Sorry I haven't updated for a while, I just needed to figure out the depressing parts in this chapter. (I really like the depressing stuff.
Disclaimer: I don't own Inu Yasha, Rumiko Takahashi does nor do I own Malice Mizer's Syunikiss!
After that day Kagome and Inu Yasha began planning on the group. It took Inu Yasha a lot of convincing to get Kagome to join, but he finally did.
"So should we meet Fridays or Mondays?" asked Kagome.
"Why must it be those days? Why cant it be like a Tuesday or something like that?" questioned Inu Yasha.
"Well Monday and Friday seem the most depressing days, I mean on Monday its back to school and it's the end of the weekends. Than on Fridays you realize that you don't have anything to occupy your time with during the weekend."
"Hmmmm…Now that you put it that way it makes more sense." Confessed Inu Yasha. "But I think it would be smarter to ask everyone that's going to be in the group what days they prefer, and whatever day is widely appreciated will be the one."
"Okay" agreed Kagome, "I have to go now but I will see you tomorrow at three, okay"
"Sure" and with that they parted ways.
Now one would think that Kagome would be happier with the fact that she made a friend but she wasn't. Kagome was even more miserable. The reason being that it was only a friendship to share pain, and that isn't a very uplifting friendship at all. When Kagome finally got home she went up to her room and cried. Pulling out her night journal Kagome poured out her feelings for that day.
Dear Journal,
Today was even more depressing than yesterday. The entire thought of people getting together to bleed and share their pain in a small abandoned shed is…well…depressing. The more I think about it the more I get sick. I can't help it though, I want people to care and if this is the only way than so be it.
The rest of the journal entry was pointless and Kagome even wondered why she spent the time to write in a journal anyways. 'No, I cant be thinking these thoughts, I've spent to long writing in journals I cant just stop now' Kagome thought. That night Kagome tossed and turned in a fitful sleep, dreaming about bleeding and dying alone. The next day Kagome and Inu Yasha met the people that they wanted in the group. Most looked bored and some looked kind of nervous to be there. Most of the questions they had about the group were stupid and sounded as if their world would stop turning if any of their friends found out. A few of these questions were:
"Will this be confidential? I would just die if anybody found out!"
"Im on the swimming team and I also go to the beach a lot with my friends so do you only get to cut on your arms? How about on the inner thigh, or the stomach?"
"Do any of you have HIV? Because of you do I'm not joining."
All the questions were answered and they decided to meet up the next day and figure out days and times. Kagome decided that on the way home she would stop by the park. She sat down on a bench and stared at the sun fading behind the mountains and the stars peeping out. 'What am I doing here?' Kagome asked herself. But no answer came and no answer would ever come. Kagome had one of her journals with her and she decided to write down about what she saw and how she felt about.
Dear Journal
Tonight I saw a shooting star fly through the sky before the sun went down, leaving a trail or memories in its wake. I heard the last birds flap their wings as they flew back to their warm and cozy nests. I felt the air grow cold and the wind start to beat faster at my cheeks. In a few homes not so far away from where I sit, I can hear little kids with their parents getting ready for bed. Laughing and playing until they finally go to sleep. I hate the sound of happiness because I feel no happiness. Everything around me is sad and just because of that I hate everyone else being happy! I tried to slit my wrists tonight it didn't work. I can't cut deep enough. Maybe in this new "cutting group" I can make friends and learn some tricks of the trade, figuratively speaking of course. Another deal with the devil just like the cupcakes, I'm just asking for trouble. What if in this new group someone accidentally cuts to deep and dies? What will happen? Too many questions and not enough answers. In this world there are always thousands of questions and only a few hundred answers. That is another reason why I hate it! So much confusion. Maybe I'm just being difficult with myself.
"Well that's enough writing for me, at least for this night." Kagome said to herself.
Kagome got up and started to walk home looking at the bright stars shine brilliantly in the sky. As soon as Kagome got in the door an onslaught of silence greeted her. It was almost midnight and yet her Mother didn't care.
'Thanks for worrying mother' Kagome thought to herself sarcastically.
Kagome walked up the stairs and shut herself inside her room and turned on her music. Tonight was Malice Mizer's Syunikiss. The violins calmed her and made her feel at peace. She sat on her bed and used her razor to cut deep into her arm. Yet the more she pressed the more pain she felt and the less blood came out.
"You hateful thing!" yelled Kagome "Why can't you ever work for me?"
She fell down sobbing onto her pillow falling asleep in scratches and tears.
I will write more soon, I promise!