Authors WARNING: Okay, this chapter gets a little desperate and gruesome. Some of you may not enjoy this. Im sorry…but this is the way that it goes…and im going for reality here which most of this in my view is. So if you hate self torture, don't read this… Other than that I don't think that there is much to say. So happy reading!

Ponys POV

The fever within me did not dissipate. I ran harder, faster, longer; but no relief came to my rescue. Heaving for the breath my body so desperately begged, I gave up under a circle of the only light around. Staying here was dangerous I knew…but danger wasn't something I cared about any longer. Let them kill me, society did it every day anyway.

Slumping down on the curb, and refusing to take the lung full I needed, I knew the rage had to escape. Never had it taken so long in the past. Never had I felt so unrelieved after a long run. I bit my gums, slammed a fist to the pavement, even ran a stick along my leg, drawing blood. But none of it did any good. Would anything?

I pulled out the black blade from my pocket. It was Two-Bit Matthews prize…but gave it to me just a while back. He told me that he didn't need it anymore. I thought it had something to do with the fact that it reminded us all of Dally and Johnny, but I never pushed it to find out.

Now it was my treasure to keep. I saw Johnny in the reflection that shown under the light; a sad boy, torn, and poor sat staring at it, wondering how he would make it through the night, the next day, his life. That was Johnny…it wasn't me. But I knew it was. The boy I saw was a stranger inside…he wasn't Johnny's best friend or Johnny…Dally or Steve, not anyone. He was a stranger poking from the evil within.

The first month I had that blade, I had hidden it far from site. I didn't want to remember or think. But soon it had become my token. I got it out when I needed to talk to them, when I felt bad, when I felt good. Soon I couldn't leave it home, for it was the only thing that still had Dally, Johnny, and good things with it.

Now I clung to it, wishing this simple object of a blade could suck the pain from inside my sick soul and make everything somehow better. I knew it couldn't…it could only draw blood. Then again…that could work. It wasn't as if I hadn't considered it before…

I closed the blade, flipped it out, squeezed the handle, closed it, and flipped it out. It was amazing how it shown in the light. Like the lost reflection of something unknown, it was never clear, but it never left. I did that for a few minutes, staring at it as it moved in the light, in, out, in…

Suddenly I hated it. I hated the memory it brought and all the feelings stirred up in me came out suddenly, like bulls released into the streets of Pamplona, Spain for the San Fermin festival (running of the bulls). It wasn't even seconds before I found myself pounding the blade in my hand into the hard pavement, as if that might help. Multiple time, I slipped and the blade cut deep into my right hand. The more I did it the more blood seeped from my hand, but I didn't care. If anything, the pain felt welcome, at least the pain inside was seeping with the pain outside and meshing into a world I didn't know existed.

The scraping on the pavement didn't stop anytime soon, either. It kept going, getting louder as the rage took over all feeling. A numbness of necessity emerged and I wondered what the hell I was doing and why it helped. But the shine slicing the air and the scraping mixed with blood healed my soul in an odd way. The stitches weren't masterful like a doctor's, but they were enough.

When the trance left me, and the mirages in my eyes fled, I found tears rolling down my cheeks freely. Each tear held a part of me, some of them things I didn't want to let go, but many were gladly excreted. I laid on the cold cement, everything void of feeling; inside out, I was a block of ice, sweating tears from my eyes.

The tears dried up soon after that, and feeling came back with cold pain. Everything was stiff as I rolled to my back and found flakes floating from the heavens. In the light it almost looked peaceful, until I realized that mid-air collisions were happening, and caos was more prominent than peace. I sighed, not noticing till then, that my jaw could not be stilled, and my body was shaking with the cold. No wonder it hurt to move…

Dragging myself to my feet, I wished I was a little closer to home. Home was sure to be hell tonight…but it was at least warm and fiery, not frozen over. My unsteady legs were hard to move, but I did, trudging along. I was too tired and frozen to run, and my arm throbbed.

A clink on the sidewalk made me stop, looking back I saw a bloody knife sitting there. For a moment it scared me, I didn't know how it got there, but then I realized I had dropped it. It was Two-Bits blade. I went back and picked it up in my good hand, seeing the blood on it. I wiped it off on my worn down jeans, closed it silently, and then dropped it down my shoe. There was nothing left in that switch now…I wondered if Johnny and Dally left?

I moved on, trying to go faster. It seemed to get colder and colder as I went, and everything hurt like it would freeze off and fall to the ground without my permission.

Still, I yearned for home and tried to walk faster even as my head started to dislocate from me and the distance to the ground got larger.

Darry's POV

Pony had been gone for at least a half hour by now, and I was scared. I thought he would come back faster…that he was upset and would get over it. He usually did. But he hadn't come back.

The steering wheel was cold under my hands, my heart raced behind my rib cage, the engine droaned under the hood, but all I could think was...where the hell is he?

Through the heavily falling snow, almost a blizzard of an unexpected storm, it was hard to see anything, let alone a kid who was…well, who knew where? But a shadow was emerging up ahead, near the roadside. The shape was of a lean man…slumped as he walked. I didn't know if it was Pony, but there was no way I was going to pass a man in this snowfall anyway.

I pulled the truck slowly over to the curb. Putting on the brake and making sure it wouldn't slide when I got out. The shadow was still approaching, slowly, but not any slower or faster than he seemed to be moving before. A long shadow was cast in the snow when I stepped through the headlights towards the shadow.

Watching, and waiting I examined the shadow for signs of my brother. A few steps further and I knew it was him. The way his hair fell in his face, the shape of his body, the way he walked when he was tired and unhappy. It was all Ponyboy.

"Ponyboy?" I yelled.

He looked up slowly, and his reaction was enough for me.

"Oh my god! You aren't wearing a coat. Get in the truck!" I knew he had to be freezing. I was furious at him. It boggled my mind that he could still forget to take a coat with him, even after everything. Stupid kid, I sighed.

Even then he didn't speed up, just looked back to the ground and shuffled on, almost like he didn't know I existed, or at least didnt care. That made my temper flare darker red. I stepped up to him in three long strides and grabbed his hand. I yanked him closer to the truck, and Pony let out a shriek. By then I felt a droplet of something sliding down my hand. I froze, what the hell?

"Pony…?" I couldn't keep the worry from my voice that time, "What…" I pulled his hand into the light gently and then saw the blood. Everywhere, it was frozen to his arm, dripping from his hand, dried on his shirt, streaked down his jeans, puddled on his shoe's and getting all over me.

I heaved a deep breath, pulling Pony with me to my side of the truck. With how much blood I saw, and how out of it he seemed, I wasn't about to wait for his reaction on this one. No more questions, just action.

Swinging the door open, I pushed Pony up into the truck and then past the gear shift to his side of the truck. He grunted a little, but felt more like a rag doll than a kid who cared what was going on. Once he was in, I jumped in and slammed the door. I was tempted to go to the hospital then, but thought to look at his hand first. Feeling behind the seat, I finally found our heavy duty flashlight, kept in the truck more for mechanical difficulties than injuries, but it worked the same; light.

I grabbed onto the long, thick cold metal and brought out the shiner of light. With the click of the button, a gruesome sight met me. Pony's hand was slit open all along his palm in more than one place. He didn't seem to care though, just looked at it complacently. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. He was still bleeding profusely from his deep wounds, and I wondered how he didn't care.

I dropped his hand, wiping mine on my pants and started up t he engine, "What the hell happened?" I asked, more impatiently than I wanted.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him shrug the slightest bit, or so I thought, but he gave no explanation whatsoever. That kid…wild thoughts ran through my head jumping frantically to pit stops till I couldn't handle the thought and moved on. What had happened?

"Answer me, Ponyboy Michael Curtis." I let out in a low warning tone.

He mumbled something I couldn't hear over the engine of our 1958 Chevy Apache truck. I decided to not push him. For all I knew he was in shock. I didn't know how long he had been outside, but he sure was bleeding like crazy, and his hands were ice cold.

Drumming my fingers on the steering wheel nervously, I sped up as much as I dared in the storm. I still felt it wasn't fast enough, but we didn't need to crash the truck to top off the night.

Soon we were nearing the house. I pulled into the driveway and honked a few times, knowing Soda would look to see if it was me. Sure enough, he was running out in seconds. I jumped from the seat and let him past.

"Pony?" He was curious but saw the blood in an instant, "Wha? My God…Pony, what happened?"

Pony sat gazing out the window seemingly entranced by the snow. Soda shook him as I pulled out, but he refused to move.

"Darry?" Soda asked.

"I dunno what happened, little buddy. Just found him walking home. He's freezing, try and warm him up with your body heat."

Soda did as I asked, rubbing Pony's arms as much as he could from the middle of the seat. "Darry…"he leaned towards me as I plowed trough the snow. "What if he…" His voice got lower, like he didn't want Pony to hear, "Does he have a switch on him?"

The idea hit me hard, sure it had crossed my mind, but I hadn't really thought about it. Of course he had a blade. Pony never went anywhere without one, and Two-Bit had given him the black handled one not a month ago.

"Check his shoes, Soda. The last thing we need is social workers get after us about that too."

Soda nodded and bent down. When he sat back up he was staring at the bloody black handled switch. I swallowed hard and reconsidered going to the hospital. I pushed it out of my mind though. My brother needed help, and he was going to get it if I had anything to do with it. Even if he got separated from us, maybe he wouldn't hurt himself anymore.

Sorry, a little cliffy there…but I have plans for next chapter in mind, and I'm back in a writing phase as long as I have time…so hopefully you wont have to wait too long. No promises though.

On to Review Responses:

Tensleep: Well yeah…I would hope I as right. LOL, j/k. LOL, yeah emotion was the point and I know it kinda does dound like Skye…now you know why they made sense as twins! Lol. Well, I hope you like this one…if you haven't already read it. Hmm..anyway. Hope you are having a good night!

Taurus: LOL, yeah, it was a one shot…but I decided to keep going. Inspiration, what can I say? Yeah…Pony got kinda worked up. And this is definitely more angst for ya! See ya round!

Keira: Well, im glad you were so happy. You get some more so you cant come kill me yet…wink Thanks for "forcing" me to do it. See ya!

MyHubbyIsOB: Thank you. I have had some fun with it. I hope you continue to enjoy it. Thanks for your review!

ShyXshortieXbabe: WOW. That was a good review! It made me feel soooo good! Thanks! Im very happy that you enjoy this story, I hope that I continue to live up to that… Thanks!

The King: LOL, thought you might like that one…when you got around to reading it…Im happy to report that I know you will like this one too…I think or at least hope. Well…nice talking to ya. Thanks for reading! See ya Stud! Have a good day or night or whatever…

NittanyLizard: Wow…I have to say that that was a wonderful review to get. I wanted to write this story so that people could understand what depression really is. Im so happy its accurate, I hope it is considering its based on my four years of depression. Well, thanks for reviewing. And I want you to know that ive heard from wonder sources that you are a great author and when I find the time I plan on reading your stuff….just give me time. Thanks a ton! Hope you enjoy this chapter as much.