The Adventures of Riku and Sora
A Blue Dragon Fic
XIII
*Sephiroth is running around the house going crazy and switching in and out of Lance Bass mode while Sora and Riku sit on the couch trying to enjoy some television*
"And in the latest news! A reservoir flooded, a freezer factory froze, and an explosives company . . . exploded. So far no survivors have been found . . . likely to be because there was no one in any of the facilities at the time."
*Sephiroth snatches Riku's cheesy fries*
"My cheesy fries! Give them back!"
"Never! The cheesy goodness is mine! Get away from me!"
He ran like a mother up the stairs, Riku hot on his trail, until he went to the hall and his room. By now, Sora had followed the two.
"You'll never catch me!"
Sephiroth climbed out of the window and shut it, running off.
". . . now what?" Sora asked.
"He'll get his punishment."
"How?"
". . . on account of the fact that my room is on the third floor."
*A large crash is heard and groaning*
"My trick knee!" Sephiroth yelled from below.
*The doorbell is heard and Riku and Sora rush to the door to find Wakka an Tidus*
"My coupon to Taco Shack is missing!" yelled Tidus.
"Mine, too! And yesterday I had eaten so many I think I turned half Mexican overnight!"
"You can't be half, Wakka" Sora explained.
"Once Mexican blood is in you you're a total Chico."
". . . oh. Well have you see 'em? They were in a huge box!"
Tidus slammed the wall.
"Somebody stole our stuff!"
*DA DA DA DUMM!*
"Will you turn that music off!?" Riku yelled at the lawn.
"Sorry!" Sephiroth yelled back.
"We have to get into the mind of a thief . . . "Riku muttered.
"Hold on, I'll get my book on "Stealing for Dummies", its right next to "A Dummy's guide to Idiocy."
*Sora goes into the kitchen and gasps*
"My book on stealing has been . . . stolen!"
"How ironic!" Sephiroth yelled from the lawn.
*The newsman who had been leaning forward on television leans back and says:*
"This just in! A book on stealing was . . . stolen. And the fire station is on fire!"
"I'm calling the police!" Wakka yelled in a panic, running through the living room to the kitchen and pushing things that weren't in his way at all.
". . . . "
*The phone rings and Wakka picks it up*
"Hello?"
"Hi, this is Lisa."
"Hey, wassap? Need to talk to Riku?"
"No, I just called to get his number."
". . . you called this house to get the number?"
"What's wrong with . . . oh."
Wakka rolled his eyes.
"Blondes!"
"Hey--!"
*Wakka hangs up the phone.*
"Hurry up!" yelled Tidus.
"I need those coupons! I'm sweating like a ho in church!"
Wakka calls 911.
"What is your emergency and location?" a voice asked.
"Stuff has been stolen! I'm at . . . "
*Plane flies overhead drowning out all sound*
A knock is heard on the door, and the police are there.
". . . Damn." Says Wakka in amazement.
"What?" Riku asked from the couch.
"It took them too freakin' long!"
"What's been stolen?" an officer asked.
"Two coupons and a book on how to steal." Sora replied.
"Here." The cop handed him a different book.
". . . this isn't it." Sora told him.
"Uh . . . "
"This is a book on how to read."
". . . oh. Well in that case, I'm on it like a hobo on a ham sandwich!"
*The door closes*
Riku and Sora sit next to each other.
". . . Sora, in the meantime, let me borrow five bucks."
"No."
"Racist!"
The newsman continued.
"This just in! A police station was busted! A man had a complaint at the cinema so he went to the manager . . . who was watching a movie. Another man choked on a lifesaver, and a woman is hit by a parked car!"
Sora tapped his foot.
"Those guys had better get to it."
"I'm aching for a chalupa!" Wakka yelled into the sky ripping at his hair.
"I have an idea . . . "Tidus began.
"What?" Everyone asked him.
"We go to a place where no sane person would ever be on a Saturday."
"Where?"
***
*The four are walking in front of the school campus, searching around for shady figures, and Sora starts humming the Mission Impossible theme loudly and off-key.*
"Sora, put a lid on it before I tell everyone why your shoes are so big!" Riku yelled.
". . . You swore you'd never tell! I . . . I'll never speak to you again!"
"Hey, what's that!?" Wakka pointed to a shady figure who had a sack over his shoulder.
"Kill it!" Tidus pulled out his auxiliary shotgun and started blasting away, however his aiming and hold was off so the recoil hit him in the eye.
"Damn! Not again!"
*He pulls out his cellular phone."
"Police? Yeah, it was a gun this time."
The other three had taken the liberty to chase down the crook.
*Riku jumps on his back and tackles the shady figure*
"Ahh!" It started screaming and breathing hard.
"I got ya'!" Wakka came and started beating on the figure.
"Dude! I got asthma!" it yelled out at him.
"Oh . . . "
The figure squirms out and runs behind a corner, and the three are on him.
"For a guy with asthma he sure can run fast . . . "Sora noticed.
The three zoomed around the corner and found him . . . cornered.
"Gotcha . . . you!"
He started breathing hard.
"Wait, hold on! My asthma!"
The three waited and the man took off again.
"What the hell . . . ?" Riku asked.
They went the other way, and started chasing him down until they had him cornered in the parking lot.
"Gotcha!" Wakka pointed.
"Stop! pant . . . pant my asthma!"
The three stopped and he jumped into the car and started driving off. Sora took a rock and threw it at the tire, and the car flipped eighteen times, ran into a tree, dropped on its top, and then exploded.
". . . Holy shit." Riku noticed as a hubcap rolled by. "Damn good aim."
The shadowy figure started running and was then chased by the three again, until he was cornered at a tree.
"Stop! I have asthm—" Wakka tackled him in the stomach and started beating the crap out of him, and then he noticed he wasn't breathing.
***
Wakka, Tidus, Sora, and Riku came into the man's hospital room, and the nurse began explaining.
"What happened?" asked Sora.
"It seems he had very bad asthma . . . "the nurse said.
"Oh . . . did he have our stuff?" asked Riku.
". . . NO. And you owe him 34,000 dollars for his car that you totaled."
The nurse turned around only to notice that the door was open and the boys were gone.
*** Sephiroth was checking out the Taco Shack coupons and book he had lifted, laughing as he did so, sipping champagne with his wife.
"So, just how did you do it?" Rikku asked him.
Sephiroth slapped her twice.
"Get a hold of yourself, woman! You're losing your mind!"
". . ."
Riku, Tidus, Wakka and Sora walk in bruised and beaten, only to find Sephiroth with their stuff.
"Dad!"
"No!" Tidus pulls out his shotgun, misses wildly and this time hits himself in the nuts with it.
"Ohhhh!" He tried to dial nine-one-one but fell on the ground instead, and then a shot accidentally goes off and shatters Sephiroth's Masamune.
A Blue Dragon Fic
XIII
*Sephiroth is running around the house going crazy and switching in and out of Lance Bass mode while Sora and Riku sit on the couch trying to enjoy some television*
"And in the latest news! A reservoir flooded, a freezer factory froze, and an explosives company . . . exploded. So far no survivors have been found . . . likely to be because there was no one in any of the facilities at the time."
*Sephiroth snatches Riku's cheesy fries*
"My cheesy fries! Give them back!"
"Never! The cheesy goodness is mine! Get away from me!"
He ran like a mother up the stairs, Riku hot on his trail, until he went to the hall and his room. By now, Sora had followed the two.
"You'll never catch me!"
Sephiroth climbed out of the window and shut it, running off.
". . . now what?" Sora asked.
"He'll get his punishment."
"How?"
". . . on account of the fact that my room is on the third floor."
*A large crash is heard and groaning*
"My trick knee!" Sephiroth yelled from below.
*The doorbell is heard and Riku and Sora rush to the door to find Wakka an Tidus*
"My coupon to Taco Shack is missing!" yelled Tidus.
"Mine, too! And yesterday I had eaten so many I think I turned half Mexican overnight!"
"You can't be half, Wakka" Sora explained.
"Once Mexican blood is in you you're a total Chico."
". . . oh. Well have you see 'em? They were in a huge box!"
Tidus slammed the wall.
"Somebody stole our stuff!"
*DA DA DA DUMM!*
"Will you turn that music off!?" Riku yelled at the lawn.
"Sorry!" Sephiroth yelled back.
"We have to get into the mind of a thief . . . "Riku muttered.
"Hold on, I'll get my book on "Stealing for Dummies", its right next to "A Dummy's guide to Idiocy."
*Sora goes into the kitchen and gasps*
"My book on stealing has been . . . stolen!"
"How ironic!" Sephiroth yelled from the lawn.
*The newsman who had been leaning forward on television leans back and says:*
"This just in! A book on stealing was . . . stolen. And the fire station is on fire!"
"I'm calling the police!" Wakka yelled in a panic, running through the living room to the kitchen and pushing things that weren't in his way at all.
". . . . "
*The phone rings and Wakka picks it up*
"Hello?"
"Hi, this is Lisa."
"Hey, wassap? Need to talk to Riku?"
"No, I just called to get his number."
". . . you called this house to get the number?"
"What's wrong with . . . oh."
Wakka rolled his eyes.
"Blondes!"
"Hey--!"
*Wakka hangs up the phone.*
"Hurry up!" yelled Tidus.
"I need those coupons! I'm sweating like a ho in church!"
Wakka calls 911.
"What is your emergency and location?" a voice asked.
"Stuff has been stolen! I'm at . . . "
*Plane flies overhead drowning out all sound*
A knock is heard on the door, and the police are there.
". . . Damn." Says Wakka in amazement.
"What?" Riku asked from the couch.
"It took them too freakin' long!"
"What's been stolen?" an officer asked.
"Two coupons and a book on how to steal." Sora replied.
"Here." The cop handed him a different book.
". . . this isn't it." Sora told him.
"Uh . . . "
"This is a book on how to read."
". . . oh. Well in that case, I'm on it like a hobo on a ham sandwich!"
*The door closes*
Riku and Sora sit next to each other.
". . . Sora, in the meantime, let me borrow five bucks."
"No."
"Racist!"
The newsman continued.
"This just in! A police station was busted! A man had a complaint at the cinema so he went to the manager . . . who was watching a movie. Another man choked on a lifesaver, and a woman is hit by a parked car!"
Sora tapped his foot.
"Those guys had better get to it."
"I'm aching for a chalupa!" Wakka yelled into the sky ripping at his hair.
"I have an idea . . . "Tidus began.
"What?" Everyone asked him.
"We go to a place where no sane person would ever be on a Saturday."
"Where?"
***
*The four are walking in front of the school campus, searching around for shady figures, and Sora starts humming the Mission Impossible theme loudly and off-key.*
"Sora, put a lid on it before I tell everyone why your shoes are so big!" Riku yelled.
". . . You swore you'd never tell! I . . . I'll never speak to you again!"
"Hey, what's that!?" Wakka pointed to a shady figure who had a sack over his shoulder.
"Kill it!" Tidus pulled out his auxiliary shotgun and started blasting away, however his aiming and hold was off so the recoil hit him in the eye.
"Damn! Not again!"
*He pulls out his cellular phone."
"Police? Yeah, it was a gun this time."
The other three had taken the liberty to chase down the crook.
*Riku jumps on his back and tackles the shady figure*
"Ahh!" It started screaming and breathing hard.
"I got ya'!" Wakka came and started beating on the figure.
"Dude! I got asthma!" it yelled out at him.
"Oh . . . "
The figure squirms out and runs behind a corner, and the three are on him.
"For a guy with asthma he sure can run fast . . . "Sora noticed.
The three zoomed around the corner and found him . . . cornered.
"Gotcha . . . you!"
He started breathing hard.
"Wait, hold on! My asthma!"
The three waited and the man took off again.
"What the hell . . . ?" Riku asked.
They went the other way, and started chasing him down until they had him cornered in the parking lot.
"Gotcha!" Wakka pointed.
"Stop! pant . . . pant my asthma!"
The three stopped and he jumped into the car and started driving off. Sora took a rock and threw it at the tire, and the car flipped eighteen times, ran into a tree, dropped on its top, and then exploded.
". . . Holy shit." Riku noticed as a hubcap rolled by. "Damn good aim."
The shadowy figure started running and was then chased by the three again, until he was cornered at a tree.
"Stop! I have asthm—" Wakka tackled him in the stomach and started beating the crap out of him, and then he noticed he wasn't breathing.
***
Wakka, Tidus, Sora, and Riku came into the man's hospital room, and the nurse began explaining.
"What happened?" asked Sora.
"It seems he had very bad asthma . . . "the nurse said.
"Oh . . . did he have our stuff?" asked Riku.
". . . NO. And you owe him 34,000 dollars for his car that you totaled."
The nurse turned around only to notice that the door was open and the boys were gone.
*** Sephiroth was checking out the Taco Shack coupons and book he had lifted, laughing as he did so, sipping champagne with his wife.
"So, just how did you do it?" Rikku asked him.
Sephiroth slapped her twice.
"Get a hold of yourself, woman! You're losing your mind!"
". . ."
Riku, Tidus, Wakka and Sora walk in bruised and beaten, only to find Sephiroth with their stuff.
"Dad!"
"No!" Tidus pulls out his shotgun, misses wildly and this time hits himself in the nuts with it.
"Ohhhh!" He tried to dial nine-one-one but fell on the ground instead, and then a shot accidentally goes off and shatters Sephiroth's Masamune.