A/N: All right, I'm still not completely sure why I'm doing this, but lets have a go, shall we? I've never backed down from a dare, Dusty (to my great misfortune) so who's to say I won't accept this challenge? Let's see what crops up.
Starfire sniffed. Her hand automatically reached for a tissue, but the box was empty. Tissues lay scattered all over her pink carpet. She didn't bother to pick them up. She rubbed her bleary eyes and sniffed again, blinking rapidly to avoid another onslaught.
The Tamaranian had been crying all day. And the worst part was that she didn't know why. "Yes, I am aware why," she muttered to herself. "Lying is not a good thing to do, not even to one's self."
Starfire curled up into a little ball at the foot of her bed. Her aching head rested against her fluffy, pink carpet, tears dripping from eye-to nose-to-eye-to-ground, thanks to gravity.
"Oh, how I wish this were not happening! This is such a joyful time! I have no right to be sad," she thought morosely, hugging herself even more tightly, eyes glazing over and fogging up again.
Starfire desperately tried to concentrate on all the good things that happened the day before. Trigon had been defeated. The world had been scourged of his minions. The universe had been saved. Raven was safe, alive and well.
And yet, among all these causes for cheeriness, a phrase kept ringing over and over in the Tamaranian's head, growing and enveloping her heart like a black shadow, a pall opening wounds that had only recently begun to heal…
A sudden knock at the door dispelled Starfire's musings, bringing her back down to reality with an uncomfortable thump.
Hurriedly, she grabbed at odd piles of tissues piled up over the floor. "Who is there?" she asked, as she scooped up loads of hankies in her arms and shoved them haphazardly under her bed.
"Uh, Starfire? It's me. Robin."
Star dropped a particularly gooey clump of tissues mid-scoop. Robin? The very mention of his name made her feel like a portkin was eating up her insides. Of all the people to see her like this!
"Um, one moment, please! I will attend you momentarily!"
Star scanned the room, making sure all was clear. She quickly gazed into her mirror, grimacing when she saw her reflection.
"I am in more disarray than an Omegan prize-fighter," she thought, hastily smoothing down her hair and rubbing her water-logged green eyes. Her hands were shaking. Was she just jittery about her leader finding out how upset she was? Or was it something else?
Starfire stood in front of the door, took a deep breath, strove to remain calm, failed miserably, and opened the door.
And there he stood.
Robin. How could a name, just a name, an alias really, pull at your heartstrings and make you hot and cold at the same time?
Robin looked at her carefully before asking, "Is…everything OK, Star?"
"Of course, Robin. Everything is wonderful!" The lie was automatic. It was second nature by now.
"You haven't come out of your room all day. And you went straight to your room after dinner last night." Robin's right hand twitched, and he immediately rubbed it with his other hand. His whole demeanor screamed shifty, and he looked as though he were having just as much difficulty in keeping up appearances as Starfire was.
Starfire detested the sugary falseness of her voice even as it dripped off her tongue, like rancid honey. "There is nothing to be concerned about. I was merely…resting. Yesterday's battle was…quite fierce."
Robin's eyebrow nearly shot to his hairline. "Do you…would you mind if I come in?"
Starfire felt fireworks go off in head. She could barely keep the treble out of her voice as she uttered, "Yes, Robin. Of course, please enter."
Robin walked inside. He looked around her room, as though expecting to find clues as to Star's strange behavior. Just keep your cool. Everything is going to be fine, he thought to himself, turning around to face the Tamaranian.
Starfire, despite her attempts to look her usual, merry self, looked so forlorn, it was all he could do not to stride over and embrace her. There it was again! Those impulses he felt whenever he was around her, whenever anyone spoke her name, whenever she laughed, her green eyes sparkling like fiery emeralds. Robin could feel ever so slightly the cold sweat dripping down his neck, his stomach gnawing uncomfortably. No, wait. Not now. He had a job to do.
"Starfire, are you sure there isn't something you want to tell me? Something that might have happened yesterday?"
Starfire hesitated. There it was. Out in the open. A chance to tell someone. No, not just anyone. A chance to tell Robin. Right there on a silver platter.
Starfire walked over to her window, mulling over her choices. She had no right to burden Robin even more with her silly problems, hurt her though they did. Robin always felt everything was his fault, being team leader, and Starfire knew in her heart it wasn't.
Oh, but Zal! He is concerned about me. He wants me to tell him. He wants me to confide in him. But I can not, I simply can not.
"Star, whatever it is, you can tell me."
A tortuous battle was raging in her chest, desire for comfort intertwined with self restraint. She knew she wouldn't last much longer.
Turning around, she mumbled, "It is not of great importance."
Robin frowned. "Anything that bothers you is important to me."
Starfire blushed, lifting her eyes in wonder, gazing at that expressionless mask.
Walking over to her bed, she resignedly sat down, clasping her hands in her lap. There was just no hiding anything from Robin. He sat down beside her, waiting patiently for her to begin
"Oh, Robin, I wish you would not worry so. It is simply…a personal matter."
"Tell me," he stated simply, his eyes never leaving her face.
Staring at the floor, Starfire said, "While you were underground rescuing Raven, yesterday, when the world was going to end, we attempted to fight Trigon. When we provoked him, he sent out our inner demons to face us."
Robin nodded knowingly. "Cyborg told me. He said you each had to face an evil version of yourself."
Starfire shook her head. "They were not only evil versions of ourselves. They were the evils inside us. They were specters made up of our doubts, fears, and darker impulses. They were the sinister recesses of our being, brought out of us and forcing us to do battle with them."
Starfire shivered, and hugged her knees. Robin watched wordlessly. The Tamaranian continued.
"The…dark Starfire had many things to say. I fought her as hard as I was able, truly I did," she said, gazing earnestly at Robin. "But it wasn't enough. I wasn't able to defeat her."
"Neither of you were. That's how you won, by each of you defeating each other," commented Robin.
A wry smile flitted across Starfire's face. "Robin, I am not upset because I was unable to win. The dark side of me, she said something to me…something I had locked away a long time ago, something I used to say to myself, until I realized the damage it caused me." Tears threatened to overflow those beautiful green eyes. Robin felt helpless to stop them. He stared sorrowfully, and waited for her to continue.
Star took a deep breath, screwed up her eyes, and exclaimed, "You do not even belong in this world!"
For a full minute, neither one of them moved. Starfire looked as though she was suppressing a large sob from escaping her throat.
Robin felt physical pain, watching her, knowing that when a person bleeds inside like that, there's not that much you can do. He yearned to comfort her, to cradle her in his arms and whisper soothing things in her ear, but he knew that wasn't what she needed. Not just yet.
Urgently, he put a hand on her arm. "Starfire…do you really believe that?"
Tears streamed unchecked down Starfire's face as she felt her insides tear apart. That was something she had kept locked up inside her. That was something she never confided to anyone, not even to Raven, to whom she spoke of many things. That was what kept her up at night sometimes, as she felt something die inside her, beginning to fester.
Do I belong here? Do I truly belong here?
"Sometimes…I do."
"But, why Star? You're a Titan! You're a part of this team, and we all care about you. I can't imagine you anywhere else."
Starfire jerked her arm away. Robin started, surprised at the motion. She scowled, staring at her knees. "It is not so simple as that, Robin. So many of your customs are still strange to me. There are so many things I don't understand. Whenever I drink my beloved mustard, you all stare at me with disgust. When I attempt to explain a tradition on my planet, you are not even capable of pronouncing it. You have been to my world, you have seen how different it is. I simply do not 'fit in'"
She practically spat those last words out, as though it were something distasteful. Robin could only stare in surprise.
Feeling restless, she stood up and walked over to the window again. "I will always be the outsider. I will always be the one that doesn't fit in. I try not to let it prevent me from living my day-to-day life, but just when I was able to dominate it, just when I was able to lock it up deep inside me, where it couldn't hurt me, it exploded in my face. I do not belong here. Perhaps I never will."
Starfire bowed her head, her tears catching the rays of the sun that peeked through the curtains. She felt miserable. Out of reach. Inconsolable.
"You're no outsider to me."
Starfire started. Looking up, she turned toward Robin. He was holding his hands out to her. In one swift movement, he reached up and pulled off his mask, and let it flutter to the ground. With a gasp, Starfire stared into the blue depths of Robin's eyes for the first time. She was mesmerized. Robin took no heed of her outburst.
"Starfire, we're all different. I can only imagine how hard it must be, to be away from your home, from everything you're used to. You ARE different. But that doesn't make you an outsider." Robin took a step forward. Starfire felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.
"Do you remember when we were stranded on that alien planet?"
Starfire nodded mutely, faint traces of pink darting over her face. How could she forget?
"I meant what I said, back then, I mean. You're strong, and brave, and beautiful. And…I can't honestly imagine you anywhere but here. With me."
Starfire could feel goose bumps all over her arms. She hugged herself, feeling chilly, knowing full well it had nothing to do with the temperature. Fear welled up in her, fear of rejection, fear that this was all just a dream, and that tomorrow she would wake up as usual with nothing but heartbreak and pain to keep her company. She turned back to the window, feeling overwhelmed.
A warm, gloved hand rested on her shoulder, making her jump. "Star?" his voice asked, quiet, yet firm, and just a bit pleading.
That portkin must really have had an appetite. Starfire felt a jolt flow through her body at his touch, wanting desperately to either tear away or fully receive it. She could feel that familiar aching in her chest, the one that didn't let her sleep some nights, that assaulted her whenever he was near…
Star turned to Robin. Their eyes locked. Before she knew it, she was wrapped up in the Boy Wonder's arms. Shock registered across her face. His hands rested on her back. She could smell his scent in the nape of his neck. With sudden resolve, she splayed her hands across his back, soaking him in. She hugged him as hard as she could without hurting him. She could feel herself shaking. The ball lodged in her throat was threatening to come loose.
"Robin?" she asked her voice wavering, asking the un-asked question. She couldn't ask it. She just couldn't say it. She could lift 50 tons of iron, but she couldn't ask a 4 word question.
"Yeah, Star. I do. So much."
Star pulled her head back to look him in the eyes again, and lose herself in their watery profundity. Before she had time to, though, his mouth was covering hers. She had never known how much you can experience someone in your psyche as well as in your body. His kiss was gentle, yet passionate, and it left her mind spiraling and full of smoke. She clung to him, her knees weak and shaking. Her heart felt as though it would burst, and she was sure she could feel his beating just as fiercely against her breast.
Finally, she pulled away. It was just too much. Starfire looked up at Robin, and found herself in his loving gaze. She rested her head against his shoulder, and he whispered in her ear,
"You'll always belong here. Because you belong with me."
A/N: Oh my lord. What HAVE I done? I put that bit from Stranded (your favorite episode, I'm sure) JUST for you Dusty. Hehehe, anyway, tell me what you think people!
Jambey