The Adventures of Riku and Sora

A Blue Dragon Fic

XV

Tidus clutched his heart as he leaned against the fence, and began breathing even harder.

"W-wakka? Why didn't you tell me you didn't have an escape plan!"

"Don't worry, man. We'll be very safe here."

Tidus looked up at the sign atop the building.

Chum's Pimpage.

" . . . Wakka, where the hell is this?"

"Its okay, my dad works here, he knows da ropes."

"OOOOOH CHIIIICKIES . . . . !" The sound of a roaring engine could be heard in the distance, then the screeching of tires.

"Duck for cover!" Tidus yelled. A red hot rod smelling of poo crashed through the fence and flew over the heads of the unfortunate young men.

"Damn! Run!" Wakka yelled as he ran in the opposite direction of Tidus.

"You can run, but you can't hide! I'm hungry for casserole!"

Wakka started breathing hard as the car spun around and began chasing him down the lot.

"Wakka, noo!" Tidus grabbed a rock, hoping that it would work the same as Sora's amazing throw of the asthmatic thief.

The rock missed the car and hit a window instead.

"Bitch!" A voice yelled.

Wakka had almost made it to the exit, but was ran over promptly by Sephiroth.

"Ugggh . . . . " Wakka tried to stand up, but the car backed up over him, and then ran over him again.

"Hah! Take that, chickies!" Sephiroth yelled.

:The sound of police sirens in the distance could be heard:

"Hmm, crap-damn. I'll have to get out of here!" Sephiroth accelerated and crashed into a cop car.

" . . . " The cop got out and stood at the door of the man's car.

"Can I see your license?"

" . . . Uh, I think I left it in my—" Sephiroth busted open the door and started running as fast as he could.

"Hey! This guys car smells like poo!"

Wakka started whistling.

"That's against state regulations! Book his ass!"

Thirty cops dropped out of nowhere and surrounded Sephiroth with their nightsticks.

"Uhh . . . " He pointed to Wakka.

"Its his fault!"

"Oh yeah? Why!" A skeptical cop asked.

"He-h . . . he's Jamaican!"

The cops immediately bounded towards the half-dead Wakka, who was just recovering.

One cop slammed Wakka in the stomach, causing him to throw up a chalupa.

"He's Mexican! Kill him!"

The cops began relentlessly smacking the poor boy, as Tidus watched.

"Get off him!" Tidus bounded over the lot with a stick in his hands, and swung it under the nuts of a random cop.

"Aooooch! Dirty hippy!" The cop spun around and smacked Tidus in the pelvis, causing him to stagger.

"Take this, bitch!" Tidus was about to jump on the cops, but Wakka began crapping all over them.

"Ewww!"

"Typical Mexican!" A cop yelled as he retreated, holding his nose. The crowd of cops was making their way to the gates, but a red hot rod suddenly ran them all over.

"Bitches! That'll teach you to mess with me!" Sephiroth yelled.

"Yeah!" Wakka and Tidus slapped hands, just as the car ran them over as well.

Sora and Riku only stared in annoyance as Justin began pigging out on the ice cream.

"Now, for the syrup!" He yelled in his lisp.

" . . . you realize that's ass-cream, right?"

"SHUT UP! I'M ALWAYS RIGHT! SHUT UP!" He started chugging the cream, coughing up a hair.

" . . . Gross." Sora turned around and watched a groupie jump through the window.

"Hey Kairi, these nuts are seriously fudging up your house."

Suddenly, Enos, Jethro, Rootrick, and Ulysses burst through the doors with shotguns.

"Now that I've got my SHAWTGUN, I'm getting' you pansies outta my parlor!" He cocked the gun and shot a hole through Justin's afro.

" . . . . You PIG-BASTARD, I'll make you pay for that!"

He pulled a gun out of his afro.

"Take this!"

" . . . . You realize that's on safety, right?" Riku noticed the gun.

"SHUT UP YOU PIG-HO, I'M ALWAYS RIGHT!" He kicked Sora in the face for no reason, even though he had been quiet.

Riku finally got mad and was about to react, before a red hot rod fell through the ceiling. Wakka and Tidus were attached to the back, with apple's in their mouths.

"Dad! What are you doing?"

Sephiroth stepped out of the car and sat next to Justin.

"I came back to reunite with my comrade. And I'm not your dad!"

Riku sighed.

"Dad, what's wrong with you? Why are you acting so weird?"

Sephiroth stood up. "My name is Lance Bass. Now shut up or I'll eat your ass!"

Riku blinked and began backing away slowly. "Hey Enos, let me borrow your shotgun."

"SHUT UP Sora!" Justin kicked the boy in the stomach.

"I didn't say anything! Screw you!" The boy punched Justin in the nuts, and recoiled as Justin began barfing ass cream all over him.

"Oh God!" Sora ran away in fear.

Justin turned to Sephiroth.

"Lance, my love. Now we can conquer the world . . . together."

Sephiroth broke into himself.

"Son! Help me! If Lance takes over, I . . . I can never return!"

He reverted to Lance Bass Mode.

"However, before we begin, I need . . . . "

Everyone gradually stepped back, including Kairi who had just walked in.

"Husky-pork."

Sora's eyes widened. "Ulysses, give me your shotgun!"