Author's Note: I am amazed at the stuff that I write sometimes. I always used to write stories kind of like Soldaten. This one just came out of nowhere. And the funny thing is I don't even own Evangelion.

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or GAINAX. You know it's funny that I'm writing this when a have a few pirated games. Ironic, no.

The Therapist was relived that one of the more violent cases, Asuka Langley Soryu, was closed. However, the Therapist knew he only won D-Day and that was one strategic battle, and his clients were World War Two. As the Therapist looked out the window, he thanked whatever possessed him to make his windows bulletproof. He saw Kensuke and Shinji playing Mech Assault 2 on his Xbox. Kensuke always won the games even though Shinji was an Evangelion pilot. Then, Shinji always choked Kensuke with the cord and clubbed him on the head with a controller. The Therapist had just seen them get into another fight and from the looks of his plants and his coffee table; they had been going at it for a while. The therapist relaxed a little when he saw Ritsuko putting her obsession of computers for the good of mankind: she was using it to fix Steam on Half-Life 2. Tojo was writing a college essay on why he hated Shinji even though it could be stated in few words. Hikari was sleeping on Tojo's lap and the only thing Tojo did to her was use her head as desk to write his billion page essay, either than that he didn't notice her. Misato was doing nothing special: just being drunk…again and clinging to Kaji…again. Kaoru was trying to weld his head back on since the super glue failed. All he succeeded in doing was yelling so many "GODDAMN IT'S!" it would've made Cartman's head go off like nuke. Kaji was wishing that he did something else for a job, like a manga artist. The only person who wasn't really doing anything was Rei. She was listening to "In Between Days" by The Cure on her ipod. The Therapist decided that he would take the only one who wasn't going to kill him, cry up a flash flood on his office, or not listen to him: Rei. He picked up her file and saw that she was hiding a lot under her skin.

The Therapist walked towards the door and opened it. When he stepped into the waiting room everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at the Therapist, wondering who he would take.

"Rei, come on in. It's your turn now." Rei switched her ipod off and walked silently inside the Therapist's room. Just then Shinji stopped choking Kensuke and ran up to the Therapist like he was going to kill the Therapist.

"If shegoes in," Shinji stammered "I go in with her. I can't bear not being with her."

"No puppy eyes Shinji. Stick with your whiny, predictable, and insane self."

"RAAAAHHH!" screamed Shinji, "Listen to me! Let me in with her, you bastard!" The Therapist's couldn't stand anymore of Shinji's whiny rants so he took out his tranquilizer gun and shot Shinji."What the hell?" Shinji said as he examined the needle.

"Damn" thought the Therapist dissapointed that he wouldn't knock out Shinji. ThenShinji started towalk like a drunk into a chair where he was finally knocked out while taking about seeing Karou soon. Everyone looked on with uninterested faces.

"Don't worry," said the Therapist "he's only knocked out. It should wear off in a few hours." Misato stopped slobbering on Kaji's face and spoke to the Therapist.

"It's only (hic) Shinji (hic) doc (hic). And he's (hic) in love(hic) with Karou." The Therapist shook his head and closed the door. He cursed under his breath

"Damn GAINAX for writing this crap!" he swore silently. He looked back at Rei. Rei sat down quietly in a chair while the Therapist closed the door. The Therapist walked to a chair turned away from Rei. Rei shifted uncomfortably in her chair as the Therapist looked at her file.

"So what's on your mind?" began the Therapist.

"Boys." She said softly.

"Ok, that's normal for your age. Can I ask why?"

"None of the guys I know are normal. I mean they either yell too much, too preoccupied, or too obsessed with the EVA's, or they're just creepy."

"Yeah, that's all the guys in the waiting room in a nutshell."

"And the girls…well they're either too drunk, too busy beating up someone, or too hung up on something or someone."

"So, you don't feel like you belong Rei?"

"Well I tried modeling for a time to make myself weird, in a way. That didn't work; all I did make myself unintentionally sexy to almost every guy. I think I gave Shinji one of my photo's with my signatures on it to get him off my back. I'd hate to see the things he does with it at night." The Therapist twitched in his chair uncomfortably and wrote down "Asuka was right. This Shinji guy does want to rape everyone."

"After that encounter with Shinji in my room, I'd rather avoid him avoid him at all costs.'

"That's understandable, still why'd you think modeling was going to help you? I mean it only turns you into a creepy, supposedly sexy, walking corpse. I mean have you seen some Vogue before? Man, those chicks must throw up for breakfast, lunch, and dinner everyday." Damn, she's really foward, thought the Therapist.

Rei smiled a little and started to relax. "Well I really don't why I did it, but I do know why I got out of it."

"Why?"

"Well all the girls over there were like "Save the earth! Eat your greens! Don't burn petroleum, Fuck Abercrombie & Fitch!" And was like "Girls, I fuck up the earth everyday with my EVA, I burn petroleum everyday like it was a bonfire for N'SYNC cd's , I love Abercrombie and Fitch!"

"Yeah those models can be pretty damn crazy can't they?" replied the Therapist.

"So I quit after a few shoots with the GAINAX crew. I hated how they tried to make me intentionally sexy, instead stay with the cute look. I mean there's more pictures of me looking like I want sex than Asuka and Misato put together."

"Well look at it this way, there's not a lot ofunintentionally sexyblue-haired models out there."

"Are you hitting on me?"

"No, you've got me confused with a catholic priest."

"Sorry, I get that a lot of that from guys, so I assume they're hitting on me."

"Does this have anything to do with Shinji?" The Therapist asked

"Yeah it does. You see I'm supposed to be this other person you know as Yui."

"Yeah…Yui," said the Therapist, remembering his sessions with Gendo Ikari. The guy loved Yui, no doubt of that, but they guy "loved" too many women. I mean he had an affair with Ritsuko's mom, while he was trying to bring Yui (or Rei) back to life. I mean this guy would've raped Shinji, if he was a girl. "I remember her." The Therapist said as he finished his thought.

"Well anyways," Rei went on "Shinji, barely knowing his mom well…doesn't know who to act around women."

"You mean he pulls the 'feel sorry for me, I'm a loser and no one likes me' act?"

"That and a few others. The bad thing is I fell for him…once." Rei said quietly.

"So you don't know who to how to say no?" asked the Therapist.

"Well yeah, we went out on a date to the movies to go see Metal Gear Solid 2. Shinji has a thing for Rose."

"Probably for her endless rants about how her relationship with Raiden is. Geez she was annoying, it was always whine this and cry that. And Raiden, he could be Miss Shemale if he wanted to along Leonardo DiCaprio and Karou."

"I never could understand that movie. Especially how Rose could be pregnant especially with Raiden never…did anything with her. I mean what's the logic in that?"

"Yeah ironic, isn't it? I mean you weren't really born and… "

"What was that you just said?" interrupted Rei.

"Nothing…"

"But that's not the whole story."

"Really, there was? And that would be?"

"Well, at the end of the movie, Shinji he…well…he pushed me up against a…"

"You mean? You were…"

"No, thankfully not, Shinji wanted but he couldn't. If that would've happened you'd see me in a different shape. He couldn't do anything to me because Misato was so drunk that she bashed Shinji's skull open with a beer bottle. He forgot to pay for our tickets to movie."

"Hey, Misato does care for Shinji in some demented, twisted way. It's nice to know she's somewhat of a good guardian." The Therapist said through a laugh. Rei smiled a little as she got up.

"So Mr. Therapist what do I need to do to make myself better."

"For starters, get far away from Japan as possible. I suggest Australia or the States. Second off, learn to communicate with people. Live with some roommates go buy some better clothes and get some décor for that room of yours."

"Thank you doctor, but one question.

"Shoot."

"How do you know so much these kind of relationships?"

"Well I've got plenty of experience from Keitaro and Naru from Love Hina. I used to council them a lot. I tell you it's a stressful job, but if Animes would stop making up such violent and weird characters, then maybe I could retire on my private island."

"Well thank you; I will be a better person. I promise!But you know you're not a good therapist. "

"That's the spirit, and don't reccommend Animecharacters to me; I want to retire at 40!" The Therapist said as he gave her the thumbs up. Rei walked out the door. The Therapist satisfied that he had helped another bad case of anime. He looked through the window. He still had an uphill battle ahead of him, so he checked his tranquilizer gun, readied his notepad, and brushed his coat. "WHO'S NEXT!" he shouted.

Epilogue: Rei took the Therapists advice and fled to America, where she found a new hobby: cheerleading. Rei was the only blue haired cheerleader ever to be in America. After cheerleading, she now has her own show on home décor, cooking, and fashioncalled "How to EVAlize your lifewith Rei and Pen-Pen." All this author knows is that she is satisfied because she is no longer with NERV, the Ikari's or any EVA's. I guess she's enjoying it a lot, wouldn't you?