Authors note: This series I thought of in the spur of moment. Sitting in Summer School really does that to you. I was busy with Soldaten, so this one got delayed. Even I know this is a little messed up but heck! This is based off of Evangelion where everyone has mental issues. Just in case I do not own GAINAX or Evangelion or any any of these characters.
All was quiet in the in NERV Headquarters 01. It was Saturday and everyone was on their break, except for one guy: the Therapist. He worked behind the scenes, helping people out with their mental problems. He helped the three lieutenants, Maya, Mokoto, and Shigeru,get out once and while. He helped Gendo get over Yui, somewhat (he didn't know about Rei until after the therapy). Commander Fuyutsuki was at the Therapist's office constantly. He never knew how to act around women. In fact his conversations with Rei were staring contests. One time they went staring at each other for 5 days straight. Rei had to break the contest because Gagheil was attacking Unit 02. The life of an EVA pilot was oh so boring: Angel this, Angel that, problems at home, more problems at home, and Misato drunk. The therapist's client today was a large group and was going to be tough to tackle.
Shinji Ikari- 14 year old male: thinks everyone is out to get him, carries his teddy bear everywhere for comfort.
Rei Ayanami- 14 year old female: not very open; unintentionally sexy to both Ikaris and just about ever other guy.
Misato Katsuragi-29 year old female: beer, wine, vodka, and no gut? Suspected Anorexia and too hung up on Kaji
Kaji Ryoji-31 year old male: needs to find another girlfriend, can't decide between rapist (Misato) or Pedophile (Asuka).
Asuka Langley Soryu-14 year old female: carries huge katana and Stinger Missile Launcher everywhere. Likes picking on Shinji (he deserves it).
Toji Suzuhara-14 year old male: jealous of Shinji. Thinks Shinji has sex with Rei, Misato, and Asuka.
Kensuke Aida-14 year old male: just as obsessed with weapons as Asuka. Thinks he is in the Vietnam War. Also thinks the 'fucking congs' are going to attack Japan. Has already laid claymore mines around him.
Hikari Horaki-14 year old female: major crush on Toji. Has obsession with sandwiches and EVA. Recommended Asylum case.
Kaworu Nagisa- 14 year old male/angel: plays with Shinji mind. He just loves seeing the look on Shinji's face when he does something out of ordinary. Another problem is even though he is an Angel, he is somewhat an Atheist. Recommend quarantine
Ritsuko Akagi- 30 year old female: obsession with computers. Needs immediate rehabilitation.
The therapist glanced at each at their files. He knew this group were part of the most stressful and agonizing Animes to be in. He had worked with Hentai rehab and the Love Hina bunch before but this would be an uphill battle. He readied his tranquilizer gun in case one them got rowdy. He got up from his desk and glanced through the window. The ten clients needed help immediately. He made his final preparations for his clients and looked again out the window.
Shinji, who had recently turned emo, never looked up from his song that he was writing. He wasn't really good at singing or writing songs (neither is this author). His song was how he was loser, why he couldn't get a girlfriend, why he was EVA pilot, why life sucked, and the usual emo crap.
Asuka who was sitting a few chairs down was holding a katana very close to her chest. She was twitching uncontrolablly and was mumbling things under her breath. Kaworu stood up from his chair and walked to an empty one next to Asuka.
"Asuka is something wrong?" he asked as he placed his hand her leg.
"Get…Away" Asuka tightened her grip on the katana, as she 'grinned' if you could call it that.
"I think you're just misunderstood," Kaworu said with a grin "I think you just need sometime to get away fro…" Asuka unsheathed her blade and cut Kaworu's head off! Blood sprayed everywhere coloring everyone in deep red.
"YEEEEEEKKK" screamed Misato and Hikari. Everyone else just stared. Then Kaworu's head started talking again.
"You know that wasn't very nice," He said in a calm tone "You spilt most of my blood and now I'm going to be sore in the morning Goddamn it!" His decapitated body walked towards his head and was trying to screw it back on. It was about as fruitless as Michael Jackson going to jail. Kaworu ended up super glue his head together. The Therapist shuddered.
Kaji who was sitting a few chairs down was very troubled. Misato was drunk again and started clinging to him like a leech. On the other hand Asuka was waving her blood stained hand at him. You could see on his face that he wanted a vacation, badly. He wanted get away from Asuka and Misato. Maybe he'd find someone else, like an American.Kaji always had a thing for Selma Hayek. He always liked the Movie industry, maybe he could be the first Japanese James Bond or Hugh Hefner.
Rei Ayanami was sitting far away from the others, secluded in her own little world, thinking about cheese and sand. She sat with her hands in her legs very calm. Then Shinji walked over and started to hit on her. "You know," Shinji started "I'd love to see you in your apartment sometime, like that one time, what do you say?"
"No thank you," Rei responded quietly "I'd rather not."
"C'mon, please Rei"
"I'd rather not have intercourse with you yet. I haven't had my period yet."
"Wow, too much info." With that Shinji walked off and went back to cutting himself. The Therapist could see he really should get a raise for dealing with these people. He eyed Kensuke who had an old RPD in his hands with an M79 grenade launcher strapped to his back. He also made a fortress made out of C4. Tojo who was sitting next to him had his arms crossed, and had the look like he didn't want to be here. He didn't notice Hikari on his arm and making him another sandwich. The Therapist decided enough was enough. He sighed to himself and said
" Time to make the insane sane" He walked out of his office where he could now see the group had started fighting again this time it was Asuka and Ritsuko using swords, with everyone cowering in the background except for Kensuke who was sticking to his guns. The Therapist only did two things: Whistled and called Asuka in.