Saint H's Sorry About the Minor Delay Folks Author's Notes:
Well, it took a few more days than usual for me to update, but here I am… once again… I'm torn into pieces! Auugh! GET OUTTA MY HEAD YOU SONG OF DEMONS! Ok, anyway, time for what you all want, review responses followed by a smart ass disclaimer!
Im in a kill people mood Wow, 2-flucking-7? That's nuts, thankfully I got it on my second try, Oh yea… anyway, thanks for the review.
ILUVBBRAE Thanks for all your reviews, I appreciate them, and I also applaud your excellent taste in humor. (jk(Raveast Representin!))
Raidersrule76 Don't get me wrong, Morgan Freeman is kicks 13 different kinds of ass, but no I don't think the teen hunnys are into him. Anyway sorry about your lack of pool, its quite a shame, though now with the license, I pretty much just gather up my friends and go to someones house. Or to the pool… so yea, forget everything I just said. (nachos rule)
Ribbetfrog I'm letting up on Vic this chapter. I mean he is my favorite character. Anyway, I passed this time, Oh yea! Thanks for reviewing.
SeeSpotBleed Nice sn buddy! Glad you like the story.
Terra Logan What is this 'study' of which you speak? Thanks for reviewing. (I can drive legally! I passed!)
Triforce90 Wow, so far you're the only one to notice that but yes, the first five are just the first day.
Lady of Faerie Turns out the driving instructor like fish-heads, and loved sticks with a passion! Needless to say, I passed. I'm glad you like the chapter, there will be more DICK than ever in this chapter… kinda.
MeteoraGirl27 Oh, don't worry, I'm like an elephant, I never…. Hey look, shiny!
Gem W Mr. Fluffleuffleups is a straight up Gangsta B! Oh sorry bout that… anyway thanks for reviewing.
I luv Kai Mmmm lemon pies…
Albino-Ghost Please man, please… flattery will get you everywhere.
Disclaimer: Ima smart-ass!
Yea we know. (H loses 20 life for lame disclaimer) Anyway, newest chapter of Closet Jocks in 3, 2,
Chapter Six: Y wyll rypy yyy!
The teachers of JC High were having a meeting after the school day. David Banner was talking to Princey Wilson.
"And that's why I think that-"
"Crumpets."
"… Why I think that-"
"The Beatles."
"I think-"
"Harry Potter…"
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" David Banner said as he, once again, transformed into the Incredible Hulk and approached Mad Mod with a murderous look in his eyes.
The Brit sat there calmly, then something caught his eye, "Oi, you're wearing purple shorts!" he said pointing to the purple shorts that the Hulk is always depicted wearing.
"Were you wearing purple shorts before, lad?"
The Hulk was now turning red in the face from embarrassment, or he would have except his skin is green so he actually turned an odd shade of purple.
"Why? I mean they're... Purple!"
The Hulk shrugged sheepishly.
"Shorts!"
The Hulk had turned back into David Banner (regular clothes and everything), except his skin was still green.
"Why!?"
Meanwhile… Vic and Gar were over at Vic's house.
"Hey Vic, where's your bathroom man? I gotta go!" The freakishly green teen said, holding his groin.
"What? Man, you can't go to the bathroom now!" Vic said exasperatedly.
"Why not!"
"Well, we're doing a chapter right now." Vic stated, pointing to the readers.
"So?"
"So, going to the bathroom is bad entertainment."
"And just how do you know? I have never seen anybody do that before! Who knows, maybe it isn't bad entertainment. Maybe it's really funny!" Gar coaxed.
"Ugh," Vic ughed, "Down that hall, first doorway on the left."
"Awesome."
A few seconds later, outside the door of the Stone's closed bathroom.
…
A few shuffling noises.
…
zip!
…
clunk!
…
PFFFFT! "Oooo, yea…"
FFFRRRRPPTTT!
PPTT!
PRRRRRRAAFFF!
pclunk!
"Oh man, I'll give 'em a courtesy flush after that one!"
…
….
….
…
A continuous tinkling noise was heard along with Gar's very loud, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh…" of contentment.
…
…
"H-hey guys, is- is this funny? Is this funny yet?"
A little while later Gar and Vic were sitting in Vic's living room, arguing about something of dire importance…
"Dude, Jessica Simpson is THE hottest celeb alive today!" Gar ranted.
"No way man! J-Lo makes Jessica look even more like a walking STD then she already does!" Vic retorted.
"Oh dude you did not just say that! Have you checked out Jessica's tits lately!"
"Tits? Man, tits don't matter anymore, it's all about the booty! And last time I checked, J-Lo's ass was not only hawter than Ben Affleck with a hooker but also has it's own zip code!"
"Speaking of Ben Affleck, you know how many VD's that guy has? He must've given J-Lo at least half of them!"
"Boy, don't even get me started on how Jessica has been banged by at least half of Harlem!"
"Dude, Vic, that is so an exaggeration, she didn't get banged by half of Harlem!"
"Yea Gar, she did, I was there…"
"Oh…"
After a moment of uncomfortable silence DICK walked thru the door.
"Hey guys, great news, I got all five of us tickets to go see System of a Down in concert this Saturday!" SLINKY announced.
"Whoa! That is awesome!" Vic ejaculated.
"Dude, sweet, how'd you get em?" Gar asked.
"Well you see, I won them offa eBay, I already paid the shipping and handling, Gar, you can pay for the rest." WEE-WEE explained to his friends.
"B-but how am I gonna-"
"You can pay for it Gar."
"But ho-"
"Yea so um… it's this Saturday up at Turdburger Stadium, is that cool with everybody?"
"I dunno JOHNSON, does Turdburger Stadium still have that same funky smell?" Vic asked.
"Which funky smell, the Did-the-person-behind-me-just-do-in-their-pants-what-I-think-they-just-did-in-their-pants smell? Or the Dude-it-smells-like-shyt smell?"
"The semen smell." Vic chose the first one.
"No they got rid of it."
"But, I seriously don't think-" Gar started.
"Gar, you can pay for it don't worry about it."
"But no I can't-"
"Jeez Gar you can friggin pay for it! So, yea, anyway, I'm gonna go tell the girls the good news, and I'll probably get into Kory's box while I'm at it." DINGALING said as he started to head out of the door.
"Hey, while you're in her box, could you look around in there and see if my watch is in there? I think I lost it in there last time." Vic asked of his friend.
"I dunno man, Kory's box is HUGE, y'know how many guys, and girls for that matter, have been in that box of hers?"
"Yea, I know, but just look for me OK?"
"Yea sure man, I'll do it right after I have sex with her." DONG said to his friend.
"I've got it Garth! I know how to finally stop all the girls, Kory especially, from throwing themselves all over DICK!" Roy mused.
"Tacos?" Garth asked ston-ed-ly.
"No, no dude, not tacos, my plan to stop Kory from sitting on DICK during all the lunch periods, and to stop fondling DICK's hair whenever she gets the chance." Roy explained.
"Ooh, I see… that you didn't do what I said we should have done to you!" Garth continued slowly.
"Say what? Dammit Garth, I'm trying to have a serious conversation about DICK but all you want to do is sit there and smoke pot!"
"You are strapped to the wall man! You… are strapped… to the waaall, man!"
Over at the Anders Household…Ding-Dong
"I will answer it!" Kory said, jumping off the couch to answer the door, "Oh, hi DING-DONG, it's nice to see you!"
"Hey Kory, say, mind if I take a look in your box, Vic thinks he lost his watch in there."
"Victor is aware of the magnitude of people who put their items and themselves in my box daily, is he not?"
"I told him, but you know Vic."
"Yes, well, I guess I will let you begin exploring the wonderful depths of my box." Kory said leading SALAMANDER to her room, "Here it is."
WILLIE turned his head and saw the humongous cardboard box that Kory kept in her room. No one knows why Kory kept such a large carboard box in her room, but everyone liked to store things there that their parents wouldn't let them keep.
"Y'know what? I don't really feel like looking for Vic's watch." HE, said turning away from Kory's box with boredom.
"Then what do you wish to do, THIRD-LEG?"
"Wanna get friskey?"
"Indeed!"
And the two fell into each other's arms.
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
"Watch your hands, pervert."
"Yes ma'am."
Saint H's Well that chapter was Totally Half-Assed Author's Notes:
Well, sorry it took a little longer than usual. I'll try to update like I usually do from now on. Until next time, good night.