Title: Another Way

Fandom: Friends

Rating: PG-13

Word count: 680

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

Summary: "It's negative." Rachel never realised how much she hated change.

Prologue

"It's negative."

Up until she heard those words, Rachel Green had truly believed that the most beautiful words in the world were "I love you", words that meant she was wanted and safe; words that meant someone cared. But now she realised that no, the most beautiful, wonderful, wanted, words were telling her that her life didn't have to change so dramatically.

"Oh, thank god." She felt tears welling up in her eyes as she smiled. "Thank you, Phoebe. Oh, this is… this is fantastic." She hadn't realised how much she had been hoping that the result would magically change, that she wouldn't have to go through with this.

"Negative?" Monica repeated.

"Uh…"

Hearing the strained tone in Phoebe's voice, Rachel looked up. "Pheebs?"

She could tell that Phoebe was stalling for time. "I… oh, Rach."

"Phoebe, you said it was negative." Her hands were instinctively reaching out in front of her, wanting to push away the image of a positive pregnancy test, a sonogram, a ballooning belly, a labour room… a mother and a baby.

Phoebe looked at the floor. "I thought you wanted it… I thought, if you thought hard enough, you'd want a b—"

"No." The word was almost shouted; there was enough force to stop Phoebe from saying any more. "Don't. Don't say it."

She felt Monica's arms encircle her. "Oh, sweetie…"

"I never meant for this to happen," Rachel mumbled, burying her face in Monica's shoulder. "I don't… I don't want it to be happening." She felt Monica's hands stroke warm patterns on her back.

"It'll be okay, Rach." Monica's voice was a little quieter than normal, and Rachel cursed herself inwardly. Of course Monica wouldn't understand. Monica was married; Monica wanted babies. Monica always had.

With an effort, she pulled herself away from Monica, and turned to face Phoebe. "So… it's not negative?"

In response, Phoebe simply held out the stick, and Rachel saw, for herself, the sign that she had been dreading.

"Positive then," she stated, dully.

"I'm so sorry, Rach," Phoebe half-whispered.

Rachel lifted her head to look at her friend. "It's not like you got me into this state, is it? It's not like you were there, egging us on. So don't say that." She heard the sharp words with regret, and bit her lip. "I'm… I'm sorry. That was too harsh."

"It's okay." Phoebe stepped towards her, and gently clasped her hand. "We'll get through this, you know. All of us. Me, Mon, Joey, Chandler, Ross… we're all going to be there for you."

"I… no." Rachel tore her hand away from Phoebe, and moved away. "You can't tell them. This is… it's between us. Just us."

"But you're going to get bigger… you're going to have a baby, Rach," Monica said softly.

"I… I don't have to." She couldn't look either of them in the eyes any longer, not these friends who had loved her, but who had both suffered for children. It was obvious that Phoebe still felt the loss of the triplets; even though she had been prepared to give them up, she had still lost them. Rachel had seen the look in her friend's eyes when she'd seen babies and young children recently. She wanted, so badly, to have had those children. Monica, she knew, still wondered about the baby she had nearly conceived all those years ago.

They didn't, they couldn't, understand.

"What?" Phoebe's voice was deceptively light.

"I don't have to have a baby, Pheebs." Rachel chanced a look at her friend, and saw, instead of the glare she had been expecting, an expression of confusion. How could they not understand?

"But you're pregnant," Monica said helplessly.

"Pregnancy doesn't have to end in a baby." She stepped backwards again and felt for the doorknob. "I never wanted this to happen."

As she ran from them, the last thing she heard was Phoebe calling after her.