Authors Note: You've probably had teachers who drone on and on about something that supposed to do with what you're supposed to be learning. That's when I thought of an idea for the therapist. I mean when you're in a boring classroom, sooner or later your going to crack. More rants about bad teachers and random stuff in Chapter 3; anyways I do not own GAINAX, Evangelion, The Doors, or I love Huckabees. One more thing if you like this, read my other story Soldaten; it's not a comedy but I've got some good reviews for it.

Case 1: Asuka Langley Soryu

The Therapist called Asuka in after he had witnessed a battle between her and Ritsuko. For some reason the battle was started over whose life was worse: Asuka's or Ritsuko's? But all the Therapist wanted was to go home, blood free. Asuka came in and shut the door behind her. She went to sofa-chair where she took a breather and started to relax for once. The Therapist glanced at her file again, it said mental issues but he wasn't so sure. He thought she was just bi-polar.

"So," began the Therapist "do you know why you are here?"

"People think I'm overly violent. More violent then most Animes will allow?"

"That and something else. Can you name it?"

"Well I thought it was that because I think should rule Anime, because they just don't make it violent enough."

"Excuse me Asuka, but that's not the point…"

"I think," Asuka interrupted "that violence should be more graphic. Not just grenade bullet rounds that will blow off your leg, instead they should have missile rounds where people totally explode…"

"Stop right now Asuka!" The Therapist wrote down "MENTALLY UNSTABLE! MUST BE SENT TO ASYLUM ASAP!" The therapist looked up from his notepad and spoke in a calm voice "I've heard you also pick on Shinji. Is this true?"

"Yes, but he deserves it!" Asuka whined.

"I think you should give Shinji a chance. Asuka he is going through a rough time with his dad and his mother dead so I think you…"

Asuka interrupted "He stills sleeps with a teddy bear." She started to put her hand on the katana. The Therapist could sense he was going to end up like Karou if he didn't do something.

"Well that does fit with the emo personality he has, but still you shouldn't…"

"He wants to rape me, Rei, Misato, and his bear."

"Wow! No need to go for killer burn. You've got your own dark past, so don't even think of blaming Shinji."

"No I don't." Asuka said defiantly.

"But you do. Check this out." The Therapist reached for a remote and clicked "Play." The tape showed Asuka in her room talking to a picture in her room. The therapist zoomed into the picture, and it was a picture of Kaji. Asuka was singing "Touch Me" by the Doors to the Kaji photo! (Author: for those of you who don't know "touch me" here are the words Asuka sang to Kaji).

" C'mon C'mon C'mon C'mon!

Now touch me babe.

Can't you see that I am not afraid?

What was that promise that you made?

Why won't you tell me what she said?

What was that promise that you made?

Now I'm going to love you, till the heavens stop the rain.

I'm going to love you till the stars fall from the sky, for you and I."

Asuka suddenly stop singing and turned her head around where she could here Misato talking to herself about Kaji. Asuka started kicking on the wall yelling "SHUT UP MISATO!" Then she went back singing to the Kaji picture for 10 minutes straight.

The Therapist turned off the video and turned around to Asuka. Asuka was sitting very still except for her mouth which was moving very fast uttering curses. It went something like this: "Goddamn! Mother Fucking Holy…Faggot! Dyke! Dickhead! Bitch!...Crap! Shit! Crabgrass roots (?)!...Baka! I-di-ot! Asshole!...Son of Bitch! Goddamn no good dirty rotten!...Fuck! FUCK! Fudge!...Bastard! Pussy! Soccer field (?)!...Emos! Flamethrowers! Stoners!...Sluts! Christ! Geez!... and the list goes on…

All the time Asuka was cursing, the therapist just nodded his head or shudder. She droned on for a few minutes, as the Therapist timed her rant it went up to about 9 hours. During this time the therapists was able to beat Final Fantasy X and Half-Life 2 and watched "End of Evangelion." Finally he asked "Are you done yet?" Asuka was panting and uttering things you couldn't understand, but she finally took a finally took a deep breath and said

"You're not going to show anyone that are you?"

"Nope, not a soul." He answered.

"Not even Kaji?"

"Not even Kaji."

"Ok Doc," she smoothed out the ruffles in her dress and finished her thought "what do I need to do?"

"I suggest going on a long trip, like to Germany or the Bahamas."

"Ok, how about Germany."

"Done and done." The therapist printed out a round trip ticket to Germany and gave it to Asuka. "Here you are Asuka. Enjoy your trip! Your plane leaves in 2 hours in suggest you get moving."

"Sure Doc and arigato."

"Sure thing Asuka, enjoy yourself."

"I will." With that Asuka left through the back entrance as a free girl. She threw down the katana and stinger missile launcher, and skipped into the sunset. The Therapist sat back in his chair and relaxed a little. He congratulated himself with a pat on the back and with a Pepsi. When he was done with the Pepsi, he threw it into the trash can and yelled "NEXT VICTIM!"

Epilogue: Asuka arrived in Germany a new, non-violent, and peaceful girl, until she visited her old house. In the basement she found her old 02 Evangelion unit with a new S2 engine. Her fingers twitched as she climbed in the entry plug. When she activated it, all of Germany surrendered to her automatically. She took he rightful throne as Queen Asuka of Asukaville (formerly known as Germany) with her prince, the Kaji photo. Kaji still has no idea not he is now a prince of a country or that Asuka still likes him. By the way she also started World War 3, with Germany again starting the war. I guess old habits die hard.