Escape.

That's what we're all searching for.

And that's why you're reading this. Let me first establish that I have very strong religious convictions. I'm a Christian and I make no bones about it. If you have an objection to that, then you may leave. Or flame me. It's not my business. However, because Zim and the rest don't really fit into my whole spiritual side and are more of an ego side, there won't be a lot of religion. True, it will crop up, as I'm writing about the effects of fan fiction on my own life.

So bear with me.

--Be My Escape—

With all your heart.

That's how I live. Everything that I do is meant to be with every thing I have. True, I don't always give things like, oh, AP physics my all, but I try.

Forward Motion.

High School was a trial. It sucked. But, in retrospect, the outcome wasn't too bad after all. Isn't that why it's called FORWARD motion?

Owari-nai Yume

The dream without an end. As I watched the things I had always dreamed of ( a boyfriend, acceptance into my top college, friends, acceptance, acknowledgement) come true right before me at the end of my senior year, it really was an unending dream.

Personal Demons.

And even though I feel happy about my life right now, the demons are still lurking in the corners, waiting for me to become vulnerable again. Waiting for the time in which I finally succumb to the void that calls out to me.

They're waiting for me to sink into the world I've carved from my obsessions.

It wouldn't be so hard if my demons didn't have faces. But these faces aren't horrible ones, no. These demons have the faces of the same entities that I've come to accept as a part of who I am.

They leer from the dark shadows in my mind, whispering in recognizable voices.

I don't want to lose everything that I've held onto. If they win, then the dream will end and I will not continue moving forwad.

And it wouldn't be so hard if the demons weren't lead by Zim. By megalomania.

It's Zim that guides me to the comic book stores that carry Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and other such works. Books that I know are polluting my mind, and yet I can't help but reach for another.

In reading comic books, other demons enter. Inuyasha became anger. Gaz became hatred. GIR became insanity. Devi, apathy and complete inability to move forward. And, lurking in the background, even to my horror, is Nny himself, representing my rage towards society.

These demons wage war against a defense of sane emotions. There's Dib as determination. Nightcrawler stands in for faith. There are other, unnamed emotions like strength, and at the core is my own self, Ryune, holding onto my heart. And truly, if I didn't have God in there, too, the demons would win.

And the war is one that is staged on the internet, in fan fictions and review forums. Fan fiction is a cage, while at the same time being freedom.

It is my escape.

And we all know the reasons we want to escape begin in Childhood. Thus... I give you another story that's about me, but about a character you recognize. A story about opression of a gifted mind, and squelching of a creative spirit. One that's about indifference, heartache, and inability to move forward.

One that's also about courage and pressing on, even though life really sucks.

I hope my story gives you an answer you seek.