The Adventures of Riku and Sora
A Blue Dragon Fic
VI
Sora, Riku, Tidus, Selphie, and Lisa were in the blitzball waiting room, tapping their feet while sitting on the rusty benches by the lockers.
Sora tried for the fifth time to tell Riku a joke that he'd understand.
"Okay Riku, why did Tigger look in the toilet?"
" . . . I give up."
"He was looking for Pooh."
"Sora! That's disgusting! Why would anyone be looking for crap!?"
"Not that kind, Riku, Pooh the bear."
"Now people are turning feces into animals!? What the hell, Sora!?"
Sora sighed and shook his head.
"Riku, you have no sense of humor whatsoever, you know that?"
"At least I have dignity enough not to tell disgusting jokes."
" . . . "
"Why's Wakka so late?" Selphie asked, leaning back.
Suddenly the door opened and Wakka was standing in his official blitzball outfit. The black shirt with sandals and yellow overalls.
He looked around as if inspecting everybody.
"Line up!" he yelled.
Kairi stood up.
"Wakka, I'm sorry, but I just remembered my mom was having surgery, I can't stay!"
Wakka shrugged.
"Oh well, I guess no one will warm the bench, then. You may leave."
Kairi ran out of the room.
Sora stood at the far left, Riku next to him, then Lisa, Tidus, and then Selphie.
Wakka started with Sora.
"Do something about that hair, they'll designate it as a weapon."
"Hey!"
He went to Rikku.
"Take off the wig, Sonny Jim, it doesn't make you look cool."
"That's my real hair!" Riku yelled.
"Good one, ya? Now take off the wig before I fire you."
Riku just stared at Wakka and growled as he moved on to Lisa.
He grabbed her ponytail and yanked it forward.
"Hey!"
"So that is real hair . . . "
Sora quickly held her back as she lunged for Wakka.
He went to Selphie.
"Not bad, not bad . . . "
Finally he went to Tidus.
" . . . who signed the rookie?" Wakka asked to no one in particular.
Tidus growled.
"First of all, I'm an ace at blitz. Second of all, YOU SIGNED ME!"
" . . . "
Out of the blue, the old Besaid Aurouchs Datto, Botta, Jassu, Keepa, and Letty walked in.
"Why are YOU guys here?" Wakka asked.
The ex-Aurouchs laughed.
"We just wanted to see if Cap'n Wakka was being nice to the new team members." Letty answered.
"They love me!" Wakka yelled, facing his ex-team members.
"Is he a snob?" Keepa asked.
Everyone started nodding, and then Wakka turned around and they began shaking their heads.
The Aurouchs started giggling.
"Hang in there, eh?" asked Jassu as the rest of them filed out.
"They have me to lean on!" Wakka yelled after them.
"Right?" He asked the new team members.
" . . . "
"Come on guys, right!?"
" . . . "
" . . . anyway, the game starts in a few minutes, so get ready!"
***
The opposing team, the Duggals stood on one ledge on a particular side of the giant sphere of water, which was the blitzball arena. The Aurouchs stood on the opposing side. The crowds all around were cheering madly.
"Nice crowd today, eh Dunlap?" asked the first announcer.
"You got that right, Melvin" said the other one.
"I hear Wakka disposed of the old Aurouchs." Melvin began.
"Kind of like your wife disposed of you!" Dunlap joked.
" . . . Sometimes I wonder why I talk to you, Dunlap."
"'Cause if you didn't you wouldn't be talking to anyone!"
" . . . And I'd still get better answers! Now, lets introduce the Duggals!"
All of the Duggals jumped into the blitzball arena and started swimming around as their names were called.
"Aren't they great!?" Melvin yelled over the cheering crowd.
"And now, the Aurouchs! A living, breathing, statistical impossibility! I have NEVER seen a team so bad it's mythed that they haven't won a single game since the they were formed by that loser Jakka!"
"Don't make fun 'o my daddy!" Wakka yelled.
*He throws a blitzball in the announcer's general direction and you hear glass shattering and a yelp*
"Where'd that come from!?" asked Melvin.
"Introducing the captain, Wakka!" Dunlap continued.
Wakka waved and leaped in as the crowd booed and threw rotten fruit, beans, and artichokes.
"Tidus!" Dunlap yelled again.
Tidus waved and leaped in, the crowd cheering.
"Shouldn't you say their last names?" Melvin asked.
"Of course!" Dunlap announced, and then continued.
"We have our goalie, Selphie Tilmitt!"
Selphie nervously jumped in.
"Riku Osterot!" Riku hesitantly jumped in as well.
"Sora Barzhad!" Sora jumped in after Riku.
"And Lisa . . . "
*A plane roars by overhead, and the sound is drowned out*
Lisa trips and falls in headfirst, nervous that she didn't get a good breath.
"Alright! Now Dunlap and I are going to be right back as we talk a little private business! Meanwhile, watch the Aurouchs get destroy-I mean fight the Duggals!"
*Melvin thinks he's turned off the microphone, but he hasn't.*
"Those Aurouchs are as good as dead. No way those losers will ever do any thing worth narrating. ? The microphone's still on!? Oopsidaisy!"
The Aurouchs start struggling to hold their breath except for Wakka. After a few minutes the Duggals start trying to get the ball from Wakka who gracefully evades them all and kicks the ball. All through the game the Duggals give nasty looks and taunt the other Aurouchs. Tidus eventually scores, then passes the ball to Riku who gets tackled.
Riku swims up to the guy, and makes an angry motion.
One of the Duggals makes a kissing motion and then points to his ass. Riku kicks the Duggal hard in the groin and groaning is heard even through the water.
*Melvin turns the microphone back on*
"I'm going to have to call a foul-"
"Wait, Melvin! Let 'em fight!"
*Melvin stays quiet*
Wakka starts cracking up and the female goalie of the Duggals swims up and grabs him from behind. He smacks her, then she doubleslaps him. After a flurry of slapping, she kicks Wakka hard in the nuts, and he groans. Then he grabs ties her hair to his shoe in a super-quick motion, and starts swimming around, sending her head flying everywhere. Riku pushes his Duggal away and then swims to the goal, scoring in the goalie-less goal.
Selphie, in her goal, cheers, and then a female Duggal comes and slaps her across the face. Selphie starts crying and the female Duggal starts laughing.
Selphie kicks her and slaps her across the face, and then they start and intense bitch-slapping fight. Fortunately, everything was mostly silent as they were underwater.
Lisa tries to help, but is tackled by a male Duggal. Riku gets pissed and swims over, punching him in the face and making blood float. The Duggal gets pissed right back and starts wiping the goal with his face. The Duggal Riku kicked earlier jumps on his back.
Sora is swimming to help, but is ambushed by the last two Duggals, both male. (AN: Remember, Duggal is the name of the team, not some species!)
One Duggal holds Sora, the other one beats him in the chest and stomach. Wakka tackles the Duggal smacking Sora, and Sora spins the other one over his shoulder and pulls out his keyblade.
He smacks them both and they run as fast as they can, Sora and Wakka pursuing, the female Duggal that Wakka hurt still going to get revenge.
*The Duggals and Aurouchs fight intensely and are eventually stopped by the police* The Duggals are let off on self-defense, but the game ends when the Aurouchs are taken in to the station for questioning.
*All six of them are sitting in a room, certain people glaring at others, Riku staring at the floor. Wakka stared at him.
"You HAD to kick that guy in 'nads, didn't you, Riku?"
"He told me to kiss his ass!" Riku yelled, outraged.
"Besides, WAKKA, you beat up a freakin' girl!"
"She was beating the crap outta me, ya?"
"I'll say!" Sora said, laughing.
"Shut up! It was Riku and I that saved your spikey-ass anyway."
"At least I wasn't unnecessarily violent!" Sora retorted.
"Right, Mr. 'I brought my keyblade to the blitzball game so I'm God'" Riku muttered.
Wakka burst into laughter, and Sora steams.
"Riku, you beat up two guys!"
"They hurt Lisa!"
"So you don't think I can take care of myself, or do I need a big strong man all of the sudden?" She asked.
"Yeah Riku, back off!" Tidus said.
"You weren't even man-enough to fight!" yelled Riku back.
" . . . well, I wasn't as violent as Wakka."
"Why does everyone keep talking about me?"
"Shut up, Wakka!" Tidus, Riku, and Sora yelled.
Wakka snorted.
"You guys laugh at me, but it's because you all envy my body!"
Tidus laughed in disbelief.
"Yeah, we all wish we were puny nobodies."
"What'd you say punk!? You wanna say that to my face!?"
Tidus walked to the middle of the room.
"Meet me halfway, or are you chicken?" Tidus asked him.
"I'll kick your ass!" Wakka yelled, standing up.
"You wanna go?" Tidus went into fighting position.
"What you got, pansy-boy?"
"STOP! We're acting like kids!" Sora yelled.
Riku stood up.
"Sora's right!"
*Inspiring music plays, and a giant Destiny Islands flag waves behind Riku*
"We should be in this for moral values, and happiness, not to see who can wipe the floor with who! What are we building for OUR children but a world of destruction"
*The song "When Johnny comes home/The ants come marching one-by-one" starts playing.*
"We should live based on the moral values and truth that are forefathers set for us and . . . what the hell am I talking about?! We ARE kids!"
*The music stops and you hear the sound of a record scratching, and the flag burns and disappears*
"I bet on Tidus!" yelled Sora.
Before they can continue, Tidus just sits down and Wakka does the same.
"I'm the captain here!" he yelled.
"Next time we'll do this MY way!"
"There won't be a next time" Selphie said, looking at him angrily.
"I AM CAPTAIN! I WILL DECIDE! I AM THE CAPTAIN!"
A policeman walked in.
"Okay, who's the captain?" he asked.
Wakka jumped behind Sora.
"He is" he said weakly, pointing to Sora.
Sora shook his head.
"Look on the registration, you'll see its Wakka."
The policeman laughed.
"Wakka, you'll have to be in jail for a day"
"What! My nanny will never forgive me!"
*curls up into a ball and sucks his thumb*
"The rest of you can go" The policeman said, taking Wakka away.
Everyone shrugged and walked out, suddenly you hear screaming.
"OH MY GOD! A CRAZY MAN IS INVADING THE HUSKY-PORK STAND!"
"Dad!" Sora yelled instantly, running down the hall.
Riku was about to go after him, but Lisa just stopped him.
"Riku, let him go. He can handle this without us."
Riku nodded and he and everyone else evacuated the building.
***
*Mr. Barzhad is among broken glass, his clothes ripped, eating husky-pork like a chimpanzee without a movie*
"Dad!" Sora yelled as he walked up to him.
"Get away! My husky-pork!"
"Dad, come home! You can have all the husky-pork you want, I swear! I miss you!"
" . . . "
A policeman runs next to Sora with a gun.
"Don't shoot my dad!"
"It's just a tranquilizer, see?" The policeman comforted. He shot, missed, and hit a chair, which exploded.
Sora blinked at him.
" . . . Woops."
*Mr. Barzhad stuffs husky-pork in his pants and you hear the sound of an angry weasel. Then Mr. Barzhad runs out and his bare feet hit glass, he yelps and screams in pain, the runs out*
Sora sighs.
" . . . Dad. When will I ever get you home!"
Sad music plays, the policeman leaves, and the screen turns black.
*You hear Sora's voice*
"Oh no! Now I get no supper and I have to sleep in the basement!"
_______________________________________________________________________
AN: When will Mr. Barzhad ever come home? Next chapter chronicles Wakka's jailbreak! (Sorry about forgetting Lulu in one chapter. She's gonna make her debut in the next chapter.
A Blue Dragon Fic
VI
Sora, Riku, Tidus, Selphie, and Lisa were in the blitzball waiting room, tapping their feet while sitting on the rusty benches by the lockers.
Sora tried for the fifth time to tell Riku a joke that he'd understand.
"Okay Riku, why did Tigger look in the toilet?"
" . . . I give up."
"He was looking for Pooh."
"Sora! That's disgusting! Why would anyone be looking for crap!?"
"Not that kind, Riku, Pooh the bear."
"Now people are turning feces into animals!? What the hell, Sora!?"
Sora sighed and shook his head.
"Riku, you have no sense of humor whatsoever, you know that?"
"At least I have dignity enough not to tell disgusting jokes."
" . . . "
"Why's Wakka so late?" Selphie asked, leaning back.
Suddenly the door opened and Wakka was standing in his official blitzball outfit. The black shirt with sandals and yellow overalls.
He looked around as if inspecting everybody.
"Line up!" he yelled.
Kairi stood up.
"Wakka, I'm sorry, but I just remembered my mom was having surgery, I can't stay!"
Wakka shrugged.
"Oh well, I guess no one will warm the bench, then. You may leave."
Kairi ran out of the room.
Sora stood at the far left, Riku next to him, then Lisa, Tidus, and then Selphie.
Wakka started with Sora.
"Do something about that hair, they'll designate it as a weapon."
"Hey!"
He went to Rikku.
"Take off the wig, Sonny Jim, it doesn't make you look cool."
"That's my real hair!" Riku yelled.
"Good one, ya? Now take off the wig before I fire you."
Riku just stared at Wakka and growled as he moved on to Lisa.
He grabbed her ponytail and yanked it forward.
"Hey!"
"So that is real hair . . . "
Sora quickly held her back as she lunged for Wakka.
He went to Selphie.
"Not bad, not bad . . . "
Finally he went to Tidus.
" . . . who signed the rookie?" Wakka asked to no one in particular.
Tidus growled.
"First of all, I'm an ace at blitz. Second of all, YOU SIGNED ME!"
" . . . "
Out of the blue, the old Besaid Aurouchs Datto, Botta, Jassu, Keepa, and Letty walked in.
"Why are YOU guys here?" Wakka asked.
The ex-Aurouchs laughed.
"We just wanted to see if Cap'n Wakka was being nice to the new team members." Letty answered.
"They love me!" Wakka yelled, facing his ex-team members.
"Is he a snob?" Keepa asked.
Everyone started nodding, and then Wakka turned around and they began shaking their heads.
The Aurouchs started giggling.
"Hang in there, eh?" asked Jassu as the rest of them filed out.
"They have me to lean on!" Wakka yelled after them.
"Right?" He asked the new team members.
" . . . "
"Come on guys, right!?"
" . . . "
" . . . anyway, the game starts in a few minutes, so get ready!"
***
The opposing team, the Duggals stood on one ledge on a particular side of the giant sphere of water, which was the blitzball arena. The Aurouchs stood on the opposing side. The crowds all around were cheering madly.
"Nice crowd today, eh Dunlap?" asked the first announcer.
"You got that right, Melvin" said the other one.
"I hear Wakka disposed of the old Aurouchs." Melvin began.
"Kind of like your wife disposed of you!" Dunlap joked.
" . . . Sometimes I wonder why I talk to you, Dunlap."
"'Cause if you didn't you wouldn't be talking to anyone!"
" . . . And I'd still get better answers! Now, lets introduce the Duggals!"
All of the Duggals jumped into the blitzball arena and started swimming around as their names were called.
"Aren't they great!?" Melvin yelled over the cheering crowd.
"And now, the Aurouchs! A living, breathing, statistical impossibility! I have NEVER seen a team so bad it's mythed that they haven't won a single game since the they were formed by that loser Jakka!"
"Don't make fun 'o my daddy!" Wakka yelled.
*He throws a blitzball in the announcer's general direction and you hear glass shattering and a yelp*
"Where'd that come from!?" asked Melvin.
"Introducing the captain, Wakka!" Dunlap continued.
Wakka waved and leaped in as the crowd booed and threw rotten fruit, beans, and artichokes.
"Tidus!" Dunlap yelled again.
Tidus waved and leaped in, the crowd cheering.
"Shouldn't you say their last names?" Melvin asked.
"Of course!" Dunlap announced, and then continued.
"We have our goalie, Selphie Tilmitt!"
Selphie nervously jumped in.
"Riku Osterot!" Riku hesitantly jumped in as well.
"Sora Barzhad!" Sora jumped in after Riku.
"And Lisa . . . "
*A plane roars by overhead, and the sound is drowned out*
Lisa trips and falls in headfirst, nervous that she didn't get a good breath.
"Alright! Now Dunlap and I are going to be right back as we talk a little private business! Meanwhile, watch the Aurouchs get destroy-I mean fight the Duggals!"
*Melvin thinks he's turned off the microphone, but he hasn't.*
"Those Aurouchs are as good as dead. No way those losers will ever do any thing worth narrating. ? The microphone's still on!? Oopsidaisy!"
The Aurouchs start struggling to hold their breath except for Wakka. After a few minutes the Duggals start trying to get the ball from Wakka who gracefully evades them all and kicks the ball. All through the game the Duggals give nasty looks and taunt the other Aurouchs. Tidus eventually scores, then passes the ball to Riku who gets tackled.
Riku swims up to the guy, and makes an angry motion.
One of the Duggals makes a kissing motion and then points to his ass. Riku kicks the Duggal hard in the groin and groaning is heard even through the water.
*Melvin turns the microphone back on*
"I'm going to have to call a foul-"
"Wait, Melvin! Let 'em fight!"
*Melvin stays quiet*
Wakka starts cracking up and the female goalie of the Duggals swims up and grabs him from behind. He smacks her, then she doubleslaps him. After a flurry of slapping, she kicks Wakka hard in the nuts, and he groans. Then he grabs ties her hair to his shoe in a super-quick motion, and starts swimming around, sending her head flying everywhere. Riku pushes his Duggal away and then swims to the goal, scoring in the goalie-less goal.
Selphie, in her goal, cheers, and then a female Duggal comes and slaps her across the face. Selphie starts crying and the female Duggal starts laughing.
Selphie kicks her and slaps her across the face, and then they start and intense bitch-slapping fight. Fortunately, everything was mostly silent as they were underwater.
Lisa tries to help, but is tackled by a male Duggal. Riku gets pissed and swims over, punching him in the face and making blood float. The Duggal gets pissed right back and starts wiping the goal with his face. The Duggal Riku kicked earlier jumps on his back.
Sora is swimming to help, but is ambushed by the last two Duggals, both male. (AN: Remember, Duggal is the name of the team, not some species!)
One Duggal holds Sora, the other one beats him in the chest and stomach. Wakka tackles the Duggal smacking Sora, and Sora spins the other one over his shoulder and pulls out his keyblade.
He smacks them both and they run as fast as they can, Sora and Wakka pursuing, the female Duggal that Wakka hurt still going to get revenge.
*The Duggals and Aurouchs fight intensely and are eventually stopped by the police* The Duggals are let off on self-defense, but the game ends when the Aurouchs are taken in to the station for questioning.
*All six of them are sitting in a room, certain people glaring at others, Riku staring at the floor. Wakka stared at him.
"You HAD to kick that guy in 'nads, didn't you, Riku?"
"He told me to kiss his ass!" Riku yelled, outraged.
"Besides, WAKKA, you beat up a freakin' girl!"
"She was beating the crap outta me, ya?"
"I'll say!" Sora said, laughing.
"Shut up! It was Riku and I that saved your spikey-ass anyway."
"At least I wasn't unnecessarily violent!" Sora retorted.
"Right, Mr. 'I brought my keyblade to the blitzball game so I'm God'" Riku muttered.
Wakka burst into laughter, and Sora steams.
"Riku, you beat up two guys!"
"They hurt Lisa!"
"So you don't think I can take care of myself, or do I need a big strong man all of the sudden?" She asked.
"Yeah Riku, back off!" Tidus said.
"You weren't even man-enough to fight!" yelled Riku back.
" . . . well, I wasn't as violent as Wakka."
"Why does everyone keep talking about me?"
"Shut up, Wakka!" Tidus, Riku, and Sora yelled.
Wakka snorted.
"You guys laugh at me, but it's because you all envy my body!"
Tidus laughed in disbelief.
"Yeah, we all wish we were puny nobodies."
"What'd you say punk!? You wanna say that to my face!?"
Tidus walked to the middle of the room.
"Meet me halfway, or are you chicken?" Tidus asked him.
"I'll kick your ass!" Wakka yelled, standing up.
"You wanna go?" Tidus went into fighting position.
"What you got, pansy-boy?"
"STOP! We're acting like kids!" Sora yelled.
Riku stood up.
"Sora's right!"
*Inspiring music plays, and a giant Destiny Islands flag waves behind Riku*
"We should be in this for moral values, and happiness, not to see who can wipe the floor with who! What are we building for OUR children but a world of destruction"
*The song "When Johnny comes home/The ants come marching one-by-one" starts playing.*
"We should live based on the moral values and truth that are forefathers set for us and . . . what the hell am I talking about?! We ARE kids!"
*The music stops and you hear the sound of a record scratching, and the flag burns and disappears*
"I bet on Tidus!" yelled Sora.
Before they can continue, Tidus just sits down and Wakka does the same.
"I'm the captain here!" he yelled.
"Next time we'll do this MY way!"
"There won't be a next time" Selphie said, looking at him angrily.
"I AM CAPTAIN! I WILL DECIDE! I AM THE CAPTAIN!"
A policeman walked in.
"Okay, who's the captain?" he asked.
Wakka jumped behind Sora.
"He is" he said weakly, pointing to Sora.
Sora shook his head.
"Look on the registration, you'll see its Wakka."
The policeman laughed.
"Wakka, you'll have to be in jail for a day"
"What! My nanny will never forgive me!"
*curls up into a ball and sucks his thumb*
"The rest of you can go" The policeman said, taking Wakka away.
Everyone shrugged and walked out, suddenly you hear screaming.
"OH MY GOD! A CRAZY MAN IS INVADING THE HUSKY-PORK STAND!"
"Dad!" Sora yelled instantly, running down the hall.
Riku was about to go after him, but Lisa just stopped him.
"Riku, let him go. He can handle this without us."
Riku nodded and he and everyone else evacuated the building.
***
*Mr. Barzhad is among broken glass, his clothes ripped, eating husky-pork like a chimpanzee without a movie*
"Dad!" Sora yelled as he walked up to him.
"Get away! My husky-pork!"
"Dad, come home! You can have all the husky-pork you want, I swear! I miss you!"
" . . . "
A policeman runs next to Sora with a gun.
"Don't shoot my dad!"
"It's just a tranquilizer, see?" The policeman comforted. He shot, missed, and hit a chair, which exploded.
Sora blinked at him.
" . . . Woops."
*Mr. Barzhad stuffs husky-pork in his pants and you hear the sound of an angry weasel. Then Mr. Barzhad runs out and his bare feet hit glass, he yelps and screams in pain, the runs out*
Sora sighs.
" . . . Dad. When will I ever get you home!"
Sad music plays, the policeman leaves, and the screen turns black.
*You hear Sora's voice*
"Oh no! Now I get no supper and I have to sleep in the basement!"
_______________________________________________________________________
AN: When will Mr. Barzhad ever come home? Next chapter chronicles Wakka's jailbreak! (Sorry about forgetting Lulu in one chapter. She's gonna make her debut in the next chapter.