DISCLAIMER: ANYTHING YOU RECOGNIZE I DON'T OWN
Chapter 2 (Ava and the Island)—In which Ava
Finds Out
Ava woke up staring at the empty wine bottle and feeling its effects sharply in her head. The sun seemed extra bright in her eyes this morning and hot too. The cat was mewing pitifully and occasionally batting at her hand, which was slung drunkenly out the side of the hammock. She pulled it back and whipped the little sweat mustache that had formed above her lip. She sat up and checked her watch. "Fuck." She said aloud but it caught in her dry mouth and came out half strangled.
She swung her legs over the side and went inside She grabbed a handful of cereal from her cabinet and stuff it into her mouth, washing it down with a swig of pineapple juice. Some of it spilled out and the cat sniffed it interestedly. "People food I'm afraid." She said, snatching the tin of cat food from the fridge and hastily scooping it out into a dish.
She stripped off her dress and stashed it on top of the fridge (one of the few places the cat couldn't get to sharpen her claws on the fabric). Fifteen minutes later she was banging out the door. Her hair was wet from the shower and her shoes weren't tied but she unlocked her bike from her fence and peddled hard.
"I'm sorry I'm late Nita." She sang to her friend as she pulled up to her house and locked her bike up.
Nita Nelson had lived in the town of Puerto Plata for her whole life. She was also the only true creature of this strange, circular dimension Ava had ever met. "It's fine." Nita said, rising from her seat on the porch. "The Lord will wait."
Nita was older, beautiful and healthy in her age, with light blue eyes. She wasn't a witch but she had her own kind of magic as powerful as any spell. It was a more stable, more complete magic than most kinds, very tied to the land and less dangerous than Ava's kind.
She had told Nita about her past, one night when they'd had some wine and sat out on the porch past dusk. In the dark she could confess things she never could in daylight and it had come tumbling out her mouth like a reeling drunk out of a bar. She hadn't even bothered to weave her way carefully around the backdrop, simply revealing magic as a fact along with her other revelation.
Nita never flinched, never uttered a disbelieving word. She'd seen and known too much to doubt.
Ava wasn't a religious person, she wasn't sure she even believed in God but she believed in Nita enough to accompany her to church every Sunday morning. Besides it was nice to sit in the cool guts of the church and listen to the music and the sermon. The rise and fall of the preacher's voice was soothing, like the way the movement of waves are. She could just close her eyes and relax to it.
She swung her wet hair as she went, humming songs to herself.
After church had finished Nita made her a sandwich and they talked about nothing at all. They had sweet mangos from the market for desert, so ripe they seemed to come apart in their mouths and just run down their throats.
When she'd finished her sandwich she left for her other friend's house. Andrea was the only other young person on Ava's strip of the beach. Like her friend Andrea had drunk too deeply from life too young and understood where she belonged now on these sandy shores.
She said, every once in a while, that when Tyler was older she'd move back to Los Angeles, where she was originally from (and where Tyler's father lived now). But Tyler was past seven now and she had yet to pack a single box.
Andrea didn't like Nita the way Ava did. Andrea hadn't excepted what had happened the way she had. Andrea still had some kick, some bitterness with life unresolved. She hated the circular life as Tyler used to hate his training-wheels, but she knew that she still needed it.
Tyler was sitting on the couch playing with some action figures when she came in. He smiled at her when she opened the door. "Mommy's cooking." He told her.
She came and sat on the couch with him. He had a shark and a mermaid battling each other. The shark was winning. "What is she cooking?"
"It's my eight birthday in 41 days." He told her proudly, instead of an answer.
"You don't say." She said, in mock surprise (as if it weren't marked on her calendar in big, red letters so she wouldn't forget). "Wow. Eight? Really? That's an important age, no doubt about it."
"What are you going to get me?" He asked.
She considered. "Well I obviously can't tell you can I."
He told her he hoped it was one of the newest toys on the market, exactly the toy she had stashed under her bed just at that moment, waiting to be wrapped and presented to him. She prided herself on being a cool aunt and was much gratified to hear her choice confirmed.
She shook her head. "I'd never get you that." She said.
"Why not auntie!' He demanded.
"You haven't been a good enough boy this year to deserve it!" She said.
"Oh I have too!" He said. "I take out the trash every day and I help mom with the dishes and I clean up my room and…and I'll do it more next year I promise!" He said.
She giggled. "I'll think about it then."
In the kitchen Andrea was humming as she chopped potatoes and she wasn't smoking either. She was in such a good mood the air around her in a glow.
"Was Tyler begging you for a birthday present?" Andrea asked. She had grown up very spoiled and was anxious to see that Tyler didn't do the same.
"No." Ava lied.
She picked up a knife and began to smash and chop the garlic. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Andrea shake her loose red curls and for just a second, oh for one, terrible, heart-lurching moment, she looked like another redhead from so many years ago. Her heart, long shriveled and dormant in her chest, beat one painful beat and then ached for a while.
Years ago her heart had been tied to many people in warm, thick ropes that some sunny days she could almost feel sprouting from her chest. Today though the only one left was a guilty, blackened string she hated and hid from the world. It had burned when the heart on the other end had and spread the fire to her own heart. She could never bring herself to sever it completely but neither could she let it regrow properly. It was like a scab she picked at so it never healed.
The steam of the soup they were making rose in and bloomed in the kitchen, finally seeping under the door and enticing Tyler in from his playthings to beg for tastes. He smiled up at her, dimples all over the place, and her newly throbbing hearted melted. She wanted to hug Tyler to her until some of the good, unjaded portions of him would stick to her.
"Are you coming to the bar tonight?" She asked Andrea.
"Sure." She said.
Andrea never had a problem finding baby sitters for Tyler. He was a sweet, unassuming kid and there were ten thousand grandmother's just to coddle him as they couldn't coddle their own grandchildren who were away in their own countries.
"Can Auntie come watch Teen Titans with me in the living room?" Tyler asked as the time when his favorite show was aired.
"If Aunite wants to she may." Andrea said absent-mindedly.
"Sure." She agreed.
They turned the TV on early, before the show came on, to assure that they missed none of it. A news report was just finishing as they turned on the set and settled themselves on the couch. She mimed throwing up to him as the financial news was presented and he giggled.
"And now a word on the news abroad." The anchorman said. "There has been a break out at a high security prison in England." Ava's head snapped to attention at the mention of her home country and her heart skipped a beat. On the TV was a face she hadn't seen in years. "Sirius Black was incarcerated thirteen years ago for the murder of thirteen people…" The anchorman said but Ava heard no more.
She was staring slack jawed at the television. Her heart was thundering in her ears. How had she not known? How had she not felt the tugging on the other end of her heartstring? How could she not know for long?
Her mind was spinning like a wind-up toy lifted into the air. "Lily," She whispered to the air, "oh God help me Lily."
Chapter 3—In which Ava Goes to HogwartsMonday, September, 1st, 4:59 (PM), compartment 7 on the Hogwart's Express, chocolate frogs consumed: 8, cauldron cakes consumed: 2, disgusting Bertie Bot's beans: 3 (two sardines and a grass), incidents: 2,
Today I feel excited.
Today was the most unusual trip I've ever had on the Hogwart's Express. Between my friends all trying to force themselves to naturally talk around the subject of Penny and mom, worrying about the open lid on my new pet's container with all the cats about, crowing over Lily's promotion to Head Girl, all the talk about the upset at the Quidditch World Cup and recent serial killing of muggles there was hardly a dull moment.
There were of course usual things about this journey: the traditional pre-term Lily/James verbal sparring match, the sickly bloated feeling like my stomach was full of things that were very, very bad for me (which it actually was) and then patrolling the hallways looking for lost first years, bullying sixth years and sixth years bullying lost first years (one of the many "fun perks" about being prefects).
I actually started the Lily and James at each other this year (is this like cutting the red ribbon on meanness for the term?). James, Lily, Remus and I were all patrolling the corridor together when James turns to me and said, in a mock friendly tone, "I hear you got a new toad. What did you name him?"
"Sirius Black." I said snottily.
James laughed. "I'm glad dear Sirius hasn't lost his touch with the ladies."
"Oh is that where you learned your manners James?" Lily cut in, "from Black? That explains a lot."
"Why Lily I didn't know you'd noticed my manners." He said, brushing his hair back from his face and smirking.
"Oh why don't you go soak your fat head Potter?"
"Ladies first."
And they were off.
I suppose I shouldn't have said that about my poor toad. I would never name such an innocent creature, who hardly does anything at all, much less anything to deserve that, after that wretch! Speaking of him, I saw him today too. He came into the prefect's cabin where I'd gone to get away from Lily and James' fight and enjoy the quiet as everyone else was out on patrol. The doors were sealed magically to only let people with prefect badges on but he had on James' head boy badge (not exactly head boy behavior, lending it out to his friends I mean, if you ask me).
"You're not supposed to be in here Black." I said.
"What are you going to do Eden, tell on me?" He teased. "Besides, I just came in here to see my namesake." He was tall enough so he didn't have to get up onto the seat like I do to peer into the luggage rack where my toad was situated.
"He isn't your namesake." I protested. "And how did you find that out?" I asked though a second later.
"At the decibel you were shouting at half of England knows what you were saying." Which is totally code for James told him.
"Don't touch him Sirius!" I said getting up on my seat and pulling the tank toward me. The water in it sloshed around with the movement and the toad croaked and jumped in surprise but he had misjudged where the end of the tank was and hit it with a hard "thunk," landed on his back. He kicked pathetically but couldn't seem to right himself.
"See, now look what you've done." He said.
"Well if you hadn't been here it wouldn't have happened." I exclaimed. "Now flip him back over."
"I would but you told me not to touch him."
"Well I'm telling you to flip him back over."
"Why don't you do it?"
"Because it wasn't my fault. Now do it." I said.
This wasn't true. My grandmother used to tell me that toads give you warts and wouldn't let me touch them so picking them up feels like it's against the rules, like how even if there's no one in the room I won't put my feet up on the couch because that was drilled into my brain too. Besides I don't like the idea of it being all slimy and rough in my hand as I imagine they are.
"I'll do it if you promise I can play with him whenever I want." Sirius said.
"Okay." I promised. "Now just do it."
Sirius didn't flip the toad over, he picked up out of his cage, dripping water, and held him high. I backed away from in case he decided to throw my pet on me but he seemed content to hold the poor thing. I sat back in my seat and stared out the window, trying not to look at my guest or pet.
"So do you go by Ava or Avalon?" He asked.
I didn't say anything.
"Well don't strain yourself being too friendly or anything Ice Princess."
I stared out the window harder.
"You should probably go patrol the corridors. Maybe go right some wrongs?"
I clenched my fists.
"Want to pet little Sirius?" He moved the toad so it was right near my face.
Involuntarily I moved my head closer to the glass.
"Oh so you are scared of toads!" He crowed.
I scrambled back onto my chair to get away from the toad and Sirius. "Put my toad back in its cage right now!" I shouted, pointing imperiously at the tank. "I'm leaving now and so are you!"
He laughed. "Why don't you make me?" And he stood up to show me how much taller than me he was. But he also put my toad down on the seat (a big mistake).
I smirked at him and ripped the head boy badge off his chest. Instantly he was pulled backward out of the doors and thrown into the hall. "I'll return this to James for you." I said, standing inside the open door.
He laughed at me from where he had landed against the opposite door. I thought he was showing real maturity by laughing at his own misfortune but he said as he stood, "did you even think of how you're going to get little Sirius back into his cage?" And then he just LEFT me there and swaggered off down the corridor like he was Cesar crossing the bloody Rubicon! What a jerk!
"Yes." I lied aloud when he'd gone.
I was actually trying to levitate him back into his cage with my wand (but he was dodging the spells) when James knocked on the door. "Can I have my badge back?" He asked me. He leaned lazily against the doorframe with an elbow cocked above his hand, not quite in it of course because the spell wouldn't allow that, but as close as he could get.
"What badge would that be James?" I asked.
"My head boy badge."
"You mean the one that you leant to your bratty little friend so he could come in here and harass me, which is by the way, against the rules. You mean that one?" I asked.
James seemed unfazed. "Yeah, that one."
I threw it at him, meaning to hit his head but he caught it easily. I guess I forgot he plays Quidditch, a freaking miracle considering how much to-do everyone makes over him. "Want some help?" He asked when he saw what I was trying to do.
That caught me off guard. "Er...yeah." I agreed.
"Okay." He picked up the toad easily and put him back into his tank. "There you go little buddy."
I sat where I had before and James sat across from me, looking out the window and humming to himself. I had anticipated antagonism, wanted it even and now James was being so nice to me and I could barely handle it. I pushed my skirt down over my knees and swished my hair. "Um...thanks." I said after a very long time.
"Don't mention it." James said with a very winning smile.
"So...how's Qudditch?" I asked.
"Fine," he said. There was a long moment of silence and then James spoke again. "Listen, Avalon, I want to tell you something. I heard what happened to your sister and I'm so sad for you. I didn't ever have siblings but I couldn't even imagine loosing Sirius or Remus."
I gritted my teeth. This was the worst part of Penny's death: running into her in unexpected places. Because Penny was a muggle not many people at Hogwarts even knew I had a sister and I was looking forward to being treated normal again. But here she was again. If I had time to brace myself it wasn't so bad but then things like this happened too and my control just took a nosedive. "Thanks." I ground out, angry that James knew but somehow not angry at him because he was being so sweet.
"I know you don't want the rest of the school to know and I'll respect that but Sirius doesn't know and I wanted to offer you the opportunity to get him off your case. I can make him stop bothering you without telling him...what happened. All you have to do is say something." He was looking right at me and it was so sweet and nice it made me want to run away. I looked out the window and thought about it.
After more than a month of people tip-toeing around me it was actually a relief for someone to be unabashedly rude to me for a change. People wouldn't fight with me anymore, even if I was completely unreasonable they just cringed and did what I wanted. "No," I said, turning back to James with only two tears on my cheeks and no more coming, "it's nice to have someone to fight with."
He laughed. "I thought you might be enjoying yourself."
I don't know what I felt for James right then but it wasn't bad, in fact it was everything the opposite of bad. I felt grateful and friendly and like I wanted to do something for him that was as wonderful as he had just done for me. And it was only made sharper by the sadness for Penny mixed in with it. I wanted to tell him all about Penny, about how wonderful she was but all I got out was, "thank you."
Luckily James had the tact to make a smooth change into a very funny story about finding his mother's magical make-up when he was a kid. When Lily got back from her patrol half an hour later James and I were eating our way through the snacks we'd bought from the trolley and laughing like old friends.
We froze like guilty children with our hands in the cookie jar. "Hi Lily." I said in an unusually high voice.
"Hi Ava." She said. She glared at James.
"Right," he sighed, "this seat is open. I should go on patrol again. See you later Ava."
"What exactly was that all about?" She asked when the door shut behind him.
I sighed. "He knows about Penny."
Lily stood abruptly. "That...that...that..." Lily splutter, unable to think of something bad enough.
"No it's okay. I don't care. He was great about it. He just wanted to offer to get Sirius off my case without telling him about it." I said. Lily seemed to take this much as I had. She sat down and her brow furrowed in confusion. She either didn't like or couldn't' believe that James had done something so right and so nice. "And then he was really funny and nice to me for like a whole half hour. And not even in a terrible, phony way like he was just trying to be nice because of Penny."
Lily shrugged finally, "maybe he's grown up." She gave me a big hug, "if you like him, he's worth giving another shot."
Friday, September, 5th, 6:41 (PM), Girl's Dormitory, classes with Krissy/Kevin: 1, classes with Todd: 3, classes with Will: 2, level of insanity anticipated this year: 4/6 or 66.666,
Today I feel overwhelmed.
My classes are as follows:
9:00-10:00 Transfiguration (NEWT level with Lily and Todd)
10:00-11:00 Potions (NEWT level with Lily)
11:00-12:00 Herbology (NEWT level with Todd)
12:00-1:00 Lunch
1:00-2:00 Charms (NEWT level with Lily)
2:00-3:00 Defense against the Dark Arts (Regular level with Krissy/Kevin, Will and Todd)
3:00-4:00 Care of Magical Creatures (with Will)
Unlike Lily I do not hope to be an auror when I get out of Hogwarts because, as you can see, I'm pretty shit at defense against the dark arts. All my hexes and jinxes go all backward when I try them. I've always been much better at healing magic so I think I'll become a doctor at Saint Mungo's. That way if Lily gets her head blown off I can put it back together again.
The amount of homework I am receiving is insane. At least an hour from every NEWT class! I'm just glad I took a slacker class like care of magical creatures for my extra this year instead of something like Arithmancy. I feel like I am slipping slowly down into insanity under the pressure.
Note from James:
JP: It might interest you to know that you're Sirius' new favorite pass time. It makes me want to kick him the way he moons over every nasty, abusive thing you've said to each other all week. My own best friend is a glutton for punishment, who knew?
This was not interesting to me because I already knew it. Sirius and I had been going at each other like cats and dogs all weeks with gusto. He couldn't not being enjoying himself the way he's picking fights with me.
AE: Don't look at me. I don't get it either.
JP: Liar
He's was right of course. Sirius and I have our teasing each other down to this practiced, elaborate dance. We hold off in Transfiguration, brushing as close as we dare to civility and pretending like we're going to make it through the day without indulging in a fight. In potions it heats up a little, still subtle, could-be-taken-either-way little digs, teasing each other like it's foreplay. During Herbology and Lunch we have time to warm up, to think up nasty things to say and in Charms it spikes in one big fun row. When it's good it's the best part of my day really.
I sort of see why Lily keeps fighting with James.
AE: I don't know what you're talking about
JP: Come visit me after Quidditch practice. I want to ask you something
I bet it has to do with Lily
AE: Sure thing
Quidditch practice ends at seven so I'd better get a move on. More later.
Later, Girl's Dormitory
I got to the pitch in time for the end of practice pep talk. We're favorites for the cup this year and it was practically palpable tonight. James came to me when the huddle broke up. "Can you give me fifteen to get a shower?" He asked.
"Sure." I agreed. He was sweating pretty heavily despite the cooling night air.
There is something handsome about James I suppose, though I never saw it before tonight. His hair is messy and he's got glasses and he's thin, like a seeker should be, but he is handsome somehow. What is it? Maybe the way he swaggars or the way he always looks you directly in the eye or maybe I'm just imagining it because I like him so much after what he said on the train.
I wonder if Lily has noticed this. I wonder if Lily will ever see James as anything more than the little boy she hated in first year. I doubt it, Lily is slow to anger but by the same virtue (I think) she is slow to forgive too. It would take a bloody miracle for her to forgive James.
James came out about ten minutes later with his hair dripping and his shoes untied but cleaner than he went in. "So what did you want to talk to me about?" I asked. "You'd better make it quick or we'll miss dinner."
He shrugged a shoulder to indicate the rucksack sitting on it. "I brought dinner with me. This is going to take a while. I hope anyway."
After careful deliberation we decided to eat on the very top of the teacher's stands. Like all the other stands it was locked when there weren't games being played, but James produced the key from his pocket like it was the most natural thing in the world. Inside his rucksack there was some cold pasta, a bag of crisps, three big bars of chocolate and a mug of butterbeer. By the way James distributed this fare I rather got the feeling I was being bribed.
I made it through the pasta on cheerful and meaningless banter but when he handed me two of the bars of chocolate I couldn't wait any longer. "All right James what exactly do you want from me? Don't tell me you've given up on Lily and now want me to go to Hogsmead with you next weekend!"
James thought about that for a long, long time. He seemed to be considering how blunt to be or how best to phrase his next sentence. "You've known Lily for years and you two seem to have a very ideal friendship. You certainly seem to know how to handle her much better than I can." He said slowly. "And while Sirius and Remus and Peter are all very good friends and plenty willing to give me their advice on girls I want to ask your advice about how I could get on Lily's good side." He paused. "Please."
I had expected this is what he wanted to ask me and had prepared to tell him what I've said early about Lily's temper but looking at him I couldn't bring myself to do it. James really believes he is in love with Lily, hell he might actually be, and it would have been down right unforgivable for me to refuse him and then call him my friend. "I'll have to think about it James. I can promise I'll do everything I can but I can only do so much." I offered.
"Honestly?" There was very little light coming from the sinking sun now but his eyes seemed to gleam in the scrap that was left.
"Sure."
We finished our dinner slowly and by the time we were really through the sun had slipped down below the horizon properly and the only thing we were seeing by were our wands, which we wedged into the stands. It was so romantic I rather thought it was a shame we weren't in love with each other.
AN: Dear readers: Thank you for reading and reviewing the last chapter and I hope you aren't disappointed with where I decided to go with this one. As for the ending let's just say this: it won't be on the par with a Greek tragedy but how happy can any story with Sirius in it end? Also note that this story ignores the fifth book (as it was conceived before it came out) and the even chapters are set the summer after the second and during the third books.
Also: Reviews only speed my writing.