I envy them.

I envy just about every cartoon character out there.

They know what they want to do with their lives. They have purpose, they exist solely for that one reason.

And then they live their lives for that purpose.

But what about me? Where is my purpose? What is my dream?

But what about me?

I believe in dreams, that everyone has an exact purpose for their lives. But what is mine? How do I achieve a dream I'm not even clear about?

Ever since sixth grade, my purpose has been unclear. It's as if, when I prayed that God would guide my life, he grabbed my hand and took off running.

I have never known where my life was headed. It's almost as if I obliviously live my life while he drops stuff in my lap to propel me forward.

Sure, I like where He's taken me so far, but what next? I want to trust him, to follow, but at the same time, I can't go on living my life wondering what the purpose of my existence really is.

What am I? Another cog in the machine? The mover and shaker of this century? Or just some wistful teenager with unclear purpose?

Why can't I, when so many times before, find meaning through him? Why is He silent? Where are you, God?

The lucky ones—they never have expressed belief in God, yet they live their lives as it goes. Of course, being cartoons, their purpose is artificial. But still—what purpose do I serve?

What about me?

I know I live for something: there's no other way that good stuff would just… happen to me if there was no purpose. Even when I ignore God, do my own thing, he just lands another windfall for me, and I'm left thinking "what did I do to deserve this? What on earth is going on?"

Being God, He's not someone whose brain I can pick. But I wish I could know with utmost clarity what it is he wants.

I want to know with the kind of clarity that Zim has that there is one specific thing for me to do with my life. I want to know so I can devote my heart to it.

I want to stop being wholly unsure of what dreams lie ahead.

I want to stop dreaming and wake up.

I want to live.

&&&&&&&

Be My Escape

There were times in Dib's life that he would sit and wonder WHY. Why did he want to be a paranormal investigator? Was he even going to become one at all? Or would being "crazy" limit him from his dreams?

What's the purpose? I feel worthless
so unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit
and I'm just scared that in the end I will fail you

It was terrifying, really, to think that failure was an option. That one day, he might wake up and find that everything he had been living for was a waste, a dead dream.

That was an option that Dib would have to rule out.

But the future was so... intimidating. The feeling of not knowing what lay in store-- everything had changed with the arrival of Zim, after all. Dib had never assumed that a real, live alien would be his to hunt. And yet, as time went on, this alien provided him with many ways to find meaning and change the course of his life.

And sometimes, I think that I'm not any good at all
and sometimes, I wonder why, Why I'm even here at all

But then, you assure me
I'm a little more than useless
and when I think that I can't do this
You show me that I'll get through this
And do something right for once

Zim gave Dib purpose, for whatever that was worth. Even when Zim was at his worst, he always managed to prompt Dib in the direction he needed to go.

How was that even possible?

So I'll say if I can't do something significant
I'll have to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trivial that life can give me will
Measure up to what might have replaced it

And I bet, that regrets will prove to get me to improve in the long run

So what if everyone thought he was crazy? It was better than being useless. It was better than having regrets. It was better than no purpose at all.

I'm a little more than useless,
and I never knew I knew this
was gonna be the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right for once.