GODZILLA MEETS THE BAUDELAIRES
TOKYO,
JAPAN
"Roaaaaaaarrrgh!" growled Godzilla, his limbs flailing
everywhere. His foot was on the remains of a skyscraper, but his mind
was on other things; such as his summer love affair with
Supermechaspacegodzilla… those were happier times. Now the only
pleasure the Big G had was killing Japanese civilians and military
men. Godzilla's usually green complexion flashed blue and red,
reflecting the flashlights of the Godzilla Patrol Helicopters, which
were just arriving now. Suddenly, CRASH! American
Supermechaspaceamphibionmegagodzilla landed on the ground with a
smash, and reached out his hand to the original Godzilla.
"Grab
my claws, you mindless, cataclysmic brute!"
yelled American Supermechaspaceamphibionmegagodzilla. Godzilla
glanced at the Patrolmen and then back at American
Supermechaspaceamphibionmegagodzilla's hand. Co-operating with
American Supermechaspaceamphibionmegagodzilla was risky, Godzilla
hadn't trusted him since the time American
Supermechaspaceamphibionmegagodzilla destroyed downtown New York with
Great-Grandson of Kong, but it was better than his chances here. He
grabbed on to the large grey paw and, in a great flash of red, they
were in the middle of Outer Space.
"Why did you rescue me?"
asked Godzilla in his natural Upper-English accent.
"I
have a job for you," was American
Supermechaspaceamphibionmegagodzilla's reply, his own accent a
messy Texan drawl. "I want you to meet with three children to stop
an unstoppable killing machine: Count Olaf V2.0 Deluxe!" Godzilla
rubbed his chin, and it was only after much thought that he
replied
"Yes, yes! I think I've heard of such a beast," he
said "He was played by Jim Carrey, no?"
"Yes, that's
correct" answered American Supermechaspaceamphibionmegagodzilla
"Are you up to the job?"
Godzilla nodded, and with that note
he was flew down to Earth to meet the Baudelaires
ANYTOWN, USA
"KLAUS!"
was the call from the dining room in the Baudelaire's current abode
(Kit Snicket's house) "There's a mouse!"
"Alright,
alright Violet! I told you, I'm reading up on there killing
habits!" Klaus shouted back.
"Jeez Klaus, you're such a
loser! At least I have a useful power" came Sunny's reply,
perfectly articulated as always.
"I'm sorry, Sunny!" sobbed
Klaus "I don't mean to disappoint you, you know!"
"Shut
it, nerdlinger!" shouted the angry baby, a recovering alcoholic "I
don't wanna hear your excuses! Just get to work!"
"Yes
ma'am"
"KLAUS!" Violet began to grow impatient.
"Aha!"
Klaus yelled, Eureka-style. "I've got a solution! Quick Violet,
tie up your hair!"
Violet hurriedly pulled her hair into
bunches, and the mouse flew into Sunny's open mouth.
"Brilliant
thinking, if I do say so myself!" said Klaus,
self-congratulating
"Shut the fuck up, will you?" screamed
Sunny. She had been sober for 3 days now, and was starting to get
cranky.
"But I - " Klaus was interrupted by a swift knock to
the back of the head.
"My
glasses, my glasses!" he screamed, crawling on the floor in a
frantic search
"Who gives a crap?" Violet grumbled, bored of
her brother's company. Sunny nodded towards the door, motioning for
Violet to follow her away from Klaus.
"sssh"
Sunny held her finger to her lips; she didn't want that geeky
brother of hers following. Violet understood and followed the little
sprat out of the open doorway, her foot crunching on Klaus' glasses
as she walked.
Violet finished pulling her jacket over the large
Victorian-style dress she was sporting oh-so-fashionably, just as a
giant ball of green crashed to the ground, creating a hole of 8 foot
deep. The two Baudelaire sisters peered over the edge, as the ball
unravelled to reveal Godzilla, arrived to complete his
Mission:Impossible……
