Title: She Wasn't the Type
Rating: PG-13, for a few choice words.
Author: Tamara
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Summary: "You're exactly the kind of trouble I need."
Spoilers: "Tough Love." Starts with the conversation in Eli's bedroom where Grace asks why he never ask her to get high with him. I simply changed the dialogue and put my own twist on things.
"She Wasn't the Type"
"You just don't seem like the type."
"Why, how do I seem?" Grace questioned, slightly annoyed that the one person she thought wouldn't judge her did just that.
"I don't know, like you wouldn't want to lose that much control or something," Eli answered as best he could. "It's like you have to be perfect or something."
Grace's head snapped up and she looked taken back. She thought he knew her better than that. Thought that he saw who she really was. That was the last thing she needed to her. Rather it was the last thing she wanted to hear. Once again perfect little Gracie. Was that really how everyone saw her? If they only knew what she really thought, what she really felt, "perfect" would not be in their vocabulary. It wasn't her. It wasn't who she wanted to be. Yet she understood where his words came from. She did play the part of perfection to please everyone. Everyone but herself that is. And now she just didn't give a damn. Too hell with everyone and how they wanted her to be, who they wanted her to be. She couldn't play pretend anymore. The show was over. The director was cutting the lights and the final performance was over.
"That's so unfair. Fuck you, Eli," she spat out at him, all her pent up anger and frustration surfacing.
This time it was Eli's turn too look stunned and upset. Never once had he heard her speak like that, with those words. That wasn't her. His once casual stance was gone, and was now replaced with him standing upright, his arms folded across his chest. His hazel eyes slightly narrowing and staring at back at her with an intensity that she swore would burn right thru her.
"How is that unfair, Grace? You asked for the truth and you got it. It's a simple observation. Anybody who knows you-" he defended himself, but was abruptly cut off by her, surprising him once more.
"Anybody who knows me, Eli? What, anybody who knows me will tell you that I'm a perfect goody little two-shoes who gives a damn what everybody else thinks? If that's what you think, Eli, then you don't know me as well as you think you do. You don't know me at all!" Grace yelled unconsciously inching herself closer and closer to him. Her composure tried to remain strong, but it was her eyes that betrayed her. She looked lost, lonely, angry and hurt.
"Keep your voice down. Our parents will hear you," he instructed softening his tone. "Look Grace I don't want to fight with you. It's the last thing I need today. Maybe I do know you or maybe I don't," he said finding himself rather disturbed at the thought of not really knowing her, as she had just proclaimed.
She could always read him and he her as well, or so he thought. He had never admitted to anyone before, let alone himself, but deep down he considered her one of his best friends. She knew more about him then he knew. She would keep his secrets and he'd never have to think about twice about trusting her with them. She even went so far as to try and protect him Carla and himself. And here she stood before him, trying to be strong and not let him see how vulnerable and miserable she felt. And for the first time since he had known her, he actually wondered if he did know her. All he did know was that at this very moment she had never been more beautiful to him.
"Grace, I didn't mean to upset you. I just told you what I think." Grace nodded her head, tucking an invisible strand of her brown her behind her ear.
"I know, Eli. I just…" she trailed off staring at the floor. She didn't come here for this. She came her for a release, not a therapy session. Especially not with Eli partaking as her shrink. Suddenly she felt a hand lightly placed upon her shoulder, and a wave of electricity surged through her body. Never had anyone been able to affect her like he could. Nor did she think anyone else ever could. Whether he knew it or not, this man had complete control of her. She felt herself relax a little under his touch. Yet inside her head she couldn't help but to wish he would do more than just touch her. And that scared the shit out of her. She never knew how to act around him. He made her a complete wreck.
"Grace just tell me what's wrong?" he pleaded with her. He was supposed to be the one with all the problems, the one who made the mistakes. She was supposed to be the one who had it all together. God knows that if she didn't have it all together, he knew there was no hope for him.
She held her ground and still stood there with her back towards him, his hand still laid upon her shoulder.
"Just forget it. I shouldn't have come here," she spoke barely above a whisper. She willed her feet to move towards the exit, but obviously her will wasn't enough. It never was when it came to Eli. She stayed.
"Grace, just tell me what the hell is going on with you. I've never seen you like this. It's sort of scaring me," he admitted to her in hopes of prying her open. Slowly she turned around to face him, her eyes bloodshot and her smooth, delicate skin branded with hot, silent tears. Her rich, brown eyes shinning, the light reflecting off of them. Hazel orbs locked on brown orbs.
Seeing her like this was desecrating him slowly. He never really comprehended it until now. Why she could affect him so easily, why seeing her like this killed him.
He was totally dependant on her. She was the one who knew everything and was wise beyond her young years. She was the one who had it all together. She was the one he could depend on for honesty or to tell him he was an ass. She was his confidant when shit got too hard for him to deal with. She was the only person whom he could truly be himself around. She was his sanity. Without her he wouldn't survive. He needed her. He wanted her. If she fell apart then so would he.
"You're always there for me. Now let me be there for you. Please," he practically begged. He needed to help her. Not just for her, but for himself as well.
Grace recognized the concern, and the anguish in his own voice. Maybe he really did care, more than she ever thought he would. She exhaled deeply.
"I'm just so sick of being me. I hate that everyone thinks they know me and they make assumptions about me that are nowhere even near that truth. But most of all, I hate myself. I hate myself for never being beautiful, for being so awkward and for caring too much. I hate myself for giving people a right and reason to make assumptions about me and who I am. You were right. I do try to be perfect. The epitome of perfection. I feel like I have to please everyone. Mom, Dad, Rick, Tiffany, Zoey, and even you. I just can't do it anymore. I wish I could be more like you," her final words echoing in his head.
"What do you mean 'like me'?"
"How you don't give a shit about what anyone else thinks of you. How you can be so nonchalant and carefree."
"NO. Grace, listen to me," he started and he placed her face in his hands almost forcefully, " Don't ever be like me. You're better than that. Better than me. I'm a fuck up. Half the time I don't give a damn about anybody but myself. And the other half I don't care at all. I purposely push people away. I do and say things that hurt other people. I have nothing going for me. I can't even keep a job. So don't for even one second think you want to be like me, because I'm nothing but trouble," he commanded of her.
His eyes still locked on hers and he wondered when he had allowed himself too become so attached to her. How had she been able to get him to care about her when most of the time he didn't even care about himself? Standing this close to her wasn't helping any. Her tousled hair, flushed cheeks and luscious lips were making him think things he shouldn't.
He dropped his hands, which instantly felt cold from the lack of contact with her warm skin. Eli stepped back a little. He looked at her and for the first time realized he couldn't read her at all.
Grace felt her body cringe inside at the lack of contact with him. He was a drug and she was going through withdrawal. Her heart rate seemed to return to normal. She wanted to be next to him. She wanted her body against his. Here she stood emotionally on the verge of a breakdown, yet she had never wanted anybody more than she did now.
She contemplated everything he had said. How could he think so little of himself? Yes he had made mistakes and screwed up. Yes he did things that he shouldn't and hurt people, even her sometimes. But the few people he did love and care about he would do anything to protect them. She looked at him standing just a foot away. It was too far. She didn't give a damn anymore. She didn't care if it was wrong or not anymore. Maybe she just didn't care about anything anymore.
"You know what I think, Eli?" she asked as she gravitated herself closer to him, inch by inch until they were centimeters apart.
" I think you're exactly the kind of trouble I need," she whispered as she did something she had never imagined she would have the guts to do.
She put her hands around his neck and kissed him- hard. She felt him stiffen at her bruising force and her lips upon his. Once the initial shock had worn off, she felt him relax and their mouths melting together. He placed his hands in her hair bringing her even closer to him if it was possible. Her tongue grazed his lips until hers was met with his and she grew submissive and let his tongue explore her mouth. He took control of her. He always did. His hands were no wrapped around her lower back holding her flush against him. Grace moaned, and someone they ended up in an intense make-out session on his bed, him on top of her. Their passion ignited kiss was broken when he pulled away.
He just stared at her, unsure of what too say. Maybe he didn't know her that well, he questioned once again. The Grace he knew would never kiss him, nor would she know how to kiss like that. She wasn't the type.
Her eyes were burning intensely of lust, and her lips were swollen from their lip-lock. Her breathing was rapid and her hair was even more tousled than before due to his hands entwined in her hair. It was the most erotic sight he had ever seen and he had to taste her again.
He brought his lips crashing back to hers, to her surprise and delight. He growled with pleasure as he felt her hands creep up underneath his t-shirt and her fingertips intimately graze the skin of his lower back.
Grace felt something hard against her form and when reality dawned on her she pushed him off of her.
"We shouldn't be doing this," he said taking the words from her lips.
"I know, but you have no idea how long I've wanted this, Eli. I don't care what's right or wrong right now. I just want you," she revealed to him the secret she had been keeping for years. Fear crept up in her at the thought that she had just made a fool of herself and her finding herself rejected by the boy she had secretly loved for 3 years.
"You can have me, if it's what you really want," he said as he placed himself on top of her, his hands placed on both sides of her for support. Face to face, eye to eye they were.
Grace leaned up slightly and placed a gentle, tender kiss on his lips.
"I want you, but I'm not ready yet. I'm sorry."
Eli nodded his head to show he understood. Yes he wanted her and he wanted to do things to her she had never imagined, but he wanted all of her and that would only be when she was ready. For the first time in a long time, he placed someone else ahead of himself. He moved off of her and laid on his said, one hand playing with a strand of her hair.
"You have nothing to be sorry about."
Grace smiled slightly. "Thanks, Eli. For everything. I didn't plan on having an emotional breakdown. I don't even remember why I came here."
"Well, I'm glad you did."
"Me too. I could stay like this all night," she said as she brought her body closer to his, and he laid an arm upon her waist.
"I wish we could."
"I know," she said as she sighed. Things may have been better, but they were still too complicated. She had probably made a bigger mess of things. But she would deal with that when the time came.
"I should go," Grace said as she sat up.
"Yeah," Eli said as sat up too and kissed her again. A few breathless moments later, they broke apart reluctantly. "You should go," he said not trusting himself to be in the room with her any longer. Grace nodded and stood up and walked towards the door. She placed her hand on the doorknob before turning around.
"Goodnight, Eli."
"Goodnight ,Grace. Oh and Grace don't ever say you're not beautiful because you are. In more ways than one."
Grace smiled in silent agreement. She left his room and went to hers. She was exhausted. It had been an emotionally draining night. But something had happened she never thought would. She might still be a little screwed up emotionally, but she had gotten the boy. Well sort of. She wasn't sure what they were, but at least she knew he cared. That was all she really needed more than anything.
Who knew what tomorrow would bring, but for once on her life she didn't care or worry about it. And for once in her life she went to sleep content.
END
Hope you guys enjoyed it. This was an E/G one-shot for you guys until I finish Cruel September (which I just can't seem to end right). Sorry for any typos, it's 3 a.m.