.
"I'm looking for someone you might know." I started, speaking softly.
"I know many people." She laughed.
"Tom Paris?" Her face took on a more serious expression.
"Tommy has not been in here for many years, Cherie. But I did hear that his ship came home. Perhaps you should talk to a Starfleet officer." She started to walk away.
"Sandrine, wait." She stopped. "I was the Captain of that ship." I said, and gave a modest smile. "Do you know anywhere he might be?" I was begging and she looked at me as if I wasn't any sort of Captain.
"No, Captain, I do not. Bon chance in finding Tommy. Give him my love." She walked away. And as I walked back out into the drizzle, I cursed because I knew I was going to have to go see Owen Paris, something I'd avoided since my decision to leave the fleet the day before we came home. He was at the celebration and I had told him first. He hadn't spoken to me since. I was dreading even being near the headquarters again, I knew I'd be offered a position back in, that my little absence was only that, an absence and no one would ever have to know. Starfleet was like that.
I transported to San Francisco but walked three blocks to the actual campus. I was meandering through the gardens, giving myself a pep talk when I heard my name.
"Katie Janeway, I don't believe my eyes." The voice belonged to Boothsby and a thousand memories of the 8472 rushed back.
"Hello." We didn't touch, Boothsby was like that, but he did pull a flower from behind his back. "I don't know how you do that every time." I whispered suddenly close to tears. He reached up and tucked it behind my ear, and it looked pretty, the purple against my hair which I had left down.
"Don't be a stranger." He said and knelt back down with a loud groan. I felt a little better and walked into the Brass' office building.
"Excuse me ma'am, do you have a pass?" A young security guard stopped me in the lobby. He was a baby, with white blond hair and blue eyes, and such a round little face.
"I don't, I'm sorry, but I need to talk to Admiral Paris." I said, politely.
"He isn't in right now."
"I disagree." I said, and he started to get a self-righteous look in his eyes. "Why don't you give him a hail? Tell him that Kathryn Janeway is here to speak to him." I could see the guard scanning his brain for the familiar name and the exact moment it dawned on him, it was all I could do no to laugh.
"I'm not actually supposed to let you in, seeing how you've left Starfleet, but I think it will be alright." It was almost an apology and I thanked him, and stepped on the turbo lift. I remembered exactly where his office was and he had the same secretary.
"Katie Janeway!" She whispered – his door was slightly open. I smiled.
"Hello Doris. Is he in?" It was an arbitrary question, but it was tradition.
"He's in, but don't say I didn't warn you." I smiled with thanks, and pushed the door open. His chair was facing the window and I was silent as I clicked the door open.
"I was wondering if you'd show up." He voice cut through the silence like a dull knife.
"Well, here I am." It was hard not to say it cynically. He turned around and gave me the once over.
"You at least look good. Not drinking your self to death like I am." I took notice of the open scotch bottle near his desk, and shrugged.
"You do seem to have that covered." The same picture of Tom was on his desk and he caught me looking at it.
"Is he why you're here Kathryn Janeway? Is he the reason it took you an hour to come up here? Oh yes, I saw you walking circles around down there." I glared at him.
"I don't know where he is, and I thought... you might." There, I had said it.
"He was home for a little white." He poured himself more scotch and I frowned. "But he said he had to find his own place. So he left."
"It's important Owen." I pushed. "I realize you're frustrated with me for leaving Starfleet but that shouldn't stop Tom and me from being friends."
"You could come back. Maybe even be promoted, we need good officers like you." There is was. I looked down, composing myself.
"If you won't help me, then I'll go." I said, turning.
"I really wish I knew. If I find him, I'll tell you." He spun around and I knew the conversation was over. I left, waving to Doris. I was frustrated as hell. My next move was to send a subspace message to Voyager. B'Elanna might know where he was.
I made my way to the archive building across the campus. It was mostly empty, most people who used it were cadets at the academy across the street, and most were in classes. No one cut at the academy. I planted myself in front of a terminal and activated it. My fingers flew across the panel with ease as I encoded the message. No one actually believed I had really given up so all my access codes worked perfectly. Starfleet was just that stupid and for that I was grateful. It was short, sincere, unthreatening, I knew Chakotay was mad at me, but B'Elanna didn't have to be. I sent it and picked up my purse, slinging it over my shoulder. Until the message came back, and it could take days to even get there. I didn't want to go home, but I didn't want to stay at HQ. I needed a miracle to occupy me for a few hours. I left the library, and looked behind me at Owen's building. I thought I could almost make him out, watching me, but the logical part of me knew it probably was my imagination. I was walking towards the bridge although I had no jacket, just the t-shirt and a light blue sweater. I would freeze if I tried to walk across the golden gate, but maybe I was hoping for the miracle before then. And then I saw my miracle, and I looked up at the sky.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me." I cursed, but Neelix had already seen me and was running towards me. I don't know if you've ever seen a Talaxian run, but needlessly to say, I hurried to meet him in the middle.
"Captain!" He realized his mistake immediately and bumbled a moment.
"Neelix, it's good to see you. And in Starfleet colors nonetheless," He blushed and I smiled. "How are classes going?"
"Fine, they are hard, but I enjoy it. I've already learned so much on Voyager that I'm not really behind." We walked away from the waters direction.
"Good to hear. I'm glad you're enjoying it." He did, I noticed, look a little stressed and I didn't have the heart to tell him it would only get worse, the work load, heavier.
"So, what brings you here?" He asked, but I knew he was really asking if I was coming back.
"I had to see Admiral Paris about something." I said grimly.
"I thought you two were friends?" I shrugged.
"We were once. But that was a long time ago."
"A shame, I just spoke to Tom last week. I'm taking a piloting course, and I needed-"
"Neelix!" I stopped to grab his shoulders and we were eye to eye. I realized then, it the midst of my excitement that with out three inch heels on my boots, we were the same height. "You spoke to Tom?"
"Yes, about the shuttle class. Why?" He said, looking a little frightened.
"That's why I'm out here to see Owen Paris. I need to find Tom, even Owen doesn't know where he is!" I ranted.
"You're squeezing a bit tight there." He winced and I immediately let go. "Tom is living in... um... oh, gosh is starts with an N, one of the states, my North American geography is still a little rusty..." He got lost in thought. I started naming off states.
"North Carolina, Nebraska, New Mexico-"
"It's a New one, I remember!" He said excitedly. I tried not to throttle him.
"New Hampshire, New York-"
"That's it! New York! That's where Tom bought an apartment. He said he's testing shuttles for companies besides Starfleet although it doesn't sound very safe-"
"Neelix, you're a Godsend." Maybe it wasn't such a bad miracle after all. "Do you remember his address?" He shook his head.
"It's in my dorm, I'm sorry. I can get it for you, but I'm already running late for class." He looked apologetic.
"Who is your professor?" I asked, pulling him towards the resident section of the campus.
"Captain McDougal. She teaches-"
"Physics, good, you'll be fine. What hall are you in?" He led me to his dorm room which was surprisingly neat upon remembering his galley; of course, it had to be for the academy.
10 minutes later I clutched the address in my hand and walked Neelix over to his class. He was fidgeting, nervous about being in trouble but when I walked in with him, Alice McDougal just about wet herself with excitement. She was never a calm woman, not when we were in the academy together and surely not now.
"My, my, what a surprise. Cadets, Captain Kathryn Janeway!" They all exchanged glances and Alice's complete lack of composure.
"Just Kathryn Janeway. I kept Mr. Neelix, please don't let it reflect on him." I said, backing towards the door.
"No, of course not." She said. "Of course, physics is one of Ms. Janeway's expert area's, is it not?" She asked. I glanced up at the crowd as saw a student watching me, shaking her head slightly, almost telling me to get out while I could. She looked familiar and I recognized her. It was the girl from shuttle transport, Samantha's niece. The universe was really just that small.
"It's been a while. Nice seeing you, Captain. Cadets." I said and winked at Neelix. Then I was gone, The PADD with Tom's address nestled in my purse. Now, it was time to go find Tom.