CHAPTER TEN

Date: February 11, 2005

Day: Friday

Dear Journal,

I'm sitting here right now trying to make sure that I understand exactly what each of the three gifts I received from my secret admirer really means. Speaking of my secret admirer... I know it's Stephanie. She's so transparent at times when it comes to being sneaky, and I love that. Like, how could I NOT know it was her? She thought she was being so sneaky when she stopped by my locker room this morning to drop off the gift from my "secret admirer". I think I surprised the living hell out of her when she found me sitting there on the couch. I just knew she would be there at work that early, which was why I came in early to put her breakfast on her desk. I'm usually never that early for work...

Anyway, her gifts were so simple, and yet the meaning is quite complex. I do love that woman. She's so freaking clever. I mean, I would never expect to receive a poem, a wristband, and a Hershey's Kiss from a secret admirer. But then again, who said gifts from a secret admirer have a certain standard? It surprises me that she would think of something that seems so simple, yet has this whole underlying complexity. I think it's awesome. So, let me analyze these gifts to make sure I know what she wants from me.

1. The poem. I never knew Stephy was a poet, but it seems like she can throw some words together and actually make it make sense. Here's what her poem said:

You say you're the King of the World

You brag about your Vitamin C

Come up to my hotel room tonight

So you can prove it to me

We go perfectly together

We're both young and rich

But one fact will never change

Jerky, you'll always be Stephy's Bitch

So, ok, she says I'm her bitch. Whatever. She wants me to come give her some Vitamin C, that much is obvious. And she says we go perfectly together, so that must mean something, too, right?

2. The wristband. This had to be a joke, but I have to admit that I like it. It was pretty funny when I saw what she had engraved on it. I wonder how much she paid to get that done? The woman actually had it engraved with the words "STEPHY'S BITCH". What a crude way to let the world know that she's got me whipped... I love it! In fact, I'm wearing it right now. I think it's a symbol of how I belong to her no matter what. I think that's what she meant by giving something like that to me, but with Stephy it's hard to tell sometimes...

3. The Hershey's Kiss. Ok, so this is by far the weirdest of the three things I found in the box. Like, it seems so simple to me, like she was just trying to say that she would melt in my mouth like chocolate. But would she really send such a simple message? I think it would be more complex than that. But I can't think of anything else it could mean. We'll see...

It's so obvious now that she wants me as much as I want her. Why she felt she had to prove it to me, I don't know, because I already knew that she wanted me. Every sane woman wants me! I knew for sure that she wanted me bad when I saw her wearing the new charm I bought her. In the poem that I wrote for her, I said that she was supposed to wear that "C" if she craved my Vitamin C, and look, she's wearing it. With pride, I might add! This whole week has been crazy so far, but today there's been an improvement. I haven't been slapped once.

I know I'll get slapped the next time I see her, though. Why? Well, because in her poem she made it perfectly clear that she wanted me to come up to her hotel room tonight and...give her some Vitamin C. And where am I right now? Lying in the bed in my hotel room in my boxers, writing my innermost thoughts in a journal. Yeah, she's going to be pissed at me, but I'm not going to see her tonight. I know that sounds dumb, because for years all I've wanted to do is go up to her hotel room and be with her. But for some odd reason, I feel like I have to at least take her on a date before I sleep with her. Stephy's not like all the other women I know. With other women, I used to be able to just sleep with them and leave them. With Stephy... I want it to be right.

I must be stupid.

Question: What man would pass up the chance to be with Stephanie McMahon for the night?

Answer: An idiot.

Conclusion: That would be me.

She is SO going to think I stood her up... Maybe I should call her?

Nah. Let her squirm for the night... I'm going to sleep.

More Next Time,

Chris

P.S. I'm trying to mentally prepare my face for the sting of Stephy's slap... Damn it, just imagining it hurts! Now the real thing will be ten times worse...