The Adventures of Riku and Sora
A Blue Dragon Fic
VII
*Sephiroth is sitting on the couch in front of the television, remote on his belly which is unusually large and round, beer stained on his white shirt, empty bottles of it all around, a cigarette in his mouth, and porno magazines scattered on the table.*
Riku walked in.
"Hey dad"
Sephiroth dives on the porno and covers it.
"I swear I wasn't-oh. Hi Riku. Did you win?"
"NO! Wakka got us disqualified."
"Oh . . . "
"Dad, are you smoking? Are you drinking? Is that porn! Shouldn't you be at a job?"
" . . . "
Sephiroth burst out into tears and falls on the floor.
"They fired me! They said my ideas were too violent!"
"I thought you were only doing Cocoa-Puffs commercials!"
Sephiroth sniffs.
"I was! Look!" He yelled, switching the remote so that it showed the channel of his commercial, and presses play on the same remote.
*The scene opens and it has Sonny, who of course is that mentally challenged bird that tries to advertises Cocoa-Puffs*
Two kids walk, and Sonny bursts out of the ground with dirt clods all over him.
"How 'bout some Cocoa Puffs!? You'll go friggin' nuts!"
The first kid tries some, and then starts jumping around frantically.
"I friggin' nuts for Cocoa Puffs!"
The other kid tries some, and pukes.
"This tastes like the feet of a wolverine!"
"Impossible! Say you love 'em!" Sonny shouted.
"I hate 'em!"
*Sonny pulls out an AKs-74u and points it at his head*
"Say your friggin' nuts for Cocoa Puffs or I'll friggin' BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF!"
The kid shivers and puts on a fake smile.
"I love Cocoa Puffs!" he said weirdly.
The commercial ends and Sephiroth's voice says: Eat Cocoa Puffs or you will be gunned down by a large bird!
The screen goes black.
"Dad, you want the honest truth?"
"Tell me, son."
"I think you would have taken Cocoa Puffs off of the market if that commercial had been aired."
"What do you know, your just a kid!"
***
Meanwhile, Wakka's in jail, and he gets word that his parents will be visiting him.
Wakka sits on his hard bed in his small cell, crying his eyes out and sucking his thumb.
His whole family comes, including his father named Jakka, his brother named Runna, his sister named Skippa, his other sister named Jumpa, and his mother Betty (?).
Jakka walked up to the bars.
"Wakka! I can't believe you went to jail! When you apply for Stanley's Pizza Shack, how will it look like if you have a jail record!?"
"Dad? Stanley's Pizza Shack restaurants only operate in jails."
" . . . that's still no excuse!"
His mother starts crying.
"My baby's in jail!"
Jakka holds her.
"There there, don't let our rotten delinquent child ruin your life sweetheart."
His older brother Runna starts laughing.
"Wakka, my brudda in jail!? This is too good, ya? Wait till I tell everyone, I'll be the coolest in school!"
"Like they'll believe you!" Wakka snarled from behind the bars.
Runna snapped a picture before Wakka was on to him.
"Damn you, ya!?"
Jakka glared at him.
"I will not tolerate that language."
"Like you can do anything from out there, old man" Wakka said under his breath.
Skippa and Jumpa were looking at him sadly.
"Daddy, when is Wakka coming home?" Skippa asked. Skippa and Jumpa were younger, both about five years old.
"Not for another year!" Jakka declared.
"Actually, dad, they're letting me off in two hours for good behavior."
"Lies! I wish you'd stay there long! Don't you know how hard it is to get some serious lovin' from my wife with four kids around!?"
*Betty and the kids stare at Jakka*
"Uh . . . you really should be punished more." He said.
Runna laughs.
"With four kids, its obvious that you get plenty of lovin' old man!"
*Jakka beams him on the head*
"Watch your language Bubbaloo!"
"Ow . . . "
Wakka just sighs as his family leaves.
*Meanwhile, Jakka, Betty, and the kids are walking back to the car*
"I'm so pissed that Wakka's in jail!" Jakka yells, he picks up a pole and smashes a random car, breaking the windows and destroying the hubcaps, the alarm of the unfortunate man's car goes off.
"I don't care if I get sued! I'm so mad!"
Runna sighed.
"Dad, you realize that was OUR car, right?"
" . . . Crap-Dammit!"
He starts getting so mad he smashes another random car in the lot.
A policeman walks by.
"Sir, do you realized that's my car?"
"Look, a doughnut!"
"WHERE! WHERE I SAY!" He turns around and starts searching.
Jakka whistles, then starts running like hell.
The policeman turns around and looks at Betty.
"Where!? Where dammit! Tell me!!"
Meanwhile, Wakka rots in prison for another two hours. He twiddles his thumbs behind the bars, and then he hears the sound of a shadow slithering.
"Oh no" he said.
A dark shadow slithers into the cell and forms a girl. Lulu, of course.
"Lu! What are you doing here."
She gave him an evil look from one red eye, the other eye shaded by her dark hair.
"I came to get you out of prison."
"Well, I actually get out in a few minutes for good behavior."
" . . . how few are those minutes?"
A whistling deputy twirled the keys and opened up the jail cell for Wakka, who then walked out while Lulu just turned into a shadow and slithered to the outside of the building.
"You're free to go kid . . . who was that shadow?"
"Lulu. She turns into shadows cause she can harness the forces of darkness and when you're a shadow you're all flat and can fit anywhere."
"Oh . . . we need to make that illegal." He said under his breath.
Suddenly, two policemen were dragging Jakka down the hall and threw him into Wakka's old cell.
"That'll learn ya'" One of them muttered as they walked off, making sure that the cell was locked.
"Dad! Why are you in jail!?" Wakka asked.
Jakka just muttered something about sentimental policeman and cars not being built strong enough.
Wakka whistled and walked out to the parking lot, where he saw Lulu was waiting for him.
"Hey Lulu, you're looking cuter than usual! I didn't think it was possible, what's up?"
She gave him a death glare and held him in her vice-like grip until the started gasping.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! You look like the princess of darkness!"
She smiled a sadistic smile and let him go.
"Lost another game, Wakka?" she asked in that dark and creepy voice.
" . . . It wasn't my fault this time!"
"Your friends wait for you around the corner at the park, Wakka."
Lulu started walking off, but the bottom of her black dress hid her feet and made it seem like she was floating, earning her scared looks from passersby on the sidewalk. Wakka followed Lulu the short walk away from the prison.
"Is your brother Chappu still around?" she asked out of the blue.
"No, he went off to college loooong time ago."
"Oh . . . "
"Don't tell me you still have the hots for him, Lu!"
"No, he's four years older than me."
Sora, Tidus, and Riku were at the swings of the old park waiting for Wakka, who cut across the grass to get to the main path with Lulu.
Sora saw Wakka first and greeted him.
"Hey Wakka."
"Hey guys."
Lulu turned into a shadow and slithered along the ground to scare the living daylights out of someone.
Wakka sat down on the bench.
"So, ready for the next game?"
"Wakka!" The other three yelled at the same time.
"What?"
Riku let out a breath.
"Wakka, we are not going to another one of your games!"
"Then who will play for me!?"
"The Aurouchs" Tidus told him.
"What do you mean 'The Aurouchs'?!" Wakka said, mocking Tidus.
"We rehired 'em" Tidus explained.
"I fired 'em cause they sucked!"
"Ye of little faith." Sora shook his head.
"You shut up, Sora!"
"Ye get mad far too easily, thou stubborn."
"Whatever."
"Look, I'm sure you can get along with them. Just give them another shot." Riku negotiated.
"Thou won't be disappointed." Sora encouraged.
"Will you quit the colloquies?! There completely antiquated! And I don't want to give them another chance!"
"Lulu!" Tidus called.
A shadow slithered up, formed Lulu, and then she started suffocating Wakka.
"Okay! Okay! Spare me!" Lulu dropped him back onto the ground and she slithered off.
Tidus looked at his watch and yawned.
"Wakka, we can't be your Aurouchs anymore, you need to deal with it."
He and the others walked off, leaving Wakka.
Before Sora, Riku, and Tidus could get far, a couple of ambulances and police sirens blazed down the road, running over parked cars and fire hydrants.
A few minutes later tons of people were running the opposite direction of the emergency vehicles.
In just a few seconds there was a stampede of people, and The four had to jump onto trees and playground equipment to avoid being trampled.
"Hey! What's going on!" Sora screamed into the crowd.
An old man with a neck brace running haphazardly screamed up at him.
"Some crazy men and women demanding husky-pork! They tearing down the store, they be ripping up the place, they beating the croutons out of anyone who don't agree! They all being led by this guy named Sion!"
Sora let out a deep sigh that couldn't be heard over the screaming.
"Riku!" He called over to his friend who was seven feet in a tree.
"Are you ready!?"
Riku felt the dark keyblade in the makeshift sheath at the back of his pants.
"I'm ready, Sora."
Leaving the others behind, the two jumped into the sea of people and started pushing their way through, making sure not to lose each other.
"Sora! Where do we go!?"
"Just go the opposite way of all the people!"
That was hard and easy to do at the same time.
In the distance Sora could see that the grocery store, Husky-Pork 'R Us was on fire. (Husky-Pork 'R Us is also famous for its wonderful selection in household items, magazines, snacks, and all food essentials. Be sure to visit your local Husky-Pork 'R Us!)
_______________________________________________________________________
AN: I know, I know. Mr. Barzhad again? He shouldn't let the crazy man escape again! Next, Wakka tries to take Lulu out, Sora and Riku actually fight Mr. Barzhad, Lisa has to babysit Wakka's two sisters, and . . . I'll think of something. Sorry for the ridiculously long wait. I had to get ready for high school (damn).
A Blue Dragon Fic
VII
*Sephiroth is sitting on the couch in front of the television, remote on his belly which is unusually large and round, beer stained on his white shirt, empty bottles of it all around, a cigarette in his mouth, and porno magazines scattered on the table.*
Riku walked in.
"Hey dad"
Sephiroth dives on the porno and covers it.
"I swear I wasn't-oh. Hi Riku. Did you win?"
"NO! Wakka got us disqualified."
"Oh . . . "
"Dad, are you smoking? Are you drinking? Is that porn! Shouldn't you be at a job?"
" . . . "
Sephiroth burst out into tears and falls on the floor.
"They fired me! They said my ideas were too violent!"
"I thought you were only doing Cocoa-Puffs commercials!"
Sephiroth sniffs.
"I was! Look!" He yelled, switching the remote so that it showed the channel of his commercial, and presses play on the same remote.
*The scene opens and it has Sonny, who of course is that mentally challenged bird that tries to advertises Cocoa-Puffs*
Two kids walk, and Sonny bursts out of the ground with dirt clods all over him.
"How 'bout some Cocoa Puffs!? You'll go friggin' nuts!"
The first kid tries some, and then starts jumping around frantically.
"I friggin' nuts for Cocoa Puffs!"
The other kid tries some, and pukes.
"This tastes like the feet of a wolverine!"
"Impossible! Say you love 'em!" Sonny shouted.
"I hate 'em!"
*Sonny pulls out an AKs-74u and points it at his head*
"Say your friggin' nuts for Cocoa Puffs or I'll friggin' BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF!"
The kid shivers and puts on a fake smile.
"I love Cocoa Puffs!" he said weirdly.
The commercial ends and Sephiroth's voice says: Eat Cocoa Puffs or you will be gunned down by a large bird!
The screen goes black.
"Dad, you want the honest truth?"
"Tell me, son."
"I think you would have taken Cocoa Puffs off of the market if that commercial had been aired."
"What do you know, your just a kid!"
***
Meanwhile, Wakka's in jail, and he gets word that his parents will be visiting him.
Wakka sits on his hard bed in his small cell, crying his eyes out and sucking his thumb.
His whole family comes, including his father named Jakka, his brother named Runna, his sister named Skippa, his other sister named Jumpa, and his mother Betty (?).
Jakka walked up to the bars.
"Wakka! I can't believe you went to jail! When you apply for Stanley's Pizza Shack, how will it look like if you have a jail record!?"
"Dad? Stanley's Pizza Shack restaurants only operate in jails."
" . . . that's still no excuse!"
His mother starts crying.
"My baby's in jail!"
Jakka holds her.
"There there, don't let our rotten delinquent child ruin your life sweetheart."
His older brother Runna starts laughing.
"Wakka, my brudda in jail!? This is too good, ya? Wait till I tell everyone, I'll be the coolest in school!"
"Like they'll believe you!" Wakka snarled from behind the bars.
Runna snapped a picture before Wakka was on to him.
"Damn you, ya!?"
Jakka glared at him.
"I will not tolerate that language."
"Like you can do anything from out there, old man" Wakka said under his breath.
Skippa and Jumpa were looking at him sadly.
"Daddy, when is Wakka coming home?" Skippa asked. Skippa and Jumpa were younger, both about five years old.
"Not for another year!" Jakka declared.
"Actually, dad, they're letting me off in two hours for good behavior."
"Lies! I wish you'd stay there long! Don't you know how hard it is to get some serious lovin' from my wife with four kids around!?"
*Betty and the kids stare at Jakka*
"Uh . . . you really should be punished more." He said.
Runna laughs.
"With four kids, its obvious that you get plenty of lovin' old man!"
*Jakka beams him on the head*
"Watch your language Bubbaloo!"
"Ow . . . "
Wakka just sighs as his family leaves.
*Meanwhile, Jakka, Betty, and the kids are walking back to the car*
"I'm so pissed that Wakka's in jail!" Jakka yells, he picks up a pole and smashes a random car, breaking the windows and destroying the hubcaps, the alarm of the unfortunate man's car goes off.
"I don't care if I get sued! I'm so mad!"
Runna sighed.
"Dad, you realize that was OUR car, right?"
" . . . Crap-Dammit!"
He starts getting so mad he smashes another random car in the lot.
A policeman walks by.
"Sir, do you realized that's my car?"
"Look, a doughnut!"
"WHERE! WHERE I SAY!" He turns around and starts searching.
Jakka whistles, then starts running like hell.
The policeman turns around and looks at Betty.
"Where!? Where dammit! Tell me!!"
Meanwhile, Wakka rots in prison for another two hours. He twiddles his thumbs behind the bars, and then he hears the sound of a shadow slithering.
"Oh no" he said.
A dark shadow slithers into the cell and forms a girl. Lulu, of course.
"Lu! What are you doing here."
She gave him an evil look from one red eye, the other eye shaded by her dark hair.
"I came to get you out of prison."
"Well, I actually get out in a few minutes for good behavior."
" . . . how few are those minutes?"
A whistling deputy twirled the keys and opened up the jail cell for Wakka, who then walked out while Lulu just turned into a shadow and slithered to the outside of the building.
"You're free to go kid . . . who was that shadow?"
"Lulu. She turns into shadows cause she can harness the forces of darkness and when you're a shadow you're all flat and can fit anywhere."
"Oh . . . we need to make that illegal." He said under his breath.
Suddenly, two policemen were dragging Jakka down the hall and threw him into Wakka's old cell.
"That'll learn ya'" One of them muttered as they walked off, making sure that the cell was locked.
"Dad! Why are you in jail!?" Wakka asked.
Jakka just muttered something about sentimental policeman and cars not being built strong enough.
Wakka whistled and walked out to the parking lot, where he saw Lulu was waiting for him.
"Hey Lulu, you're looking cuter than usual! I didn't think it was possible, what's up?"
She gave him a death glare and held him in her vice-like grip until the started gasping.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! You look like the princess of darkness!"
She smiled a sadistic smile and let him go.
"Lost another game, Wakka?" she asked in that dark and creepy voice.
" . . . It wasn't my fault this time!"
"Your friends wait for you around the corner at the park, Wakka."
Lulu started walking off, but the bottom of her black dress hid her feet and made it seem like she was floating, earning her scared looks from passersby on the sidewalk. Wakka followed Lulu the short walk away from the prison.
"Is your brother Chappu still around?" she asked out of the blue.
"No, he went off to college loooong time ago."
"Oh . . . "
"Don't tell me you still have the hots for him, Lu!"
"No, he's four years older than me."
Sora, Tidus, and Riku were at the swings of the old park waiting for Wakka, who cut across the grass to get to the main path with Lulu.
Sora saw Wakka first and greeted him.
"Hey Wakka."
"Hey guys."
Lulu turned into a shadow and slithered along the ground to scare the living daylights out of someone.
Wakka sat down on the bench.
"So, ready for the next game?"
"Wakka!" The other three yelled at the same time.
"What?"
Riku let out a breath.
"Wakka, we are not going to another one of your games!"
"Then who will play for me!?"
"The Aurouchs" Tidus told him.
"What do you mean 'The Aurouchs'?!" Wakka said, mocking Tidus.
"We rehired 'em" Tidus explained.
"I fired 'em cause they sucked!"
"Ye of little faith." Sora shook his head.
"You shut up, Sora!"
"Ye get mad far too easily, thou stubborn."
"Whatever."
"Look, I'm sure you can get along with them. Just give them another shot." Riku negotiated.
"Thou won't be disappointed." Sora encouraged.
"Will you quit the colloquies?! There completely antiquated! And I don't want to give them another chance!"
"Lulu!" Tidus called.
A shadow slithered up, formed Lulu, and then she started suffocating Wakka.
"Okay! Okay! Spare me!" Lulu dropped him back onto the ground and she slithered off.
Tidus looked at his watch and yawned.
"Wakka, we can't be your Aurouchs anymore, you need to deal with it."
He and the others walked off, leaving Wakka.
Before Sora, Riku, and Tidus could get far, a couple of ambulances and police sirens blazed down the road, running over parked cars and fire hydrants.
A few minutes later tons of people were running the opposite direction of the emergency vehicles.
In just a few seconds there was a stampede of people, and The four had to jump onto trees and playground equipment to avoid being trampled.
"Hey! What's going on!" Sora screamed into the crowd.
An old man with a neck brace running haphazardly screamed up at him.
"Some crazy men and women demanding husky-pork! They tearing down the store, they be ripping up the place, they beating the croutons out of anyone who don't agree! They all being led by this guy named Sion!"
Sora let out a deep sigh that couldn't be heard over the screaming.
"Riku!" He called over to his friend who was seven feet in a tree.
"Are you ready!?"
Riku felt the dark keyblade in the makeshift sheath at the back of his pants.
"I'm ready, Sora."
Leaving the others behind, the two jumped into the sea of people and started pushing their way through, making sure not to lose each other.
"Sora! Where do we go!?"
"Just go the opposite way of all the people!"
That was hard and easy to do at the same time.
In the distance Sora could see that the grocery store, Husky-Pork 'R Us was on fire. (Husky-Pork 'R Us is also famous for its wonderful selection in household items, magazines, snacks, and all food essentials. Be sure to visit your local Husky-Pork 'R Us!)
_______________________________________________________________________
AN: I know, I know. Mr. Barzhad again? He shouldn't let the crazy man escape again! Next, Wakka tries to take Lulu out, Sora and Riku actually fight Mr. Barzhad, Lisa has to babysit Wakka's two sisters, and . . . I'll think of something. Sorry for the ridiculously long wait. I had to get ready for high school (damn).