Author's Note: Well Avid readers of sorry this took too long to put out. I've been busy with my job, moving to a place 400 miles away from my original home, and school. I promise I'll get the next one out quicker.
Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion in any way shape or form, and I probably never will because I'd be too lazy to manage any sort of anime.
"Damn you Kensuke and your bad aim!" The Therapist shouted out loud, hoping Kensuke would hear him from wherever he was. Just then Gendo Ikari shouted a story down.
"Shut the hell up! Can't a guy peep on Rei's clones in peace! Sheesh!"
"Damn it, the commander heard me." The Therapist sighed and went back to work cleaning the blood and refurbishing the walls ripped apart by Kensuke's shotgun shells. He kicked a JSSDF corpse and spat on it. "Who the hell thought you guys up anyways? You ruin my walls and drive my patients insane! Damn you and your even worse aim!"
"Ding!" went a computer. The Therapist looked around and saw it was Ritsuko typing stuff on AIM. The Therapist just gave her a confused look and shook her head and went to drag the still unconscious Shinji, Tojo, Hikari, and Karou. Misato was still had hangover and was walking around in circles humming some backstreet boys song to herself. The Therapist started to drag the bodies into a closet. He took Misato first, because he couldn't stand the backstreet boys and her incredibly bad singing.
"La La…Backstreet's back alright!" She sang in a daze. The Therapist picked her up but she still wouldn't stop singing until he threw her into a closet. Then he dragged Shinji who was whining about his dad and his mom…again. The Therapist threw him in with Misato. Kawo-chan was muttering something about rape when The Therapist threw him off a ledge and into some LCL to drown. Tojo had his mouth open muttering,
"Okonomiayki…Sushi…Seaweed…McDonalds…bean jelly with bread…" The Therapist threw some cheese into his mouth. Tojo nibbled on it happily and quietly. Hikari was muttering about Orlando Bloom and her going to the mall. The Therapist grunted as he slammed the door on the Evangelion Cast. He walked to his chair and plopped down in it trying to get some sleep. He was soon rudely awakened by a "DING!" from Ritsuko's laptop. He threw a Homer Simpson lamp at Ritsuko, hoping it would shut her up. The lamp hit her head with a loud "THONK!", as she flopped over unconscious on her laptop, which "DINGED" again. The Therapist threw a crowbar at the laptop, which exploded on contact. He fell into a deep sleep in his chair dreaming about some random shit.
"HUH! WHERE'S THE FIRE!" yelled The Therapist as he heard another "DING." He turned around and found Ritsuko with yet another laptop.
RsToKiTtY 00: LOL!
"Cut that out Ritsuko."
RsToKiTtY 00: Meanie
"Really Ritsuko, don't tell me you want to be with these guys in the closet," He pointed in back of him where you could hear Misato moaning. "Being with your adopted child is not supposed to be an ORGASMIC EXPIERENCE, MISATO!" She piped down immediately.
RsToKiTtY 00: Tat Misa is such a sex fiend. I don't get it.
"She…just…um…I don't why she's like that. I think she's been away from Kaji too long. But then again…"
RsToKiTtY 00: but wut?
"Can you stop that and talk face to face and ditch the laptop. It's making my computer feel superior to your little laptop."
RsToKiTtY 00: No I won't ditch it.
"Are you asking for an earlier session, Ritsuko?"
RsToKiTtY 00: Mybe I am.
"Ok, right here, right now get on the couch!"
RsToKiTtY 00: I didn't know you were so forward with your feelings.
The Therapist started to sweat bullets as he heard the last few words. "T..That's not what I meant!"
RsToKiTtY 00: oh my, the rapist has the hots for me.
"Don't make fun of the name!"
Finally Ritsuko got up and went to the couch. She slumped down and looked towards the Therapist intently. Laptop in hand, She began her trek towards sanity…or not. The Therapist called up her file on computer, reach was full of nothing but computers and cats. In High School she was "Most likely to be an Extreme Nerd" and she was also the number one Starcraft champ in the Gamer's Club. Straight A's all her life except Philosophy, which she got a B in. Attended College with Misato, and during that time was only hit on once. She never had many sexual thoughts about men or women, but about cats. She was very involved with her work at NERV. The Therapist just tossed it away. This was stuff you could tell about her from 500 feet away. She was more bore and redundant than Rei!
RsToKiTtY 00: So what's wrong with me?
"Um…nothing you seem clean, compared to the rest of the crew. Well…except for on e thing: is it true you've never had a boyfriend and your how old?"
RsToKiTtY 00: Well I was hit on once, by another gamer…sort of."
"What do you mean sort of?"
RsToKiTtY 00: Well he thought that if he could be beat me Starcraft, I'd go on a date with him.
"Let me throw a wild guess out there, but you beat his ass right?"
RsToKiTty 00: He dropped out off school the day after I beat him.
"Damn, you must be good."
RsToKiTtY 00: I am the goddess that spanks men.
The Therapist shuddered at the thought. "Well then let's get to business, first put away the laptop and let's find another job or a better anime to go to."
RsToKiTtY 00: No I am keeping the laptop
"We can make this easy or hard, Ritsuko right now you're leaning towards hard."
RsToKiTtY 00: Well let's make it easier on both of us, and I keep the computer.
"Fine, fine we'll keep the laptop, but where we are going you won't need it."
RsToKiTtY 00: Where?
"Tokyo's best nightclub: Café de la Sexy. It's in center of the city, only a stone's throw away from here."
RsToKiTtY 00: why do want me to go th…
The Therapist didn't wait for her to answer, and dragged her by the ear to the nightclub in the city.
The Therapist and Ritsuko arrived at the nightclub a little after midnight. Ramiel had just been destroyed by Shinji and Rei, so the nightclub was less than full because of the evacuations. All the people that were left there were heavy drinkers, lonely guys, or social outcasts. In other words if you wanted to commit suicide in a way, you came to Tokyo-3 in some hope that you would be crushed by an Evangelion or Angels body. Ritsuko looked around and summed it up in a way that only a person with a PhD could say.
"YOU BROUGHT ME TO THIS &#HOLE! Café de la sexy, my eye! Sounds more like a #$#Z strip club than a nightclub."
"Lot's of nightclubs are like this Ritsuko. Stop being such a prick and socialize already." Ritsuko just turned around and headed out the door. The Therapist yanked her by the collar back to where she was.
"Ritsuko this is to develop your social skills. After this you won't need the computer to talk for you anymore."
"After this I'll need to be on the day-after pill!"
"Relax, Akagi look there's someone over there. Go talk to him." Sure enough there was a guy sitting at a far table, quietly sipping a drink. His bangs fell far over his head so you could barely see his eyes. He was kind of unkempt and had a five o' clock shadow that hadn't been shaved in a week.
"Uh…excuse me sir…is …is this seat taken?" she said with a stupid grin on her face.
"Ritsuko! What are you doing here?" The man looked up from his drink revealing Kaji, The Therapist's previous patient!
"Kaji, I thought you moved to America. What are you doing back in Japan?"
"Well, I came back hoping to win over Misato, so invited here for a drink but so far she hasn't come here."
"You'll be happy to know she's still in the waiting room," answered The Therapist
"Oh that's good…wait…she's in your office? Why the hell is she in there?"
"Apparently she wanted some alone time with the kids."
"Oh shit!" Kaji slapped his face hard, shaking his head. "You know she's going to put the moves on Shinji, right?"
"I warned him," said Ritsuko.
"You didn't warn me!" shot back The Therapist.
"Anyways," Kaji interrupted "The lieutenants are here, Ritsuko. I'm going to relax for a while." Kaji pointed to other side of the room where Maya, Makoto, and Shigeru were all sitting at a table and very wasted.
"I say Elites and Master Chiefs should be in the new Final Fantasy BURP! don't you hiccup?" Shigeru said in a slurred voice.
"No Manny Calavera," put in Maya "from Grim Fandango should be in it!"
"You guys have it all wrong!" shouted Makoto "Ichigo from Bleach should be in Final Fantasy!"
"No…thank you." Ritsuko replied to Kaji "I can't stand drunks." Off in a corner a bartender yelled. "Is there anyone here who knows a Gendo Ikari?"
"Yeah," replied The Therapist "I know him."
"Well he left his group here. You know anything about it?"
"Group?"
"Yeah, he left his group called Rei-wave here."
'What the hell? Let me see them for a moment?"
"Alright, they're backstage if you want to see them." The Therapist tugged at Ritsuko's jacket, with a quick thrust.
"You need to come to Ritsuko. This can be apart of your therapy."
"I think I've had enough therapy for a lifetime, at least from you."
"Aw, don't saw that Ritsu…"WHAM! Ritsuko sucker punched the Therapist sending him flying into the air and crashing into Maya's breasts!
"YEEEEEEEKKKKK!" she screamed as she sent him flying back into the air, where he landed backstage on a whole bunch of half-naked Rei's!
"Damn it." He whispered as he backed away slowly. However the Rei's had different ideas. One came up to him and hugged him; another helped him to his feet.
"Konichiwa, Sensei." All the Rei's said in unison. They al looked at him intently, waiting for him to answer.
"Uhhhhhh…" The Therapist was just as confused as Misato when she was drunk. "Why are you girls back here?"
"Gendo Ikari needs us to do escort service so he can keep NERV afloat." One Rei answered. All the other Rei's nodded all together.
"Ikari, you sick bastard, I should've kept you in therapy the longest," Cursed the Therapist.
"Could you be our manager," one asked "Ikari, dumped us so we need another one." The Therapist smirked, for he had found a calling for Ritsuko.
"I can't but I know someone who can." He ran out the door towards Ritsuko, who was just about to order a drink.
"Ritsuko, Ritsuko! I found a job for you and it sounds a whole lot better than your old one!"
"Really what is it?"
"Well Gendo left a whole bunch of Rei clones back there, and they are looking for a new manager."
"Ok, I'll talk to them." Ritsuko got up and left to the backstage area, while the Therapist sat sipping at her martini.
Ritsuko came out with the Rei clones as she walked towards the Therapist.
"We've decided that I'll watch the Rei's." said Ritsuko
"Cool aren't you excited, no more computers to mess with!"
"Yeah…computers."
"Well know that you won't have to use computers anymore, I'm off." The Therapist got up from his chair, dodged a beer bottle thrown by Maya, and walked out into the early morning light.
Epilogue: Unfortunately Ritsuko wasn't cured. She used the Rei clones to make cheap computer parts for the Black Market! The Rei clones lived under harsh conditions until by some mishap; Asuka with her German army conquered China and killed Ritsuko in the process. The Therapist has not made any statements about Ritsuko; however the order to kill Ritsuko was signed in NERV paper. Was it The Therapist or Gendo angry at Ritsuko for stealing his clones? The World may never know.