The Adventures of Riku and Sora
By Blue Dragon
XII
Riku awoke bolt upright in his bed, the past events seeming like nothing but a dream. The rise and fall of Mr. Barzhad's craziness, the fall of Husky-Pork inc. period, and the rise of a new era . . . fortunately there were probably no more shenanigans for a while. (I stress the word "probably")
As Riku walked down the living room, he noticed that his father wasn't in his usual spot on the couch polishing his Masamune. (Had it been any other sword it would have long since broken from the vigorous polishing)
"Dad?" he asked, still half asleep as he yawned and walked down the stairs.
He heard tortured screaming, and then singing that sounded like a guy from N*Sync.
"Dad!" he was desperate this time. He stormed down the stairs and bolted through the door.
He saw Sephiroth clutching his neck.
"Son! Run away! Hurry!"
He convulsed and started to sing like Lance Bass.
"I will soon have control, it is useless to resiiist" He sang out the entire line.
"Dad! You're being possessed by Lance Bass!"
"He's been in me for a long time! Just get out of here!"
Riku ran off, sprung back up the stairs, pulled on whatever he could find, and then jumped out of the window. It was a Saturday, and that meant a well-deserved break.
He walked down the street and turned right to get to the café, where he usually met his friends. At the time, only Sora was there, sitting back and looking up as if he was thinking about something.
"Hey Sora" he said, sitting down across from him.
Out of nowhere, a Mexican guy hurried over and pointed a bony finger at Riku.
"You gonna buy summin'?"
" . . . I was just sitting here."
"Buy, or you pay a sitting fee of 12 bucks foo'!"
Riku groaned and ordered a biscuit, the cheapest thing on the menu.
Sora looked up at Riku.
"Hey. I was just thinking about this show I saw, Punk'd."
"That show?"
"Yeah! I was thinking we pull off some of that stuff on our friends."
Riku shook his head.
"Your father just snapped out of looneyville and now you want to start another trouble storm?"
"Yep."
"Count me in. What do we do first?"
Sora whispered a plan to Riku.
***
Lisa and Riku had just come from a movie, The Monkey That Ate Cheese part III ½ . It was dark and there weren't many people on the streets.
Out of the blue Riku gave her a big hug and she started to lose her breath again.
"I love you!"
"I can't breathe!"
He hugged her harder.
"Ahh!" She finally got him off.
"I'm glad you're so affectionate, but there are times when a girl just needs her space!"
". . . Fine, I understand."
Suddenly, a jeep comes barreling down the street and two guys jump out with masks and M-16's.
"Give me all your money!" He yelled, angrily jabbing the gun at Lisa.
"Hey! Leave her alone!" Riku began, ignoring the guns.
"That's okay, Riku" She started to hurriedly take money from her purse.
"I said leave her alone!" Riku stepped in front of her.
"Don't be a hero, Riku!"
"You should listen to your girlfriend" the other one said, shooting him in the head with his automatic weapon. Riku fell face-first to the ground and blood poured from out of him.
"Oh my God! What have you done!" she got down to help him, even though she knew he was gone.
The thug pushed her away from Riku with his gun.
"You're little friend's dead! I hope you're scared!" he said, pointing it to her head.
She started sobbing, making no move to do anything.
"Cause you've just been Punk'd!"
*A bunch of cameramen step from the shadows and Riku gets up laughing. Sora comes from an alleyway laughing his head off and the thugs laugh as well.*
"They were just lead balls filled with ketchup! Was that cool or what?" Riku asked his crying girlfriend.
*Lisa slaps him*
"You asshole! That was the worst thing you could ever do to me!"
*She punches Sora in the stomach*
"I know you put him up to this! I hope you all get mugged!"
She ran off crying.
The thugs took out real guns and pointed them at Riku and Sora.
"Now give us your money!"
***
Wakka and Lulu were at an office building where Lulu was going to practice her flying skills from the top, and were in the middle of an elevator.
"Lulu, I think you're pretty. Do you think I'm good-looking?"
"Quite frankly, I think you're the homeliest boy on Destiny Islands" she said, looking away.
The elevator stopped and Wakka waited near it, while Lulu proceeded through the hall and began to walk through a metal detector.
"Ahem" the guard coughed.
Lulu stepped back and the guard looked her up and down.
"Undo your hair."
She sighed and complied, and when she stepped through the detector rang.
"Alright slick, stand to the side."
He ran a portable detector and it kept going off in her midsection.
"What are you hiding?"
"Nothing! Let me though!"
"Not until you take off your dress."
"What?"
"Take off the gown, ma'am!"
"No!"
"Do I have to call the police?"
"Search me all you want, I have nothing."
"Then take off the gown!"
"Not on your life! Who appointed you?"
The officer looked offended.
"Now you're questioning my authority?"
"No, I just . . . "
"Ma'am, what is your phone number?"
"What?"
"Your phone number ma'am!"
"I'm not giving you my phone number!" Lulu was angry.
"Don't get an attitude with me, little missy! Don't you know I have children to support? I have a little boy at home with no thyroid! Do you know how hard it is for him?"
" . . . "
"Now just tell me what you're hiding, I'll confiscate it, and you can go through!"
Wakka walked from the elevator to Lulu.
"You look flustered, girl." He said as she moved her hand away from his.
"I am!"
The guard laughed.
"Your sweet ass should be! You've been Punk'd!"
Cameramen step from nowhere, and Wakka starts laughing his head off.
Lulu only growls, and she's surrounded by black energy . . .
***
Sora was watching a story on the news about how dozens of people were thrown out of the top of a building by a mysterious dark force.
Riku walked in with a bowl full of popcorn, they were at his house.
"Sora, everything's in place!" he said, sitting down.
"Cool, then get-"
Sephiroth launched out of the kitchen, sniffing around on the ground.
"Where is it? Where is it!? Where is iiiiit?" He "sang" the last line.
"What's wrong with your father?" Sora asked chuckling.
". . . he's being possessed by Lance Bass"
"No, the other thing."
"Oh. He "lost" his Masamune" he said through laughs.
"Where's my sword! Where?" Sephiroth started looking frantically around the living room, picked the couch clear off of the ground, and then started checking again.
"Dad . . . " Riku began.
"What!?"
"I was showing my friends your sword . . . "
"Yes . . . "
"They didn't believe its power . . ."
"Yes . . . "
"So I showed it to them at a dock . . . "
"Yes . . . "
"And dropped it into the ocean by mistake!"
Sephiroth's face fell and he slammed on the ground.
"And dad?"
"What!?" asked a muffled voice.
"Are you sad?"
"Horrified."
"Are you mad?"
"Furious!"
"Well you should be!"
"?"
"You've been Punk'd!"
***
The next day Lisa was watching a story on the news about a crazy silver- headed guy running around with a sword and two boys that had mysteriously disappeared.
She yawned and walked to the trash can in her kitchen to toss the rest of her macaroni soup, and a head came out.
"Ahh!"
"Lisa, its me."
" . . . Riku? Why are you in my trash?"
"I'm hiding from my father. He strapped me down and made me listen to five hours of polka, I couldn't stand it."
Sora walked from the cabinets, crying.
"What's wrong with you?"
"H-he he made me get a-a . . . . "
"What?" Lisa asked concerned.
"An X-box! The horror! I was going to die!"
Riku patted his back.
"There there, the evil box can't get you now."
Lisa rolled her eyes.
"How about we just go to some Chinese Restaurant to make you two feel better?" she asked with a mischievous grin.
***
A man in a white shirt and funky hat walked up to Sora, Riku, and Lisa's table.
"We have lots of food. What you want?" he asked.
"I want the Kung Po Chicken." Lisa said, her face buried in the menu.
"Give me thirty eggrolls." Sora answered.
"I want the Pu pu platter." Riku said, laying back.
"That all you want? I highly recommend more food, it all good!" The Chinese guy yelled.
"That's okay . . . " Riku answered.
"You say you want eight more pieces of chicken? That five hundred dollars."
"No you fool! Just the stuff before!" Sora yelled.
"Fine, you get thirty instead. That eight hundred dollars. You lucky."
"Stupid Chinese guy! Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth!?" Riku yelled louder.
"Don't nobody understand the words that are coming out of your mouth! Now sit your ass down or I kill you!"
Riku found out he was broke as hell.
A woman comes in with a platter and sets it down in front of Riku.
*Riku lifts platter and eyes widen as he sees a pound of dog crap*
"What the hell is this!?" he asked, clutching his nose.
"It poo poo!" yelled the Chinese man.
"I asked for the Pu Pu platter you fool! Give me my food or I'll ring you neck."
"You ask for it, freakin' racist!"
Chinese man takes a handful, and throws it at Riku. Riku dodges and pushes him away.
"That it! I'm going Kung Po on your ass!" the Chinese man yelled, jumping up and down.
"Bring it on pansy boy!"
*Riku tosses a leg of chicken and the Chinese Guy kicks it onto Lisa's plate*
"And there's your Kung Po Chicken!"
"Shut your face!" Riku tossed a plate that was easily dodged.
"Forget this!"
The Chinese guy pulls out a gun and aims it.
"Ahhh! Don't kill me! I-I'll wash you dishes for a week! I'll pay you fifty bucks!"
"Really!?"
"Yeah!"
"Good!" Sora and Lisa yelled at the same time.
"'Cause you've been punked!" The whole restaurant yelled.
Everyone starts laughing and then the Chinese man says in a very American accent:
"You owe me fifty bucks sucka."
*Sephiroth comes in and starts swinging a sword around, in the process whacking the idiot Chinese guy as he screams like a girl on fire*
"Oh Soooora" he cooed, taking out an X-Box.
:"Oh God no! Heeeelp!"
"Leave him alone . . . " Riku muttered as Lisa ran off.
Sephiroth took out a radio.
"So?"
*Loud polka starts playing*
"My ears! My ears are bleeding! How can you stand it!?"
"What?" Sephiroth asked, pulling out earplugs, immediately falling over.
"Screw the polka! Take the X-Box the hell away before Microsoft tries to pull Squaresoft over!"
*Everyone crosses their chests*
"God forbid."
_______________________________________________________________________
AN: Been a while, eh? Review and Ill keep on!
By Blue Dragon
XII
Riku awoke bolt upright in his bed, the past events seeming like nothing but a dream. The rise and fall of Mr. Barzhad's craziness, the fall of Husky-Pork inc. period, and the rise of a new era . . . fortunately there were probably no more shenanigans for a while. (I stress the word "probably")
As Riku walked down the living room, he noticed that his father wasn't in his usual spot on the couch polishing his Masamune. (Had it been any other sword it would have long since broken from the vigorous polishing)
"Dad?" he asked, still half asleep as he yawned and walked down the stairs.
He heard tortured screaming, and then singing that sounded like a guy from N*Sync.
"Dad!" he was desperate this time. He stormed down the stairs and bolted through the door.
He saw Sephiroth clutching his neck.
"Son! Run away! Hurry!"
He convulsed and started to sing like Lance Bass.
"I will soon have control, it is useless to resiiist" He sang out the entire line.
"Dad! You're being possessed by Lance Bass!"
"He's been in me for a long time! Just get out of here!"
Riku ran off, sprung back up the stairs, pulled on whatever he could find, and then jumped out of the window. It was a Saturday, and that meant a well-deserved break.
He walked down the street and turned right to get to the café, where he usually met his friends. At the time, only Sora was there, sitting back and looking up as if he was thinking about something.
"Hey Sora" he said, sitting down across from him.
Out of nowhere, a Mexican guy hurried over and pointed a bony finger at Riku.
"You gonna buy summin'?"
" . . . I was just sitting here."
"Buy, or you pay a sitting fee of 12 bucks foo'!"
Riku groaned and ordered a biscuit, the cheapest thing on the menu.
Sora looked up at Riku.
"Hey. I was just thinking about this show I saw, Punk'd."
"That show?"
"Yeah! I was thinking we pull off some of that stuff on our friends."
Riku shook his head.
"Your father just snapped out of looneyville and now you want to start another trouble storm?"
"Yep."
"Count me in. What do we do first?"
Sora whispered a plan to Riku.
***
Lisa and Riku had just come from a movie, The Monkey That Ate Cheese part III ½ . It was dark and there weren't many people on the streets.
Out of the blue Riku gave her a big hug and she started to lose her breath again.
"I love you!"
"I can't breathe!"
He hugged her harder.
"Ahh!" She finally got him off.
"I'm glad you're so affectionate, but there are times when a girl just needs her space!"
". . . Fine, I understand."
Suddenly, a jeep comes barreling down the street and two guys jump out with masks and M-16's.
"Give me all your money!" He yelled, angrily jabbing the gun at Lisa.
"Hey! Leave her alone!" Riku began, ignoring the guns.
"That's okay, Riku" She started to hurriedly take money from her purse.
"I said leave her alone!" Riku stepped in front of her.
"Don't be a hero, Riku!"
"You should listen to your girlfriend" the other one said, shooting him in the head with his automatic weapon. Riku fell face-first to the ground and blood poured from out of him.
"Oh my God! What have you done!" she got down to help him, even though she knew he was gone.
The thug pushed her away from Riku with his gun.
"You're little friend's dead! I hope you're scared!" he said, pointing it to her head.
She started sobbing, making no move to do anything.
"Cause you've just been Punk'd!"
*A bunch of cameramen step from the shadows and Riku gets up laughing. Sora comes from an alleyway laughing his head off and the thugs laugh as well.*
"They were just lead balls filled with ketchup! Was that cool or what?" Riku asked his crying girlfriend.
*Lisa slaps him*
"You asshole! That was the worst thing you could ever do to me!"
*She punches Sora in the stomach*
"I know you put him up to this! I hope you all get mugged!"
She ran off crying.
The thugs took out real guns and pointed them at Riku and Sora.
"Now give us your money!"
***
Wakka and Lulu were at an office building where Lulu was going to practice her flying skills from the top, and were in the middle of an elevator.
"Lulu, I think you're pretty. Do you think I'm good-looking?"
"Quite frankly, I think you're the homeliest boy on Destiny Islands" she said, looking away.
The elevator stopped and Wakka waited near it, while Lulu proceeded through the hall and began to walk through a metal detector.
"Ahem" the guard coughed.
Lulu stepped back and the guard looked her up and down.
"Undo your hair."
She sighed and complied, and when she stepped through the detector rang.
"Alright slick, stand to the side."
He ran a portable detector and it kept going off in her midsection.
"What are you hiding?"
"Nothing! Let me though!"
"Not until you take off your dress."
"What?"
"Take off the gown, ma'am!"
"No!"
"Do I have to call the police?"
"Search me all you want, I have nothing."
"Then take off the gown!"
"Not on your life! Who appointed you?"
The officer looked offended.
"Now you're questioning my authority?"
"No, I just . . . "
"Ma'am, what is your phone number?"
"What?"
"Your phone number ma'am!"
"I'm not giving you my phone number!" Lulu was angry.
"Don't get an attitude with me, little missy! Don't you know I have children to support? I have a little boy at home with no thyroid! Do you know how hard it is for him?"
" . . . "
"Now just tell me what you're hiding, I'll confiscate it, and you can go through!"
Wakka walked from the elevator to Lulu.
"You look flustered, girl." He said as she moved her hand away from his.
"I am!"
The guard laughed.
"Your sweet ass should be! You've been Punk'd!"
Cameramen step from nowhere, and Wakka starts laughing his head off.
Lulu only growls, and she's surrounded by black energy . . .
***
Sora was watching a story on the news about how dozens of people were thrown out of the top of a building by a mysterious dark force.
Riku walked in with a bowl full of popcorn, they were at his house.
"Sora, everything's in place!" he said, sitting down.
"Cool, then get-"
Sephiroth launched out of the kitchen, sniffing around on the ground.
"Where is it? Where is it!? Where is iiiiit?" He "sang" the last line.
"What's wrong with your father?" Sora asked chuckling.
". . . he's being possessed by Lance Bass"
"No, the other thing."
"Oh. He "lost" his Masamune" he said through laughs.
"Where's my sword! Where?" Sephiroth started looking frantically around the living room, picked the couch clear off of the ground, and then started checking again.
"Dad . . . " Riku began.
"What!?"
"I was showing my friends your sword . . . "
"Yes . . . "
"They didn't believe its power . . ."
"Yes . . . "
"So I showed it to them at a dock . . . "
"Yes . . . "
"And dropped it into the ocean by mistake!"
Sephiroth's face fell and he slammed on the ground.
"And dad?"
"What!?" asked a muffled voice.
"Are you sad?"
"Horrified."
"Are you mad?"
"Furious!"
"Well you should be!"
"?"
"You've been Punk'd!"
***
The next day Lisa was watching a story on the news about a crazy silver- headed guy running around with a sword and two boys that had mysteriously disappeared.
She yawned and walked to the trash can in her kitchen to toss the rest of her macaroni soup, and a head came out.
"Ahh!"
"Lisa, its me."
" . . . Riku? Why are you in my trash?"
"I'm hiding from my father. He strapped me down and made me listen to five hours of polka, I couldn't stand it."
Sora walked from the cabinets, crying.
"What's wrong with you?"
"H-he he made me get a-a . . . . "
"What?" Lisa asked concerned.
"An X-box! The horror! I was going to die!"
Riku patted his back.
"There there, the evil box can't get you now."
Lisa rolled her eyes.
"How about we just go to some Chinese Restaurant to make you two feel better?" she asked with a mischievous grin.
***
A man in a white shirt and funky hat walked up to Sora, Riku, and Lisa's table.
"We have lots of food. What you want?" he asked.
"I want the Kung Po Chicken." Lisa said, her face buried in the menu.
"Give me thirty eggrolls." Sora answered.
"I want the Pu pu platter." Riku said, laying back.
"That all you want? I highly recommend more food, it all good!" The Chinese guy yelled.
"That's okay . . . " Riku answered.
"You say you want eight more pieces of chicken? That five hundred dollars."
"No you fool! Just the stuff before!" Sora yelled.
"Fine, you get thirty instead. That eight hundred dollars. You lucky."
"Stupid Chinese guy! Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth!?" Riku yelled louder.
"Don't nobody understand the words that are coming out of your mouth! Now sit your ass down or I kill you!"
Riku found out he was broke as hell.
A woman comes in with a platter and sets it down in front of Riku.
*Riku lifts platter and eyes widen as he sees a pound of dog crap*
"What the hell is this!?" he asked, clutching his nose.
"It poo poo!" yelled the Chinese man.
"I asked for the Pu Pu platter you fool! Give me my food or I'll ring you neck."
"You ask for it, freakin' racist!"
Chinese man takes a handful, and throws it at Riku. Riku dodges and pushes him away.
"That it! I'm going Kung Po on your ass!" the Chinese man yelled, jumping up and down.
"Bring it on pansy boy!"
*Riku tosses a leg of chicken and the Chinese Guy kicks it onto Lisa's plate*
"And there's your Kung Po Chicken!"
"Shut your face!" Riku tossed a plate that was easily dodged.
"Forget this!"
The Chinese guy pulls out a gun and aims it.
"Ahhh! Don't kill me! I-I'll wash you dishes for a week! I'll pay you fifty bucks!"
"Really!?"
"Yeah!"
"Good!" Sora and Lisa yelled at the same time.
"'Cause you've been punked!" The whole restaurant yelled.
Everyone starts laughing and then the Chinese man says in a very American accent:
"You owe me fifty bucks sucka."
*Sephiroth comes in and starts swinging a sword around, in the process whacking the idiot Chinese guy as he screams like a girl on fire*
"Oh Soooora" he cooed, taking out an X-Box.
:"Oh God no! Heeeelp!"
"Leave him alone . . . " Riku muttered as Lisa ran off.
Sephiroth took out a radio.
"So?"
*Loud polka starts playing*
"My ears! My ears are bleeding! How can you stand it!?"
"What?" Sephiroth asked, pulling out earplugs, immediately falling over.
"Screw the polka! Take the X-Box the hell away before Microsoft tries to pull Squaresoft over!"
*Everyone crosses their chests*
"God forbid."
_______________________________________________________________________
AN: Been a while, eh? Review and Ill keep on!