The Adventures of Riku and Sora
A Blue Dragon Fic
XI
Later, everyone else came in and they approached the doors to the interior of the building after the secretary gave them clearance.
As the team wandered to the front of the building, Sora held out his hand and stopped them.
"You guys, we have to remember that no matter what, we have to stick together!"
They all groaned.
"What?"
"Sora! We're frankly tired of your teacher's pet smart-ass goody-two-shoes remarks. Stop being such a friggin' nice guy!" Riku yelled, frustrated.
"But we might get mad at each other!"
"Like when?" Tidus challenged.
"Remember that catfight . . . ?" Sora began. The screen got all woogly like, and a flashback started.
***
Riku, Sora, Lisa, and Kairi were sitting in respective areas around Riku's living room, and it was dark and stormy outside. Because of this, the four had to remain inside.
Riku was hunched over his Pre-Calculus textbook, trying to figure at least one thing out, but he was totally stumped.
"Damn! If only I knew my asymptotes!" he yelled in frustration.
"Here, let me help." Kairi walked over and started giving Riku a step-by- step explanation, both of them shoulder-to-shoulder over the coffee table, as friends of course. Lisa didn't mind, but then she noticed that Kairi whispered something into his ear and they both started laughing, and Riku put his arm around her shoulder.
Sora really didn't care, he knew they were friends, but Lisa was a female, streaked with competitive jealousy. Her eyes flared and she walked over to Sora and sat down disturbingly close to him.
"Sora, you're looking so handsome today!" she said so everyone could hear.
Riku sighed, as he knew what would happen next.
Kairi wrapped her arms around Riku's neck.
"You're so strong, Riku! Can you show me MORE of your moves tonight?"
"Kairi, you might wanna-" Sora warned.
"I know you've always wanted to be with me . . . " Lisa whispered in a way that told she wasn't trying to keep it a secret.
Kairi growled and started tussling Riku's hair in the way that Lisa always would, except Kairi did it a little too hard.
"Would you rather have a non-slut girl?" Lisa asked loudly.
"Stop talking about yourself, you aren't that bad!" Kairi yelled back.
Lisa grabbed an unexpected Sora and kissed him like she had never kissed Riku.
Kairi gasped and dropped Riku flat on his face, and pulled Lisa off.
"Listen you little bitch, you get off my man or I'll lynch you like the dog you are!"
"Don't make me humiliate you, you Saturday-Night-Whore!"
*Kairi jumps on Lisa and starts pounding her face in, and then Lisa pins her down and knees her in the stomach, and they both start yanking at each other's clothes.*
Riku went back to his math problems, and Sora continued reading his magazine, Keyblade Weekly, as Lisa and Kairi continued to pound the living shiznit out of each other.
Kairi had numerous slap marks that made her face red and a black eye, and her shirt and mini-skirt were ripped. Lisa had two black eyes and her shirt was ripped clean off. Finally, Riku looked up with a bored look.
"You guys go up and change already and quit yer fightin'!" Riku yelled out.
Lisa grumbled and took her backpack up to Riku's room, and Kairi walked after her.
"You're spare clothes are in my second drawer!" Riku called up.
"Why are Kairi's clothes in your drawer?" Sora asked.
Riku started looking up and whistling.
"You know, Lisa has really soft hands, and her hair smells like strawberries."
" . . . how come I didn't know that?" Riku asked himself.
"She sure does have a grip! And what muscles! Why I-"
"That's enough there, Sora" Riku said nervously.
"I'm not done. I never noticed that her eyes change colors, their brown in humidity, and bright when its dry! And she always has a calculator on her, what a girl!"
"Sora . . . " Riku was getting agitated.
"I sure wish she was my-"
"You bastard!" Riku jumped on him, and the two got into a brutal dogfight, beating the friggin shiznit out of each other, and then they got into an immense pimp-slapping contest for the rest of the time.
***
"You know, I won that pimp-slapping contest." Riku pointed out.
"That's not the point! The point is that if we lose it in here, we lose it everywhere!" Sora snapped.
Tidus nodded.
"I suppose you're right. Can we go in, now?"
Sora nodded and ran up the wall, did a backwards somersault off of the corners, and flew threw a broken window, landing on the other side of the clear revolving doors.
Riku shook his head in pity and walked through the doors like everyone else, saving time and energy, and Sora laughed nervously and blushed, rubbing the back of his head.
"Who owns Husky-Pork Inc.?" Lisa asked, sick of the Husky-Pork antics.
Sora immediately gave a thorough explanation.
"Walt Husky, forty-two years, three months, one week, four days, three hours, twenty-two minutes, and fourteen seconds old. He founded this industry two years ago, lives on 3423 Husky Lane, drives "The Husky- mobile", wears a suit made out of 39% husky-pork, and uses the bathroom every day at 3:03 p.m. He has two kids named Walter and Janet, Walter is fourteen, and Janet is twenty-five."
Everyone paused and stared at Sora wide-eyed.
"How the hell you know all that!?" Wakka asked, pointing an accusing finger.
Sora sighed an exasperated sigh.
"It's because my dad makes me sit through three-hour sessions every Saturday preaching to me about the wonders of husky-pork, and his favorite subject is Walt-Freakin'-Husky, okay!?"
Riku shook his head and tsked.
"Crazy . . . "
"Riku, I'm warning you!"
"Sora, stop denying it! He's crazy! Crazy! CRAZY! Crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy . . .
*Five minutes later*
" . . . crazy crazy crazy! Just admit it!"
Sora looked down.
"Fine! I admit it! My dad's a nut!"
Selphie woke up from a nap.
"Did Sora just admit his dad's craziness!?"
Sora hung his head.
Riku patted his back.
"Hey, my dad lost his job."
Sora looked up.
"How can he lose something he never had?"
"He had a job!"
"What?"
"A cereal commercial designer!"
" . . . what kind of half-ass job is that? What'd he get paid, negative eighty?"
"Now you're bustin' my dad"
"That's different Riku, you're dad's as insane as mine is crazy!"
"That's not true . . . "
"He tried to sell tickets to a free school function!"
"Sora, lets just get going, the others have already left"
He pointed to the rest of the group heading to the elevator, and Sora and Riku followed.
They piled in, and Wakka punched the button to the top floor. For some reason, the elevator stopped at floor two, and then the doors opened to reveal a crowd of ninja.
" . . . Are those ninja!?" Tidus wondered aloud.
The ninja stared at them.
"What are you doing in husky-pork inc?" one of them asked.
"What are YOU doing in husky-pork inc.?" Lisa countered.
They both stared at each other for a few seconds.
"We won't tell if you won't" said one ninja.
"Agreed" Sora said. The elevator closed and continued going up, and this time it stopped at floor three.
"What's up!?" Sora asked, banging the doors as they opened to reveal a crowd of samurai.
The crowd of them unsheathed swords simultaneously.
"I think these guys mean business" Tidus said nervously, desperately trying to pound the button to go up.
The samurai started charging.
"Hurry! Close the door!" Kairi yelled, trying to pull them together.
The door closed and the sound of a body hitting it could be heard, followed by a high pitched moan.
"Suckers!" Wakka yelled.
*A sword flies through the door right by his head*
"Ahh!" he dove away from the door. The sound of cables breaking could be heard, and the elevator started to ascend at a rapid pace. The sound of chickens squawking could be heard, and then the elevator starts opening and shaking, and everyone but Riku and Sora fall out, screaming as they plummet.
"Lisa!" Riku grabbed her hand but the g-forces were to great, and she lost contact, falling to her doom.
The elevator jerked and Sora and Riku flew into an industrial area.
"What the . . . " Sora rubbed his head and looked around, noticing a big silver tub shaking, then loaves of husky-pork popping out and being automatically packaged.
"Hey Jim, get more of those people into the tub!" a guy yelled.
Riku and Sora looked at each other, and then in the direction of the voice.
"Husky-pork is people!" they yelled simultaneously, running around screaming it over and over.
"So that's why your dad's so addicted!"
"So that's why there's so much of it!" Sora added.
"And that's why my neighbor's dog loved it!"
A man walked from behind the machine, a man that was instantly recognized by Sora.
"It's Walt Husky!"
"Where do you get those people!?" Sora asked, pointing an accusing finger.
Walt laughed.
"You know, cemeteries, the sides of volcanoes, school cafeteria refrigerators . . . "
"Cannibal!" yelled Riku, charging him.
Walt Husky moved out of the way.
"You can never beat me! I have your father!"
Mr. Barzhad came out.
"I knew husky-pork was people the whole time! Mwuhahahahahahahahahah *hack, cough, wheeze*"
"Dad! Why!"
Mr. Barzhad materialized a lightsabor.
"Sora, I am your father!"
"Noooooooo!-wait a minute . . . "
*Mr. Barzhad takes this opportunity to charge Sora, but Sora holds out his foot and Mr. Barzhad runs into it nuts-first.
"Dad! Don't' you see! This is wrong! Get a grip!"
"This is for Lisa!" Riku yelled, tackling Walt Husky.
As he went to the ground, a remote control flew out and broke, and Mr. Barzhad seemed to snap.
"Wha . . . Sora! Why are you here!? The next thing I knew, I was prisoner here!"
"Dad, do you like husky-pork?"
"Husky-pork, I hate that bullcrap!"
"Daddy!"
Sora tackled him and started hugging him.
"You're back!"
Walt Husky charged Riku in anger, and Riku moved out of the way and he flew out of the window.
*You hear screaming for seven seconds, then you hear him take a breath, and start screaming again, then you hear him take another breath, then you hear a splat and a hippo saying "Eeeeew"*
Sora got off of his dad, and Riku looked out the window.
"It's everyone down there! There okay! Conveniently there was this gigantic trampoline . . . too bad Walt Husky missed it by a mile . . ." Riku reported. "Although I don't see how they landed on a trampoline outside when they fell down an elevator shaft . . .
"I'm going to shut down this industry one and for all! Sora, let's go home." Mr. Barzhad declared.
"Sounds like a plan dad, sounds like a plan."
________________________________________________________________________
AN: And thus ends the husky-pork saga. Is this the end of the fic? Don't you wish . . . The madness is far from over! Mwuahahahahahahaha *hack, cough, wheeze*
In the next installment, Everyone in Destiny Islands finds out about Riku's threat to all worlds a long time ago, and the city rejects him. *Also marks the beginning of the Sephiroth-Bass saga*
A Blue Dragon Fic
XI
Later, everyone else came in and they approached the doors to the interior of the building after the secretary gave them clearance.
As the team wandered to the front of the building, Sora held out his hand and stopped them.
"You guys, we have to remember that no matter what, we have to stick together!"
They all groaned.
"What?"
"Sora! We're frankly tired of your teacher's pet smart-ass goody-two-shoes remarks. Stop being such a friggin' nice guy!" Riku yelled, frustrated.
"But we might get mad at each other!"
"Like when?" Tidus challenged.
"Remember that catfight . . . ?" Sora began. The screen got all woogly like, and a flashback started.
***
Riku, Sora, Lisa, and Kairi were sitting in respective areas around Riku's living room, and it was dark and stormy outside. Because of this, the four had to remain inside.
Riku was hunched over his Pre-Calculus textbook, trying to figure at least one thing out, but he was totally stumped.
"Damn! If only I knew my asymptotes!" he yelled in frustration.
"Here, let me help." Kairi walked over and started giving Riku a step-by- step explanation, both of them shoulder-to-shoulder over the coffee table, as friends of course. Lisa didn't mind, but then she noticed that Kairi whispered something into his ear and they both started laughing, and Riku put his arm around her shoulder.
Sora really didn't care, he knew they were friends, but Lisa was a female, streaked with competitive jealousy. Her eyes flared and she walked over to Sora and sat down disturbingly close to him.
"Sora, you're looking so handsome today!" she said so everyone could hear.
Riku sighed, as he knew what would happen next.
Kairi wrapped her arms around Riku's neck.
"You're so strong, Riku! Can you show me MORE of your moves tonight?"
"Kairi, you might wanna-" Sora warned.
"I know you've always wanted to be with me . . . " Lisa whispered in a way that told she wasn't trying to keep it a secret.
Kairi growled and started tussling Riku's hair in the way that Lisa always would, except Kairi did it a little too hard.
"Would you rather have a non-slut girl?" Lisa asked loudly.
"Stop talking about yourself, you aren't that bad!" Kairi yelled back.
Lisa grabbed an unexpected Sora and kissed him like she had never kissed Riku.
Kairi gasped and dropped Riku flat on his face, and pulled Lisa off.
"Listen you little bitch, you get off my man or I'll lynch you like the dog you are!"
"Don't make me humiliate you, you Saturday-Night-Whore!"
*Kairi jumps on Lisa and starts pounding her face in, and then Lisa pins her down and knees her in the stomach, and they both start yanking at each other's clothes.*
Riku went back to his math problems, and Sora continued reading his magazine, Keyblade Weekly, as Lisa and Kairi continued to pound the living shiznit out of each other.
Kairi had numerous slap marks that made her face red and a black eye, and her shirt and mini-skirt were ripped. Lisa had two black eyes and her shirt was ripped clean off. Finally, Riku looked up with a bored look.
"You guys go up and change already and quit yer fightin'!" Riku yelled out.
Lisa grumbled and took her backpack up to Riku's room, and Kairi walked after her.
"You're spare clothes are in my second drawer!" Riku called up.
"Why are Kairi's clothes in your drawer?" Sora asked.
Riku started looking up and whistling.
"You know, Lisa has really soft hands, and her hair smells like strawberries."
" . . . how come I didn't know that?" Riku asked himself.
"She sure does have a grip! And what muscles! Why I-"
"That's enough there, Sora" Riku said nervously.
"I'm not done. I never noticed that her eyes change colors, their brown in humidity, and bright when its dry! And she always has a calculator on her, what a girl!"
"Sora . . . " Riku was getting agitated.
"I sure wish she was my-"
"You bastard!" Riku jumped on him, and the two got into a brutal dogfight, beating the friggin shiznit out of each other, and then they got into an immense pimp-slapping contest for the rest of the time.
***
"You know, I won that pimp-slapping contest." Riku pointed out.
"That's not the point! The point is that if we lose it in here, we lose it everywhere!" Sora snapped.
Tidus nodded.
"I suppose you're right. Can we go in, now?"
Sora nodded and ran up the wall, did a backwards somersault off of the corners, and flew threw a broken window, landing on the other side of the clear revolving doors.
Riku shook his head in pity and walked through the doors like everyone else, saving time and energy, and Sora laughed nervously and blushed, rubbing the back of his head.
"Who owns Husky-Pork Inc.?" Lisa asked, sick of the Husky-Pork antics.
Sora immediately gave a thorough explanation.
"Walt Husky, forty-two years, three months, one week, four days, three hours, twenty-two minutes, and fourteen seconds old. He founded this industry two years ago, lives on 3423 Husky Lane, drives "The Husky- mobile", wears a suit made out of 39% husky-pork, and uses the bathroom every day at 3:03 p.m. He has two kids named Walter and Janet, Walter is fourteen, and Janet is twenty-five."
Everyone paused and stared at Sora wide-eyed.
"How the hell you know all that!?" Wakka asked, pointing an accusing finger.
Sora sighed an exasperated sigh.
"It's because my dad makes me sit through three-hour sessions every Saturday preaching to me about the wonders of husky-pork, and his favorite subject is Walt-Freakin'-Husky, okay!?"
Riku shook his head and tsked.
"Crazy . . . "
"Riku, I'm warning you!"
"Sora, stop denying it! He's crazy! Crazy! CRAZY! Crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy . . .
*Five minutes later*
" . . . crazy crazy crazy! Just admit it!"
Sora looked down.
"Fine! I admit it! My dad's a nut!"
Selphie woke up from a nap.
"Did Sora just admit his dad's craziness!?"
Sora hung his head.
Riku patted his back.
"Hey, my dad lost his job."
Sora looked up.
"How can he lose something he never had?"
"He had a job!"
"What?"
"A cereal commercial designer!"
" . . . what kind of half-ass job is that? What'd he get paid, negative eighty?"
"Now you're bustin' my dad"
"That's different Riku, you're dad's as insane as mine is crazy!"
"That's not true . . . "
"He tried to sell tickets to a free school function!"
"Sora, lets just get going, the others have already left"
He pointed to the rest of the group heading to the elevator, and Sora and Riku followed.
They piled in, and Wakka punched the button to the top floor. For some reason, the elevator stopped at floor two, and then the doors opened to reveal a crowd of ninja.
" . . . Are those ninja!?" Tidus wondered aloud.
The ninja stared at them.
"What are you doing in husky-pork inc?" one of them asked.
"What are YOU doing in husky-pork inc.?" Lisa countered.
They both stared at each other for a few seconds.
"We won't tell if you won't" said one ninja.
"Agreed" Sora said. The elevator closed and continued going up, and this time it stopped at floor three.
"What's up!?" Sora asked, banging the doors as they opened to reveal a crowd of samurai.
The crowd of them unsheathed swords simultaneously.
"I think these guys mean business" Tidus said nervously, desperately trying to pound the button to go up.
The samurai started charging.
"Hurry! Close the door!" Kairi yelled, trying to pull them together.
The door closed and the sound of a body hitting it could be heard, followed by a high pitched moan.
"Suckers!" Wakka yelled.
*A sword flies through the door right by his head*
"Ahh!" he dove away from the door. The sound of cables breaking could be heard, and the elevator started to ascend at a rapid pace. The sound of chickens squawking could be heard, and then the elevator starts opening and shaking, and everyone but Riku and Sora fall out, screaming as they plummet.
"Lisa!" Riku grabbed her hand but the g-forces were to great, and she lost contact, falling to her doom.
The elevator jerked and Sora and Riku flew into an industrial area.
"What the . . . " Sora rubbed his head and looked around, noticing a big silver tub shaking, then loaves of husky-pork popping out and being automatically packaged.
"Hey Jim, get more of those people into the tub!" a guy yelled.
Riku and Sora looked at each other, and then in the direction of the voice.
"Husky-pork is people!" they yelled simultaneously, running around screaming it over and over.
"So that's why your dad's so addicted!"
"So that's why there's so much of it!" Sora added.
"And that's why my neighbor's dog loved it!"
A man walked from behind the machine, a man that was instantly recognized by Sora.
"It's Walt Husky!"
"Where do you get those people!?" Sora asked, pointing an accusing finger.
Walt laughed.
"You know, cemeteries, the sides of volcanoes, school cafeteria refrigerators . . . "
"Cannibal!" yelled Riku, charging him.
Walt Husky moved out of the way.
"You can never beat me! I have your father!"
Mr. Barzhad came out.
"I knew husky-pork was people the whole time! Mwuhahahahahahahahahah *hack, cough, wheeze*"
"Dad! Why!"
Mr. Barzhad materialized a lightsabor.
"Sora, I am your father!"
"Noooooooo!-wait a minute . . . "
*Mr. Barzhad takes this opportunity to charge Sora, but Sora holds out his foot and Mr. Barzhad runs into it nuts-first.
"Dad! Don't' you see! This is wrong! Get a grip!"
"This is for Lisa!" Riku yelled, tackling Walt Husky.
As he went to the ground, a remote control flew out and broke, and Mr. Barzhad seemed to snap.
"Wha . . . Sora! Why are you here!? The next thing I knew, I was prisoner here!"
"Dad, do you like husky-pork?"
"Husky-pork, I hate that bullcrap!"
"Daddy!"
Sora tackled him and started hugging him.
"You're back!"
Walt Husky charged Riku in anger, and Riku moved out of the way and he flew out of the window.
*You hear screaming for seven seconds, then you hear him take a breath, and start screaming again, then you hear him take another breath, then you hear a splat and a hippo saying "Eeeeew"*
Sora got off of his dad, and Riku looked out the window.
"It's everyone down there! There okay! Conveniently there was this gigantic trampoline . . . too bad Walt Husky missed it by a mile . . ." Riku reported. "Although I don't see how they landed on a trampoline outside when they fell down an elevator shaft . . .
"I'm going to shut down this industry one and for all! Sora, let's go home." Mr. Barzhad declared.
"Sounds like a plan dad, sounds like a plan."
________________________________________________________________________
AN: And thus ends the husky-pork saga. Is this the end of the fic? Don't you wish . . . The madness is far from over! Mwuahahahahahahaha *hack, cough, wheeze*
In the next installment, Everyone in Destiny Islands finds out about Riku's threat to all worlds a long time ago, and the city rejects him. *Also marks the beginning of the Sephiroth-Bass saga*