Saint H's I Have No Idea What to Title These Author's Notes:
Hey everybody, got a new chapter of Closet Jocks here for you. Sorry about the wait. Two-a-Days of football all freaking week long tend to make your body not move. Holy shyt am I sore. Good news, I threw a 190 pound kid to ground in the Oklahoma drill! Granted, this was mostly because he's so damn slow, but still he was a big boy, if you know what I mean. Anyway Review Responses!
RaidersRule76 Sorry about the short-ness, this chapter isn't much longer. You know how too much football practice makes you feel. Dead.DIS I am the Master of Perversity and j00 13357 R3C0GII1Z3!eleven
Albino-Ghost Updates are a little slow now, but when 2-a-daze are over they'll come quicker, as long as school doesn't slow me down.
Triforce90 Glad you liked it! Feel free to quote it anytime you want to.
Gem W Thanks for the nice review.
Grey Rizz Yea, I can be offensive. But that's part of my appeal.
Terra Logan I'm sorry you didn't like it. Hopefully you'll like this one. Though maybe you can tell me the parts you don't like so I can go about fixing them.
TheKidFromTheSouth The next Seth Green? Flattery will get you everywhere man! Oh by the way, I'll check out your stories but I'm real busy at the moment, barely have time to squeeze chapters in which is why they're coming so slowly. Anyway thanks man!
Lady of Faerie Yea, I do the Star/PENIS because the show has already written it for me and I'm too lazy to do it any other way most of the time. Anyway, thanks for reviewing.
Im in a kill people mood Short, simple, and too the point, I like that!
Disclaimer: Representin' the Disclama's out dere playin' it Major Big style! Lemme hear ya Holla!
WTF is up with my disclaimer? I'm gonna have to get that thing fixed. Anyway enjoy the newest chapter of Closet Jocks!
Chapter Seven: Bryng Yyr Ywn Byyr!
"Huddle UP!" yelled Connor Freakinstien (Control Freak) as he stood with the football.
All the players line up. They were scrimmaging in practice. For those of you who have no idea what that means, too damn bad!
Vic came up to the Quarter Back Position in the huddle. "Alright everybody! We're going to do a Double Slut Back, 90, 6969, South Holt Special on 4! Double Slut Back, 90, 6969, South Holt Special on 4! Ready?"
"BREAK!" the huddle yelled before they sprinted on tired legs to their position.
Vic came up behind Conner(the center) and looked over the play. His eyes fell on PICKLE and he nodded towards him. He began the cadence, "Seeeet! Fuchsia 69! Set! Hit-Hit! Hit! …. HIT!"
The two sides snapped into action. JUNK sprinted down the field and Vic threw him the ball. He dodged several illegal tackles before catching the ball.Just then, out of nowhere, Roy, who was on the defense, dove at him. ERECTION looked left and right, but could find no path to safety.
WHASMAXACRAKIES!
"Ouch…" GOOCH-STICK said in pain.
"Ouch… I shouldn't have hit HIM so hard." Roy said in pain.
"Huddle UP!" Conner called again. JIZZ-FACTORY limped back to huddle slowly.
"Ok guys, silent count time! We're going QB Sneak, on the flick of Conner's nutz." (football joke)
Tweeee! The whistle blew, ending practice.
"Oh thank you sweet whistle! Thou hast saved my scrotum!" Conner praised.
Later, in the Locker Room…"Oh man, I'm totally beat!" DICK spat up.
"I know what you're saying man." Vic said, stretching his sore neck. (Oh man, my neck hurts soooo bad)
"Well, lets clean up." SAUSAGE suggested, throwing off his towel and stepping into the shower room.
"I hear ya." Vic said, doing the same.
"My name's Baran and I like group showers!" Baran said, coming into the shower room. Everyone in there covered up their buttholes as soon as he entered.
"So, ready for the concert tonight Vic?" WORM said, letting the warm shower water pour over his sore muscles.
"Totally man! I even invited my girl from outta town! She's staying with Gar right now though." Vic said excited.
"Awesome!"
At the same time, in a different corner of the shower room…
"Look at that DICK! Standing straight up all tall and proud, just because he's on varsity!" Roy seethed.
"Yea…" Garth said around the smoke of his joint.
"I mean, after the way I pounded DICK out there on the field today, I thought he'd be in the hospital."
"Yea…" Garth said around the smoke of his joint.
"But I guess DICK's just too strong, rock hard, and vein ridden to stop so early in the season!"
"Yea-What! Did you just actually think what I think you just said? That was about the Gayest thing since Gay came to Gaytown! Do you even listen to yourself when you talk?" Garth asked.
"I drift in and out." Roy answered simply.
Later that day, in Gar's bedroom…"Gar! (pant) You're too big! I don't think you can push that thru! (pant) The hole's too small!"
"Nonsense Terra! (pant) I've made it fit in smaller before! Just don't tell Raven we're doing this! She'd kill me if she found out!"
The door to Gar's room flew off it's hinges abruptly, "If I found out what!" Raven raged.
Gar and Terra looked up at Raven from their innocent child's game, "That we borrowed your Twister board without asking."
"Yea, sorry. Raven was it?"
"Yes, and who are you?"
"I'm Terra!"
"She's Vic's girl." Gar explained.
"Yep, hehe, I can't wait to come with you guys tonight!"
"Oh, well, any girlfriend of Vic's is a girlfriend of mine! …Wait, ugh, dammit! I'm not a lesbian!"
"Raven, is that lemon pie on you're lip?" Gar asked suspiciously.
Raven blushed, "Oh, heh, yea…"
"Here let me help you with that!" Terra said friendly.
She walked right up to Raven and licked the leftover pie right off the dark girl's lips.
…
…
…
Gar stared in amazement, "No, freaking, way!"
"Is that better?" Terra asked slowly.
"Ye-yes, much. Th-thank you!" Raven said embarrassedly.
"Oh, wait. I think I missed a spot…" Terra said, slowly pushing her tongue into Raven's mouth. The two stood there like that for a blissful moment.
Gar passed out from pleasure-overload.
Vic and MAN-PIECE walked thru the empty doorway to Gar's room only to find the hot lesbian action that was in progress.
"Oh hey, Terra you're here! And you've met Raven! Great!" Vic said happily.
FRANKFURTER just stared.
Terra pulled away from the dark girl and ran over to Vic, "Snuggle Bunny!" She said, jumping into his arms.
"Hey there, Cuddle Lump!"
"Sugar Bear!"
"Smoochie Boochies!"
"Luvey Lamb!"
"Snoogins!"
"Honey Bunny!"
"Horn-"
The reawakened Gar interrupted Vic and Terra's sickening display, "Wait a frickin' sexond! This fic is a CyXTerraXRaven! How the shyt does that happen?"
"That'sa good question… how does that happen?" Raven asked, straightening herself up.
"Well, are we ready to go to the concert or what?" Vic asked the rest of the gang.
"Yea, but were is Kory?" Gar asked.
"Oh, she's in my pants." TOOL said nonchalantly as his pants un-buttoned/un-zipped themselves and Kory climbed out, "Hello friends! May we proceed to the concert now?"
"Hells yea!" Everyone else answered.
Elsewhere…"Garth man! I am not gay!"
"Yea, go tell someone else Roy! I don't want to get any of your gay dick obsessed cooties on me!"
"Hey now Garth, I am not obsessed with COCK-er I mean DICK! Dammit, I'm not gay!" Roy roared.
Meanwhile, at the Turdburger Stadium…"Dude! These seats are so frucking sweet!" Vic started, "But it should be for how much it cost!"
"Dude Vic, Gar doesn't know about that yet." MALE-REPRODUCTIVE-ORGAN said.
"Know about what?" Gar asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
The announcer came over the PA system, "Oh, OMFGuush! Yea baby, like that! A little harder! A little faster! Oh YES! SPLOOGE!"
Ok… soooo not what I meant…
"And now, here they are, Sytem of a Down!" The PA annoucer annouced.And there was much rejoicing.
Later on, when everybody in Turdburger was totally sloshed.
"Oh Terra!" Raven moaned.
"Oh Raven! Oh Vic!" Terra groaned.
"Oh Terra! Oh Raven!" Vic panted.
I'll leave your imaginations to figure out what they're doing.
"URINE-HOSE, I am totally drunk!" Kory said, smiling for not reason in particular.
"I hear ya, God I love inebriation!" FAMILY JEWELS said dreamily.
"I Love you too buddy!" Inebriation said to his friend.
"So, Kory, wanna make out?"
"No, not really."
"Oh…" RED ROCKET said embarrassedly.
"My name's Baran and I like group showers!" Baran, still in his football pads, said for no particular reason.
Just then, over with the lovers, "Wait a sexond, where's Gar?" Raven asked herself, leaving Vic and Terra to do their thing.
The dark girl soon found him lying on his back on someone's tailgate.
"Gar, what are you doing?" Raven asked seductively.
Gar's eyelids lifted to reveal very-very bloodshot eyes. "I'm pissing! HAHAHA!" and soon afterwards a slow wet spot grew from the crotch of Gar's jeans.
"Oh gross! Smells like pee!" Raven said in disgust.
…
…
…
"Good thing I'm drunk." Raven finished happily before throwing herself at Gar.
Saint H's That is What Beer Will Do To You Author's Notes:
Well, I don't really think that was a great chapter. I mean, I don't think it was bad, just not great. But obviously what I think doesn't matter, it's your guy's opinions that do. So leave me a review and tell me what you thought. Good night.