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A/N: this is a mixture of strangeness. Enjoy!

Chapter 5: Old Friends, Old Habits, Hints of Oddness, and an Unlikely Couple

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Harry arrived at the Weasleys on his birthday. Harry was attacked with presents and warm welcomes... and for details at what happened at the Ministry. Harry told all details, but only told Ron and Hermione the details of the prophecy. Harry preferred not to talk about Sirius, but he was all too eager to spill the beans about Voldemort's illness. Ron, Harry, and Hermione all received their O.W.L.'s.

"Oh, Ron," said Harry, "I never told you. Voldemort was sick! It was hilarious. He couldn't even lift a finger at me. I even called him 'Voldy'! I don't know what came over me."

"You serious? You called him 'Voldy'? To his face? Ha ha!"

Hermione looked at them both disapprovingly. "You shouldn't have done that, Harry, you could've gotten killed!"

"Lighten up Hermione," said Ron. "It's not every day you can walk up to a mass-murderer and laugh at him to his face."

That didn't sit well with Hermione.

"He couldn't even attack back, Hermione, it's not like I was in danger!"

"Oh, Harry, you are impossible!"

Silence.

"Is it true Dumbledore offered him a cough drop?"

"Yep, and then he started contemplating which ones he liked best. I didn't even know apple-cranberry pie cough drops even existed."

Hermione grinned.

"But there is something you two should know: I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to GEICO!"

Awkward silence.

"Oops, wrong script. Wait, wrong script? I don't even do GEICO commercials in America... who wrote this? Well, anyway, I did want to tell you both something. Yesterday morning, my scar hurt. Old news, right? Well, anyway, I should tell you that Voldemort has a plan, and he thinks because of his illness, it's going better than expected."

"Harry, you are supposed to be trying to block this stuff out-"

"Yeah, yeah, Occlumency with Snape. Not taking it this year, remember? Well, anyway, because he was sick, he's happy. You'd think any weakness would freak him out."

"Well, Harry, look at what's happening at the Ministry. Panic. It's even better than he expected. They'll be caught unaware of Voldemort as he grows in power again because of a stupid virus. I mean, it is unusual that a wizard got sick, like a Muggle illness, but really..."

"'Ermione!"

Ginny entered the room. Hermione jumped back twelve feet at the sound of Ginny.

"Oh, good, it's only you."

"Yeah. Phlegm is being held up in the kitchen by Bill."

"Phlegm?"

Ginny and Hermione looked at each other.

"Well," Ginny said, "Phlegm... Fleur Delacour. Engaged to Bill."

"She is so annoying!" yelled Hermione exasperatedly.

"Who ees?"

Hermione jumped. There was Fleur, pretty as ever.

"Oh, I- didn't hear you come in- well, if you must know it's um, Pansy Parkington. Malfoy's girlfriend. She um, thinks I'm um, not good enough for him. She thinks I should back away from her territory, but you know, he doesn't really belong to her."

Harry thought that he could've come up with a better lie.

"Oh," said Fleur, apparently buying it, "Well, deener ees almost ready."

Fleur left. Ron looked at Hermione, astounded at the contents of the lie.

"Not good enough for Malfoy?" Ron asked.

"I couldn't think of anything else on the spur of the moment!"

"Malfoy?"

"Oh, shut up, Ron!" Hermione left.

"Harry, did you hear that? Malfoy? 'Back away from her territory'? You think she's not telling us everything?"

Harry did not want to think about what life would be like in a world where Hermione and Malfoy were a couple.

Luckily, that aired on the side of impossible. Harry seemed to think that Ron dwelled a little too much on it.

After dinner and birthday cake, Ron was still dwelling on the prospect of Hermione and Malfoy. Harry had to shut him up.

"Ron, think about it. Malfoy called Hermione a Mudblood. He's on more than one occasion spoken about how all Muggle-borns are the equivalent to dirt. He even hoped that Hermione, especially, was the first Muggle-born to die from the basilisk second year. Hermione hates his guts. How likely is it for the both of them to pair up?"

Ron paused. "You're right, mate. How stupid of me."

"I knew you'd come to your senses. Good-night, Ron."

"Good night, mate."

Ron, however, did not come to his senses. Ron kept dreaming that Hermione was going out with Malfoy.

Shut up, Ron, you're not the boss of me. Besides, Malfoy is hot. We were meant to be together, Hermione would say over and over again.

But Hermione, I love you, and you know this is stupid, Ron would keep saying.

You're love means nothing to me, you blood-traitor. Why don't you hang out with that stupid Potter kid and leave Draco and me alone, said Hermione. Then she would walk off with Malfoy, laughing and having a grand old time. Ron would wake up and re-dream it, only with slight variations and exaggerations. By the next morning, Ron was convinced Hermione was in love with Malfoy.

Hermione was convinced otherwise.