Chapter 4 – Got Orcs?
Summary of Chapter 4: The Fellowship decides to travel to the good magician's castle to ask for talents of their own. Before they leave everyone gets presents (A.K.A. Stuff Ivy, Dolph, and Electra dug out of Grey's old closet)As they were eating dinner that night, the fellowship discussed Xanth, "Those talents are so cool! I wish I could do something like that!" Merry said through a mouth of cream pie.
"Yeah that would be cool" Mused Legolas staring intently at a crack in the ceiling.
Electra who was listening to their conversation voiced an idea "you could go and ask Humfury for talents…" Pippin sat up straight in his chair " you mean there is a way we could do cool stuff like you guys? Awesome!" Electra tried not to give them false hope, "they probably won't be magician level talents like Ivy's and Dolph's, besides the good magician charges a years service for his answers…" Frodo spit out the breadfruit he was eating " A YEAR!" Electra Shrugged he shoulders "since you probably won't be staying long he would probably give you another task, he also might go easy on you seeing as your from Middle Earth and all, inter world relations are important to him…" most of this went over Boromir's head after all he wasn't too bright, "so we go see this guy and we do him a favor and he gives us cool talents?" "That's the gist of it" said Electra.
Boromir smiled, "lets do it then! He'll probably just have us kill orcs or something". Ivy who had been listening in piped up now, "What's an Orc?". Boromir looked shocked…"you don't know what an orc is! You know big, ugly, smelly…." Legolas looked at Boromir, "you just described yourself you know…" this didn't register in Boromir's brain apparently as he continued with urgency in his voice, "You do have Orcs here don't you!" Ivy shook her head. Boromir began to panic, "What am I going to do! What will I kill? I'm useless here if there are no orcs to kill that's the only thing I'm good for! Boromir stood up and left…usually when he did this he went to kill some orcs to vent but since there were no orcs in Xanth, Aragorn feared for the local squirrels' safety.
Aragorn, Ivy, Electra, Dolph, and Frodo sat down to discuss their journey to the good magician's castle; Boromir was still off hunting squirrels, and Sam and Gimli were watching the tapestry, Legolas was off somewhere mourning the loss of his beloved ducky, and Merry and Pippin were no doubt using this time to hide all of Boromir's socks.
When do you want to leave? Dolph inquired, Aragorn thought about it, "tomorrow morning would probably be best, tomorrow is Thursday." "What's so great about Thursday?" Electra asked. Frodo almost yelled "WAFFLE NIGHT!" Dolph's eyes widened in surprise at the hobbit suddenly being so loud. Aragorn attempted to explain, "every Thursday is waffle night, and well things get a little crazy" Aragorn remembered a Waffle Night two weeks ago when Gimli was playing the banjo in a toga during a game of bingo…"Ok really crazy…" Dolph nodded, "so you'll leave tomorrow morning? Aragorn said, "sounds good to me"
Next morning
The hobbits woke to Gandalf yelling in the doorway, "rise and shine!" Pippin rolled over and groaned, "It's not even nine o'clock yet Gandalf! It's not time to get up yet!" Gandalf walked in the room and poked Pippin repeatedly, "oh yes it is time to get up…especially for hobbits who don't want me to tell anyone th-" Pippin shot out of bed and was in the bathroom before you could say "Stupid-Fat-Hobbit". Now Gandalf had only three more hobbits to deal with, he smiled evilly…
Sam was woken up harshly by icy cold water all over his face. Still sputtering Sam screamed, while his arms flailed around; Gandalf laughed, "serves you right Samwise!" You'll wake up next time when I tell you without a fuss no doubt about that". Sam wore a face that showed his intense fury towards the laughing wizard. Without taking even three-quarters of a moment to consider Sam took a glass pitcher sitting on the nightstand that was filled with water and dumped it on Gandalf's head (he had to stand on the bed to reach his head mind you) Gandalf stopped laughing abruptly and glared at Sam. Sam sensing he didn't have long to get out yelled "Frodo! Merry! get your butts out of bed this instant!" Frodo reacting much the same way Pippin did at first rolled over and said sleepily, "Why? I'm still tired…" Sam started towards Frodo, "Cause if you don't Gandalf will…" Sam whispered something in Frodo's ear. Frodo opened his eyes suddenly and threw off the covers and helped Sam drag a sleeping Merry out his bed. "What's going on here!" Merry said half asleep angry at the rude awakening; Frodo and Sam paid no attention to his protests and dragged Merry towards the stairs to go find Aragorn; they hoped he could protect them from Gandalf. Merry started yelling, "stop this! Frodo I'm going to have rug burn all down my back! Just let me go back to bed!" Merry tried to kick off Frodo, and Sam's hold on his ankles, the two hobbits ignored him and only tightened their grip. Merry continued to plead with his captors "Aw, come on Sam, Let Me –OW!-OW!-OW!-OW!-OW!-OW!-OW!-OW!" Merry was dragged down the stairs…
Aragorn was eating some blue, yellow, and purple berries for breakfast when he was suddenly clobbered by two Hobbits yelling "Save us!" After struggling to remove the hobbits that were clinging to him he noticed that Merry was there too, laying on the floor muttering and rubbing the back of his head, he was glaring at Frodo and Sam. Aragorn realized just then that Sam was soaking wet and that both of them were still in their pajamas…"What have you been up to?" Sam explained to Aragorn what had happened. Aragorn nodded, I won't let Gandalf hurt you, but where is Pippin? Frodo, Sam, and Merry exchanged a three-way glance and then shrugged their shoulders in unison like hobbits do best.
The answer to Aragorn's question was that when Pippin ran out of the room he had run to the bathroom and barricaded himself inside in a panic, Pippin was currently shivering in a corner of the small bathroom… the fellowship soon found out where Pippin was when Legolas couldn't get into the bathroom and caused quite a racket. Legolas kept screaming something about Pippin disrupting his conditioning schedule; only Legolas' version of it contained many "bleeps" which reduced some of Irene's plants to a truly pitiful state. Aragorn was amazed; he had never heard someone curse in Sindarian, Dwarfish, Common speech, and Quenya in a single breath.
Pippin remained cloistered in the bathtub until the entire fellowship was ready to leave that is except Boromir; he was still searching for his socks. Aragorn gave up persuading and bribing Pippin, and turned to Gandalf, "Just get him out of there." Aragorn pleaded. Gandalf walked up to the door of the bathroom and said clearly in a booming voice, "Peregrin Took! You get out here this instant or I will tell Aragorn just what your middle name is!" Frodo piped up "Ooo! Tell me too Gandalf! tell me too!" Gandalf yelled to the still closed door, "And I'll tell Frodo too!" There was the sound of heavy furniture sliding across tile then a curly haired head popped out of the door, eyes wide with terror. Aragorn hated to have Gandalf blackmail the hobbit but it was the only way sometimes.
Before the fellowship left castle Roogna Ivy, Dolph, and Electra had some parting gifts for them. Ivy began the ceremony (if you could call it that) and stepped up to Boromir and handed him a pair of socks, they were blue, with stripes…Boromir hated stripes…but he didn't say anything; he was grateful for the socks.
Dolph took his turn next and went to Merry and Pippin to them he presented a toaster. (Grey had won it from some mundane contest and he gave it to Dolph for some odd reason just to get rid of it, now Dolph was just passing the toaster along) Merry and Pippin had never before seen a mundane toaster and were intrigued. Pippin squealed with delight when the toaster went "boing" and would pop out the toast (if there was any toast in the toaster, but there wasn't so it just went boing that's all) Merry looked at Dolph with a face that showed true appreciation, "Sir, that's…that's the best gift anyone's ever given me!" Merry hugged Dolph and began to cry with happiness. Dolph stood there awkwardly for a moment patting Merry on the back hesitantly giving Ivy a look that said, "Help!" Ivy just giggled. Soon enough Merry released the prince and he moved back so that Electra could give her gift.
Electra stepped forward towards Legolas and handed him a box. Legolas looked at it and gasped. Legolas hurriedly read the label on the box and let out a piercing squeal of glee. As everyone else in the room clapped their hands over their ears the elf began bouncing around holding the box. "Oh, Thankyou-thankyou-thankyou! It's just what I've always wanted! Legolas stopped briefly deep in thought, wait, no…that's not what I've always wanted, because that's the Herbal Essences limited edition shampoo in the translucent blue bottle…" Legolas snapped back to reality, "But this is second on my list! YAY!" Legolas went over to Electra and scooped her up in a big hug and kissed her on the cheek, "Oh thankyou-thankyou-thankyou! I just love it!" the elf said still squeezing Electra. Dolph looked ready to kill…Electra blushed, " Oh shush, it's just some junk we dug out of Grey's old closet, and anyhow it's all mundane stuff that we don't use here." Aragorn was curious; "what is it?" he asked. Legolas blurted it out in the exact manner of a child who has memorized the name of a toy they want for Christmas, "It's a Super-Duper-Teflon-Double-Hinged-Triple-Deluxe-Waffle-Iron!" and with that he began twirling around happily with his new waffle iron as if it were his dance partner. Sam looked at the waffle iron adoringly; he did always have a soft spot for cookware.
It was Ivy's turn to give a gift again and this time she handed Aragorn a large globe, it was pink and had three smallish holes in it in a triangle pattern. Ivy acted as if it was heavy. She handed it to Aragorn who looked down at it happily surprised in a polite way before looking confused…"What in the heck is it?" he said looking back at Ivy. Ivy shrugged he shoulders just a bewildered. "Grey said something about it being a bowl ball, but it doesn't look like a bowl too me" Dolph said. Aragorn smiled and thanked them politely.
It was Dolph's turn now and he presented Gandalf with a book entitled: "Collage Algebra" Gandalf was thrilled, He was convinced it was a book full of ancient runes from some ancient lost civilization of orcs or something…Gandalf swept off to a corner and muttering things under his breath as he started to translate the "runes".
Electra went to Sam and handed him a small box. Sam open the small box to find shining metal wires that had all been bent into a beautiful uniform swirling shape. The fellowship all crowded around Sam to get a look at this treasure (except Gandalf, he was still busy translating "orc runes") "What are they?" asked Frodo in wonder at the shiny bits. Electra answered them the best she could, " the box says "paper-clips" but they aren't any paper clippings in there so I'm assuming they got put in the wrong box…
After the commotion about Sam's gift had died down Ivy came forward for the last time and gave Frodo a strip of red shiny-ish material, it was pointed on both ends with one end being wider and tapering down to the other, "Ooo! It's a- it's a…um what is it? Ivy responded cheerfully, "Why it's a tie!" Frodo looked down at the strip of cloth, "oh…yeah of course it's a tie!" trying to show he knew what a tie was he promptly tied the tie around his waist as a belt and thanked Ivy for the fine gift.
If anybody had been watching they would have seen a very odd party leaving castle Roogna that day. The entire company was lead by Gandalf; Gandalf always led whether he knew where he was going or not, it was just one of those things that never change. What had changed today was the fact that the wizard had no clue where he was going because he had his big fat nose in a book. And since none of the Fellowship were very bright they just followed the blundering wizard along the enchanted path. Gandalf was followed Legolas who was still hugging his new Waffle Iron. Next came Frodo with a tie for a belt, then Sam who was busily fashioning a paperclip necklace. Merry and Pippin lagged a little bit behind Sam; Merry and Pippin constantly bushing the button on the side of the toaster to hear it go boing once more, when it did go boing both hobbits giggled with delight. Boromir followed the giggling hobbits wearing his new blue striped socks, all the others had "disappeared". Finally last was Aragorn lugging a pink bowling ball muttering to himself; "Useless chunk of…." Aragorn paused and looked at the bowling ball he held... "What is it made of?" Aragorn stopped muttering curses at his bowling ball and started inspecting it as he walked.
They didn't encounter anybody else on the path that day and they soon found a place to rest for the night. Aragorn looked at the little campsite, there was a cheery stream trickling nearby and a small shelter, and there was also a shelf with small tin cups and plates. Aragorn looked around at the surrounding foliage, there was an odd bush bearing pies, another one with pillows and a third with blankets; Ivy had told him about all these plants. Aragorn took one more glance around taking in the entire scene…it was rather pretty he thought…it was a pity, because tomorrow it would be trashed…with waffle night it just didn't stand a chance.