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Chapter 8 – Home sweet home

Doug walked up with Pacey towards the room where they would see their mother.

"You ok Pacey?" he asked as he noticed Pacey was walking along quetly instead of being the usual chatterbox.

"Just a little nervous Douggie." Pacey replied as he was preparing himself to face his mother whom had shot his may be father after he had abused her over what he felt was his fault.

"Don't worry, it'll be fine. Gretchen and me told mom you were back 5 weeks ago, we wanted to confirm that it was actually you that we saw on TV. She was happy and relieved you were ok Pacey. She doesn't blame you for what happened, and neither should you." Doug told him.

"I know Doug, but I can't help but feel that it is." Pacey answered him. "I think I just need some time to process it all. I just found out all of this today."

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'Here goes nothing' Pacey thought to himself as the door opened and he saw his mother sitting in a chair by a small table in an orange uniform.

Doug walked up to the table and smiled "Hey mom, look who I found."

Pacey stood there frozen, he didn't know what to do. This was the woman who neglected him for his entire life yet he only recently found out exactly why he wasn't loved by his father and neglected by his mother. It was because this woman had had an affair with another man around the time he was conceived. So he could be either a Witter or someone else's son.

"Hey mom" Pacey finally managed to get out as he smiled weakly at the woman whom had given birth to him.

"Pacey" his mother said her eyes watery as she looked at him, she wanted so bad to hug him but physical contact was forbidden between prisoners and visitors. "I was so worried, thank God you're alright."

Pacey stood there unable to move, not exactly sure what he was feeling, there were so many emotions, happiness, hurt, relief, anger, amusement that she had actually missed him and pain that it took what happened to him for care about him. He just didn't know how to act. So he decided to mask his feelings like he was used to around his family. "Yeah I guess the little green men or who- or whatever took us 4400 finally had enough of me and decided to dump us back on Earth by some light ball from outer space." He tried to joke.

His mother smiled, happy her youngest son's humour seemed intact although she knew it was probably just an act. 3 years ago she would have brushed it off and went along her business not caring how her little boy really felt. But that had changed, she had like John had blamed herself when Pacey disappeared. They hadn't been good parents to him and she regretted having missed the growing up of wonderful young man that was standing before her now. Although she had been there his entire life she hadn't been there for him when it mattered. It had been Andie, Jack and the Leery's who had told her about her little boys life. Even Mrs. Ryan seemed to know Pacey better then her. It was strange but having her son suddenly disappearing from her life had made her realize what exactly she had missed. "I'm sorry Pacey, for a lot of things in my life. But I can't change the past as much as I would, I can only change the now. I love you, and although it's a bit late I'm proud at how much you've accomplished in your life. To have such great friends and people who care about you. At the young man you've become without any help from your family, only yourself and your friends.

Pacey looked at his mother not knowing what to do, he knew he once had waited so long to hear her say such things but it didn't seem real to him. He just felt conflicted about her. He was angry at her, but also wanted to hug her. He wanted to forgive her but also yell at her. He realized then that although his mother finally said everything he had always wanted to hear from her he just didn't care, at least not right now. She was right he had always taken care of himself, with a little help and support from his friends every now and then but none of his family. He didn't need her right now. He needed her years ago. "Mom I know you mean well by this and I'm grateful. But, and I know you don't want to hear this but I want to be honest with you if we're going to try to…connect. I know I've done ok, I couldn't have gotten as to where I am without my friends and I love them for it. But hearing you say this I realized that although it means something to me I don't really value your opinion as much as I used to. I needed you 4 years ago when everyone forgot my birthday. I needed you a lot of times in my life when it just got too messed up. But you didn't care and now when I finally don't need you anymore you say these things to me I needed to hear when I was screwing up in school, when my father told me I was a loser and a screw up and would never be anything else, when I slept with my teacher and almost got her thrown into jail. I don't hate you mom, I just…don't feel like you're my mother. Just some woman who had to take care of me because I was your son, I don't feel…loved and appreciated. I know part of that is my fault but please understand that I need some time to deal with all of this stuff before I can let you back in."

Doug looked from his little brother to his mother feeling out of place and knowing this was breaking both of their hearts. But he understood Pacey needed some time to deal with everything. He hadn't really thought about his relationship with mom since he was back, more how Pacey was going to deal with dad. He realized how lucky and unlucky he had been during his childhood. Lucky to be so loved but unlucky to have been so blinded to the pain his little brother had been in. To ignore it and even believe at some point his fathers beliefs about him. That was until Pacey came to live with him. Only then he had started to realize his little brother wasn't a loser and screw up like everyone said he was.

Mrs. Witter felt the tears run down her cheeks at her youngest son painful but truthful words. She remained silent even though she had the urge to cry out loud she knew her son needed to finish telling her his feelings before she could reply. When he finally fell silent she nodded unable to find her voice to say anything.

Pacey looked at his mother and relief came over him as she understood. He then looked at his brother before turning back to his mother remembering something "About dad, mom. I want you to know I don't blame you. But I need to know, is he my father or is the other guy it?"

"I don't know Pacey." His mother answered truthfully. "we never took a test to find out. The other guy, he wasn't a guy to stick around, I doubt he ever knew I was pregnant with you. It was one night that I went out with some old friends who lived in the city. We got drunk and I met someone…we had a one night stand and a few weeks later I found out I was pregnant."

Pacey looked at her despising himself for feeling betrayed because that's how his father must have felt and he didn't want to have to do anything anymore with John Witter.

"It's ok mom, I don't blame you for cheating on him. I blame you for staying with him and all the years of emotional abuse. Just trying to make both me and him happy not realizing it was killing me inside to have my parents think so little of me. But I don't hate you, yes I'm angry but I don't hate you. I don't want to carry around all that anger with me. It's not the person I ma or want to be. And I don't really know how, but I suspect Doug and my friends have something to do with it, you seem to know I'm not a resentful person." Pacey stopped talking when a guard came up to them "time is up" Pacey nodded "Alright, I'll see you mom." He said to her smiling sadly before looking at Doug and then back at his mother giving her a quick hug before the guard could say or do anything he was already away from her. "Let's go" Pacey urged him.

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Joey sat in the yard in a chair looking up at the sky lost in thoughts when Bessie came up to her.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Bessie asked her.

Joey looked at her sister "strange, confused, sad, happy. It's weird but I'm confused about how much isn't changed and at how much is changed in this town. I'm happy to be back home after 6 weeks of quarantine…" Joey trailed off not wanting to talk or think about why she was sad but as she looked at the stars his face floated back into her mind.

"And sad because of Pacey." Bessie finished for her and smiled as Joey looked at her, "don't worry too much about him Joey. He's not a guy to give up that easily, you just have to let him know you want him and not Dawson."

"Who do you think I should be with?" Joey asked her after a long silence.

"I can't answer that Joey, you have to follow your own heart and not do what others want you to do. Although I think your heart and my feelings are on the same page." Joey smiled and nodded.

"I think so" she replied to Bessie "he just makes me feel something I haven't felt with anyone. When we're together I'm happy, I get to be myself and not this scripted version of me Dawson wants me to be. I did love Dawson, I still do but it's different. Dawson is safety, he makes me feel safe and secure. Pacey, Pacey makes me feel alive. It's scary and exciting and I know I need him. But I also need Dawson. I'm scared of making a choice, Do I chose Pacey and be unhappy but safe with Dawson or do I chose Pacey and lose that safety and if it doesn't work out end up with nothing."

"Love is about taking risks Jo. If the only thing preventing you from being with the guy you're obviously in love with in someone you see more as a brother then as a boyfriend then I think you're stupid. Dawson will get over this, but if you let a guy like Pacey get away because you're too scared of losing him then you are going to regret it for the rest of your life and be unhappy." Bessie told her.

'Jen and Bessie are right, I love Pacey and I'm not going to let Dawson stand in the way of our love…if he loves me that is. I need to at least tell him how I feel. I owe him that much.' Joey thought to herself.

Bessie looked at her little sister and looked up when she noticed a figure approaching, "Speak of the devil, told you he wouldn't stay away from you too long." She said to Joey before standing up and smiled at Pacey "hey Pacey, we missed you around here. I'm glad you're alright as well. And sorry about your parents."

Pacey had been drawn to the Potter B & B, he had told his brother he was going to take a walk to think and he had ended up walking to her. He smiled at Bessie "thanks, I heard the B & B is doing well."

"Yeah, we couldn't have done it without you." Bessie replied then added "Don't make it too late you two." Before excusing herself from the two and went back inside the house.

Pacey looked at her "Hey"

"Hey" Joey replied looking at him.

"About earlier…" she started but he held up his hand.

"Not tonight Jo, I just…can I just sit with you for a while?" he asked her. And she nodded standing up and allowed him to sit before she sat down on his lap surprising him but he didn't say anything about it. They just sat there comfortably in silence.

After a while Pacey started to tell her about his mother and father and his visit with his mother, Joey quietly listening to him as he poured all the pain, anger and confusion out to her. When he was done Joey hugged him close "I'm sorry Pace" she whispered to him and he just held her tightly to him needing her close as he felt his final defences break down and wept against her as she held him not saying a word, just holding him knowing there wasn't anything she could say right now to make him feel better. Well maybe except telling him she loved him but he had enough to deal with right now. She didn't want to add any more to his already heavy shoulders.

Bessie found them later, Joey was awake sitting in Pacey's lap watching him sleep she placed a finger to her lips as she noticed Bessie. Bessie nodded and whispered "you should get him inside, it's cold out. I'll call his brother and tell him Pacey is sleeping over here tonight."

Joey nodded grateful at Bessie's understanding. And waited a few minutes before placing a kiss on his lips kissing him softly awake. "Jo" he moaned and opened his eyes looking at hers in the dark.

"Bessie says you can stay over tonight. She's calling your brother to let him know." Joey told him with a smile on her face not being able to hide it.

"Thanks" Pacey told her, he was still tired but he was also awake by her earlier action.

As they headed inside not talking about the kiss Bessie came up to them "you can take the room next to Joey's" Joey's look she added "What you didn't think I was going to let him sleep with you in your bed did you now?" she smiled before continuing "I may like you Pacey but there is no way I'm letting you sleep with my sister anytime soon. Maybe after she turns 18 for real I'll consider it but until then you're out of luck."

"Well technically I am supposed to be 20." Joey told her sister receiving a glare from her sister and a surprised look from Pacey.

"Well if you could remember the last 3 years I may have considered." She told her little sister sternly.

"It's ok Jo, I'll be fine." Pacey told her.

"It's not that, it's just, tonight will be the first night I won't get to fall asleep in your arms." She told him blushing slightly.

Pacey smiled "Well, I'll be in the next room, any time at night you want to com…" he stopped remembering Bessie in the room with them and looked at her smiling slightly. "I think I'll just go to bed now." He then said.

"I think that's a good idea, goodnight you two." Bessie said heading off to her and Bodie's room.

"Nite." Pacey told the elder Potter girl before looking back at Joey "sweet dreams Potter" he said to her a sexy grin on his face speaking volumes.

"I always dream sweet when you're not in it." She told him sticking out her tongue at him.

Pacey smirked "Is that so Josephine?" she nodded "Well call me crazy but I don't believe that." He told her.

"You're not crazy just delusional and in denial." She told him smirking.

"Maybe, or maybe you're just to embarrassed about the dreams you have about me that you'd rather be in denial about it then me." Pacey replied smugly.

"Oh, yeah ravish me now Pacey, I can't control my obvious attraction for you." Joey replied.

Pacey smirked and noticed they were standing close, a flash of Dawson and Joey kissing came to his mind and he said "We all know you can't Potter, but since this body is tired for the night I guess you'll have to do with those NC-17 rated dreams you have about me."

Joey glared at him hating that he was right about her dreams but unwilling to let him know he was right. "Nite Pacey" she told him before opening the door to her room they were standing by and closing it behind her.

She threw herself on the bed and looked up the ceiling 'God help me I've fallen for Pacey J. Witter' she thought to herself before a smile crept on her face remembering him sleep earlier, and how she woke him up.

Pacey sat on the bed in the room next to Joey's and looked at the wall separating them. 'Why do I get myself into these situations. She's obviously going to be with Dawson so why do I bother?'

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Shawn was home, but things had changed, his younger brother was now the same age as him. Nikki who was 15 when he disappeared was now his age as well. And she looked good he guessed. She and his brother were dating. He wasn't sure but whenever he looked at her he had a flash in his mind from a certain other blond.

Despite the party they had all thrown for him he didn't feel like he fit in with his own family. He had tried telling his uncle that but a bird had smacked into the window. His neck was broken and although he had only picked him up and was holding it in his hands the bird suddenly awoke and flew off without a broken neck. He told his uncle it must have been stunned but he knew that wasn't the case, as he knew his uncle thought that wasn't the case.

Now he was sitting outside with the phone in one hand wanting to call Jen and see how her first day back was. But he hadn't gotten the courage yet to do so.

The phone in his hand rang and he almost dropped it because of it.

"Shawn Farrell" he said as he answered it.

"Hey Shawn, it's Jen." Jen's voice said through the phone.

"Hey" he said smiling as he sat up a bit and put the bottle of beer he had in his other hand down on the small table. "How are you?"

"I don't know, I found out my 4400 ability today. It was really weird, one minute I'm talking to a friend and then when I'm just thinking to myself about him I somehow projected my thoughts inside his head. He thought I said them but I know I didn't. I later talked to Joey who was in another car and we didn't use cell phone or anything just thoughts. It was really weird and draining, but I like it." Jen told Shawn, then asked "What about you, found out anything?"

Shawn was silent for a moment, processing Jen's ability. "I don't know, something weird did happen though. I was talking to my uncle when this bird hit the glass and dropped on the ground. When I picked it up I swore his neck was broken but as I held it for a moment it just flew off without a scratch, I mean maybe I was just imagining it but I think I somehow healed the bird. And what's worse I think my uncle thinks so too."

"Healing, wow. I'm so jealous right now, I mean you could maybe heal diseases that men can't even heal. Like cancer. I wouldn't worry about your uncle too much Shawn. He's your uncle and he will probably keep this to himself until you're ready to tell him." Jen told him.

"But he works for homeland security and it's job to find out more about the 4400 and keep an eye on them in case they get into trouble." Shawn told him.

"Look Shawn, you're his family. That's more important then a job. Or it least it is in a family that actually loves you and from what I could see from your uncle is that he cared about you." Jen told him then added "Besides now that you've got this new ability you could maybe get your cousin out of his coma and then uncle Tommy will definitely know you're one of the good guys."

"I don't even know how, I just touch them with my hands and something happens. I only may have healed a bird Jen. I don't know if it even works on people." Shawn told her.

"Well you could always try Shawn. This ability was given to you for a reason. Just like I can project my thoughts in other people's heads. I know it's weird and part of you would rather be just normal like everyone else. But you have to let go of the past and embrace who you are now. But you should probably not tell people about this. You don't want this getting out Shawn or you'll have sick people from all around the world coming to you for a quick fix. I know what using my ability does to you, it must drain you the same way." Jen was silent for a moment then decided to change the subject "Anyways, how are you dealing with being back? Everyone here is just staring at you, trying to act normal but you know they're constantly watching you, like they're expecting us to grow horns or something. As much as they try to understand I don't feel…connected with them."

"I know what you mean, all my friends from high school are gone off to college, my brother is the same age as me dating the girl next door who has suddenly grown up as well. I feel disconnected with them as well." Shawn replied.

"Figures this should happen, I finally felt happy. Had a nice boyfriend, a best friend whom knew me so well we often knew what the other was thinking, my grandmother, great friends." She sighted "now all that I still have left if Joey and Pacey who are going through their own drama. Pacey has family issues while Joey has guy issues. You remember when I told you about Dawson. Well apparently after many girlfriends he still thinks he's in love with her."

"Ok, so what makes you think he's not really in love with her anymore?" Shawn asked her.

Jen laughed, "You're kidding right? Dawson just want Joey back being his possession. He doesn't treat her like her own person but as this fantasy script character he has in his mind of her. And then he found out about her and Pacey and actually had the guts to act like Joey had betrayed him. They haven't been together in 4 years, he's even got himself a girlfriend. And he tells her she betrayed him! Something I really can't believe how self-absorbed he is."

"Sounds to me like Dawson just doesn't want to lose Joey rather then be with her. Even if he loved her I don't think Joey is still in love with him. She and Pacey are good for each other and you could tell they were in love." Shawn replied.

"Tell me about it, but Joey can e so stubborn and scared something I wonder if she's going for love or unhappiness." Jen told him.

"That's what she has friends like you for Jen, to encourage her to follow her heart and not her fear." Shawn said smiling.

"Yeah well, there is only so much I can do without telling her what to do. But I think Bessie, her sister, is pretty on board with the follow your heart thing so I hope she can talk some sense into her. I get Dawson is a big part of her life and all but if he can't accept it when you follow your heart he's not a very good friend." She replied.

"I agree, besides I don't think from everything you've told me about this guys he could handle her being brought back different. He'll probably wants her to be her script version which includes not using her ability, whatever that might be." Shawn replied.

"I know, Dawson just wouldn't understand and make her ignore part of herself." Jen said to him.

"Yeah…anyways are you dreading going back to high school as much as I am?" Shawn asked her.

"Probably not as much since I'll have Joey and Pacey there with me but dreading the looks and judgement from everyone there, pretty much." Jen replied.

"Well you could always scream loudly in their head or something with your thoughts." Shawn suggested.

"I like the way your mind works." She told him grinning, then asked "So tell me about this girl next door your brother is dating? You said she grew up. That means you like what you see?" 'Why am I asking this? It's not my business. So I may like Shawn, I don't get jealous.'

"Nikki? She's my brother's girl. She was 15 when I disappeared, she looks good but strangely I'm not attracted to her. Maybe it's because she's with my brother." 'Or that I like you. Where had that come from? Jen is a friend. A 4400, nothing more. Right?'

'He's not into her, why do I feel so relieved? I've never felt relieved when a guy I was dating wasn't interested in someone else. Dating? I'm not even dating Shawn, we're just friends.'

"Maybe" she replied through the phone.

Another chapter finished, next chapter will hopefully be up tomorrow. Feedback please.