Summary of chapter 5: Waffle night…Merry and Pippin spike the waffle batter and Pippin discovers he likes wearing a "kilt" and we find out who is the manliest.
After the fellowship had settled down a bit the hobbits dashed off into the forest for a moment. When the Sam, Frodo, and Merry had returned they carried bundles of grass and leaves and some dead vines. Aragorn and Sam exchanged a glance and Aragorn immediately understood what they were up to, Aragon sat down next to the busy hobbits and started to work…
Meanwhile
Pippin wasn't too far from camp but he was out of sight, this was mostly due to the thick forest. Pippin was searching for something…. "How hard can it be to find some nice green grass around here?" he mumbled in frustration Frodo, Merry and Sam had been satisfied with some regular grass and leaves but Pippin wanted something more special. He pushed a couple of harmless bushes out of the way and found a small patch of tall green luxurious grass, it looked as if someone had tended to it with utmost care. Pippin hastily and unceremoniously yanked several handfuls out of the ground and continued back to camp following the far off sounds of people chatting around the fire.
In about half an hour after Pippin had returned to the camp each of the fellowship had successfully created a grass hula skirt…Pippin's was the brightest green. To great applause Legolas brought out the waffle iron and put it over the small campfire to warm up. While Legolas and Boromir went about making some waffle batter Merry and Pippin were sitting on a log side by side muttering in hushed voices at the edge of the firelight; "What ya got in mind?" Pippin asked Merry curious. Merry looked around to make sure no one was watching them and pulled a small bottle out of his pocket of the Shire's best (And most potent) liquor; "are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Merry asked mischievously. Pippin looked thoughtful, "Yes Merry, but how exactly are we going to find a giant potato to eat Frodo?" Merry smacked Pippin on the back of his head. "You idiot! Were going to spike the waffle batter! Not find a giant, yam or whatever to eat Frodo!" " It was a potato" Pippin corrected. Merry was frustrated "whatever I don't care what is going to eat Frodo! Anyways, back to the plan, you go and distract Boromir and Legolas so I can get to the batter. Pippin nodded, it wasn't as good as his giant potato idea but it would have to due he thought as he walked casually towards the area where Legolas and Boromir were mixing the waffle batter.
Pippin hadn't come up for an idea to distract the elf and man when something pinched his leg…He looked down, there wasn't any bushes, what had pinched him? Something pinched him again! Pippin spun around to see if what was pinching him was behind him…nothing was there… just then something pinched him twice quick succession and he yelped. Legolas and Boromir looked at the hobbit that by now was dancing around jerkily and yelling "Ow!-Ow!-Ow!-Ow!" As funny as it was they knew something was wrong. "What's wrong Pippin?" Legolas asked him halfway between worry and mirth. Pippin still yelping in pain at random times yelled "ITS EATING ME!" Legolas was truly confused… "What's eating you?" The elf asked thinking the hobbit had once again ate too many mushrooms. Pippins cried back "THE HULA SKIRT IS EATING ME! AHHH!"Ppoor Pippin had the misfortune of finding carnivorous grass for his skirt. Legolas went over to Aragorn sitting by the fire. Aragorn was trying his best to ignore the screaming hobbit…Legolas sat next to Aragorn; "Pippin's had too many mushrooms again" Aragorn nodded, "So?" Legolas looked impatient, "So get him that tea stuff to calm him down and get him back to normal; you can't ignore him forever you know!"
Aragorn sighed and reluctantly went to fetch his pack with all his healing medicines in it. After searching through the jars and packets he found the one he needed and sprinkled some of the leaves from the jar into a cup of hot water. When the tea was ready Aragorn yelled a Pippin, "Oi! Pippin, come and drink your tea!" Pippin yelled back still running around the camp, "What do I need tea for! I don't need tea! I need this hula skirt to stop eating me!" Aragorn exchanged a significant glance with Legolas before they both ran after the hobbit tackling him to the ground. Aragorn managed to grab Pippin's arms and hold them behind his back while Legolas pinched Pippin's nose forcing the hobbit to open his mouth, Legolas poured the tea in. Pippin choked and sputtered before succeeding in gagging down the tea.
Aragorn and Legolas immediately let the hobbit free once he had swallowed the last of the tea. Pippin glared at them flinching every now and then from the pinches, "What was that for? I haven't had any mushrooms!" Aragorn gave Pippin an unbelieving look. Pippin faltered, "Well, so what if I had a few…that's not the problem! It's this darned skirt thing! It's trying to eat me!" At that Pippin started yelling in frustration and ripping at the innocent looking grass that was his skirt.
Legolas and Aragorn took a step back in surprise at the small hobbit's fury towards the organic item of clothing. Pippin, now shredding the harmless looking grass cursing wrathfully, was unaware of the fact that he was now only clad in his underwear from the waist down due to his neglect to put on shorts underneath his hula skirt.
Aragorn once again paranoid about Gandalf and his idiosyncrasy with nudity ran to the clothing tree near the small camp and looked around for a pair of breeches that were hobbit-sized. Aragorn could still hear the fierce curses of Pippin as he discovered that this particular tree had no breeches ripe at this time. Knowing all along pippin would murder him for it he hastily grabbed a pink dress, after all he couldn't take the purple one (Purple was sooo not Pippin's color)
Completely unaware he had been dragged away from the sorry remains of his skirt and the fact Legolas and Aragorn had slipped the dress on over his head Pippin calmed down enough to realize that something felt different…it wasn't a bad feeling, just odd. It was his clothing; it clung to him differently. Pippin looked down and shrieked. He was wearing a pink gown, complete with matching handbag (courtesy of Legolas) but then as suddenly as he had started screaming he stopped and looked down again…this wasn't so bad actually he thought…he twirled in a circle looking at his new outfit; in fact it was better than his normal clothing…that vest always did make him look fat…
Aragorn and Legolas were slack jawed as they realized Pippin wasn't going to try and maim them. Deciding not to question their good fortune Legolas went back to the waffle preparations and Aragorn returned to his seat next to the fire, leaving Pippin to his preening.
Merry hurried over to Pippin to congratulate him on his great distraction of Legolas when he caught a glimpse of his fellow hobbit and stopped a few yards away, "Whoa!" Pippin turned to Merry, "What's wrong?" he asked sincerely. Merry blinked…did Pippin know he was wearing a dress? A very girly one at that…Merry cleared his throat "um…it's just that it's very pink…" Pippin looked down at his dress, " I suppose it is…but over all it's a nice kilt." Merry almost choked trying not to laugh…that…A kilt! Pippin looked at Merry suspiciously as he coughed in a strange manner and hurried off.
Boromir couldn't help but notice the laughing hobbit that had collapsed on the pile of packs. Intrigued at what was so funny has asked Merry what was going on. Merry laughed harder at the thought that Boromir didn't already know; "It's Giggle Pippins new, 'Kilt' Snort" Boromir left the mirthful hobbit just as confused if not more than before. Thinking vaguely of finding his socks he pushed the issue of the hysterical hobbit to the back of his mind as he walked off.
Boromir was just checking the nearby shrubbery for his socks when a hobbit bumped in to him; it was Pippin he could tell by the sound of his mumbled apology. He stood up and turned towards him to say that no apology was necessary when he finally realized what was so funny about Pippins "Kilt" the shocking pink article of apparel was something truly humorous when worn by the hobbit that was utterly confused about what was so funny about it. Before Boromir could think about this matter further he heard the joyous out cry in the camp that could mean only one thing: waffles.
Supper was a happy occasion they each ate their stack of waffles with enthusiasm. Even legolas who normally didn't eat much usually (he was watching his figure) downed at least 15 of the crispy squares. There was silence as they ate, but from then on things got consistently louder throughout the evening; this was no doubt because Merry's plan. After they has all eaten their way through the enormous pile of waffles the entire fellowship was quite obviously drunk. But this wasn't normal "drunk" in Xanth they don't slur their words or stumble, they just act really, really stupid.
Gandalf stood on the table singing some strange dwarven song and dancing wildly in only his hula skirt. Gimli had gotten his banjo out and was accompanying him, but was strumming it to an entirely different tune. Sam had decided to "dance"; he was skipping around the camp with paperclips in his hair while Pippin was attempting to throw pies at him and giggling insanely. (He had gotten the pies from the pie tree provided for the camp.) Needless to say Pippin's aim was simply horrible and random pies were strewn all over the camp, and all over those who occupied it. Frodo had most of a banana crème pie on his head still, while Aragorn had the remains of a cherry pie on his backside. Frodo was telling bad jokes to Aragorn and laughing ridiculously loud. Aragorn was completelty-ignoring Frodo all together; he was talking to a tree he kept referring to as "Arwen". At least Aragorn was better than Legolas, Legolas had a bucket on his head and kept running around while making whooshing noises and yelling, "To infinity and Beyond!" Every once in a while he would stop and tap his left wrist then bring it close to his face and say something like "Buzz Light-year to Star-command!" or " we have just landed on a strange planet inhabited by hula monkeys".
Aragorn was explaining to "Arwen" why toads didn't exist, when Legolas jumped in front of him his aiming his wrist at him and yelling "beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep!" Aragorn looked confusedly at the elf. Legolas explained, "your dead now." Aragorn didn't think he was dead, "No I'm not!" Legolas rose is voice in desperation "your dead!" Once again Aragorn countered "Nuh-uh!" "Yes your dead! Legolas said, Cause I say so and I'm Buzz Lightyear!" Aragorn snorted, "But I'm king and way more manly than you! and I say I'm not dead." "Nuh-uh!" Legolas said decisively, "Uh-huh!" Aragorn yelled. "Then prove it!" Legolas yelled back.
Aragorn rummaged in his pack till he found a jar two jars of pickles and set them on the table avoiding where Gandalf was dancing still. Legolas sat down across from Aragorn and they glared at each other. (A/N: cue western shoot-out music) Aragorn said stiffly "Rules: you can use only your hands, first one to open the jar is more manly…. Ready? Go!" Legolas and Aragorn both grabbed the jars and tried to unscrew the lids. Grimaces spread across their faces as they pulled and twisted with no results. After about three minutes Legolas had gotten a good grip on the lid and was making progress slowly. Aragorn saw this and tried harder to open his pickle jar but it was too late as with a cry of glee Legolas managed to free his jar of its lid. "Yes!" Legolas yelled, doing a little victory dance around Aragorn who was pounding his head on the table chanting, "no-no-no-no-no-no-no- NO!" Legolas had forgotten what they were arguing about in the first place and just continued dancing and yelling how he was manlier than Aragorn. (A/N: I had no idea that manlier was even a word but it was on spell check.) "How will I ever face Arwen?" Aragorn moped, turning around he saw the tree and screamed. "Alas why must you have stayed and watch my defeat by the nancy elf…I'm so sooorrry!" He yelled hiding his face from the tree.